You Only Live Twice
by Ariannette
Summary: The ketamine treatment worked, and House is happy. However, on the road to his new life, obstacles are thrown his way, that threaten his second chance at being happy.
1. Chapter 1

N/A: at the end of season 2 house got a ketamine treatment that only lasted two episodes, I didn't personally feel like he was given enough time without a cane, so in this fic we explore what more time free of his cane could have been like for him. this story takes place in Season 3, right after episode 1, and it loosely follows the rest of the season. I hope there's still an audience out there for House fic! Please let me know what you think! Also, in no way am I a medical expert, all my expertise comes from google and Wikipedia, so please keep that in mind as you read this! Thanks!

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

\- 1

There was a wind that swept past Lisa Cuddy, when the front door to her office was slammed open and shut with a great force. She didn't bother looking up, because she already knew just who was disturbing her, on that lovely Monday morning.

With a sigh, she thumbed through papers, speaking up before giving him a chance, "Whatever insane, unethical, experimental operation you're thinking about doing- it's _no_."

"What? No, it's Monday morning. I came down for a quickie," House stated it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

She looked up for a second, about to roll her eyes, but was struck for a second and reminded of the absent cane. It had been a whole three months since the Ketamine treatment, and watching him walk around without it, was still as pleasantly surprising as the first time she'd seen him back at Princeton.

Noting her silence, House tilted his head to the side, and frowned, "Is my fly open or something?"

Cuddy's mouth parted slightly, trying to recover from her momentary shock, and then she looked back down pretending to immerse herself in a paper, "What do you want House?"

"As Dean of Medicine, I want you to stop this outrageous injustice that's happening to your hospital."

That caught Cuddy's attention, and she looked up again, taking notice of a letter he was holding between his fingers, with an annoyed expression.

He handed it to her, and she opened to read what it was about, and laughed when she realized what he was so upset about.

"Did you know about this?" He asked, falling dramatically on to her couch.

Cuddy nodded, "I had Cameron respond to their request to have you give a speech at the Infectious Disease Summit this year. She's gotten pretty good at forging your signature, don't you think?"

House ran a hand through his untidy hair and shrugged, "Well I can't go. I've now planned on being busy that week, with- saving people and stuff."

Cuddy frowned, "House, you're going. It's your responsibility as a doctor to this hospital to do what you can to contribute. You know what things like these do for our hospital funding."

He was silent, only paying attention to the rubber ball he kept bouncing off the ceiling. She couldn't help at take notice of how healthy he looked. He'd tanned slightly from his daily morning runs, and every time he threw the ball into the air, she could see the outline of his biceps through the material of his blazer.

He turned, caught her staring at him, and raised a brow, "I know you're hormonal and everything, but you do know I was kidding about that quickie, right? Or not? I have about-fifteen minutes-"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, and breathed deeply, "You're going, and that's final."

"Do you really think it's wise to send your best doctor away? Your hospital will fall apart without _moi_."

He was right to an extent, he was the best doctor she had at the hospital, but the conference was only four days, and House usually only had one patient a week.

"You're going, your lackeys can take orders over the speaker phone while you're gone- it won't be any different than being here."

He stared at her intently for a moment, without an expression, then blinked, "Ok."

She was struck by how easily he'd given in, and thought maybe his behavior was due to the fact that now he was pain free. Cuddy watched as he got up from her couch, pocketed his bouncy ball and pulled out a lollipop, and started walking out of her office, when something else occurred to her.

"Oh- and just to make sure you don't get lost on your way to the Summit, I'll be coming along."

House stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around with a slowly growing smirk on his face, "If you wanted some alone time with me, all you have to do is say so- not make up some elaborate lie about a conference. So...where are we going?"

She looked at him intently and bit down on her lip attempting to suppress a smile, "Vegas."

House sucked on the red lollipop, and half laughed, half guffawed, "You're right Dr Cuddy, I really should pull my weight around here- this conference thing sounds totally important."

Just as she was about to say something, his beeper went off, he looked down to check it and sighed, while sucking on his lollipop again.

"What's wrong?" She asked frowning.

House turned to leave, "looks like my patient got abducted by aliens again. They're probably probing him as we speak, and I'm being beckoned into an intergalactic search."

And without any further explanation, he was gone and Lisa Cuddy smiled.


	2. The Scientist

N/A: first off, I'd like to say a big thank you to all who've read, and especially to those who have reviewed! I am thrilled to see so many out there keeping the fandom going! I recently started watching the show on Netflix and wanted to hit myself for not discovering it sooner! It is AMAZING! Any who...getting away from the point I suppose. Again, this takes place post episode 1 of season 3, and while some things from certain episodes of that season will be woven in, a lot will also be different. I hope you enjoy this next part! :)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Chapter 2

_The Scientist_

A carpet, a stupid bloody stained carpet was his new conquest. It made absolutely no sense. Then again, much of what House did often lacked in that sentiment.

Cuddy was attempting to get her mind off of anything House related. She grabbed a file from the nurses station and was about to walk back into her office. When at that precise moment, the door from an exam room was opened by none other than the devil himself, as he held it wide open for a blond teenage girl, who grinned at him as she walked out, and curled a strand of her hair, "Bye Dr House, thank you for everything."

Her eyes traveled back to him, and couldn't dismiss the cocky half-grin from his face. Or the way his tongue held to the side between his teeth like he occasionally did, when he was attempting to suppress something that made him happy.

Cuddy crossed her arms and waited until the girl was out of hearing range to speak up, "Who's that?"

House still had his eyes on the girl as she walked out of the clinic, and was caught off guard by Cuddy speaking. A moment later the smile evaporated from his face and he looked blankly at her.

"My new girlfriend."

"Since when do your refer to hookers as your girlfriends?"

He guffawed, "She's not a hooker, she's only seventeen."

"Do you enjoy inflicting pain on me everyday? Wait- that's a stupid question, scratch that. Why would even joke about a seventeen year old?"

He mirrored her crossed arms and stood with his right arm resting against the wall, "You're ugly when your jealous."

There were about a hundred different reasons for Cuddy to be upset with him on a daily basis, and especially one at that very moment- yet as she exhaled and dropped her arms, she felt nothing of that sort, only anxiety when she remembered the other hundred important things she could be be doing, rather than having a pointless conversation with him.

"By all means, have fun with her. It's only statutory rape we're talking here, right?"

If her comment bothered him, he didn't show it. His poker face had always been one of his qualities that she found most frustrating after all, and he used it to his advantage.

"I want my carpet back."

Cuddy scoffed, "_Oh sure_, deflect."

He stood up straight, and there was a moment where his right hand went for an imaginary cane he no longer used. Both of them noticed his awkward movement, then attempted to play it off by tapping it against the wall.

"_Not_ deflecting, I am having fun, and I need my carpet back so I can continue having fun in my office. You know, saving peoples lives, diagnosing, doctor-ly stuff."

She shook her head and scoffed, "It was stained with blood."

House's eyes widened, "Yeah, my blood, which makes the carpet part of me. I want it back, I want to be buried with it."

She laughed and turned her head, walking back into her office, and left him and his absurd requests in midair.

Only, he followed her, "What do you want? More clinic hours? I'll give you two more this week."

Of course he wouldn't leave it alone, of course he would follow her, to continue his adolescent pestering.

But his statement threw her off, and she turned around, sitting on the edge of her desk, "Are you- serious?"

It had to be a joke, right? From the beginning she knew there had to be some deep dark hidden agenda to his inordinate request, but as her eyes met his, something seemed off.

There had not been many moments in her life where she'd witnessed House open and vulnerable. Mostly because he had fifty feet stone walls around him to keep everything and everyone at arms length. And she could count on one hand exactly which moments those had been, their one mistaken night together, the infarction, Stacy leaving him, the night he'd asked her for a morphine injection, and now.

But his icy blue eyes were wide, and suddenly, they couldn't meet hers anymore. The only time he did that, was when he didn't want anyone to truly see inside him, and besides Wilson, Cuddy knew exclusively that she was the only other person that could do that.

As she looked closely at him, she noted how he swallowed and his breathing was uneasy, it was nothing to be immediately concerned over, but strange nonetheless.

"Why is it so important?"

He shrugged, still not meeting her eyes, "Just is?"

Cuddy opened her mouth, but he cut her off.

"_Please_."

Whatever the reason behind his request now, she knew that this territory was off to her, and that she dare not ask him again. Their relationship bordered friendship and past an employer/employee relation, but it could help her here.

After a few silent awkward moments, she relented and took a deep breath, "Ok. I'll arrange it."

When he finally looked up at her, he gave a slight nod- it was a silent thank you, and she knew that.

He turned to leave, but something in the back of her mind told her not to let him.

"House, wait."

He turned his head back once more, and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Do you have time- later? To look over some more donors? Over dinner maybe?"

He blinked, "You're still doing that?"

Actually, she hadn't really thought about it. She did have a sperm donor. Why hadn't she told him the truth? '_I'm concerned about you, I want to make sure you're ok.' _But she knew him enough to know, that he'd make up a lie to get out of it.

"Yes, I figure it will eventually take."

She could see him think about it for a moment, "Can't, already made plans."

"Of course-"

"No, seriously. Wilson and I are going bowling. But I will, later this week, just let me know."

She nodded, and the next moment he was gone, while she was left feeling somewhere in between humiliation and relief.

xxxoxxxo

"So I heard you gave in to our man child's request."

Wilson was in line behind her in the cafeteria.

Cuddy turned to him and rolled her eyes, unable to erase the defeated smile off her face. Instead she shrugged as she grabbed a ceaser salad, and a fruit cup.

Wilson raised his eyebrows and brought a hand to his chest as he often did, "I think it's great. Better than endlessly making each other miserable. You proactively beat him, by giving him what he wants. It's genius."

After she had paid, and waited for Wilson so that they could sit down, she spoke up, "It wasn't like that at all. He-...I don't know, he sort of pleaded actually."

"As in, begged? Or threatened you with changing your birth control to candy again?"

Before she responded, she looked around making sure no one would eavesdrop, "No, he was reasonable at first, said he would take on more clinic hours, which is-"

"-Bizarre?" Wilson had tilted his head to the side.

With a mouth full, Cuddy nodded, the swallowed, "I know. But then, he said please, and it wasn't just any old sarcastic please- he said he needed it. It threw me off, maybe you should talk to him later when you guys go out. I think something might be going on."

Wilson greeted a young nurse that passed by, and boyishly grinned down for a moment, before reverting his attention back to Cuddy, "I'm sorry, what?"

"I said you should talk to him, when you guys go bowling See what's going on in that big brain of his."

Wilson frowned, "We aren't going bowling...He said he couldn't go because he had to go over his presentation with you. The one that he's going to be giving in Vegas."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "He probably has a date planned with a hooker. Or that seventeen year old who's called the clinic fifteen times for him in the last two hours."

"No, he would tell us that. If he's lying to the both of us, that's a problem."

As she was about to respond, Foreman, Cameron and Chase were approaching the table.

"Have you guys seen House? He isn't answering our pages, and we got the results back from the biopsy you did." Cameron looked agitated.

Wilson nodded, "He's taking a nap in my office, trying to sleep off the nitrous he inhaled."

"A nitrous high only lasts a few minutes", Foreman muttered annoyingly.

Cuddy looked up from her plate, "What nitrous? Why was he inhaling anything?"

"We were attempting to do a lymph node biopsy on an autistic kid. No one could get him to calm down enough to sedate him. House was able to get him to inhale the nitrous, after he inhaled it. I believe he called it- _eating the red berries_."

Cuddy shook her head, and stood up, leaving her tray, "Give me the results, I'll go over them with him."

xxxoxxxo

When she opened the door to Wilson's office, the first thing she noticed was the darkness.

"House?"

She could see the outline of his body on Wilson's couch, "House?"

As she got closer, she noted the earphones he had on, and the iPod in his left arm. She sighed and sat on the edge of the couch, next to his chest.

Cuddy placed a hand on his arm, and shook him slightly,"House?"

It was then that she noticed the lack if movement in his chest, which should have been rising, and falling. She shook him again, a little harder.

"House!"

After a few terrifying moments, he finally started stirring awake, and slowly opened his eyelids half way and looked at her, then closed them again.

"I don't want to go to school today mommy."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "I have the test results for your patient."

House opened his eyes again, attempting to read the file she gave him, but failed, and gave it back to her, "What was it? Does he have cancer?"

"Why are you still high off of nitrous? Why did you get high off of it? You don't have an excuse to medicate yourself anymore."

She noted him take a deep breath and attempt to keep his eyes fully open. It was dark, but even then she noticed his glassy dilated pupils.

"I guess I'm just extremely lucky... The kid wouldn't have let them do it to him if he hadn't seen someone inhale it first. I had to take a hit for the team."

"Yes, of course, because you're such a self sacrificing person."

House clumsily sat up, "Yeah, I've been taking lessons from Wilson. So, do you have my patients results, or was that just a ploy to get frisky with me while I'm drugged up?"

"Turns out your lymph nodes were actually liver cells."

At this, House took the test results from her hand, "Hmm, I wonder what he had where his liver cells are supposed to be?"

While he was silently thinking, she remembered the conversation she'd had with Wilson earlier, and bit her lip, "Why did you lie and tell me you were going out with Wilson?"

He shrugged, "It's less embarrassing than telling you I'm having a foursome later on with three hookers."

Cuddy laughed, "That wouldn't embarrass you."

House stood up slowly, as if testing his balance to make sure his legs wouldn't give out on him. Cuddy stood up too, as he started to sway, and caught him.

His chest hit hers, and when he looked into her eyes she thought maybe she was seeing something, but he just laughed instead.

"You're right, I wouldn't be embarrassed, and I would have told you the truth. But now the curiosity is going to kill you, isn't it?"

Then his smile, and good humor had banished completely, "Here's a hint, stop obsessing over me. I have a seventeen year old girlfriend now."

And like he'd done before, House left her without another word alone in the dark.


	3. Tiny Vessels

N/A: Again thank you for all the feedback, I really appreciate it! The more questions and interest i get, the more it makes me want to write. But before you scroll down to read the next chapter, here are a couple of answers to your questions:

How much of House have I watched?

-lol im so obsessed that I'm now on the 7th season, but I do have to say personally season 3 is my favorite. I liked the flow of the story Lines.

How much angst will there be?

-Well my choice of genre is totally angst, however I know that House wouldn't be house without the dark humor as well.

enjoy! :)

* * *

You Only Live Twice

Part 3

**Tiny Vessels**

There was a week hiatus, between the bloody carpet, a seventeen year old girlfriend, and House's nitrous exposé before anything remotely interesting happened at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

In any other situation such a lack of heinous events would have been the norm, but as no other Hospital had a Doctor Gregory House, their lack of crazy events was worrisome to Wilson. And as his best friend, if there were a reason for his underperformance in making Cuddy and his life miserable, he would have known.

So the fact that House had been manageable, focused on his work and unusually pleasant was beginning to scare him.

As he picked up his notes, at the front desk, he could hear the too familiar squeaking of tennis shoes behind him. He turned around, and saw a sweaty, out of breath House fixated on his iPod.

"I see you're continuing to bask us in your musk. Should I come prepared with my own personal air freshener from now on?"

He awaited House's response, but it never came. Instead he retrieved the notes given to him by the nurse behind the counter, and looked up at Wilson surprisingly, "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Just that I've realized that the aliens must have abducted you along with that patient you had a few weeks ago, and replaced you with a human robot."

House blinked, "Yes, I am a mindless drone inflicted upon this hospital to solve mysterious cases, using alien anal probing techniques."

Even when he pretended to be sarcastic, there was no underlying malice or playfulness that was once there.

Wilson could see that he was waiting for him to say something back, but he was too thrown off to think of a witty remark. When he didn't say anything, House walked away towards the staircase.

He sighed, and followed him as he began climbing the stairs, "House- is everything ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" He mindlessly asked, clearly trying to tire out Wilson, by showing off how in shape he was.

The Oncologist took a deep breath, "You're...acting normal. You haven't stolen any money from me, you haven't pulled any pranks on Cuddy and you've been doing all your clinic hours. Not to mention the fact that you're currently working on three cases."

House looked back at him with a frown, "Gosh, you're right. I'm being completely horrible, and unreasonable."

"_Again_, You've taken three cases this week!"

Slowly some of his regular House looks began to come back, "Well you know, since I'm no longer a cripple, accommodations can't be made anymore."

As he was about to bolt to the door leading to the floor where their offices were, Wilson who was still breathing hard from all the stair climbing grabbed his arm. House gave him an incredulously look, "What's- going- on?"

House looked around with his eyes, clearly getting impatient, before landing them back on Wilson, "I'm fine. You just said yourself I'm doing great."

"That's what scares me."

House scoffed, "Well thanks for your vote in confidence. But as you pointed out, I'm quite the busy man lately- people to save, crotches to clean, etc."

"Stop being glib."

"I thought that's what you wanted?"

And just like that he was out the door. Wilson sank down on the stairs and couldn't help feeling somewhat guilty.

xxxoxxxo

The rest of the Monday afternoon went as the ones had gone before, smoothly. Wilson was in the middle of helping organize an Oncology Fundraiser for the hospital, and had been going down a list of potential guests to invite, when Chase walked in without knocking.

He shook his head and sat down in front of Wilson, "I can't do this anymore."

"Uh _ok_...what exactly?"

The Aussie ran a hand over his perfectly maintained hair, "House! He's being- reasonable. He's been respectful of all our ideas during our DDXs, and he hasn't called me a moron once this week. I think he might be firing me soon."

Wilson sighed and rubbed his eyes for a second, "I thought he was acting strange too, but maybe all this is- is the new House-"

And just as he had said his name, the door opened revealing a slightly surprised House, holding a file and tilting his head slightly to the side while looking at both of them. After a few moments he settled on Wilson, "Are you cheating on me?"

Chase who had jumped up, was clearly afraid, "I- I was just about to go do the blood cultures..."

He walked out and House stared at him for a moment, clearly an attempt to scare the Aussie, before closing the door behind him. He looked up at Wilson and extended the file in his hand to him, "I need a consult. I think the kid has cancer, Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Syndrome- type two to be exact."

Wilson flipped through the file, "She's three...wait, it looks like you already confirmed her diagnosis, she does have MEN2. You don't need a consult."

"Well I guess she's your patient now."

Wilson nodded as House turned to leave, but he quickly remembered he hadn't given him, his annual fake invite to the Oncology Fundraiser. And although Wilson knew that he would decline it, he still had to go through the motions, "Oh I forgot to give you you're invite to the Fundraiser-"

"I thought you'd never ask. Gimme", House extended his hand awaiting the formal invitation.

Wilson numbly handed it to him, "You're really going?"

"Why not? Do I ever miss a chance to watch Cuddy's ass in one of her ridiculously inappropriate dresses?"

He rolled his eyes, "Of course you would have a shallow reason. God forbid you actually go because you want to give back to charity."

The former cripple scoffed, "You think I can't be generous? I've changed, generosity just oozes out of me now."

"Right. House, the day you do a selfless act is the day- I buy myself a maserati."

House's smile grew, "Are you challenging me?"

"That would defeat the purpose of being selfless. Admit it, you can't really change. All this time you've been attempting to act normal is only to keep the rest of us on our toes, because the truth is you're planning some diabolical prank to give both Cuddy and I a heart attack."

There was a twinkle in House's eyes, and for a moment his smile faltered a bit, but eventually he stood up and sighed, "Well I guess I better get going, I would hate to let you guys down. I didn't realize how highly you all think of me."

xxxoxxxo

"House is going to the Oncology Fundraiser", Wilson stated as he walked in to Cuddy's office without knocking.

She looked up from the new contract proposition she was writing for Atlantic Net Healthcare Insurance.

"And are you taking over his job of barging in without any warning? My job description does entail a list of other things that are non-House related, you know."

Wilson sat down in front of her, and she had to admit that his boyish frown was concerning, "Aren't you the least bit curious of why he's been tolerable lately?"

She gave up on trying to concentrate on her paper and sighed, "Honestly? No. If anything I'm enjoying the the peace from all the rest of my department heads at the moment. For once none of them want to bite my head off because of House."

"Well excuse me for being concerned that his reign of terror will come crashing down on us without warning if we idly sit by and pretend everything is ok. Somethings going on."

Lisa Cuddy took a deep breath, "Maybe this is the new House. He isn't in pain anymore Wilson, maybe he's looking at it like its his second chance at being happy. Why micro analyze it?"

"Are you really that naive? This is House we're talking about, he doesn't do happy, pain or no pain. He's planning something massive, an I'm afraid now that it might have something to do with the fundraiser."

Under any other circumstances, she would have agreed with him. However, with the impending date of the Infectious Disease summit only a few weeks away, the contract that was up with Atlantic Net Healthcare at the end of the week, and the fact that her latest in-vitro had not taken again, her patience was at an all time low. Which of course meant that her tolerance for anything House related was at a bare minimum as well. So the fact that he had been keeping his outrageous behavior under control was ok with her.

Looking at Wilson though, she could tell that he wasn't going to give up so easily. At last, she sat her chin on her hand and ashrugged, "I'll talk to him."

"Thank you."

xxxoxxxo

When Cuddy walked in to House's office, she nearly stopped in her tracks as she saw that he was going through patient files.

"What are you doing?"

He looked up from his writing, "Charting."

"You never chart."

At once he dropped his pen dramatically and heaved a sigh, holding the bridge of his nose, "So you've been talking to Wilson I take? Come to ask why I haven't stuck anybody's head in the toilet today? I thought about it- but I decided I actually had better things to do."

Cuddy shook her head, "No, I'm not complaining, by all means continue. Please."

"Then what are you doing here?" He let out a little annoyed.

She shrugged, "I was hoping you would have time today to look at those files I asked you about last week? I really would like your input."

From where she was standing, the light created a nice shadow in his auburn hair, and she could tell he'd attempted to style it differently- though not enough that anyone else would have noticed.

Why had she noticed? She momentarily asked herself.

He was wearing his signature black blazer, with a blue button up dress shirt that wasn't pressed. It looked, dare she say, good.

House frowned, and she looked down at her hands for a moment, knowing he'd caught her.

"No can do, I play fantasy football with hookers on Mondays", he said, as he played with his red ball in his hand.

"Look if you don't want to help me, just say so. Don't make up elaborate lies to avoid helping me."

House sighed, and tapped his hand on his desk, "I said I would. Finding you a baby daddy is high up on my list of fun things to do. But, it just so happens that I can't today. What about tomorrow?"

Cuddy nodded, smiled softly and turned away to leave.

"Cuddy-stop."

She stopped with her hand on the door, and turned her head to look at him, "What?"

"Nothing. I just wanted you to stop right there, it gives me a great angle of your ass."

xxxoxxxo

After what seemed like hours of endless typing, editing, and rethinking her proposal to Atlantic Net, she hit the print button on her keyboard.

She was finally able to let out a sigh, because at least one out of the hundred things she had to get done that day was completed.

On the corner of the desk were a pile of different donor charts that she'd been trying to forget about.

Every time she found one, and went through with the procedure there was this period of immense hope. Every morning she'd wake up hoping to feel sick, faint, and dreaded the days when her period was approaching because it would give her a confirmation of her fear.

Even as all this went through her mind, she couldn't prevent her hand from reaching for them.

There was always a renewed excitement when she read through their profiles. Every donor gave her hope that maybe, just maybe she wouldn't grow old and alone after all.

She opened the first file with a deep breath and a hint of a smile on her lips.

_Donor 050899_

_Eye color: Brown_

_Ethnicity: French/Italian _

_Frame: Medium_

_Height: 5'10_

_Weight: 190_

_Occupation: Professional Surfer_

_Hobbies: Surfing, snowboarding, traveling, enjoying life._

_Favorite Movies: Dazed and Confused, Ferris Bueller's day off._

_Favorite Music: The Beach Boys, Sublime._

How old was this guy?

The profile made her laugh, thinking at least she could guarantee on her kid having great hair. But she'd always envisioned her child having bright blue eyes, not to mention the fact that he was only 5'10. No, he had to have tall genes, because she was already short to begin with.

Her phone rang, startling her. She picked it up, "Dr Lisa Cuddy."

"_Lisa, it's Julia. Hey, I know this is last minute, but Derek and I wanted you to come over for dinner. Can you make it?"_

There was a knock at her door, she looked up and saw Cameron, with frazzled hair, and what looked to be a bruised face, and a bloody nose.

_"Lisa? Are you still there?"_

Cuddy frowned, "Uh, yeah. Sure I'll go to dinner, I'll call you back."

She hung up the phone and stood up, to get a closer look at Cameron, "What happened? Who did this to you?"

"An eleven year old girl who got jealous, because I laughed at something Chase said." Cameron was clearly irritated.

"As if I would ever like Chase. It's ridiculous. House wants to take me off the case, but I told him it was idiotic. It's not the girl's fault that she's sick, and just because she punched me doesn't mean it'll happen again."

Cuddy opened her mouth to say something, when there was another knock on her glass door. She looked past Cameron to see her favorite person of the day, Wilson.

"I'm here on official Cancer business", we warned putting up a hand, already with the pretense that she wasn't too excited to see him.

She took a moment and looked at Cameron seriously, "I agree with Dr House's decision. You're removed from the case, for your own safety. And get some ice before your face swells even more. Go."

Wilson held the door as Cameron left indignantly, then looked up at Cuddy with a file in his hand, "Did you make any changes to the entertainment for the Fundraiser this Friday?"

Cuddy shook her head, making her way back around her desk to sit down, "No. I thought we agreed on the same band as last year? They gave us a great price."

"Well it looks like we're double booked. I'll ask Brenda, since she made the calls." Cuddy nodded, picking up some papers on her desk and piled them up nearly on the corner.

But as Wilson turned to leave, she spoke up, "You'll have to ask her tomorrow, she's gone for the day."

He nodded and took another step, then paused and turned around. Just as he was about to say something, she put up a hand, "I spoke to him. I think everything's fine. Other than declining my dinner offer again, but I'm just going to assume that it must be me."

Wilson rested a finger on his lips and frowned in thought, "Did he say why? I asked him out to eat pizza and he said no too, and he said no to both of us last Monday too."

"He said he had a foursome with hookers again. Maybe he actually does?"

He shook his head, "No, I passed by his place last Friday after work, he wasn't home. That means he is keeping something from the both of us."

xxxoxxxo

Wilson had left his office early to hide out in the parking structure to wait for House to leave.

After a half hour, he recognized his black leather jacket, and familiar blue backpack, as he got onto his bike.

He gave House a start, waited a few minutes to start trailing him, but at the same time made sure he wasn't too far behind, to were he'd loose him.

It was a good thing, because he immediately made a move to the highway leading him south towards Trenton. They were on the road for fifteen minutes before House made a move for an exit.

Wilson stayed a few cars behind, but made sure to turn when house made a left. He tried looking around to see if there was anything that stuck out to him. Where was he going?

He followed him for a few minutes, before House ultimately turned into a parking lot in front of a Presbyterian church.

Wilson watched from up the street as he turned off his bike, took his helmet off, and stayed on his bike a couple minutes, like he was thinking about wether or not to go in.

Eventually he got off, and started walking towards the church. When he got to the door, he paused and it almost looked like he was about to turn away and leave, but he grabbed the handle and walked in.

It was after House had walked into the white church, that Wilson read the outside sign, and sighed feeling a bout of guilt building in the pit of his stomach.

_NA Meeting 6PM Mondays_

Wilson smiled sadly, turned the ignition to his car back on, and drove away. He knew this was a secret House deserved to keep to himself.


	4. Arabesque

N/A: sorry no time to answer questions today, promise I will on the next one :) enjoy.

* * *

You Only Live Twice

Part 4

**Arabesque**

As always, Cuddy was running late. Before she'd had a chance to make it out of the front doors of the hospital, Dr Hourani had gotten into an argument with Dr Stein about misdiagnosing a patient with a tumor in her kidneys. When he'd opened up the patient in the OR, he'd found nothing, which was when Hourani had called Stein incompetent. Stein had thrown a punch, which had resulted in both of them being suspended for a week. Which meant she was short a surgeon and an oncologist, but also more paperwork for her.

Still, she was running late, maybe not terribly so, and it was only her sister's dinner, but it didn't take the being late dread away. As she pulled into their drive way, she checked her watch- a half hour late. It made her chest constrict with guilt, even though she knew Julia would be understanding.

However, that was placed in the back of her mind when something much more peculiar caught her attention. It was the sight of an unfamiliar black sleek two door Mercedes convertible that was parked by the curb, in front of their home. The license plate was from New York, which meant it didn't belong to either of them.

Curiously, she got out of her car, and hurried up to the door wishing she'd brought different shoes with her. After a twelve hour day at the hospital, her feet were screaming to be let out.

Cuddy knocked a couple times on the door, and heard laughter coming from the inside. It made her frown when no one answered the door, and was relieved that it wasn't locked when she turned the knob.

It was only a few steps into the room, and she could immediately see why it was that her sister had asked her over for an impromptu dinner.

There, in the middle of the living room stood a guy in his late 30's. He had perfectly styled blonde hair, bright green eyes, and his signature smile that she'd never forgotten, dressed in a fitted clearly expensive black suit.

The guy who stood in front of her, was someone she hadn't seen in nearly twenty years- her ex-husband of six days.

Atticus Beaumont.

xxxoxxxo

Friday arrived at the teaching hospital faster than Cuddy would have wanted.

She had secluded herself off in her office, out of the trenches and hysteria that had become the rest of the hospital, with the buzz of the impending benefit that was taking place later that evening.

Nurse Brenda and Wilson had been arguing back and forth about the table settings, timeline of events, presentations, speeches.

Her Chief Surgeon had been trying all morning to talk to her about revoking Hourani's suspension, but she couldn't do that without having Wilson on her back about Stein.

In an effort to appease Dr Thomas, she'd pulled Chase to sub in for Hourani. Which for the moment seemed to have fixed that issue, though she'd been bracing herself for House to come barging through the door at any moment demanding he get his fellow back.

The only persisting conflict was that of Brenda and Wilson but eventually around noon, she had decided to cease playing referee between the two, and let them hash it out themselves.

This had left her with the rest of the afternoon to wait for her 2pm meeting with the Atlantic Health Net representative.

Her eyes moved to the clock on her computer screen, 1:30pm- she had a half hour, maybe enough time to grab a late lunch? She seriously considered it for a moment, before dismissing it when she heard raised voices in the clinic.

Her hunger could wait, she wasn't desperate enough to pass through the war zone.

The extra time she had on her hands left her mind free to think back on the week she'd had.

_Atticus_. Compared to her, he'd aged rather well, which was saying a lot since she generally thought she looked pretty good for her age.

Out of everyone from her past, he was the last person she'd expected to see pop up in her life again.

He'd seemed happy to see her, not that they'd left off on bad terms. If anything he was as pleasant as he'd always been with her.

After their sixth day of marriage they had only decided to go their separate ways, after all the endorphins that had been going through their head that week they got married, disappeared. They realized they'd both been accepted to universities in different states, and had come to terms with the fact it wouldn't work out.

Had it been love? At their age, it had felt like it.

And now he was moving back to Princeton, becoming a partner at a prestigious law firm that Julia's husband just happened to work at too.

Cuddy didn't believe in signs, like most of her colleagues, facts, science and logic was always where she'd been most comfortable when it came to the answers of life, but this? It was just too coincidental even for her.

Unlike her, he'd gotten remarried and divorced again, which had left him with two children who had stayed with their mother in Manhattan.

That's about all they'd gotten to that evening at dinner. She was kind of happy too, because sadly on her end there wasn't much to tell.

At the end of the night he'd insisted that they catch up with lunch or dinner sometime later in the week. They'd gone through the calendars on their phones, realizing they had completely opposing schedules.

Which had led to Cuddy accidentally inviting him to the benefit at the hospital.

She bit her lip and sighed, it wasn't a date. They were two friends catching up, and if anything thing he'd possibly make a donation to the hospital. So really, it was a win-win in her eyes.

But even seeing Atticus hadn't stopped her from going back to get inseminated again. Regardless of whether it was a sign from the gods, that she didn't believe in.

On Wednesday Cuddy had received a call from the cryobank, reminding her of the appointment she had for later that afternoon.

Untrue to his word, House hadn't made time to help her analyze the sperm donors she was considering. Therefore when she got the call, her instinct had been to cancel, but at the last minute she'd changed he mind.

At most, she was going to go in and get more donors to look through, because she hadn't found a single promising one.

But when she'd gone in that afternoon, the nurse had presented her with about twenty new donors, and right there in the middle of them all, she'd felt like she'd finally found the one, and had gone through with the insemination.

After having done the research on them purely on healthy genetics, she'd taken House's advice and chosen purely based on a profile she'd found promising...well, almost purely.

The donor in question was number 020268.

He was of Scottish and Irish decent. Blue eyes, brown hair, 6'2, and weighed 185 pounds.

He was a scientist who was currently researching dark matter. Whose interests encompassed mystery novels, blues music and played several instruments. He sounded complex, interesting, unconventional.

The kicker though, was why he had donated, which also happened to be the reason she had chosen him.

_To do a selfless act._

Even with everything else, it seemed like a good quality to pass along to a child, and so that's how she'd finalized her decision.

There was a sudden knock on her door that brought her back from her thinking.

Her eyes went up to see who the intruder was, and felt rumble in her empty stomach as Eli from Atlantic Net walked in with a pompous smile on his face.

It was hardball time.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson had gotten in over his head.

Why hadn't he just let Brenda orchestrate the event, like she'd done very other year?

"Where do you want the piano?" Nurse Brenda asked Wilson disdainfully.

He frowned, "What piano? The one from the chapel?"

"No, the one they just delivered, the one for the performance tonight by the pianist _you_ scheduled."

Wilson frowned and rand a hand through his hair, "Brenda, there is no pianist tonight. It's The Blue band who will be performing, just like they have every other year."

The nurse shrugged, and started separating the table settings, "Well, Dr Wilson, the email you sent out, and the presentation board both have a time slot for a special guest to perform just before the band."

She held a place setting in between her fingers, with a curious expression, "Dr House is coming?"

Wilson nodded as he told the deliverers where to place the black grand piano.

"Well where is he sitting? Your table full, and no one else will want him at theirs."

He scratched the back of his neck for a moment, "Stein isn't coming, so place him, here next to Cuddy and me...wait, did you make a last minute change to the table? This has to be a mistake, who is Atticus Beaumont?"

"That was added by Dr Cuddy, he's her guest."

xxxoxxxo

At the end of the day, Atlantic Health Net had given in to her proposal, and Cuddy felt as if she could finally breath. That, and the fact that the hospital had gone through the week without any major problem, so she'd actually be able to enjoy her weekend off

She applied one last coat of her nude lipstick on her lips, and looked at the dress she'd gotten delivered to her office. It was a fitted rose satin dress, with a mermaid ending at the bottom.

It hadn't been her first choice, but looking at it now she was content by how it turned out.

She gave herself one last look, then grabbed her blackberry, checked it for any critical emails, before placing it in her white pearl clutch, and walked back out to her office.

As she started leaving, she remembered Atticus's invitation she'd left on her desk, and went back to search for it. Once she'd found it, she turned around at last to leave, only to be startled by House who was blocking her exit.

He was clad in a black un-wrinkled suit, with a bow tie that was only slightly askew. He looked- handsome.

House had his hands inside his pockets and was looking down at her with only the tiniest of smiles on his face. It was his eyes most of all that had her rooted to her spot. They were light and airy, not moving away from her.

"Did you really think I was going to let you get away with taking Chase from my team?"

Cuddy had forgotten about that. In fact, for some reason it was the last thing she'd been expecting him to bring up.

She groaned, "Please, can this wait? I'll give you someone on Monday."

It wasn't the situation with Chase that had her wanting to bolt through the door. No, seeing him had ignited a sense of anxiety in her chest, that could not be defined.

"These past two weeks you've been showing up to harass me every five minutes, it's my turn to return the favor," he blinked, "I want Chase back on my team- and not anyone else."

Cuddy sighed and shrugged her arms, "I can't House. The surgical team is short staffed because of Hourani, and Chase is the only replacement I have at the moment."

"Why should I suffer because of everyone else's incompetence? I have four cases right now- and only two fellows. I _need_ Chase back."

"I liked you better when you were unreasonable, it was easier to say no."

House scoffed, and raised an eyebrow with a smirk, "And here I was, thinking it was my incredibly good looks and wit you couldn't say no to."

Cuddy felt the need to swallow, "Fine, you can have Chase back, but think about cutting back on the case load, will you? It's making everyone else's statistics look bad compared to yours."

He laughed, "You're right, what was I thinking? I should definitely save less lives."

"Why have you been taking so many?" She asked suddenly realizing she'd never addressed it formally. "Don't get me wrong- I do think it's great, I just- want to know why."

He shrugged, and looked around the office, "I don't know? Just trying to keep busy I guess."

"Why now?"

As he had opened his mouth to respond, her phone went off, and she opened her clutch to see who had messaged her. It was Atticus waiting at the front for her.

She started texting him back, and then looked back up at House, "I have to go, someone's waiting for me."

He nodded once and opened the door for her, walking out after her.

"Thanks, I'll see you in there, right?" She asked looking back and giving him one last look.

"Yep." He said walking away without looking at her.

xxxoxxxo

It turned out in the end, that there were actually three booked performances. The first of which included a DJ playing a range of contemporary instrumental pieces.

And though Wilson felt like he was close to a nervous breakdown, the event had started off without a hitch.

As any good host would do, he greeted everyone as they walked in, and made small talk with as many of them as possible, throwing in some oncology jokes when he could.

"Nice music", stated House, holding what looked to be two glasses of whiskey.

Wilson took one, and drank it all in one swig, "I know, I know. Nurse Brenda and I had some differences about the music. I hope this pianist doesn't turn out to be as disastrous as this DJ."

House frowned, "You have a pianist? How very _debonair_ of-"

He'd gotten distracted, and when Wilson turned his head, he could see why.

Sitting at their table already, was Cuddy taking a sip from her wine glass with a guy Wilson imagined to be her guest.

"Who's that? He looks like he could be Chases's brother." Mumbled House, staring at them.

Wilson took a glass of wine as a waiter passed, "It's Cuddy's guest, _Atticus Beaumont_. My bet is he's a big time benefactor, and she's trying to get him to donate."

House shook his head, but didn't look away from them, "Atticus? Sounds like a pretentious assholes name. Bit he's not some benefactor. Look at the way they're laughing, they know each other- very well. See how she just laughed? She's flirting with him. Huh..."

"What?" Asked Wilson.

His friend smiled, and wiggled his eyebrows, "We should go mingle."

xxxoxxxo

Atticus hadn't changed at all. He was still just charming, thoughtful and funny as he he'd been when they were young.

Why had she been so nervous? The evening had started off well, and where she'd thought she'd bore him with endless hospital administrative duties, he seemed completely engrossed and interested in what she did.

It was only when Wilson and House arrived at their table and sat down that she realized what her subconscious had been dreading. She drank her glass of wine, feeling a little tipsy already- she'd always been a lightweight.

"Hi, I'm Greg", House held out his hand politely. She held her breath, waiting for whatever inappropriate, crude comment he was going to make next, but it never came.

Wilson politely shook his hand as well, "James Wilson, head of oncology."

Atticus smiled, "Atticus Beaumont. Congratulations on your benefit, I'm really feeling the music."

"Oh this is nothing, there's an awesome pianist up next. So, how do you kids know each other?" House asked as he absentmindedly tapped his fingers on the table.

Cuddy felt her face getting warm, she took another sip from her wine and she squirmed in her seat a little bit, putting a strand of hair behind her ear, "Uh-"

"We were married once. I just moved back, so we're catching up." He smiled at Cuddy and put his hand over hers.

The bombshell.

Cuddy could see the explosion that the information had just caused in House's eyes, and for once it looked like he was at a loss for words.

Wilson also looked a little shell- shocked, but tried changing the subject, "Uh, so...what is it you do Atticus? If you don't mind me asking?"

Atticus looked at Wilson, "I'm a defense attorney- partner over at Hawthorne &amp; Belle Associates."

"That's really, awesome", House seemed to have regained his voice, though still seemed to be a little out of it by the news. Cuddy watched as he drank his entire glass, and took one more from the waiter who'd arrived at their table.

He then looked down at his watch, and stood up, leaving the table.

"Excuse me."

Cuddy could see Wilson struggle with whether or not to go after him, but ultimately decided against it.

Their attention was stolen then by Nurse Brenda who had changed into her own black cocktail dress at the front of the stage, who tapped on the microphone a couple times before speaking, "Good evening everyone. Welcome to our annual Oncology Benefit, we hope you've been enjoying yourself this evening. If not, don't worry there is much more fun to come."

She paused and looked behind her at the curtains hiding the rest of the stage, "Here to perform Arabesque by Claude Debussy, is...our very special guest who wished to go unannounced. Uh, let's give him? A round of applause."

As nurse Brenda walked off the side of the stage hurriedly, the curtains began to pull back, a slow murmur of keys began playing.

At once, a low chatter erupted at some of the tables, and Cuddy frowned, and craned her neck to see what it was that they were all whispering about.

It became evident all at once, because there sitting on the piano bench, was none other than Gregory House.

He looked down at the piano, concentrating as his fingers moved whimsically through the piece, without once turning his head to see his audience.

"Is- that-", Wilson frowned.

"House", she finished, unable to take her eyes off him, as he continued playing the beautiful piece he'd selected. He closed his eyes, and tuned out everything else but the music, letting his fingers slide from key to key, capturing the notes in perfect timing.

She realized at that moment, she'd never seems him play before. Sure she knew of his ability to play the piano, but she'd never witnessed first hand his artistic ability. He was good.

As it came to an end, everyone was silent, shocked by what they had just witnessed, then the room broke out in a slow starting applause that before long erupted.

House stayed at the piano long enough to close the case, before walking off without acknowledging the applause.

"Wow, not bad", mumbled Atticus who looked slightly upset. His attention was soon taken his phone going off. He pulled it out to check it, and Cuddy saw him frown, "Damn."

"What's Wong?" She asked taking another sip from her glass.

He looked up at her disappointed, "Emergency at the firm. I'm sorry, rain check?"

Cuddy nodded, surprised by the feeling of relief that swept through her.

Atticus stood up, gave her a kiss on her hand, and left her with Wilson who was engrossed in an inebriated conversation with a nurse.

She looked around trying to spot House, but he was nowhere in sight, and she resolutely grabbed her glass finishing it off.

xxxoxxxo

The rest of the evening had been uneventful, and Cuddy had alternated between dancing with Wilson and attempting to schmooze with some of the prospective donators.

After a while, when things had begun to look like the night was over, she excused herself from everyone, and had started walking to the parking structure, in hopes that the fresh air outside would sober her up before she got to her car.

As she walked out the front doors, and felt the cool October night breeze hit her face, she concentrated on the pavement. She didn't remember it being so difficult to walk on. Then again, she usually didn't walk out in seven inch stilettos and long fitted dresses.

Someone who was up against the side of the wall outside laughed. And she turned her head to see House, with his head up against the wall and one leg perched up against the building, sucking on a red lollipop.

"Where were you? You left so suddenly", she murmured trying to warm herself by wrapping her arms around her bare shoulders. Why hadn't she brought a coat? She asked herself.

House pushed himself off the wall, and shrugged, "I didn't want all the girls chasing after me, you know how girls feel about musicians. They get all crazy."

Cuddy smiled, and trembled from the cold, "That was a nice thing you did for Wilson."

He blinked and looked around, "Where's your ex husband?"

She groaned and rolled her eyes, "Please don't call him that. _Atticus_ had an emergency, and had to leave."

House mouthed an 'oh' and looked around once more before he took off his blazer and placed it on her shoulders, "So who's driving you home then?"

For a moment she swayed, and he reacted quickly by holding her arm in his hand, "Me, who else?"

"Right. Give me your keys", he laughed, amused at her, and sucked again on his lollipop.

Cuddy frowned, "What's up with your obsession of lollipops all of a sudden? It's weird."

"It helps with my oral fixation", he wiggled his eyebrows, "Seriously_, give me your keys_."

She laughed, "Right, like I'm going to let you drive me home. I'm not stupid."

House tilted his head to the side and frowned, "You know, contrary to popular belief- drunk girls are really not a turn on for me. Trust me, your safe with me."

It went against everything in her body telling her not to give him her keys, and to let him drive her home, but Cuddy ultimately relented, and handed them to him.


	5. Warning Sign

N/A: ok, so I was feeling like I wasn't writing in enough scenes with house actually in them. Hopefully this somewhat makes up for the lack of house in the earlier chapters.

answer time!...

Will Wilson drive House back to drugs with his nosy concern?

\- lol I dont think Wilson could drive House to do that. But maybe someone else?...

thank you to all who continue reading this! Next chapter is the Vegas one...

* * *

You Only Live Twice

Part 5

**Warning Sign**

_He was looking at her with his piercing blue eyes, drinking her in, stripping her bare. He always did, and she allowed him to see into the deepest parts of her, because he was the one._

_"You want to kiss me, don't yo_u?" _She whispered, subtly trying to inch closer, though much more and their chests would be touching._

_The corner of his lip twitched, creating that dimple he worked so tirelessly to hide from everyone. House mumbled softly, "I always want to kiss you."_

_It was only an instant later that their lips collided, and unlike his soft gaze and tender words, their kiss was nothing short of pure unrestricted ardor._

_She let twenty years of pent up frustration flood her veins, and felt his as he pushed her up against the wall, letting one hand slide to her waist to pin her in place._

_Cuddy moaned into his cherry lollipop flavored lips, and felt a shiver go up her chest as he moved them hungrily to her neck. _

_"Oh god, House", she gasped._

"Cuddy."

"Cuddy?"

Lisa Cuddy jerked awake, to see a wide-eyed Gregory House looking down at her, from where he was standing next to her bed.

His head was tilted to the side, with a curious glint in his eyes, "Fun dream?"

She looked away from him, feeling her cheeks flush, and tried to regulate her breathing, "No- more like nightmare."

He laughed, "Right."

After a couple seconds, she rubbed her eyes and yawned, "Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Slept over...on your couch." He made sure to clarify nodding his head towards the living room, before extending her a mug of coffee.

She swallowed and took it, feeling the caffeine instantly wake her up, as she brought the mug to her lips.

How had she gotten home? And when had she changed into her frumpy pajamas?

One look up at House, and she could tell from how wrinkled his shirt and pants were, that he'd slept in them. So at least that clarified her momentary fear of, if they'd slept together.

"Did you- change me?" She asked sort of afraid of what his answer would be.

He nodded enthusiastically, "Yes- but only after you barfed on your dress, I didn't think you'd want to sleep in a puke smeared bed."

"You saw me naked? I didn't drink that much last night."

He grimaced, "Ahhh, I'd say you drank quite a bit. Plus, it's not like I've never seen the twins before-"

Cuddy held up her hand, "Ok no reminders please, I think the memory is making me a little nauseous."

House opened his mouth to say something back, she could see him struggling- but instead sighed and took out a lollipop from his pocket, popping it in his mouth as fast as he could.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow and sipped from her unsweetened black coffee, "Is that your breakfast?"

"-For champions", he nodded, then added, "it keeps my mouth busy."

It was too early to delve into specifics of his strange new vices, so she merely shook her head and stood up, making her way into the brightly lit living room.

Sure enough, she saw a pillow, and a throw that he'd left in the corner of the couch. Cuddy yawned, and sat down, eyeing House while he looked around at her pictures.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked all of a sudden looking down at the mug of coffee he'd made for her, once she noticed he didn't seem to have one of his own.

He squinted his eyes at a picture of her when she was in grade school, and took the lollipop out of his mouth, "Wilson thinks I can't be nice, so I've been doing a series of selfless acts to prove I can be just as self sacrificing as he can, without actually meaning it."

Cuddy scoffed, "So this, is an act of charity?"

He turned to her and slowly nodded, half in thought, "It's a win-win if you think about it. You got home safely, without a DUI, or an accident, with a guy who truly had no interest in you- therefore guaranteeing no sexy fun time would happen while you slumbered away in your nighties. And I pretty much ensured that the only person who would dare employ me stayed alive and well. See? Win-win."

"You really know how to woo a girl", Cuddy let out sarcastically.

He turned his attention to her window, and looked at her lawn, "Need your grass mowed? I've never done it, but I also don't charge."

She frowned, "More charity?"

"No, now this is purely self-interest. I need something to do."

She examined him to see if he was joking, but to no avail. The truth was House actually wanted to mow her lawn, it was an anomaly.

"Why do you need something to do? You have four cases that-"

"Already solved them", he announced, bouncing down on the couch next to her and sucking on his lollipop some more, "-last night while you were snoring. I'm that _awesome_. One was an actual case of lupus, amyloidosis, Mediterranean sleeping fever, and the fourth one had this really cool allergic reaction to the light, I told her parents she was a vampire."

Cuddy just stared at him in shock, and a little impressed. Where was the House she loved to hate? The one who lived to torment her, and find new and exciting ways to test her sanity?

She regained her words, but sipped her coffee first, "Why not rest then? It's a Saturday, go enjoy yourself with whatever it is that you do for fun- hookers for example."

House grimaced, "Hookers are my Monday thing. I get this deal, it's a two for one-"

"Or _maybe_, you want to spend time with me", it had come out before she'd had a chance to think about it.

He stalled, but didn't look that surprised, "Well, you're not that bad- but really I just want to keep busy. So what do you need boss? Cut your grass? I already did your dishes, I could help with laundry-"

"But why do you need to keep yourself so busy?" She pushed.

"Why not keep my formally crippled self busy? It's better than having time to ponder on the new levels of contempt that I feel towards humanity."

Cuddy shook her head with a smile, "No, I'm not buying it. Tell me the truth, and maybe then I'll let you mow my lawn."

He looked and her, and sighed- clenching his jaw, "My parents are coming for the weekend, before they drive up to New York. I told them I was busy, but since I finished all my cases- I need something to occupy my time-"

"-because you can't lie to your mom." She finished for him.

House nodded and rested an elbow on his knee, "So- do you want me to go over those sperm baby daddy profiles for you?"

"Too late. I've already had my treatment", she let out, "Why don't you want to see your parents?"

He sat up straight all of a sudden, "You've been sperminated?! I thought you valued my humble opinion on genetics?"

"Don't deflect. Why don't you want to see your parents?"

For a moment he pretended to be lost in thought, "So did you decide to go with the Mozart lover, or the surfer dude?"

Cuddy glared at him, "House! Stop trying to change the subject, why don't you want to see your parents?"

Finally, he sighed and stood up, "I should go."

"Fine! Don't tell me why you're avoiding them- repress everything like you always do. Just- ...stay and mow my lawn if you're so bent on it."

He sat back down with a look of contentment as he sucked on his lollipop with a smile, then it finally hit her, "Are lollipops a substitution for Vicodin?"

"Nooo, I just really want cavities. I never got them as a child- I felt left out, cheated", He shrugged.

But it was, she realized. He was medicating his drug addiction, with lollipops, to '_keep_ _his mouth busy'_ as he'd said. Cuddy didn't know why, but the fact that he was consciously making an effort to keep clean made her smile.

"You're doing really good House. I'm proud of you", she mumbled, bringing her legs to her chest on the couch.

She expected some snark remark, or at least a look that told her she was getting too mushy with her feelings, but all he whispered back was, "Thanks."

For a moment she struggled with the decision of talking about the events leading up to the shooting. Normally, Cuddy wouldn't have dared to try and talk about something that personal, but he seemed to be in a rare emotionally receptive mood, and didn't know if she would have a chance to again.

"Wilson and I never told you, but that day- when Moriarti shot you...we gave you a tox screen."

He inhaled deeply, and winced, "Why?"

"Honestly? Can you blame us? It's a good thing we did, if we hadn't you would have OD'd if we'd given you any more opiates...How long had you been self-medicating with morphine?"

House looked at the floor, his look was blank, "I was in pain- and I was never on it when I was at work."

"I believe you. But why didn't you tell us it was that bad?"

House scoffed, clearly frustrated, then looked at her, "_I did_...but both you and Wilson dismissed me, thought I was just trying to score to get high."

Cuddy bit her lip, "I'm sorry."

He shrugged his shoulders, "Don't be. It doesn't matter anymore. It's not like I helped my case, I know I was popping pills like candy."

There was a while of awkward silence, before House spoke up again, "Why didn't you guys harass me about it when I woke up? Actually I can't believe Wilson didn't, he lives to point out all of my miscalculations."

"You had just gotten shot, the last thing you needed was something else depressing you. We were going to bring it up if you went back on the pills, but you started doing so good, there was no need to."

And again, they were quiet because there was nothing else to say. He was doing good, normal good, and Cuddy didn't want to push it by saying anything that could tip the scales.

House turned his head to look at her, "So that lawn of yours..."

xxxoxxxo

**_Two Mondays Later..._**

Negative.

Cuddy exhaled deeply, and frowned having a slow numbing feeling of defeat radiate through her body. It wasn't meant to be, not that way at least.

She dropped the joy-sucking test strip into the trash can, and washed her hands, looking at herself in the mirror one last time before walking back out to her office, making sure her eyes weren't puffy.

Atticus was waiting for her when she walked out, with his hands behind his back, and his outrageously gorgeous smile that sent strange cold chill up her spine.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, as he gave her a hug that lasted a little too long.

He kissed her cheek, and let her go, "I came to eat lunch with you."

She backed away, and walked around to sit down at her desk, "I can't today, I'm swamped. You should have checked with my assistant, I feel bad that you drove all the way down here."

"Have you eaten yet?"

She scoffed, "When is there time at a hospital? I'm sorry, I have too much to do- I can't leave."

In between prepping a meeting for the board, finalizing the expenses needed for her and House to go to Vegas for the conference, and three complaints made about Dr. Nolo to HR- time was not something had.

He stood there, smirking and nodded, "I thought you might say that. So I arranged for it to be brought to us."

Atticus motioned with his fingers to someone waiting outside her office, and instantly the doors were opened, revealing a cart with several silver platters.

Once he'd tipped the waiter, and she'd left, he uncovered the trays and looked down at her with a slight frown, "You're still a vegetarian, right?"

"You remembered that?" She blinked, shocked.

He picked up her tray of what appeared to be salad, with every leaf of lettuce and vegetable clearly placed for aesthetics, and placed it in front of her, "You honestly think I'd forget?"

"Atticus, this...you didn't have to do this-"

"Lisa, you need to eat, I need to eat. And it was the only time I figured we both had a moment to spare. Just enjoy it", he said while sprinkling croutons on her salad before she had a moment to object.

She hated croutons, and as she looked closely at the beautifully landscaped salad in front of her, she realized that it also had onions- which she was allergic to.

It was a sweet gesture though, and because of that Cuddy couldn't complain.

xxxoxxxo

She always forgot how easy it was to talk to him. It didn't matter how much time passed between them, because they always fell back into a comfortable place.

He mostly spoke about his adventures while backpacking through Europe before attending law school, when he was having second thoughts about going.

Cuddy just sat and listened, trying to eat out what she could from her salad, without making what she was doing apparent.

Eventually he told her about the big emergency at the firm, on the night he'd left the event at the hospital early and apologized. And she told him about the disastrous night she'd had with House, and him having to take her home and change her because she'd fallen asleep.

Everything was going great, that is until she heard the oh so familiar 3 quick knocks on her glass door.

House frowned was he closed the door behind him, "Romantic lunch? How fancy. I need you to authorize and invasive brian biopsy on my patient."

"She's lunching man, can't you come back later?" Atticus spoke up before giving her a chance to. His voice was laced with just a hint of annoyance.

Cuddy could see from House's blink, and his blank face that turned from his to hers that he was staggered by Atticus's statement. After a moment of silence though, he recovered and looked at Cuddy, "I can wait, however my patient who's running a steady fever of 103, and has renal failure can't. But by all means take your time."

He sat against her desk, peering at her dish closely and picking up a crouton- plopping it in his mouth, "I like to chaperon these things of hers anyway. Can't be too careful- we've had our share of stalkers at the hospital lately- we're all on high alert."

She took the file from his hand, pursing her lips while staring daggers at him and read through the notes.

"Yeah, I've heard about that. Some creeps even molest their bosses while they're drunk."

Cuddy's face got hot and she held her breath- she'd only told Atticus about House because she'd been embarrassed that he'd seen her so inebriated. Before a moments chance, she handed the patient's file back to him, "Go ahead with the biopsy- but get consent from the parents."

House stared at her for a moment, and nodded curtly, then turned back to Atticus, while grabbing another cruoton, "Well, this was fun- we should do it again."

He bounced up off the desk, and walked to the door, then stalled and turned back, "Next time you want to surprise your girlfriend, you might want to make sure you don't feed her something that will send her into anaphylactic shock. Don't worry, I'll have a nurse bring in an epi pen just in case your desert has strawberries in it too."

After the door slammed shut, Atticus turned back to Cuddy, stunned, while she smiled apologetically.

xxxoxxxo

At 5 o'clock on the dot Wilson closed the door to his office, and walked to the elevator, excited to leave after what had been a lackluster news day for most of his patients.

As an oncologist, bad news was to be expected, he knew that. But days like these where he had to tell every patient that their cancer had metastasized, or their remission had stopped, sucked him emotionally dry.

He turned, expecting House to join him, as they had created a habit of leaving consistently at 5 every Monday. Yet, he was no where to be found.

No matter, he figured. He'd probably already left to his NA meeting, it was nothing to be worried about, he reasoned as he pressed the elevator button. Everything was fine, House was doing good, and just because he didn't happen to be there didn't mean anything.

It didn't stop him from snapping his head back though, when he heard someone show up behind him.

It was Cameron, who took a step back by his sudden snap, "Whoa."

"Sorry- did House already leave?" He tried maintaining his level of concern at a minimum.

She shook her head, but eyed him suspiciously, "No. He's in his office, I wouldn't go in there though, he's not in a good mood. Why?"

Wilson raised his eyebrows, "No reason. Actually, now that I think about it, I do have to ask him something."

The elevator door opened, and Cameron got in, clearly not convinced by his excuse- yet still not pushing it.

He said goodnight to her, and moved his briefcase strap on his shoulder, as he walked to House's office.

From the outside, he could see that he wasn't there, but his backpack was. Wilson frowned, momentarily standing still, wondering where else he could be.

The Roof.

xxxoxxxo

House was sitting on the ledge, his legs propped over the edge, as he held an lit cigarette between his fingers, and a lighter in the other.

The door to the rooftop slammed shut, after Wilson let it go and House turned- and sighed when he realized it was him.

"Haven't been up here in a long time", he stated walking over to where House sat.

House exhaled the smoke from his cigarette and turned with an annoyed voice, "Please don't do that."

Wilson frowned, "Do what?"

"That tone- the one you use when you're about to psychoanalyze me. Do us both a favor, stick to your profession." There was bitterness in his voice.

He was right, that was the tone, "Well, can you at least get off the ledge, you're making me nervous."

"Please. We both know I think too highly of myself to do anything that stupid."

"Oh I know, maybe not purposely- but if you're impaired-"

House swung his legs around and got off the ledge to face Wilson, "I'm not high."

"You're on edge- what happened?" Wilson asked.

"Do you get off on the feeling of superiority? Think being Mr Well-adjusted gives you some right to belittle everyone around you who doesn't conform to your definition of normality? Do us all a favor and flaunt your self-righteousness to someone who actually gives a damn."

His insults didn't sting him, if anything Wilson was more than use to it. But he knew, and House knew that there was something behind it.

"What happened?" He asked again, more gently.

House swallowed, took one last drag of his cigarette, then put it out, walking past Wilson without a word, and off the roof.


	6. Viva Las Vegas: Part 1

N/A: ok, so I'm a little nervous about this chapter to say the least, its a little different from the rest and you'll see why. But also it's the turning point of the story- in a way.

Some of you asked where I'm going with the plot, but I can't really give that away now can I? Lol. What I will say is that I hope to make it about 15 chapters long. And IF you guys find it worthwhile, I do have a super crazy plot bunny running in my head for a sequel- but I won't get ahead of myself. Lol

-Atticus? Well every story needs someone to hate right? he had his parts to play, but overall hopefully he won't cause too much damage.

-fun fact: I have ADD- this causes me to not want to write boring scenes that are sometimes necessary, so I end scenes rather quickly because I want to get to the fun parts of writing. For that, I am sorry Lol.

-lastly, after watChing how all of House's friendships progressed in seasons 6&amp;7 I felt like he needed new friends too. Why can't people love House for House? But I still want to be as realistic with each character as I can :)

Sorry for so much rambling! Too much caffeine! Anywho please help fuel my writing with a review if you can &amp; enjoy! :)

* * *

You Only Live Twice

Part 6

**_Viva Las Vegas: Part 1_**

"We have a problem", Wilson breathed out as she was putting on her coat, ready to leave the hospital for the day.

Cuddy sighed, grabbing her purse and turning off her laptop, "Why do I get the distinct feeling our problem is a _he._"

Wilson dropped his briefcase, and began pacing her office, "I'm an idiot, I should have left him alone."

"What happened? Did you guys fight over your toys again? House wanted you to share your lunch money with him, and you said no?"

Wilson stopped his pacing, "Lisa, stop it."

As she had placed her purse on her forearm, she paused. Wilson never used her first name unless he was serious. She put her keys and purse down, gently asking, "What's wrong?"

He was struggling to tell her from the way he rubbed his face and sighed, "House...is going to NA meetings."

Cuddy frowned, then let out a little laugh, "You're so right Wilson. Please call the police because we've definitely got a problem...Last time I checked, NA was a good thing, it means he actually wants to be off the pills. I think it's amazing that he's going."

"I know- but the thing is, I think he's stopped. And there was a moment earlier when we were on the roof. Like something happened, like something made him crack, and I don't know what. He refused to admit it of course- House being House. And I didn't follow him because I felt it would make him worse-"

Wilson kept rambling on, clearly worried for him. Cuddy bit her lip and interjected, "It's all my fault."

He looked up at her intently, "How?..."

She brought a hand up to her brow, and sighed, "House...spent the night at my place a couple weeks back- and no, we didn't sleep together. He drove me home after the benefit because I'd had a little too much to drink."

Cuddy paused, eyeing Wilson who was still quietly listening for the rest, "I was a drunken mess because he had to change me out of my dress after I threw up on it, and he ended up sleeping on my couch. Anyway- I made the mistake of telling Atticus, and he- called House a creep- to his face. But it wasn't a big deal-"

Wilson scoffed and looked up at the ceiling, "Of course it's a big deal! House is a Vulcan."

When she didn't reply, and frowned, Wilson explained, "House isn't like you and I, who outwardly show our emotions when we feel them. He has the ability to repress them because his rational, logical mind allows him to- but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel. Obviously he thought something happened that day. What happened between the both of you?"

She scanned the room, thinking and shrugged, "Honestly? Nothing romantic. He made me coffee, mowed my lawn- we talked about how he's doing good. We had a- nice day."

"-with his friend, who then goes back and tells her boyfriend, who in turn calls him a creep for being her friend. Can you see how that might translate differently in his head? Obviously House let you in and you destroyed his trust by telling your boyfriend-"

"Atticus is not my boyfriend. He's just a-"

He shook his head, "That's besides the point. You and your _friend _did this. You need to fix it this time."

xxxoxxxo

_One Week Later_

Cuddy had seen House upset and/or angry at her countless times. Revenge would follow, including some forms of precision strikes that would result in the Clinic flooding in water, bribing maintenance to lower the temperature in the OR to feed his agenda, or severely mix-up patient charts- the list was endless. However, never had she seen him so indifferent towards her.

She'd spent the entire week leading up to their Vegas trip attempting to apologize to him, but something would always happen to make her stop.

It also didn't help that he had purposely spent the entire week completely avoiding both her and Wilson, using Cameron as the middle man for anything that had to be said to either of them.

Even the morning of the day they were due to fly out, she'd texted him, asking if he needed a ride, at least then they would be able to break the silence. Only he'd never responded back to her.

Finally, after a week, Cuddy got to see him in the airplane, already seated reading through a book she couldn't see the title to. As she walked towards him she felt a tiny summersault in her stomach, due to feeling guilty- she thought.

As she made her way to where he was seated, he looked up, putting the book down and getting up to let her in.

She opened the overhead and attempted to lift her carry-on bag, but he took it from her.

"I got it- get in," he said easily lifting it up, and stopping to let people pass by them.

She made her way into her window seat, looking as he made space to place her bag. When he lifted his arms, his shirt rose just enough to see an inch of his skin. Seeing it sent a warm inexplicable chill down her stomach, causing her muscles to contract.

When he was done, he sat back down, and pulled out his laptop turning it on without saying a word to her. Cuddy felt her throat knot up, as she looked out the window.

All through the flight, he'd had his earphones on, editing the speech he would give, so she had no legitimate reason to distract him.

A couple of times she attempted helping him with his paper, only to receive looks that said _you're trying to help me with my own sub-specialty?_ And so she left him alone.

Attempting to convince herself that there was no tension between them, that maybe if she just gave him enough time he'd forget about what Atticus had said- Cuddy closed her eyes and turned to him. Only she couldn't keep them closed.

She had her head turned, giving her a perfect view of his profile, and she noted the tiny fading scar on his neck from the gun shot wound. Cuddy had the immense desire to run her fingers over it, if only for a moment. But instead, opted in moving her eyesight to watch the rest of his details, like his stubble on his jawline-god his _jawline_, she inwardly sighed, then froze.

What had she just said to herself? Why?

She looked away from him, and on to the tiny screen on the back of the chair, that was in front of her, attempting to eliminate the fleeting thought she'd had.

The rest of the flight went on without any dialogue, looks or inappropriate thoughts.

xxxoxxxo

When they had gotten off, he'd immediately excused himself to go to the bathroom, and said he'd meet her at baggage claim. There was a moment when he looked at her, maybe with something he wanted to say- and she did too, but it passed and he walked away.

In their car ride to the hotel all of his sentences were either one worded, or straight to the point, and all were un-sarcastic in remark to anything she said.

The biggest blow, was when they were checking into their hotel rooms at Caesars Palace.

They had gotten their rooms, and walked silently up to the elevator, then to the doors of their rooms, when Cuddy had paused to ask, "Meet me back out here in fifteen for lunch?"

He looked at her for only a fleeting moment, then turned his attention to open his door, which was right across from hers, "I'm taking a nap. I'll see you later at the conference room."

She stood there, feeling stung- though she knew it was her fault. At the same time, it surprised her that something so insignificant would affect him, when usually he brushed everything off.

Feeling a lump grow in her throat, she walked in to her room and fell on to the mattress, then felt her phone buzz.

She laid on her back and looked up at the screen, reading a text from Atticus;

_How was your flight?_

Cuddy smiled, and felt some of the anxiety in her chest leave her. She texted back,

_Uneventful. Thanks for asking though :)_

She paused for a moment, thinking if she should tell him or not. Then again, he was her friend, why not lean on him?

_House is mad at me..._

She could see on her phone that he was typing something back, but then it stopped, an he began again.

_Employees are always pissed off at their boss. _

She sighed, and changed the subject realizing he wouldn't understand.

They went back and forth, mostly Atticus telling her about some big case that he'd had, and how they'd gone to trial and his client had won. Letting her know he was on his way to celebrate.

Their messaging had gone well into the night, until she looked at the time and realized she had ten minutes until the conference dinner started.

She quickly opened her suitcase, and changed into a black sleeveless cocktail dress, that House had complimented her on many times before. Cuddy hadn't brought it for that sole purpose, but she figured if it drove him to make some type of comment, or pay attention to her, at least it would be better than how he was acting now.

She never put her hair up, but after being in bed all afternoon, which wasn't something she usually did, she opted for a messy knot. And after she'd taken a few minutes to retouch her make-up, she left her room and started walking down the hall, before pausing.

It couldn't help to knock on his door, she rationalized with herself. Anyway, it would look better if they were to arrive together, for the hospitals' sake.

She retraced her steps an stood in front of his door, slightly afraid of his coldness, and as she brought her hand to knock, he opened the door with one hand- as he was trying to fix his collar with the other.

He let a frown grow on his face for only a moment, before he became stoic once more.

Cuddy took him in, he smelled like aftershave- he'd even styled his hair differently, it all surprised her.

House raised both of his eyebrows, she could tell that he was waiting for her to speak.

"You look- good", she let out eventually, and swallowed, "I know you said you'd meet me down there, but I thought we could go together?"

He looked away from her, nodded once and closed the door behind him, "Sure."

As they started walking, House put his hands in his pockets, and stared straight ahead without saying anything.

Finally, when she couldn't take it anymore, she inhaled and placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

He turned and looked at her, frowning a bit.

"House, I'm sorry. I should have never told Atticus anything. And what he said, he was-"

"I don't care", he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

He tried turning away, but something inside of her only made her grip on him tighter, "I think you do. I swear I didn't mean for any of that to happen."

"And I said, I don't care...You're making a big deal out of nothing."

She wasn't sure it was because she was jet lagged or she was going to start ovulating soon, but she felt her eyes get moist,"I can't handle you being upset at me, and I know I deserve it, but please don't. I just- I need to know that we're ok."

He looked at her intensely, exhaling, "You're hormonal. Now I don't know whether it's because your latest in-vitro worked, or it's a fight with your boyfriend, but either way you need to find someone who actually gives a damn. I'm not interested in indulging your emotional needs."

Cuddy felt as though the air had been knocked out of her lungs, and he'd mentally slapped her. She felt her hand numbly drop at her side as he walked off, clearly done with talking to her.

It had been a long time since she'd felt the pain she was experiencing, and in someway knew that she was losing her grip on their friendship. She felt a growing hole in the pit of her stomach.

xxxoxxxo

He pushed the down button to the elevator, and from afar he could see her still standing there, frozen after his outburst. They held eye contact for a couple seconds, before the doors closed.

Then it was there again.

He breathed in and out a few times, closing his eyes- while the elevator continued to go down.

He was alone, so there wasn't anyone to watch as he gripped the railing of on the wall behind where he was standing- to try and control his sudden bout of trembling.

All because he'd remembered the feeling, a feeling from popping few to feel nothing.

Most of the time he had a pocket full of red cherry lollipops he could steal from the clinic to satiate his true desire- to calm his nerves, but he hadn't remembered to bring any with him, foolishly believing he was fine.

Only, House had forgotten about the sporadic moments like the one he was experiencing, where the anxiety in his chest would grow until he felt every molecule in his body was slowly chanting for the one thing he worked so hard not to think of.

Usually he was fine, he could use different outlets to get his mind off his chronic desire of pills. He could distract himself by keeping busy, taking too many cases on, running, spending all day helping Cuddy do house work, hookers- but at that moment? There was nothing.

Just the noise of the elevator as it kept going down was all he had, and that was hardly anything to distract himself from his sudden onset of desire for just one. Just one would help him maintain his apathetic behavior- it would help him not care about anything. Just one and he could pretend that Cuddy's apology was nothing.

He couldn't prevent his mind from bringing up memories, the rush of the nitrous- he'd needed that, he argued with himself.

But the truth was that he didn't, his leg was fine, he didn't need drugs. There was no medical excuse to take one, but why didn't it stop his desire?

House knew the answer to that too, and if he told anyone, they would all say the same thing.

He was an addict.

Truth be told, without any bullshit- _he _hadn't really believed it. Ok, so to some point he knew that he was addicted to the pills, but it was only because he had been in pain all the time.

In all honesty, he'd thought until they were gone that he was a pseudo addict. That he only needed them to function away from pain, and he wasn't naive enough to think that if he didn't have them he wouldn't go through withdrawal- anyone stuffing their face with Vicodin year after year as long as he had, would be addicted.

What he hadn't braced himself for was the constant desire for them now that he was off them, now that he was clean, and without any pain. Not even how much he'd contemplate taking the script he'd stolen from Wilson's office and getting it filled.

He hadn't expected to feel like a drug addict.

And all that kept him sane was his rational mind. The part of his head that in the end would beat down every other arguable thought that popped into his head about just taking one.

But his ability to objectify his desire, and the fact that he didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing he did have a problem, was enough to help him through moments like these.

Finally the elevator started slowing down, and House took one last breath before it opened, revealing the faces of many whom, instantly knew who he was.

It was going to be a long night.

xxxoxxxo

After their conversation, Cuddy had taken time to compose herself before making her way down to the dinner, where everyone had already made it to their table.

There, accompanied by a young woman who was clearly trying to flirt with House, and two other male doctors who were talking amongst themselves, was seated House.

He was smiling at the woman, who upon a closer look of her name tag, was Dr. Dominika Petrova, of the Mayo clinic.

Cuddy looked at the place settings, and realized she was sitting at hers.

She cleared her throat, and they both turned to her. She spoke up, "Excuse me, but that's my spot."

Dominika smiled, and looked at the empty one that held her own name, "I am sorry, would you like mine?"

She was young, beautiful, and had a foreign accent, she could tell House was interested.

Cuddy gave her an equally fake smile back, "No, I would like mine."

The young woman turned to look at House slowly, who seemed to be enjoying their fight over seats, "I will speak to you later Greg."

She moved over to her own seat, but not before giving Cuddy a bothered look.

Cuddy took hers, without a word to House. But out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he was still smirking, and tapping his fingers on the table.

She wasn't sure why, but it made her angry, and she had the distinct desire to pull Dominika's hair, slap her a few times-

Cuddy stopped herself, and the waiter that was passing, ordering a Cosmo, and finally turned to House who was frowning at her, "Do you want something?"

He looked confused, but shook his head.

As Dominika was about to order, Cuddy spoke over her and said thank you to the waiter, sending him off with her order.

"Excuse me, I wanted to order", she said with a note of astonishment.

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders feigning innocence, and turned towards House, "Oops."

At the podium Dr Harold took the stage with a wave of applause. He introduced himself, presenting the itinerary they would all have for the remainder of the four days there. The last day, being the day Dr Gregory House would be taking the stage to talk about his recent diagnostic cases.

More than half of the room was looking at their table, where House had made it a point to stare ideally at his glass of water, finding it to be the most interesting thing in the room.

Cuddy sipped from her second drink, and smiled for him as Dr Herold kept talking about the seminar that would take place the next day.

As the dinner came to a close, a DJ began playing music and Dominika turned to House about to ask him to the dance floor, only Cuddy grabbed his arm, pulling him up- and he followed, obviously too surprised to stay rooted.

They made their way on to the dance floor, that had already gotten slightly packed, and House spoke up, "That was a bit rude."

Cuddy didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around his neck to _Strange and Beautiful _by Aqualung. He responded by placing his hands on her waist, and sighed looking at anything else but her.

"Stop being mad at me", she breathed out, making sure to hold him tight so he wouldn't bolt off.

House snickered, "You're drunk."

"No, you're being an ass. I apologized, and you're ignoring my apology."

He moved his jaw to the side, rolling his eyes, "I didn't ignore it- I said I didn't care. And seriously, you're already drunk? I thought I was the damaged, self destructing one that needed the saving, not the other way around."

Cuddy scoffed, "I guess I'm trying it out. Next I plan on sleeping around all night with male hookers."

House looked at her with wide eyes, amused, "You are _so_ wasted."

"Please can we just go back to how things were? I can't have you mad at me." She swallowed, feeling her eyes moisten up again.

He grunted softly, "Everything is fine. But if it will shut you up, fine I accept your stupid apology. And if you think about crying, I will leave you on this dance floor by yourself."

She smiled and felt a little smile spread on his lips, then without thinking- she laid her head on his chest.

He instantly tensed up, "What are you doing?"

"Just be human for a moment and be quiet", Cuddy mumbled closing her eyes.

House didn't say anything, but she felt his chest exhale softly as they silently continued swaying to the slow whimsical beats of the song.

It felt nice, and he smelled good, she thought- inhaling him.

It was over before long, and House slowly untangled himself from her. She looked up and saw his eyes travel to where Dominika was still seated, with her long supermodel crossed legs.

He looked down at her and raised his eyebrows, "We done?"

xxxoxxxo

Normally, she wasn't an emotional mess, and she really didn't drink that much. But the last couple of weeks had thrown her off and she found solace in her martini.

In all fairness, it was only her second, well at the bar- and she felt fine, really- she did. Actually, she was starting to feel slightly better after her awkward resolution with House. There was even a cute guy who kept smiling at her from the end of the bar.

The bartender placed another martini in front of her and nodded his head over to the guy who'd been smiling at her, "This is from the gentleman at the end."

Cuddy smiled at him, and picked up the glass to take a sip. Why did she feel guilty? It wasn't like Atticus and her had defined what had been happening between them, and they'd only slept together since he'd brought lunch to her.

Within a couple seconds the guy who by his name tag turned out to be Dr James Pines made his way to her.

He was about her age- maybe a couple years younger, with scruffily black hair, blue eyes, and a nice smile.

"Hi, I'm James", he let out with a half smile, "You must be Lisa Cuddy."

Her eyes got wide, and she almost choked on what she was drinking, "How did you know?"

He laughed, and raised his hand to touch the name tag on her dress, while looking into her eyes, "This helped a bit."

She felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and bit her lip. Maybe House had been right after all, she was starting to feel a little dizzy.

"So you work at Mass General?" She asked squinting her eyes at his name tag. Suddenly the room was beginning to spin, and she got up hoping to feel better.

He grabbed her arm, helping her up, "Are you ok?"

She shook her head, trying to fight her eyelids from closing, "No I think I need to lie down. I- need to go to my room."

"Let me take you to your room then, where is it?" He asked helping her walk towards the elevator.

She felt herself panic, Cuddy didn't want him- he was a stranger, but she couldn't stand up by herself. So she told him what floor and allowed him to push the button, knowing even in her inebriated state that this was one of her lesser intelligent choices.

"Cuddy?" It sounded like House's voice, but this one sounded panicked- concerned even.

She could hear he was approaching by the sound of his footsteps.

"What did you do to her?" His voice was acusetory towards James, as he pulled her off of him, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She felt an instant sense of relief being in his arms.

James held both his hands up, "She was drunk when I started talking to her man. I don't want any problems."

She felt House sigh, and pulled her into the elevator with him, "Stay away from her."

When the elevator doors closed, she looked up at him, "You do care about me, we _are_ friends."

He scoffed, "No, but since Wilson isn't here, I have the moral obligation of making sure our Dean of Medicine doesn't get raped."

House looked into her eyes, smiling sadly, "When you said you were going to sleep around all night, I thought you were bluffing...What were you thinking?"

She puffed her cheeks, and let the air out, "That I was going to get really lucky?" She tried humoring him.

He laughed softly, looking at the ground before replying, "I think you ruined my chances with that chick at the table."

"Dominika Petrova? She looked easy anyway."

"That was totally the point!" He laughed. The elevator stopped at their floor, and he helped her out, keeping his grip firm on her as they made to her door.

He maneuvered one of his hands free in order to get her key card out, and kept holding her as he opened the door to her room.

Cuddy placed a hand on the door frame, and House slowly let her go.

"Can you make it in alright?" He asked, staying outside in the hallway.

She looked back at him, pausing for a moment and looking at him, expectingly, "Yes. Goodnight House."

He nodded, offering a smile, "Goodnight Dr Cuddy."

She closed the door, and fell against the wall, finding comfort in the fact that they were ok again.


	7. Viva Las Vegas: Part 2

You Only Live Twice

Part 7

Viva Las Vegas: Part 2

Why had she left the window treatment open? She asked herself, feeling the sun magnify the pain vibrating through her, while groaning into her pillow.

Lisa Cuddy grimaced, and felt a wave of nausea coming over her, jumping off the bed- holding her hand over her mouth, while running to the bathroom.

She made it just in time to reach the toilet, and felt all of the contents in her stomach leave her.

This was unlike her. She never drank enough to get a hangover the next morning. Coupled by the fact that the night before was the second time she'd drank such a big quantity within a month- both times with House helping her- left her feeling icky.

She wasn't a social drinker either, and she was beyond ashamed of herself for loosing such a grasp on her emotions.

The tile felt nice on her skin, the thought ran through her head while allowing herself to slowly fall on to it- after she'd managed to stop her hurling.

"Wow, are you a sight this lovely morning", House said cheerily coming into her view from where she laid on the bathroom floor.

Cuddy groaned, "How did you get in?"

"I forgot to give you your key card back last night", he said as he walked towards her, dropping it on the floor next to her head.

"I am never drinking again."

She saw his head bob up and down, while he slowly slid down up against the wall opposite to her. He held out a water bottle and some pills, but when Cuddy tried reaching for them, her hand dropped.

"I can't right now", she mumbled, closing her eyes painfully. Everything hurt, all her bones ached, her head was spinning- it was horrible.

After a minute or so, she felt House lift her up to a sitting position, "So I'm guessing the IVF didn't take? I'm assuming because otherwise I find it hard to believe that you would put a fetus through this much fun."

She groaned, opening her eyes, to see his face only inches away from hers, "Way to make me feel better...It didn't, you're right. And I'm a failure to my gender- thank you for the reminder."

House uncapped the bottle of water, and put two aspirins in her hand, "Take them."

Cuddy was afraid to put the pills down her throat, knowing it would make her want to gag, but he looked insistent. So she begrudgingly placed them on her tongue and sipped some of the water as he held it for her, still feeling too weak to hold the bottle.

When she was done, she closed her eyes, and attempted a smile, knowing it probably looked more like a grimace, "Thanks. And, please don't tell anyone about this."

"Don't worry. I'm a really good secret keeper. Plus- what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. And anyway, I didn't say anything last time either, that was all you." He reminded her, with a raised eyebrow.

She felt that hole in the pit of her stomach return, "I know. You're a good friend."

"Ah, the thing that every guy wants to hear." He said, holding her arms, and pulling her up with him, as he stood up.

Cuddy moaned in protest, letting her head fall against his chest- she'd felt better lying on the tile, "Nooo."

"Believe me, there's nothing I'd like better than to watch you hurl all morning, but you've got a schmooze fest at lunch with all those peeps you sent emails out to, remember?"

She looked up at him in horror, "What email? I never made lunch plans with anybody."

House scratched the back of his neck and winced, "Hm, you must have been pretty wasted when you emailed them."

Cuddy scowled at him, "What did you do?"

He feigned an innocent look and shrugged his shoulders, "I might have mentioned that we're thinking of opening up a sub-department specializing in neonatal diagnostics..."

Cuddy un grasped herself from him and turned away, walking back towards her bed.

"Just when I thought you had changed, that you were becoming human, you bring me right back down to reality. Why did you do this?" She screeched through her hazy headache- it had started feeling better, until he unloaded her with the news.

House almost looked like he was sorry, but the smile he was trying to suppress gave him away, "Ok, so maybe I lied before, I _was_ mad at you. Before we left I sent out a massive email from your account- you should be thanking me though, a lot of people are interested."

Cuddy took a moment to inhale deeply, "Ok, here's what we're going to do. You are going to cancel, and when we get back to Princeton you are going to _live_ in the clinic until you retire."

He grimaced and shook his head, "Uh- you sort of can't cancel, because the board is expecting a full review of possible funding and of your networking with the other hospitals who already have a similar department...you sort of pitched the idea to them, and by you- I mean me of course."

She felt her chest constrict, as she fell on to her bed, "Why would you do this to me? Messing with me is one thing, screwing with my job- that crosses a line-"

"Fine! I was really _really_ mad, ok? Look, I did some research- nineteen thousand newborns died last year- two thousand were from Jersey and five hundred were from our own hospital. That's like one and half a day. In a lot of cases it was because they got a moron for a doctor, and by the time their idiotic doctor figured out why they were sick- it was too late."

Cuddy stared at him as he went on, he was passionate, clear headed and was giving her facts, but this was still House. Under the facade of caring about dead babirs, she knew there was something else, "Oh and you care about all those babies that died right? Out of the goodness of your heart. Wait, you actually did research?"'

He stopped, giving her a duh look, "Yes, my heart has grown two sizes too big now and I bleed for all those newborn babies with morons as doctors...I was mad, but I'm not completely insane. I still want you to have a job, I just wanted to scare you a bit."

"Why another department? Why not take the cases on yourself? If you're so bent on helpin reduce our dead babies number?" She queried, frowning, and looking at the fact that his white frumpled button up shirt was open an extra button at the top today. His chest looked a little tan, had he been tanning?

What had they been talking about?

Her breathing was shifting, and she felt that warm rush going down her abdomen again and contracting her muscles- then further down. Cuddy gripped the bed sheet in her hand, feeling her body tremble slightly.

House said something, and she snapped her eyes back up to his face to look at him, in hopes he hadn't caught her staring at his chest. Only, her eyes betrayed her brain's command, and had quickly made their way down his face, to his lips, jaw, neck, chest...

"What are you looking at?" He asked slowly.

Her eyes shot wide up at him from where they had been looking at his chest, and she stammered trying to come up with a cover, "I-why are you deflecting? I asked you why you can't take on the cases yourself."

"And I answered you, while you were staring at my chest."

She swallowed, realizing only just then that she was only wearing an oversized t-shirt from MU and underwear. He'd seen her almost naked, it would be so easy to just-

"Are you ok?" He asked frowning and taking a step closer to her.

His dark jeans wear so fitted, she thought. Not extremely, they weren't skinny jeans after all- but they did a good job of accentuating his legs. Would it be weird just to run her hand down his chest to unbuckle-

Cuddy blinked her eyes, freezing her thought before it manifested completely, and looked back up at him, "What did you say?"

House's frown slowly turned into a half smile and he squinted his eyes slightly at her, "Were you checking me out?"

"No. I was just trying to not think about throwing up again."

He laughed, and turned a way for a second, then looked back at her, "Ok, I'm going to pretend you're telling the truth, to save you from the humiliation of what you don't want me to know. Even though I know you secretly want me to rock your socks off."

She scoffed, "That couldn't be further from the truth. You're the one that needs to get over _me_."

"I don't like you." He stated blankly.

"Sure you don't. All that ass grabbing, and talking to my breasts is just a way of letting me know that you have no interest in me. You really expect me to believe that?"

House held his tongue between his cheeks, then nodded, "Yeah. I was just stroking your ego. Who else was going to? It's not like you have a personal life, you're at the hospital eighty hours a week- someone had to take a hit for the team and let you vent out your sexual frustrations, by totally flirting with them."

Her mouth was slightly open, and she moved her jaw to the side. placing her head in her hand, Cuddy said, "So you've been flirting with me all these years, because you feel sorry for me?"

"Don't take it personally, you're just not my type."

She looked up at him, "Ok. Prove it, kiss me."

Whatever he had been expecting her to say, it wasn't that. Because immediately after she said it, the color drained from his face, and suddenly he didn't have anything to say.

She was standing up now, a smirk on her face, inching closer to him, "Because I think, you're bluffing. I think you want me to think you don't like me, because then if I know you do- this isn't interesting anymore. It's not a cat and mouse thing anymore. I think you want me to think you don't like me, because if I know, then you'll know, if I do- or don't like you, and you don't want to know the answer to that."

House was quiet, and he placed his hands inside his pockets, while tilting his head to the side in a very House way, "Does psychoanalyzing usually work as a turn on? Because it's really not my thing...Look, if I didn't continuously flirt with you, you wouldn't let me get away with half the things you let me get away with. It's called knowing you're mark."

"You're an ass."

Instantly, all of the questionable feelings that had been floating through her body, were completely gone. It's like she had been in a haze, and she was finally thinking clearly, seeing him clearly.

House sighed, and looked past her, opening his mouth slightly, and then swallowed. After a couple moments of silence though, he shrugged, and turned to walk away, "You should get ready for lunch."

xxxoxxxo

House slammed the door to his room and fell against the wall, Sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands.

He concentrated on the carpet, wondering why he'd said all those things to Cuddy.

Ultimately, he knew he felt something for her. But she was right, he didn't want to know what she felt for him, whatever it was.

It would change the dynamic of everything if he knew. And the way things were at that moment were fine.

Of course, he always wondered what it would be like to go on a date with her. To do something that wouldn't involve her rolling her eyes, when he went to talk to her about a patient.

And some small minuscule part of him, wanted to see her smile, to relax, and possibly be the reason she was smiling.

He rested his hand on his mouth, knowing he should probably get going to the speech on toxic gases that Dr Bell from Hopkins would be giving, but breathed deeply instead.

House was tired of thinking, tired of feeling that ache in his chest, or feeling anything at all.

Was this how he'd felt before the infarction? A life full of strenuous feelings, desires, and stress- inducing cares?

He missed having a void inside him. He missed, feeling nothing. Because at least then he could pretend that he didn't feel bad about making her feel bad.

At least five months ago, he could have gone on pretending that he did have no interest in her.

He absentmindedly put his hand inside his jacket pocket, reaching for the prescription pad he'd stolen from Wilson's office, and clasped his hand around it tightly with a shaky breath. He banged his head back against the wall, closing his eyes- it would be so easy.

There was a pharmacy a block away from where they were staying, he'd paid attention in the cab ride. He'd be back in time for the afternoon seminars, and then the rest of their stay would be easy to handle wit her across the hall from him.

It was done.

House got up, resolute in his decision and opened the door, only to be startled by a tall brunette who had been about to knock on his door.

Dominika Petrova.

She smiled seductively a him, "Hello Dr House."

"Hi", he let out rather quickly, then looked at her questioningly, "How'd you know where my room was."

She bit her lip, "I might have paid the front desk attendant to tell me. I just wanted to make sure you were coming to my presentation."

Actually, he hadn't even known she had one. He exhaled, letting go of the paper in his pocket, and clicked his jaw to the side, "I-I don't think so, I have some- errands to run."

Dominika's smile faltered, "Oh? Well that's too bad, I was hoping to have lunch with you afterwards. My treat?"

She was beautiful, there was no doubt. And it was obvious that she was flirting with him, but he found himself being completely disinterested in her. Sure the attention was fun, but what was it past that?

"At least come to my presentation, I think you will find it- interesting." She ran a finger down his chest, and biting her lip.

He laughed, "Ok."

After all just because he didn't like her, didn't mean he couldn't be distracted by her.

After a few minutes of mind-numbing conversation, Dominika left, leaving him back where he was.

He stared at Cuddy's door, wondering what she was doing at that moment. Not realizing that he had a smile on his face.

House looked up at the ceiling and sighed, knowing he needed to do something.

xxxoxxxo

After the less than exciting morning they'd had together, Cuddy felt vengeful. She couldn't exactly put it into words, but she wanted to get back at him in some way.

Right before she was due at lunch, she picked out her tightest skirt, lowest cut top, and spent time on her hair and make-up.

She knew she didn't want him, but she wanted him to want her- really want her. At least, that's what she rationalized in her head as she left her room, only to see a waiting House propped up against the wall opposite to her door. All the while, sucking on a red lollipop.

He looked up at her, and for a moment she saw a glint in his eyes as he took her in, but they quickly moved towards her face, "I just thought I would walk you to your lunch meeting."

She inwardly smiled, and outwardly gave him a knowing look, "Of course, it only makes sense."

He smirked for a moment, and licked his lips as they started walking, "I just wanted to prep you for it. Wouldn't want you going in there not knowing what to say."

"I'll be fine. It wouldn't be the first time I've had to improvise", she said smirking at him.

"Is that a euphemism for something naughty?" He smiled with the lollipop in his mouth.

Cuddy stopped, and put a hand up against his chest, "House, I don't need you in there screwing up this little joke of yours, that I'm supposed to be selling. So please, go back to the docile House that I've gotten use to these past few weeks, and go enjoy yourself. Go gambling, rent a hooker, go get married to a hooker- I don't care, just leave me alone."

He blinked a couple times, "Actually I do have my afternoon planned out already. I'm having lunch at Rao's with a doctor from the Mayo clinic, after I attend her seminar, then two more seminars on malaria and meningocaucous this afternoon before dinner. Which I thought maybe we could eat dinner- together. Like at the same table?"

"You're having lunch with Dominika Petrova? I don't get how she even works at the Mayo clinic. Are they really that desperate?"

House snickered and shook his head, "So dinner at five? I made a reservation at a restaurant for two. If you can't make it I can find someone else."

"Fine", She sighed, dropping her hand from his chest, he caught her hand and un characteristically gave her a look, before letting it go.

"Don't be late."

xxxoxxxo

At first, it seemed like the lunch was off to a rocky start. She caught herself stuttering a couple times with questions she hadn't been prepared for. But, After a few minutes of grilling questions, she felt herself regaining her 'Dean of Medicine' confidence and smiled at their probing questions with the facts House had provided her with.

Everyone seemed to be on board with expanding the diagnostic department, if it meant that House would ultimately be overseeing it. Though a few were concerned about the many complaints that he'd gathered while in position.

In the end, all that mattered were the numbers, she'd said- because there was one thing that House could deliver, and that was results- it being ninety percent living patients.

Most of the foundations that were considering funding this new department, made plans to keep in contact with her, when she returned to the hospital, to set up a follow-up meeting with more specifics, but also they wanted House there.

Cuddy left with a promise that they would all be able to pick at his brain, when they visited in Princeton, and left hastily, before they had a chance to ask more questions she couldn't answer.

She looked at her watch, and realized that lunch had ended early, and if she was quick she might be able to join House and Dominika for their late lunch, and join him for the seminars later that afternoon.

But when she stepped into Rao's and saw the way that Dominika was giggling at something he was saying, and how she touched his hand teasingly, Cuddy sighed.

From where she was standing she could hear House laughing too, followed by him touching her arm. And though she couldn't hear what they were talking about, it wasn't hard to imagine.

Instead, she walked away and decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in her hotel room, working on all the hospital paperwork she'd been neglecting since she'd left Princeton.

xxxxoxxxxo

It was a good thing she had decided to catch up on emails from the hospital, because when she logged onto her inbox she had over a hundred new ones from Oncology, the Surgical staff, pediatrics, the list was endless.

Wilson had been left in charge as the go-to person while she was away at the conference, but it seemed like he had just forwarded most of the pressing issues to her.

Actually, she thought- the only department not hounding her for attention was House's. It sent a wave of butterflies through her stomach at the thought, and she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad one.

Clad in yoga pants, and an oversized sweater, Cuddy had gotten through most of the questions, complaints, referrals, and was nearly done, when she heard a slight knock she'd been dreading at the door.

For a fleeting moment, she thought about ignoring him, but knew that he wouldn't give up until she opened the door- either that or he still had a spare key card to her door. So with much distress, she got up from her bed, and opened the door just enough to put her head out.

House made a face, and tilted his head with a frown, "You aren't ready."

"I'm not going out to dinner- I have too much work to do."

"But I told you I'd made reservations. I told you to be ready at five." He said obviously distressed by the fact she wasn't ready.

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders, "You said you could get someone else to go with you if I didn't want to. Why don't you go ask that lovely doctor that you went to lunch with?"

She started closing the door, but he pushed it open, "Jesus Cuddy, I was being glib. Get. Ready."

"And I don't want to go. I need to work. I'm serious, go take her instead- you'll probably enjoy her more."

He breathed in deeply and rolled his eyes, "I don't want to go to dinner with her, I want to- take you."

He motioned at her with his hand, not meeting her eyes.

"Why?"

"Because-" he paused exhaling, "I need you to fill me in on how your lunch went- since it is part of my department."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, not sure if she was relieved or not. But either way turned around and walked back into hotel room, taking off her sweater, and yoga pants, she revealed her red lacy matching panties and bra.

House closed the door behind himself, with his eyebrows raised, "Nice set."

She pulled a red short flowwy dress over her head, and laughed, "I think we're past the shy part by now."

"I feel bad, you haven't seen mine."

xxxoxxxo

Most of their car ride was silent, except for the part where House was furiously texting on his phone.

Cuddy conspicuously tried looking to see what he was typing, but he exasperated and put it away after a while.

"Is everything ok with your patient?" She asked tensing up a bit.

He looked at her and frowned, "My patients, plural, are fine. They both got discharged today."

Cuddy raised her eyebrows, she still wasn't used to the fact that he was taking on more than one case at a time. Or that none of the ones he'd taken on after the ketamine treatment had any complaints. Suddenly that reminded her of the thought she'd had earlier.

"Do you want to hear something interesting?" She asked.

House looked up at her, straight faced, "Always."

"I had over a hundred emails today, from every department. But the fascinating part, was that none of them were regarding your department. No complaints, questions from your lackeys, billing issues-nothing."

"I told the kids mommy and daddy needed some alone time. They're big kids- they can take care of themselves while we're gone honey", he mockingly said, while fluttering his eyes at her.

She scoffed, "Right."

xxxoxxxo

The restaurant he had made reservations for was a Vegetarian Mexican restaurant, with all the waitresses wearing beautiful long colorful skirts, and braids wrapped with flowers in their hair.

As they were seated in their own booth, House smiled widely at her, "You do like Mexican food right?"

She was a little too distracted by his attention to detail to speak, so she nodded instead. How had he remembered she liked Mexican food? Or that she was a vegetarian?

Slowly, she started hearing the ethnic musical sounds, and she turned to see a full Mariachi band approaching their table.

Cuddy turned back to House confused, "House- what?"

"Don't you like mariachi music?" He was smiling a little too much for her liking, and felt her body start to tremble.

They began serenading her at their table, and she looked back up at House, who looked extremely pleased with himself.

"House what is all this?"

He looked at her nervously then, also trembling, "Anything you want it to be."


	8. Bloodstream

You Only Live Twice

Part 8

_**Bloodstream**_

He looked at her nervously then, also trembling, "Anything you want it to be."

"Do you like me House?" She asked confused by his gesture, while smiling and crossing her arms.

He grimaced looking down, and made circles on the table with his fingers, "I don't particularly _dislike_ you."

She scoffed, shaking her head, "Is this a game? Tell me you don't like me one second, then take me out to dinner the next? What's your end game? What are you gaining from this?"

House took a deep breath, and kept his eyes down, "I don't know. I just-"

"Just what? Want to toy with me some more, so my mood won't kill how lenient I am with you?"

He looked up at her then, and licked his lips.

"I didn't mean what I said this morning. I brought you out to dinner, what else do you want?" He murmured sheepishly.

Cuddy took in his demeanor. He was struggling with what to say, and that never happened.

"I don't know either, but I'm tired of this dance- I'm exhausted. So tell me, what do you want?"

He shrugged, taking a sip of his water, and looking over at a couple that had just walked into the restaurant, "We're in Vegas, might as well have fun. And if you don't want it to, nothing has to change when we go back."

"So you want to give a us a try?"

House scratched the back of his head, and looked down at his hands for a moment- before moving them back up to Cuddy with a resolute nod, "Yep."

xxxoxxxo

Dinner had been nice, and he had been awkwardly charming the rest of the evening.

It was a change from the abrasive, sarcastic House she'd grown to know. He paid attention to what she said, laughed when she made a joke that even she knew didn't make any sense, and said she looked nice.

Afterwards, they'd walked down the strip, watching limos with drunk girls sticking out from the top, watched as a hooker got into a random car.

He even acted chivalrously when a guy approached her, asking for her number. House had gently grabbed her hand in his, and stood in front of her walking them away from the creepy man.

Cuddy was stunned to say the least, and half of her wondered if she was going to wake up at any moment from what seemed to be a dream. She didn't expect house to be any different or become someone else, but the fact that he was actually trying, it made her smile.

Eventually, they had made their way back to the hotel, and most of the walk, even the elevator ride was quiet, except for the beeping of the elevator as it made its way to their floor.

As they got off it, and walked towards to their rooms, both of them were quiet. When they got to Cuddy's door, she placed her hand on the door handle and looked up at him.

He was looking down at her intensely, and quietly let out, "I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah, goodnight", she let out with a shaky breath, feeling the butterflies return in her stomach. Neither of them moved, and both stayed rooted to their spot- unable to break their eye contact.

He was looking at her with his piercing blue eyes, drinking her in, stripping her bare. He always did, and she allowed him to see into the deepest parts of her, because he was the one.

"You want to kiss me, don't you?" She whispered, subtly trying to inch closer, though much more and their chests would be touching.

The corner of his lip twitched, creating that dimple he worked so tirelessly to hide from everyone. House mumbled softly, "I always want to kiss you."

It was only an instant later that their lips collided, and unlike his soft gaze and tender words, their kiss was nothing short of pure unrestricted ardor.

She let twenty years of pent up frustration flood her veins, and felt his as he pushed her up against the wall, letting one hand slide to her waist to pin her in place.

Cuddy moaned into his cherry lollipop flavored lips, and felt a shiver go up her chest as he moved them hungrily to her neck.

"Oh god, House", she gasped.

House clumsily opened the door to her room, then pushed her against the wall, and held her waist, devouring her lips- and felt him smile into their kiss. Hadn't she dreamed this? It certainly felt like it.

Everything seemed too perfect, that is until his phone went off.

"Answer- it", she said pausing between kisses as they made their way to her bed. But House shook his head, unwilling to cease what they were doing.

He gently pushed both of their bodies on the bed, and trailed his lips down her collarbone igniting a gasp from her.

She clasped one of her hands on his arm, feeling the muscle he'd gained in the last few months, through his jacket.

All the while, his phone kept going off. Cuddy spoke up and tried looking at him through her half- lidded eyes, "House- answer it."

"No", he let out in a soft mumble, as his hand had crept under her dress, to get it off.

She gasped as his fingers caressed her thigh, and he pulled her leg up, wrapping it around himself.

Still, the phone kept ringing, and Cuddy reached her hand into his pocket to pull it out. Without stopping to see who it was, she flipped it open, "He-llo?"

Just as she had answered, House slipped his hand further up her dress so that his fingers rested on her abdomen, causing a wave of butterflies surge through her- making her breath hitch as she had answered.

_"Cuddy? What are you doing with House's phone?" _

It was Wilson.

xxxoxxxo

Acting as the interim Dean of Medicine had sounded like a logical choice for Wilson when Cuddy had asked him. He'd even come to expect that the diagnostics department would be a nightmare- however he had been pleasantly surprised that they had been the last of his worries.

He'd had ten HR complaints about the ortho department, and Thomas kept insisting that his neurosurgeon be given time off, since he'd been hostage at the hospital for a week.

Wilson had almost done it, but had been given a friendly reminder by Foreman that without a neurosurgeon, their entire ER department would have to close down, as well as ICU and other critical departments that the hospital needed in order to operate regularly.

The kicker was that it was only Tuesday and Cuddy had only been gone two days- yet his left eye wouldn't stop twitching from all the stress he had. Not to mention it was almost midnight and he was still working.

In the middle of checking his email, his head nurse of oncology Angela walked in with his mail.

"Have any of the hospitals called back about sending a neurosurgeon?" He asked hastily, taking the mail from her hand.

She shook her head, "No, everyone is short staffed. By the way Mr Nelson is complaining about pain again."

"I've already upped his morphine twice in the last hour, we can't up it anymore."

Angela bit her lip, "Well, actually we didn't. Turns out that we kept upping Mr Pine's. He sort of switched the files so that we thought he was Mr Nelson, so he's been getting his extra pains meds."

Wilson sighed, and nodded with a slight smile, her as she walked back out. He inhaled deeply and breathed out going through his mail, there didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary- until the very last letter.

It was addressed to him, but the return address read,

_**New Jersey Fertility Center**_

_**Somerset Office**_

_**81 Veronica Avenue**_

_**Somerset, NJ 08873**_

He frowned, and opened it up, becoming even more perplexed as he read what it said:

_**Mr Wilson,**_

_**On behalf of the New Jersey Fertility Center, we wish to thank you on your recent donation. We also wanted to let you know that your recent donation has already gone to a family in hopes of bringing the gift of life to theirs.**_

_**Wishing you all the best,**_

_**The staff at New Jersey Fertility Center**_

It didn't make any sense, Wilson had never donated sperm. And how did they know to send it to his office? He truly was confused.

He looked up at the terrace that connected his and House's office, and suddenly tilted his head, having a strange thought occur to him.

Wilson picked up his phone and dialed House unable to believe the crazy idea that was circling in his mind.

It kept ringing, and he was about to hang up when someone picked up the phone. He heard a haggered breath on the other line, "He-llo?"

He frowned and picked up the phone, looking at the number he'd dialed, it was House. However, the person on the other line wasn't House, but Cuddy instead.

"Cuddy? What are you doing with Houses's phone?"

There was muffled noise on the other line, followed by some whispering, and he heard Cuddy's heavy breathing, _"He left it at the table- at-dinner so I- took it."_

The way she was speaking in intervals of breath was strange, and something else came to mind when he heard the distinct laughter of House in the background.

He shook his head, though he knew they couldn't see and took a deep breath, "Well, I suppose it's a good thing I caught you then. I've been trying to get a replacement for the neurosurgeon because Gillick wants to go home, but I haven't had luck."

"_Oh- call St Sebastians, they have three-_" she stopped and he was pretty sure it was because she was stifling a moan.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"_No-no, but call St Sebastians, and then call me back",_ she said through labored breathing.

Wilson smiled, "Ok. Oh, and do you know where I can reach House at?"

"_Um, try his room? He might be asleep though. Was it important?"_

"No- I don't think so. I'll just call him tomorrow."

They said goodbye, and Wilson laughed to himself.

xxxxoxxxo

Cuddy hung up the phone and turned on her side to face House, who had his hand wrapped around her waist, and was nuzzling her neck with kisses, "What did Jimmy want?"

She closed her eyes, enjoying his warm soft breaths on her skin, and his languid tickling kisses, "Didn't say."

As House paused to say something, the phone to hotel room rang, and he groaned annoyed, "You've got to be kidding me."

"Just- don't answer it. It's probably just the front desk-" Cuddy let out grabbing him by the collar and pulling his lips on hers again.

The ringing of the phone persisted though, and House broke from their lustful brace to turn and pick it up in a gruff, "What?"

_"Oh my god, you're sleeping with Cuddy!"_

It was Wilson on the other end of the line.

She watched as House sprang up, causing Her to fall on the side of her, and he gave her a half frustrated half questionable expression.

"Uh...no. You called my room, you idiot", House was incredibly annoyed, and looked sexy she thought, while unbuttoning his shirt. She ran a hand down his chiseled chest, and could feel the muscles contract a little on his abdomen by her touch.

_"No, this is Cuddy's room. House, how could- you're sleeping with Cuddy!"_

House looked at her, silently asking if they should let Wilson in on it. She bit her lip, shook her head and House sighed, "They switched our rooms."

She slowly unbuckled his belt, unable to shake the excitement surging through her as he let her.

_"O-k? Well you won't believe what I got today in the mail. Apparently I made a spe -" _

"Give me a minute, I'm going to call you back on my phone. You know how these hotels charge crazy amounts for long distance calls."

Her hand was slowly making it's way down inside his pants, when he grabbed it back up with his loose hand.

_"But Cuddy has your phone?"_

"Well I'm going to go get it, aren't I? I'll call you back." He hung up and sighed.

House kissed her softly, and backed away, standing up and re-buckled his belt, "I have to call Wilson back."

"Right now? Is everything ok with your team?"

He buttoned up his shirt and nodded as he grabbed his cell phone from where she'd dropped it on the floor, "Yeah, they're fine. Wilson just has this rash on his crotch and he's not sure what it is. And you know how shy he is- doesn't want to show anyone."

Cuddy scoffed, putting a hand through her hair, "And it can't wait until tomorrow? He needs your medical expertise right now?"

House smirked, "Someone's a little anxious", House bent down to kiss her, "it'll be quick."

And just like that he walked out, leaving her to groan over the insatiable hunger surging through her body at the thought of him.

xxxxoxxxo

As he made his way inside his room, his phone went off and House flipped it open while rolling his eyes, "I was supposed to call you back."

_"Did you make a donation at a fertility center using my name?" Wilson asked incredulously. _

House sighed holding the bridge of his nose, "You're the one that said I should give back to charity. I thought it was pretty- charitable."

_"House! I didn't mean you should do something this insane! There are dozens of other ways to be selfless, why did you choose this? Do you know all the genes that you're passing along? How about depression, your addiction disease?-"_

He clicked his jaw at that, "Excuse me for thinking I could actually be worthy of giving someone the gift of life."

_"What happens if some woman comes looking for you expecting child support later on? Or some kid tries looking for his father eighteen years later? Oh wait- that's right, only they won't be looking for Gregory House, they'll be looking for me!"_

"The whole process is completely confidential, and legally they can't give out any information about the donor. Plus who would want to use sperm from a forty-something year old guy? I doubt it's ever going to get used."

Wilson was silent for a while before speaking up, "Actually Sherlock, the fertility center sent me a letter letting me know that your swimmers have been put to good use. Congratulations you might have just become a dad."

He hung up, and House stood there taking a deep breath. Trying to wrap his head around that someone, somewhere could possibly be having his child.

The whole phone call with Wilson had really dampened his mood, and he hardly felt like resuming his advances with Cuddy, but also figured he could use the distraction.

But as he made his way back in to her room, and saw her sleeping peacefully on the side of her bed, he smiled and walked back out.

xxxoxxxo

_**Two Weeks Later**_

As Cuddy sat behind her desk, she balanced a pen on her fingers, thinking back to the few days in Vegas- and felt frustrated.

The next morning after she'd woken up, they had both come down with the stomach flu for the rest of their stay- making neither of them too anxious to sleep together, and it had really put a dent into whatever it was that they were doing.

House was even forced to cancel his much anticipated speech because he had been throwing up minutes before he was due to present.

When they'd gotten back from their trip, both had been bombarded with work, and though they had subtly tried making plans to even see if anything could progress, each time something had come up making them cancel.

Though all that couldn't stop the fleeting looks, smiles and flirting that they both couldn't seem to stop. Wilson had even started to suspect something, from the probing questions he had for her about Vegas.

Even at the moment, at three in the afternoon on a Monday, all Cuddy could think about was House's toned stomach- it made her bite her lip.

But as she was stuck in her daydream and sexually molesting him in her mind, when she should have been hard at work- Atticus walked into her office with a single red rose.

She blinked surprisingly at his sudden appearance, and felt a cold shiver down her spine. Why did her body react to the both of them? It made her feel sick to know that she found both of them attractive.

"Atticus? What are you doing here?" She asked feeling her body tremble a little.

He smiled on his model like face, handing her the rose and giving her a chaste kiss, "I've come to formally ask you on a date. I think after the night we spent together a few weeks ago, we owe it to ourselves to see where this goes."

The back of her head screamed no, what about House? But the other half of her argued that there wasn't anything going on. Anyway, a girl should have options. And as she answered Cuddy felt as if someone else were speaking for her, "Ok."

xxxoxxxo

"You're honestly saying nothing happened between the both of you?" Wilson asked as he followed House down the stairs and headed for the Clinic.

House feigned innocence, "Is bile an emotion? I'm sure we both had a bit of that going on."

He stopped at the front desk, and picked out a sunflower from a bouquet of flowers a the counter, before he kept walking.

"Who's that for then _Romeo_?" Wilson asked with a smug smile.

House raised his eyebrows, "Didn't you get the memo? Today is employer appreciation day- I thought you'd be the first one to bask Cuddy with gifts. I mean it is your-MO-..."

Just as they stood in front of Cuddy's office, House became silent, and Wilson looked up to see what he was staring at.

It was Atticus Beaumont, locked in a kiss with Cuddy, who held a rose in her hand.

After a moment, House breathed out, handing the flower to Wilson without taking his eyes off them. There was a slight note of sadness to his voice as he spoke, "See? He doesn't even work here and he knew."

xxxoxxxo

Wilson had been on House alert the rest of the day. Though he hadn't admitted it, seeing Atticus with Cuddy had upset him, and he'd been afraid that his formally pill popping friend would do something stupid.

Even though his own oncology department had been swamped with patients, a lot of them catching colds and what else from the bad weather they were having- Wilson had made sure to watch as House left promptly at five. It put him at slight ease, knowing he was still attending his NA meetings.

He wanted to follow him that day, just to make sure he was actually going, especially after the Cuddy moment, but he couldn't leave his patients, an relied on the fact that House had been fine for almost five months.

And as he watched him leave with his blue backpack on his shoulder, and his leather jacket- he trusted that he would be ok.

Around seven he went down to the cafeteria to get coffee, after having worked a twelve hour shift and got in line next to Cuddy.

She turned when she saw him, and smiled, "Long day?"

He nodded curtly, but didn't say anything. Wilson wasn't sure what to say, without bringing up House and Atticus and honestly his mind was too exhausted to even think about it.

What he noticed though was Cuddy playing with the phone in her hand, and nervously biting her lip, and after a minute she turned to Wilson, "So I'm guessing he told you we made out?"

"Uh...actually no. But I suppose that would explain why he got depressed when he saw you making out with Atticus in your office."

The color drained from her face, and she swallowed, "He saw that?"

Wilson ordered his espresso and paid, "Yes."

She held her face in her hands, "Oh my god. I didn't mean for it to happen."

As he started walking away, she followed him, and he noted that she hadn't gotten anything. Also that she seemed to have lost some weight in the last couple of months.

"Are you not going to get anything?" He asked sitting at a booth.

Cuddy sat across from him and shook her head, "I'm not really hungry."

He wasn't sure it was because he was concerned for her, or was upset at her, but he sighed, and drank from his espresso as he spoke, "Well it looks like you could use a good meal."

She rolled her eyes at him, and put a hand through her hair, "I don't know what to do Wilson."

"About what?"

"House and Atticus. How do I know who to choose? I like both of them."

Wilson took a deep breath, "I could sit here and tell you my biased opinion, but instead I'll just say this. Whoever you decide on, do it quickly, don't string either of them along- especially House."

Cuddy was quiet, "I just don't see how it could ever work- long term with House, with him I feel like it's been all about the chase. With Atticus, I feel stability."

Just as Wilson was about to speak up Chase came up to their booth, with a frantic look in his eyes.

Cuddy looked up at him, "What's wrong?"

He swallowed, "We just got a phone call from the ER at St Francis in Trenton, House got into an accident on his bike."


	9. Amsterdam

N/A: sorry I haven't responded to questions in the last couple chapters! And I hope everyone is enjoying the story! Although I will say...I'm not one to complain about reviews, but I did notice quite a bit less in the last chapter. And I just hope it's not an indicator that I'm loosing you guys. Also, if in anyway I've messed up on medical procedures, keep in mind my only sources of medicine come from the show, google and Wikipedia lol :) please let me know your thoughts! An as always, enjoy! PS.: if you havent noticed already I use song titles as my chapter titles, they're usually the song that I listen to when I'm writing my chapter. If you guys have a certain song or artist that you think totally personifies House, Cuddy or the show- I'd love to know!

* * *

**You Only Live Once**

Part 9

_Amsterdam_

Wilson volunteered to drive as soon as Chase had finished telling them about House's bike accident. The attending physician hadn't given Chase any details on his condition, only worrying them more.

He had been hit by a semi truck who hadn't seen him as he had merged left, while it was raining. Both House and his bike had skidded under the semi, fifteen feet and had luckily not been hit by anymore cars as he had slid across the pavement on the interstate.

Cuddy sat shell shocked in Wilson's car, praying that he was ok. Finally, as they got onto the interstate, Wilson spoke up, "Why did he have his bike out in the rain?"

"Why was he in Trenton?" Cuddy heard herself ask.

Wilson remained quiet, and she looked up at him. Immediately she could tell that he knew why, but was struggling with whether to tell her or not.

"Wilson why was he in Trenton?" She pressed, only feeling her anxiety increase. She was already trembling, and was having trouble regulating her breath, Cuddy wasn't sure how much more suspense she could take.

He stared at the wet road while he drove for a moment and sighed deeply, "That's where he was going for his NA meetings."

xxxoxxxo

They both sat on the edge of their seats waiting impatiently for news of how he was doing. Because of the rain, the emergency room was hectic with patients, and trauma victims being brought in.

Eventually a short female doctor with a haggard look walked out holding a file, "Family for Gregory House?"

Both of them jumped up immediately, and she turned to them, "Are you his next of kin?"

"He's her husband", Wilson quipped in before Cuddy had a chance to say anything.

Cuddy took in the girl in front of them who was wearing black wayfarer glasses, had knee socks, and braces. It looked like she was still on grade school, and it made her uneasy to think that this was who was attending House.

The young doctor turned to her, "I'm Dr. Martin, Your husband suffered pneumothorax- which is when a lung collapses. Since it wasn't treated on site, it escalated to a tension pneumothorax and he suffered multiple injuries- a fractured wrist-"

"Let us see his chart", Cuddy demanded almost ripping the file out of her hands.

She felt her stomach drop when she read the chart, he had been intubated, suffered a collapsed lung and possible rib fractures-

"You haven't done a CT or X-Ray and he came in with a pneumothorax?"

The young doctor bit her lip, "We're backed up, and there's three more patients ahead of him, who have priority. It should only be an hour or so more, and for the moment he's stable-"

Wilson scoffed, "He suffered blunt force trauma to his chest! And he's still unconscious! How could you have anyone in front of him? What are you? A med student?"

"Yes..."

"Get an ambulance ready for Princeton- Plainsboro, have them ready for us." Cuddy said handing the file back to Dr Martin.

The ER doctor looked befuddled, "But-"

"Just do it", exasperated Cuddy who then turned to Wilson, "Start heading back- get his team and Thomas on stand by, I'll go back with House in the ambulance."

He nodded curtly and left, already pulling out his phone.

She turned back to Dr Martin, "Take me to him."

xxxoxxxo

As House came into view, Cuddy swallowed trying to remain composed. She had imagined what he'd looked like, but the thought wasn't anything compared to seeing him in front of her.

He looked like he'd been beat half to death with a bat. He had multiple contusions and lacerations on his face, arms and bandages wrapping both arms.

His shirt had been ripped open and she could see where they'd cut him open to inflate his collapsed lung. It made her chest constrict with fear, seeing him that hurt.

She took his hand in hers, and held it tightly, as she kept examining him. His bp and heart rate was a little slow, and she knew it was to be expected, but it didn't stop her from having her own heart rate rise in terror of his current state.

Why had he been going to his NA meetings in Trenton? And why had Wilson not wanted to tell her? Those were the thoughts running through her head as she waited to transport him back to their hospital.

xxxoxxxo

A chest x-Ray had shown three broken ribs and a hemothorax. Thomas had opened his chest, found the source of the bleeding, and was able to stop it. Every one of his organs and most importantly to House- his legs, had fortunately been spared from any further injury.

The surgery had been completed hours ago though and House had yet to wake up.

Everyone had spent the night at the hospital, making an excuse to stay, though everyone knew it was because they were there for House.

Cuddy had sat next to him the entire time, refusing to leave his sight, just in case he did wake up- she didn't want to miss it.

Wilson had come and gone a few times, checking on both of them in between his patients, bringing her coffee, asking if she needed a rest, which she insisted she didn't.

Cameron had stopped by a few times too saying she could take over and watch him, and Cuddy had been tempted to, but instead she'd let her primal instinct take over and had refused her proposal.

She and she alone wanted to be the one to see him wake up.

It was late afternoon the next day, and Cuddy was finally letting sleep slowly win her over, when she felt his hand move in hers.

His sudden movement woke her up again, and she sat up straight, looking as he fluttered his eyes a bit- attempting to wake up as well.

"House? Can you hear me?" She asked noting that her voice was cracking.

He closed his eyes again for a few moments, and Cuddy's chest filled with anxiety. Then he opened them once more and settled them on her, "You look like crap."

She laughed, feeling her eyes fill with tears, and she smiled sadly, while caressing his hair, "Your legs are fine."

He attempted to smile, and closed his eyes, "But my wrist is broken, some ribs too I'm guessing."

She let out a small inaudible sob, "Why were you in Trenton?" She wanted to hear from him that he was there just for NA meetings.

"Stop crying, I'm fine." He turned his head away from her, closing his eyes.

It only made her throat knot up more, and she wiped some tears, "You're not fine, you're lucky to be alive. Why were you in Trenton House?"

He attempted to sigh, but grimaced instead, "I was antiquing."

"You're an idiot." She let out, struggling to catch her breath from her silent tears, realizing he wanted to keep his reason for going there just to himself.

He kept his eyes closed, and swallowed, "You're hormonal."

"Why were you driving in the rain?"

"It's when I do my best thinking."

"You could have called me or Wilson to pick you up. You know how dangerous it is to drive a bike in the rain." She wiped more tears coming out of her eyes.

House took a moment before responding, "You're not bugging me as much as you usually do- am I on morphine?"

Cuddy took a deep breath, realizing she hadn't even thought about what pain medication they'd put him on. She looked at the IV drip, "Yes. House stop deflecting, why were you in Trenton?"

Finally he sighed and looked at her, "I don't see how it's really your business. It would make sense if you needed to know, to diagnose me, but it was only an accident. So I guess the reason for me being there is really irrelevant."

"I'm asking because I care."

"You're asking because you're nosy."

"So I'm nosy if I care?"

"No, just nosy."

Cuddy sighed, "Were you going to get drugs? You were in a pretty sketchy neighborhood."

House opened his eyes as wide as he could, feigning shock, "The only drugs I'm on are the ones you gave me."

Cuddy couldn't take it anymore, she sat on the side of his bed, letting the tears flow freely, "When Wilson and I heard the news, I was so scared. I felt like someone had sucked the air out of my lungs."

"I know the feeling", House mumbled closing his eyes to rest them.

There was the persistent beeping of the machine next to him, and she struggled with herself as to what to say next. She knew what she wanted now, because thinking briefly for a second that she might never see him again had put things in perspective.

"House?" She asked quietly, an waiting for him to look at her.

He took his time, but eventually turned back to her and managed to open his eyes slightly.

"I-"

"You're awake!" Announced Wilson walking in to the room.

Cuddy swallowed her words, got up from House's bed and smiled slightly at the nervous oncologist who stood at the door.

"Oh no, don't tell me you brought the kids", House muttered as he saw Foreman, Chase and Cameron come into view behind him.

Cameron immediately made her way over to him, checking his eyes and monitor, "How are you feeling?"

"Peachy. How's my bike?" Asked House, turning away from Cameron to Cuddy so she'd leave him alone.

"I'm sorry about your arm", Cameron said, placing a hand so delicately on his shoulder. Cuddy frowned at this and clicked her jaw to the side.

House did too, but it seemed to amuse him more than anything, "Yeah, I think the universe is trying to tell me I'm meant to be a cripple. Again, my bike, how is it?"

Chase exhaled, "You're bike miraculously, is fine apart from some major scratches. We had it towed to your place, your backpack on the other hand is not accounted for."

"You win some, you loose some", he let out, while Cuddy absentmindedly kept caressing his hair, and holding his hand in the other.

On the other side Cameron was inspecting his broken arm, and checking his lacerations, while she took note of his morphine dosage, "I think we should lower your morphine, it's a little high."

He instantly turned his head to look at her, "I don't think so."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Can you give me the room alone with him please?"

The three young doctors nodded and Cameron gave him a snarky look, but reluctantly walked out with the other two. Wilson turned to Cuddy then who was still standing next to House, "I meant everyone."

She was a little astounded that he was kicking her out, but figured she could finally go change or use the restroom. Cuddy smiled at House and kissed his forehead, "I'll be back later."

xxxoxxxo

When Cuddy was gone, House looked at Wilson, "Thanks, I thought she'd never leave."

His best friend sat in the same chair Cuddy had slept in the whole night, and inhaled deeply, "You're an idiot."

"That seems to be the popular opinion today", he said rolling his eyes.

"You know it's a miracle that you're alive, right?"

"Did you and Cuddy rehearse your speeches?"

Wilson laughed and just looked at his battered friend sadly, "House, don't be stupid next time, just ask me to pick you up."

"It wasn't raining when I left", he let out with a note of irritation finally settling in through his morphine-induced haze. He grimaced, "Can you up my morphine?"

Wilson sat up straight, "Where's the pain?"

"Sitting next to me, it's becoming unbearable."

He rolled his eyes and fell back against the chair again, while looking at House sadly.

House inhaled deeply, "I wasn't doing anything stupid, if that's what you're going to ask next."

"I wasn't. I know you were going for your NA meetings." Wilson held his breath, half expecting him to deny it or bite his head off at the thought of him in invading his privacy.

From where he laid, House blinked at Wilson, "You followed me?"

Wilson nodded, with a slight grimace, "You kept blowing Cuddy and I off. I was concerned that you-"

"Relapsed. Thanks for the vote of confidence. You can leave now."

"I think there's something wrong with Cuddy", Wilson tried changing the subject.

House closed his eyes and audibly sighed loudly, "Don't care."

"She looks sick-"

"Then why don't you go examine her instead of bugging me?" He exasperated, then winced bringing his unbroken hand up to his chest.

He was at a stalemate. House would never let him say that he was proud of him for wanting to stay off pills, he wouldn't talk about his underlying feelings for Cuddy and he would lay there only until he was able to get up on his own to leave.

"Don't let this set you back. You've been doing good."

xxxoxxxo

When Cuddy got to the hospital the next morning, she kept forwarding Atticus's phone calls to voicemail. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him, she just wasn't sure what to say. She still felt something for him, but couldn't bare to let House go either, not now.

She sighed and looked up as Nurse Brenda walked only seconds after she'd put her purse down and was about to start with her daily checklist, when Cuddy put her hand up.

"Can this wait fifteen minutes? I need to go check on Dr House's progress-"

Nurse Brenda made a _'I knew you were going to ask' _face and opened her file, "I guessed that, so I was going to start by saying Dr House left this morning AMA around four. The HR department wants you to call them as soon as you can, it's regarding Dr Hourani and Dr Stein. The oncology department has an over-"

"What do you mean he left? Who let him?!"

The nurse frowned, "No one, he left...AMA."

"Then you strap him down to the bed, you don't let a psych patient just check himself out!" She said while picking up her purse, and putting her Chanel coat back on.

Nurse Brenda blinked and tilted her head to the side, "Dr House is a psych patient? That explains a lot."

"Tell the HR department I'll call them when I get back." She said starting to walk out.

"Where are you going?"

"To pick up a child."

xxxoxxxo

There were a few things that Gregory house did not like. Nurses, Needy Oncologists, and emotional women who felt the need to smother him like an injured bird.

He knew that if Cuddy went back to his room, she'd say something that not only she wouldn't mean but that she'd regret once he was better.

Which was why he'd left when everyone had gone home. He knew that one of them would try and stop him, or admit him for a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold.

But he knew that he'd be fine and would have everything he needed at his apartment. And as laid on his couch hearing his own morphine drip, and watched the monster trucks on his TV screen, he was momentarily happy and was starting to doze off to sleep- when he heard a key unlocking his door.

He turned over expecting to see Wilson, only to be presented by a thinning Dean of Medicine.

She looked at him incredulously and then up at his morphine-packed drip.

"Oh here we go", he mumbled, rubbing his face with his hand.

"Are you out of your mind?" She let out dropping her purse and slamming the door shut.

He inhaled a little and pretended to be in thought, "Not completely. How did you get my key?"

"Wilson. You're going back to the hospital right now", she said grabbing his sneakers and sitting on his coffee table ready to help him put them on.

House closed his eyes and turned away from her, "No."

"This is ridiculous! You need to be admitted, you shouldn't have left."

He turned back around holding his broken arm up, so he wouldn't hurt it, and sat up straight. When he did, he could see what Wilson had meant, she did look ill.

There were darkening circles around her eyes, she was paler than usual, House got the distinct feeling she was nauseous, "Damn."

"What?"

"Wilson was right. You're sick."

Cuddy laughed, and rolled her eyes, "Oh sure evade- like you always do. Let's not talk about the fact that you checked yourself out only hours after you woke up from a motorcycle accident. No, let's discuss your delusions on my health, because that only makes sense."

House's forehead had furrowed a bit and he looked at her intensely, drinking up her symptoms. There was the weight loss, loss of color, nausea, and he could add in her recent erratic emotions.

He swallowed, hoping he was wrong- yet knowing if he was right she'd be over the moon.

"You're pregnant."

Cuddy scoffed and stood up from his coffee table, "You're high."

He shrugged, "Maybe, but you're also pregnant."

"I told you, I took a pregnancy test after the last IVF attempt, it came out negative", she let out using her hands to explain.

He raised his eyebrows and rested his head on his unbroken right palm, "Then it wasn't the IVF, it was someone. And we both know it wasn't me, because we have Wilson to thank for that. So the question is who were you having fun with?"

Cuddy laughed, about to shake her head, when he saw a thought pop into her head, and she brought her hand up to her mouth.

They both already knew the answer, but House let his back drop against the couch, and he snickered, "Atticus."

There was no need for her to confirm, because he already knew. In the back of his mind, House had always known where she'd end up eventually- in the arms of her delightful ex-husband.

a pit of despair filled his chest, which was already in agony to begin with, and he swallowed attempting to block it from reaching his thoughts. All he wanted now was not to let it form into an actual thought.

She looked at him petrified, and nodded, "It was only once, before Vegas."

"I don't need to know your sexy details." He said wincing as he put his sneakers on, attempting to dispell his true feelings by masking on his iron hard shell of sarcasm.

House stood up, ready to make another snarky remark, when he started feeling lightheaded.

"House, your stitches-"

Only, before Cuddy could finish her thought, she fell back, falling on his rug in the middle of his livingroom.

House looked down at what she had been referring to, his white t-shirt had a blood stain slowly growing. He realized he had about a minute before he too would be lying next to her on the floor- unconscious.


	10. A Rush Of Blood To The Head

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Remember a few crucial lessons from the show. Everybody lies, symptoms lie, and things aren't always as they seem... basically, anything is possible :) enjoy!**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 10

_A Rush Of Blood To The Head_

"He could use a haircut", a grumpy authoritative voice let out.

As House slowly stirred back to consciousness, he recognized the voice next to him, though he couldn't exactly place it.

"Oh John, stop it. He's perfect just the way he is."

Blythe House. His mom- that voice he knew anywhere.

"This is what I'm talking about Blythe, that's why the boy's the way he is- because you've always let him do whatever he wants."

A slow uncomfortable feeling filled the pit of his stomach, realizing they were there.

"Well it's better than trying to shape him up like one of your privates. Oh look, I think he's waking up-"

Indeed, House was awake, though he was disappointed his parents had noticed, because the idea of talking to them was right up there with getting a colonoscopy and working at the clinic the rest of his life.

He also noted a strange feeling coming from the bottom half of his body, and realized he'd been cathed.

"Greg? Honey can you hear me?" His mom called out, while holding his right unbroken hand tightly.

House slowly blinked his eyes open, to see both of his parents hovering over him.

"Hi mom-dad", he let out a little unenthusiastically.

Blythe House put a hand over her mouth, and tried swallowing a sob, "Oh honey, I'm so glad you're awake."

House closed his eyes again, and tried hard not to show his annoyance at his mother's irrational emotions, "I'm fine."

"That doctor friend of yours called us yesterday morning. It was nice of him, since you never let us know how you're doing. Half expected him to tell is you were dead." let out his dad with bitterness laced in his voice.

House smiled through his morphine mush of a brain, because now he knew it was Wilson he had to kill later on.

"John! What a thing to say", House's mother scornfully yelled at her husband. She looked back at an unmoved House and smiled, "We just worry about you honey, that's all. And we're staying until you're all better."

"I'm fine. Wilson shouldn't have worried you guys, and you didn't need to come all the way here-"

John laughed, "You're our only son. You can hate us, but we will still worry, and we still care."

House momentarily frowned, taking in what his father had just said. It was a very uncharacteristic thing for him to say.

"Well I'm sorry you wasted your time coming here. They're letting me-" but as House pulled his arms up to sit up, he realized his arms were chained to the bed.

"What the hell?"

"That's so you don't try leaving again", he looked up to see Cameron at the frame of the door with her arms crossed.

She smiled at his parents, and walked in with a chart, "Would you mind giving me a moment with your son? We just have to do some routine stuff."

"There isn't anything I haven't seen before", Blythe said running a hand over House's hair.

He groaned, "Mom- please."

"Alright, alright- come on let's leave the boy alone Blythe, can't you see he wants time alone with the pretty girl."

House opened his mouth to redute what his dad had said, but he caught the way Cameron was biting her lip from laughing.

Blythe kissed House on his forehead, "We'll go grab lunch, and I'll bring you a Reuben honey ok? You look like you haven't had a decent meal in ages."

He merely smiled politely at his mother, and kept his mouth shut, afraid she'd see through anything he tried to say.

When they were out of view, House immediately dropped the smile and turned to Cameron, "Why am I cathed?"

"Because you were unconscious? Don't worry I'm here to take it out", she said with a tiny smirk.

He rolled his eyes, "As much as I know this is all a turn on for you, I can take it out myself. Unchain me."

With a glint in her eye, Cameron shook her head. She pulled up his bed sheet and left her hand on him for a moment too long, before removing the catheter, "No can do. You'd just leave again, and rip out your stitches- _again_."

House winced in pain, and inhaled deeply, sending a shooting pain through his entire chest, which made him groan in agony again.

He reached for his morphine drip with his unchained arm, and attempted to up it, but Cameron caught his hand.

"Also, Wilson wants you to think about letting him change your drip to tramadol instead."

He flicked his eyes to her, "Yeah, let me me think about that. Hmm, no."

She sighed, "We're just worried that you'll get addicted again."

"I'm in pain. And my parents are here, believe me, I need the morphine."

"They seem really nice", she said changing out his IV line to a fresh one.

House threw his head back in pain as she missed his vein, "They're nice- caring, attentive, that's the problem."

When Cameron was done, there was another knock on the glass and House looked up to see Wilson.

"Oh goody, my day just keeps getting better." He said as she walked out and his friend walked in.

Wilson took a deep intake of breath and raised his eyebrows, "Well it's certainly comforting to see you're still yourself. I'm sure Cameron's filled you in on the switching of your meds."

"She told me that you were thinking about it. I told her no, naturally."

"Of course you did. House, you're completely stoned right now, we're switching the medication."

House let out a singular sarcastic laugh, "Obviously I'm stoned. I have ripped stitches, broken ribs, a broken wrist, and I have to deal with my parents because you kindly let them know that I was in an accident. I deserve to be stoned. Leave the morphine, or I'll get Cuddy to do it."

"Cuddy- is taking a couple days off." Wilson let out rather slowly.

House tried masking any concern on his face, "She ok?"

His friend laughed bitterly, and shook his head along with a shrug of his shoulders, "I honestly do not know. She was hysterical when I got to the hospital after she told me what happened. What's honestly going on between the both of you?"

"Nothing."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Right. Well Cuddy told me about your moment of passion in Vegas. I never pegged you as the discreet type."

"I hardly think making out counts as anything. I've had deeper connections with hookers." He let out closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, feeling a particularly nice hit of the morphine flow through his veins.

"Oh cut the crap House, I know what really happened between the both of you while you were there. You've been unhinged since the day you caught them kissing- maybe not in the Vicodin and booze bender type way, but it's obvious that her kiss with Atticus upset you. You like her House, and you're upset that she might choose Atticus over you, but you know she can't, not now."

House breathed in deeply, "What are you even talking about? There's no choosing, because there's no me liking her. Now, can you leave me alone? I'd like to try and enjoy my buzz before my parents get back."

"No. I won't leave, not until you promise to have an adult conversation with Cuddy. She's been stressing out about your condition, and in her condition- it's not advisable that she gets stressed."

"So I'm guessing it's official that she's knocked up?" He asked bitterly, moving his jaw to the side. All at once, the pain in his chest magnified to an insurmountable level. He winced, and Wilson noticed.

"Yes, she is. Which is why you need to speak to her. You guys aren't sixteen and in high school, you need to handle this in a mature way."

House scrunched up his face, "What? It's not my fault she went and got herself knocked up- she asked for it."

"It takes two to- tango House. Just because she's the pregnant one doesn't mean, you're cleared of any blame."

He frowned for a second, before cracking a smile and letting a painful laugh out, "Wait. You think Cuddy and I?...We never consummated anything- I told you. I didn't get her pregnant. That was all her blond lover boy's doing."

"Atticus? She got pregnant with Atticus?"

"Yep."

There was a growing silence, and after a while House opened his eyes to look at Wilson, who in return was looking at him. His expression had softened, and he was frowning, "I'm- sorry House."

He internally fought himself as he looked away from Wilson. House could generally push down anything that came at him. He had the world's best poker face, and it was effortless- most of the time. This time was no different, he knew how he felt, but it was easy to portray the contrary.

Which was why he surprised himself when he swallowed a lump in his throat, and softly answered back, "Yeah, me too."

xxxoxxxo

Much to their promise, House's parents had stayed and were bent on nursing him back to health. His mother had been very attentive in making sure he ate whatever they brought him, took not of every shift change, dosages of painkillers and medicine administered, and questioned every decision- like any overprotective mother would.

His father didn't but in as much, only made comments from his seat on the other side of the room.

Two days had passed, and the only reason he had been able to keep his sanity with his parents being there, was because he'd upped the dosage on the morphine drip when no one was looking.

House had tried convincing them multiple times of going back home, and insisted he was fine, but his mother refused to leave. It actually surprised him, because most of his life she'd been very respectful of his personal space.

There were a few times where even his father took orders from her, without question- and that befuddled him more than anything. His entire life, it had been clear to him that his father ran their relationship and household. Yet, there in his hospital room, he would never have believed it.

In a way that didn't pertain to him, House felt slightly proud of his mom. She was an intelligent woman who had always deserved the respect, that his father seemed to be displaying now.

Every now and then she would comb his hair with her hand, attempting to tame his unruly bed hair, but to no avail.

He tried squirming out of her touch, "Mom, please. I'm not five."

"Honey, it doesn't matter if you're eighty, you will always be my little boy." She smiled at him.

As he opened his mouth to respond, Cuddy's frame came into view.

"Lisa", exclaimed his mother.

"Hi Mrs. House", she said walking to his mom and giving her a hug, "it's been so long- how have your been?"

His mother exchanged a look with his dad and responded, "Oh we've been wonderful darling. You look stunning, how have you been?"

She smiled meekly, looking a House for a moment, "I'm great. Thanks. Would you mind giving me a moment with your son? Case to discuss- he's the only one that can help."

"Of course! Come on John, Greg needs to work, let's give him some space." She said pulling her husband's arm, and leading him out of the room.

Cuddy smiled at them, and closed the door after they'd left. She turned back to House, and let her smile disappear.

House took her in, she didn't look like the well put together Lisa Cuddy he knew. She was wearing black leggings, sneakers and an oversized sweater from Hopkins that looked vaguely familiar. Her face looked like she'd been crying, and like she had been battling morning sickness. Though he pretended to ignore all of it, and looked up at the ceiling instead.

"You lied. You're not here to discuss a case, Wilson said you took some time off."

She took a deep breath and swallowed, "I know. I came because I need to explain the kiss with Atticus."

"No, you don't."

"I do. I know you saw us, Wilson told me. And I don't have an excuse, I kissed him back. For a moment I thought maybe I should explore both of you and see what my options were-"

House snickered and shook his head, "Seriously, you don't need to explain. I'm not interested. Especially now. I'm not into pregnant chicks- just not my thing."

He knew what he said had stung, he could see it in the way that she momentarily flinched, but Cuddy was nothing if not resilient.

"I love you House. And I'm sorry it had to take you almost dying to admit it to myself, but I don't want to be without you anymore. I want to be with you, and you can't tell me you don't feel the same way", she let out, walking towards his bed, trying to take his hand- though he moved it away.

He couldn't lie to himself, he mirrored her feelings. He knew that, and it would have been stupid to pretend to feel otherwise. What he could do though, was not admit it to her.

"But I don't. I liked you, but I don't love you." It was the right thing to do- for himself, he heard a voice in his head assure him.

"I know you don't mean that. Stop trying to block me out."

"Do you? Vegas was fun, and yeah I wanted to get to smother my face in between Thelma and Louise again, but it was just all fun." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Cuddy's eyes had filled with tears, "House, please just-"

"What did you think was going to happen? I was going to turn into your own version of Mcdreamy? And we'd ride off into the sunset together? That I'd want to be some sort of father figure to your fetus? Tell me in which alternate universe does any of that make sense to you?"

Her tears were rolling down her face now, but House clenched his jaw and remained unmoved. The ache in his chest kept growing, the pain was intensifying, and he struggled not to let it show.

"Please", she insisted swallowing back a tiny sob.

"Just so you know, all this you're feeling is just hormones. You're going to feel really embarrassed when you're back to normal."

Cuddy give him one last pleading look, and nodded resolutely- wiping her tears, and laughing bitterly, "Ok- you're right. I'm sorry, I forget you don't feel. This was a mistake."

She turned and walked out, without a second look, and seemed to slide the door a little harder than necessary.

Once she was gone, he took his broken arm and hit his forehead with his cast, sending not only searing pain through his arm, but hot, pain-induced tears to his eyes, holding back an inaudible scream.

It hurt like hell, to hit his wrist roughly on his head, but it released some of the ache in his chest, and he felt like he was finally able to breathe.

xxxoxxxo

"Greg, sit still. The doctor said you can't stand up until we get to the car", Blythe let out pushing his shoulder back down as House tried getting up from the wheelchair.

"I'm a doctor too mom. And I say it's fine." He said trying to stand up.

His father was the one to push his shoulders back down into the wheelchair this time, "Listen to your mother."

House clenched his jaw, and felt like saying something back, but sat still- mentally beating himself for not taking another Vicodin pill before leaving his room. He had a brand new filled prescription, thanks to his renewed enabler- Wilson.

He had finally gotten the ok from him to go home after being at the hospital for nearly a week.

House sighed deeply, and let Cameron push him into the elevator, "You're enjoying this aren't you?"

She didn't say anything, but he knew that there was a smile growing on her face.

"So are you guys going to be in town for a while longer?" Cameron asked his parents as the elevator went down.

"No." House answered for them immediately, "They have to get back home."

Once they were out and down at the lobby, House finally took the chance to stand up before anyone could push him back down, and gave Cameron a look letting her know she could leave.

She said goodbye to his parents, and pushed the wheelchair away, leaving the three of them to walk outside.

He looked at his mother, who smiled sadly, "Honey don't you think we should be here just a couple more days to make sure you're ok? Who else is going to take care of you?"

His father gave a singular nod, and looked at Blythe with support, "I think your mom is right. She really misses you."

"Cameron and Wilson will take care of me, believe me I'm doing them a favor. They eat up neediness. Anyway, I need to get back to work, there's at least fifty files stacking on my desk by now of people about to die because I'm not there to save them."

Blythe House frowned a bit, "it's just that we hardly get to see you Greg. When was the last time you came home?"

House scratched the back of his head, "Look I promise to go and visit soon, ok? It's just not a good time. Around December it gets hectic."

"Do you promise to come home for Christmas? We're having your aunt Sarah come down too."

He inhaled deeply, and winced- he kept forgetting about his broken ribs, "Fine. I'll be there."

John House raised his eyebrows, "Now son, we'll be expecting you. Don't let your mother down."

House kept his mouth shut, but nodded once- promising he would. Though ultimately, the three of them knew he'd never make it.


	11. Bones

**Author's Note: ok so this is more of a filler chapter, before we get to the juicy tidbits of the story again. a couple things in this chapter, I changed Ali's birthday closer to the end of December. Also I tried to throw SOME lightness before the story goes back to my favorite genre of angst. So enjoy! Please fuel my creativity and review! We're so close to 100!**

* * *

**You Only Live Once**

Part 11

_Bones _

The holiday season always brought increased commotion to PPTH, with more sick patients visiting the clinic, increased vehicular accidents in the ER and constant holiday music that House felt great disdain for.

Because the clinic had been busy nonstop, House had been working there more than in his own office. Which was surprisingly ok with him, since it meant, it was somewhere where Cuddy would be less likely to bother him- she'd feel too guilty interrupting him from helping sick poor people.

He took a deep breath and grabbed the patient file from the compartment mounted on the wall, before going inside exam room one.

There perched up on the exam chair, sat his underage pretend girlfriend, Ali.

"Hi Dr House", she let out breathily, then as she noticed his broken arm and bruised up face, her face fell and she stood up walking towards him, "What happened to you?"

He rolled his eyes at her response and thought of Cameron, "Oh god not you too. I'm fine, I crashed my bike."

House paused for a moment, "Something tells me you didn't take the medication for the spores."

Ali bit the side of her lip and twirled a lock of her hair, "I totally did. I just wanted to see you again because today is my birthday, and I thought you'd want to know."

She was eighteen? A very small part of House jumped for joy, but the more sane, annoyed part rolled his eyes, "Well Happy Birthday- but if you haven't noticed the clinic is full of really sick people, that I need to make better."

"I'm here for a physical exam too", she cooed, and started unbuttoning her already sheer white top.

House swallowed, "Full body exam?"

Ali nodded her head, "Yes."

"Don't you want a girl doctor for that? I could get Dr Cuddy-"

Ali vehemently shook her head, "No, I'm comfortable with you." She said that as she had fully taken off her top to reveal her perfect perky breasts that he was familiar with.

He walked over to the window with blinds that gave a view out to the clinic and shut them, "Well we would hate to make you feel uncomfortable..."

xxxoxxxo

There was something about Christmas music that touched Wilson. It was strange, since he was Jewish and didn't necessarily celebrate Christmas, but he liked the coziness that that only christmas music seemed to bring.

He looked up from the ER chart he was holding, writing the time of death of a woman who had been hit by a drunk driver.

Cameron pulled the sheet over her body, and he could see that her eyes had gotten moist.

Wilson walked towards her and put his hand on her back, "There was nothing we could do- there was too much trauma."

She nodded, swallowing, "I know. It's just so close to christmas, and she had a husband and a new baby."

All of a sudden, as she stood there crying, he felt like he was suddenly seeing her for the first time. Why hadn't he ever noticed her long beautiful brown hair? Or the soft milky color of her soft skin.

In the middle of his thought, Cameron looked up at him, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

xxxoxxxo

"Have you spoken to your mother lately? By the way I'm going on a date with Cameron", Wilson let out casually as he walked into House's office.

It had been two weeks since House had been back at work, and Christmas was only five days away.

House looked up from the article he was reading on muscle regeneration by Dominika Petrova, at His friend's sudden declaration.

He'd had his eyebrows raised, but dropped them into a frown instead, "Everyday since she left?...Isn't that like dating your sister?"

"No...it would be like dating your sister- but seeing as neither of us has one, I wouldn't know what that's like. Besides if anyone is like my sister, wouldn't it be Cuddy?"

House reverted his eyes back to the article at her name, "Good point...well you kids have fun."

It was his queue for Wilson to leave. But of course he didn't, and instead stood there awkwardly in the middle of his office.

House inhaled deeply, "Let me guess, you want my blessing? Figure I must be jealous because she'll no longer have time to hero worship me?"

"Uh- something like that." Wilson tilted his head to the side thinking about it over.

"Seriously? I don't care", he said shrugging his shoulders, and pretending to be really interested in the article.

Truthfully, it didn't really pique his interest. He was merely reading it because thanks to Dr Petrova, the world renown Mayo Clinic had invited him to visit their trials, and possibly be a consult on some patients. And he had only considered it as an escape route from visiting his parents for Christmas.

Having them pining at his bedside for five days had been more than enough to last him another decade without seeing them.

"So you're really ok with me dating your number one fan?" Wilson asked one more time, gesturing with his hands.

House rolled his eyes, "Dude, bros before hoes- no Wilson, I _really_ don't care. Though, I am curious...why her? You both seek needy, damaged people to nurse them back to health. I can't possibly see how you'd be interested in each other- you're both so well adjusted."

Wilson scoffed, "You're right. I'm such an idiot, why would I want to date someone completely normal? Forget Cameron, I shall seek my next wife on the fourth floor! The psych ward", Wilson raised his voice as he walked out of his office.

"Make sure you ask for a prenup this time!" He yelled after him.

House chuckled and looked back down, to finish the article, but Wilson had popped his head back in his office.

"By the way, Cuddy is looking for you", and again he was gone.

xxxoxxxo

They had been avoiding each other since she had stupidly professed her love to him, in his hospital room two weeks before.

The time away from House had given her a chance to really think over what they had both said each other. And as always, Cuddy had come to realize that he'd been right.

Of course she was mad at the way he had responded, in his cold abrasive, jerkish way. But honestly? She was mildly relieved that he had as well.

House had been right, she was suffering from elevated levels of hormones, that had deluded her into thinking that her worry for his well-being was actually the fact that she was completely in love with him.

It hadn't helped that weeks before they had shared a moment where they'd explored what could happen between them.

The truth was she did love him, a part of her always had, and always would- but she wasn't In love with him. Attracted? Yes. Cared for him? Yes. But it all ended there.

And she knew, or at least hoped that in his own House way, he mirrored those affections. Besides, he'd been right, him as a dad? It was the worst idea in the world.

If the universe had sent any messages to her lately, it spoke of one person- Atticus. From him being her first love, to incidentally getting a job at the same firm as her sister's husband, to getting pregnant by him when all else had failed, it couldn't just all be a coincidence.

There was a rattling at her door, and she turned up from her laptop to see House entering her office.

She smiled weakly at him, but he stood there straight faced, "Wilson said you wanted to see me?"

Cuddy nodded, "Yes, close the door."

He turned and used his unbroken arm to close the door behind him. She could tell that he was expecting something just like their last meeting, from his own lack of sarcasm.

She took a deep breath, as he looked at her expectantly, "I just- I wanted to say sorry."

House grew a frown, asking slowly- as if it were a trap, "What for?"

"Professing my undying love for you. You were right, I was extremely hormonal, because I'm pregnant. I confused my concern for your well being and our kiss in Vegas, for what I thought was love. I was sleep deprived and didn't know what I was thinking." She exasperated with her hand.

He merely blinked, and looked around the room taking his time to respond, "But I didn't have to be such a jerk."

Cuddy frowned, pausing for a moment, "Are you- is that an apology?"

He lifted his arm with the cast around his wrist, "What can I say? Vicodin, brings out the best in me."

She laughed- a little worried that he was back on the pills, even though Wilson had stressed that it was only temporary.

"So...we ok? Normal ok?" He asked tentatively, locking eyes with her and tilting his head forward.

"If by normal you mean being irritated at you everyday and expecting you to ditch clinic duty- yes. I would love normal."

House scoffed and fake-ly smiled, while walking out, "Oh you know how to woo a man."

Cuddy smiled, their talk was supposed to fix things, and she should have felt ten times lighter. But that underlying voice in her head kept telling her something was missing.

She had been so convinced that their clearing the air would fix everything, yet- it still didn't feel right.

xxxoxxxo

House's alarm went off at eight. It was a Saturday, a day where normally he would still be sleeping, but he'd grown to anticipate his mother's phone call bright and early.

She had been calling him every day since they had gone back home, to check on him, to ask if he'd eaten, how his arm felt, and asked about Cuddy and Wilson.

He opened his side drawer and took out his pills, popping two down dryly and closed his eyes for a moment- letting his panging chest and arm pain dissipate.

And as if on queue his phone rang. He reached for it, "Hi mom."

"Hi honey, how are you?" Her voice was sickeningly sweet as always. He hated it.

"I'm fine. Having breakfast right now", he lied- then once he realized it, opened his eyes wide.

Blythe House was silent, "Greg, you don't have to lie honey. I know you're not a morning person."

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "Sorry."

"Oh Greg I just want to know that you're happy. That's all a mother can ask for."

"I'm pretty content." He let out getting up- it wasn't a lie.

"Do you have anything fun planned this weekend?" She asked sweetly.

House held his breath and looked around eyeing his helmet, "I think I might drive my bike to Atlantic City."

He could almost hear her fright over the phone, "But you were just in an accident!"

"Relax mom, I haven't used it. I'm hanging out with Wilson this weekend." He tried to say it cheerfully, to ease her worry.

The truth was they hadn't officially made plans, but then gain House usually just invited himself over anyway. So really, he wasn't lying.

She hitched her breath for a moment, "Honey have you bought your plane ticket yet? Christmas is only four days away, and your aunt Sarah is really excited to see you."

House grimaced, "I don't know if I'll be able to mom. I have three cases and none of them are looking like they'll be solved before Christmas."

Her deep breath was audible over the phone, "That's too bad honey. James said he might come with you. I thought it would be wonderful having you both here."

"When did you talk to Wilson mom?" He interrupted, taken aback by her comment.

As he waited for her to answer, he reached for his pill bottle, unclamping it and popped two more pills without even thinking about it.

"We talk from time to time, How else am I supposed to know how you're doing? Oh your father just came back from his walk- I have to go. I'll talk to you later honey."

They said goodbye, and afterwards House had a thought to call Wilson to ask him about his mom. Only, his second dosage of Vicodin kicked in, and he felt a surge of euphoria overtake his body.

He turned on the TV and slowly let the thought of calling Wilson float away as his eyes focused on a random TV show. After a few minutes, his eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep.

xxxoxxxo

House woke up to a particularly loud laugh coming from the TV, that startled him.

He groggily opened his eyes and looked around, squinting down at his watch. It was almost two, he fallen asleep for five hours.

Without giving it much thought he got up and walked to grab the bottle of pills he'd left in his room, but looked at it realizing it only had four left.

Had he really already gone through so many? It sent a chill down his chest, and decided to put them down instead.

Instead he opted to take a shower, and to drive over to Wilson's hotel room afterwards.

House had brought the Vicodin bottle with him, and knocked on Wilson's hotel room a couple times before he heard shuffling and some laughing coming from inside.

A few seconds later Wilson popped the door open dressed in a white robe, with a smile that faltered when he saw it was House.

"House what are you doing here?" He asked walking out to the hallway and closing the door behind him. Not giving him a chance to see who was in his room with him.

House curiously smiled at him, "Who's in there with you?"

"A woman."

"Is it Cameron?" He probed his friend, while wiggling his eyebrows.

Wilson shifted uncomfortably in front of House, and looked away in an attempt to lie, but He saw right through it.

"You stud! You nailed her on the first date? She didn't put out for our first date- I can tell you that-"

"What do you want House?" He asked trying to change the subject.

He smiled and rolled his eyes at Wilson as he took out the nearly empty Vicodin bottle from his pocket, and tossed it at him- who caught it with a startled expression.

"You're nearly out. I just gave you this prescription two weeks ago and it's a month supply", he semi shrieked.

House nodded, sheepishly pointing to the bottle with his hand, "Which is why I'm giving it to you. I think I'll be fine with ibuprofen now, so a refill won't be necessary."

Wilson blinked repeatedly with his mouth slightly open, "You're- being responsible about your addiction?"

"That's the idea. Hey- why have you been talking to my mom?" He asked suddenly remembering the conversation he'd had with her that morning.

"Are you sure you'll be ok? I wouldn't want you to have to suffer through pain just to prove a point-"

Why was he insisting he take the pills now? It didn't add up.

House also noticed the instant change in Wilson. His shoulders tensed, he had paused right after his question, before entirely ignoring what he asked about his mom. He was hiding something from him.

"What aren't you telling me Wilson?"

He inhaled deeply, "We just talk about-" he gestured at House with his hands, "You."

"Did you narc me out to my mom about the pills?" As far as Blythe House knew, he'd never had any addictions- House was perfect in her eyes.

"No! of course not. She just asks me how you're doing- and invited me to tag along with you for Christmas, when you go out to see them."

House rolled his eyes, "I'm not going to visit them for Christmas. Besides you're Jewish."

"I think you should visit your parents. How many years has it been since you've been back?"

"How about I tag along with you for Hanukah? More gifts? More fun-"

Wilson rolled his eyes, "You need to visit your parents House."

"Why?" He asked seriously, "Why are you being so insistent now? You've never bothered me about visiting them before."

His friend held his breath, "Your mother mentioned they really missed you-"

"You're _lying. _What aren't you telling me?"

"Ok, fine- she said they might be getting a divorce, and wanted you there when she asked him for the divorce."

House paused thinking back on the week that they'd been at the hospital. It made sense, all the overcompensating his dad had done fit now.

For the first time since he'd kissed Cuddy in Vegas, he felt a jolt of happiness surge through him- and then as he realized _that, _he sighed, "Damn."

Wilson blinked, "What?"

He shook his head and started walking away, "Nothing. Just forgot to TiVo the L word again."

xxxoxxxo

After his attempt of making plans with Wilson had fallen through, House laid next someone he knew could never let him down- a hooker.

He was panting slightly after one of the more pleasant releases he'd had in a while, and looked over at Paula- who had seemingly enjoyed their little session more than him. She had been more alive, and responsive than ever before, which had only fueled his own libido even more.

And it hadn't mattered that they'd gone well past an hour of what he'd agreed to pay for, since she'd begged him not to stop- and promised that he didn't have to pay the rest. Afterwards he'd collapsed on her back and rolled over to the side.

Paula lazily smiled, her eyes were a bit droopy and he noticed her pupils. House stared at her- finally realizing what was different about her.

He surprised her by grabbing both her arms tightly, forcing her to sit up straight and turning them over to look at her forearms to try and find what he suspected.

"What are you doing?" She murmured, genuinely curious.

He frowned, not finding anything, "Looking for your track marks. You're pupils are constricted, you're high."

She smiled sexily, "I'm not some junky, I've only smoked it. Sex is just so much better on dope."

House frowned, why hadn't he noticed it before? She had been completely different while they were having sex- her arousal had been unlike anything he'd seen before. He'd just told himself that he must have been doing something different. After all he'd been frustrated after giving Ali her medical exam and it had been ages since he'd had a hooker over.

"Oh yeah, you totally can't be a junky if you smoke it", he nodded sarcastically, then added, "- Isn't there some rule that states hookers must let their johns know when they're hyped up on drugs before they're about to fuck?"

Paula tried to frown through her state of bliss from both her floating high and orgasm she'd just had, "I thought you'd be the last person to judge. You've popped more pills in front of me than I can count."

"For _medicinal_ reasons- my leg hurt at the time. And Vicodin is a little different than _chasing the dragon_ to rock your socks off."

"Medicinal reasons? Suuure. You don't know what you're missing", she trailed her finger down his bare arm, "The entire time it feels like it's one constant orgasm, every touch is exhilarating, each breath is euphoric, and you feel like you're floating in a pool of warm water. Makes you want to keep going for hours."

House stared at her for a moment as she described it, a little enthralled. After a moment though, he snapped out of it, and rolled his eyes, amused at the fact he was having a conversation about heroin with a hooker.

When he didn't say anything, she brought a hand to his chest, "Do you want to try it?"

He picked up her hand and pushed it away from his chest, while shaking his head with a dry laugh, "No, no thanks."

"Don't think you'll like it?" She asked as she turned over to lay on her stomach again and held her head on her hand, while placing her fingers on his biceps again.

The hairs on his arm stood up.

House swallowed, shaking his head, "Oh I'm sure I'd like it. I'm just not stupid."

Paula sighed deeply, and gave him a whimsical look while getting up, "Your loss."

After a few minutes, House had gotten up and grabbed his money to pay her, while she changed and got ready to leave. Once she was all ready, he met her at the door- something he'd never done before- usually all his hookers saw their way out. His reasoning for walking her out though, was to make sure she didn't swipe anything.

At the door, she gave him one last dreamy smile, "See you soon."

He nodded once, and closed the door behind her, laughing to himself afterwards.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy looked at her phone for a while, knowing she had to make the call. It was only right to tell him.

But how would she do it? How did you tell a guy, that he'd knocked you up and you were keeping the baby?

In a split moment, she clicked on Atticus's name and held her breath as it began to ring.

He picked up after the second ring, "Have you been avoiding me?"

She was taken aback for a moment at the note of hurt, and amusement in his voice- and swallowed, "No, not at all. What are you doing? I thought maybe you could come over?"


	12. Don't Panic

**Author's Note: Well here it is, I hope you guys enjoy It. As always, feedback is much appreciated. **

* * *

**You Only Live Once**

Part 12

_Don't Panic_

_She was taken aback for a moment at the note of hurt, and amusement in his voice- and swallowed, "No, not at all. What are you doing? I thought maybe you could come over?"_

Cuddy took her time pouring a glass of wine for Atticus, who waited idly in her living room.

There was a feeling of dread that ran down her stomach, and for some reason she couldn't explain it.

She liked him, Cuddy repeated to herself- they had a good history, didn't they? If there was anyone to have a child with- he was the right person.

Which was why, for the life of her, she couldn't understand why she was so sad. Just the fact that she was pregnant, made an uncomfortable knot grow in her throat.

She swallowed once more, before walking back to Atticus with his glass of wine, and handed it to him with a tight smile.

He eyed her, curiously, "No wine for yourself?"

She shook her head, as she sat down in her couch, folding her legs under her.

Cuddy swallowed, deciding just to throw it out there, "I'm pregnant."

Atticus, who had been taking a sip of his wine, nearly chocked, "What?-really?"

She nodded, exhaling a bit, "I've been trying to get pregnant for a while with IVF, and had three separate inseminations- but none of them took. Then one night with you, and-" she sighed gesturing to him with her hand.

"Me? Are you sure?" He asked slowly, as a tiny frown grew on his face.

Cuddy swallowed, "Completely. I haven't been with anyone else."

"Wow." Is all he could manage.

"Look, I want to be candid. I'm not asking for anything- I've been prepared to have a child on my own for quite sometime. I want to be a mother, so I'm not expecting you to do anything. I just thought, I owed it to you to tell you the truth."

Atticus sat there, and put his hands together in prayer mode, bringing them to his lips, in thought. After a few moments he scoffed, and turned to her, "One time, huh?"

Cuddy nodded, "Like I said, I don't want you to feel pressured at all. This child doesn't even have to know who his-"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I want to be there for you. When have I given you the impression that this was just a fling for me?"

She paused, at a loss for words, "Well- dating is a little different than having a kid together- how could I know how serious you were about us?"

He smiled, "I lost you once nearly twenty years ago, and I regretted it more than I can tell you. Fate brought us back together for a reason, and this just- cements all of it. I have been in love with you since we first met, Lisa. Marry me."

xxxoxxxo

Wilson looked at the caller ID on his phone of all the five missed calls he'd had, they were all from Blythe House.

He had been a fool to ever answer her call the first time she'd rang him about a month ago.

And the thing was, that she was so _insistent_\- constantly berating him for the most up-to-date news on House, and asking if he'd managed to convince him to go home for Christmas.

The trouble was, Wilson couldn't stand to be in his presence anymore, not when he was holding such a massive secret from his best friend. She'd promise to tell him already, it wasn't fair for House to be clueless.

Cameron was snuggled next to him, sleeping peacefully after a long Sunday at the mall- doing last minute shopping for Christmas.

Wilson had never waited until the very last minute to do his own shopping, however with all the commotion they'd had lately, holiday presents had taken a backseat in regards to his priorities.

He looked at the time- it was two am. Wilson sighed, setting his phone on his nightstand and stood up to go to the bathroom.

His legs felt heavy, and his entire back was tense, in all he'd felt as though he hadn't had a good nights sleep in weeks. After all, being House's best friend came with a toll.

It meant nights like these, with restless worry, it meant constant patrol and apologizing, and cleaning up his messes.

Usually it was fine, he could take the beating, and all the side effects that came with the exclusivity of being his friend. However, with the fact that he was now an impending bomb about to explode- things had changed.

And as he flushed the toilet to return to bed, he was caught off guard by Cameron- who was wide-awake, and looking through his phone.

"You're awake." He stated rather nervously that he was thumbing through his phone, with no regard to his privacy.

Cameron looked up with a slight frown etched on her features, "Why has House's mom been texting you?"

"I'm pretty close to her", he stated honestly.

"But why did she say- _change of plans, we'll be there Christmas morning to tell him, it can't wait any longer._"

Cameron looked at him expectantly, "What can't wait any longer?"

Wilson swallowed- hoping he could count on her to keep a secret.

xxxoxxxo

There had been so many distractions since the Infectious Disease Summit in Vegas, that Cuddy had completely forgotten about the follow-up meeting that would be taking place at PPTH, a week after New Years with prospective foundations members.

She'd only rembered, when a board member had sent her an email, confirming he would be in attendance. At that moment, Cuddy had realized that she'd forgotten to tell one very important person- House. And, after reading the email she made her way straight to his office.

Only, as she reached the DDx room, she froze, because there next to his whiteboard stood House, holding a cup of coffee and laughing hysterically at something Foreman had said.

They were all laughing.

She frowned and knocked on the glass wall to get his attention, only they all looked up at her.

House said something then, and all three of them got up, nodded at him and picked up their files to leave the room.

He walked over to his office, and Cuddy followed, "What was that about?"

"What do you mean?" He asked taking a sip of his coffee, genuinely dumbfounded about what she meant.

She blinked and sat against his desk, as he sat in his chair, "It looked like you guys were laughing at something funny."

"We were."

"But you don't do funny."

House rolled his eyes, "I am human, sometimes I do find things amusing."

Cuddy exhaled, "I came to talk to you about the sub-department of neonatal diagnostics you so eloquently pitched on my behalf. We have some foundation members arriving in a week and a half, that are interesting in hearing your plans."

House blinked, "And you waited until now to tell me? See the thing is, I already made plans...for what ever day that falls on."

"Well cancel them. House- this was your doing. You're going to be there, and you are going to be pleasant with them, or I'll double your clinic duty-tomorrow."

He frowned, "But tomorrow is Christmas."

"You don't even like Christmas! You cannot let me down - the board will have both our heads."

He sighed deeply and rolled his eyes, "Fine- I'll be Wilson for the day, I might even wear a lab coat."

"Also, you have to think about who you'd appoint to run it." She said crossing her arms.

House's eyes instinctively went to her chest, but after a second looked back up at her, "Sorry, what?"

She rolled her eyes, "I said, think about which one of your lackeys would make a good sub-department head."

"Isn't it obvious? Chase."

"I was thinking Foreman, to be honest."

House scoffed, "Foreman would be a horrible choice, you're only suggesting that because he has the balls to stand up to me."

"Foreman is a good doctor." Cuddy argued.

"Obviously, else I wouldn't have hired him. But Chase is the most intuitive, and if we're picking based on who will make the right call versus who will remember the baby names, I'd go with Chase."

She let out a breath, "Fine. It's your department."

"I like it when we have these heated discussions, makes me all frisky", House joked wiggling his eyebrows.

Cuddy laughed and turned to leave, only he spoke up, "Have you told Atticus yet?"

His voice had gone from playful to completely serious in a matter of seconds.

She stood rooted to her spot, and played with her fingers a little before turning back go him, "Yes. He's...excited."

House nodded and she noticed his eyes flicker away, as he sipped more of his coffee, "Good. I'm happy for you- not him, he called me a creep, but I'm happy for you."

Cuddy scoffed, wondering for a second if she should tell him about Atticus proposing to her, but ultimately decided against it. Instead she sighed and forced out, "Thank you."

They both stared at each other then, for a few moments and it made her feel like there was something else he wanted to say- like maybe he knew. Only, he scratched his head and looked at his watch, "I have to go, I have a lunch date."

She frowned, "A date? Who?"

House stood up and gave her a smile, "Jealous much?"

"No- I just-" Cuddy stammered trying to find her words.

"I'm joking, it's Wilson. You can join us if you want", he said shrugging his shoulders.

She smiled sadly, "I also have a lunch date."

House gave her a singular nod, looking away, "Right, Well have fun eating off your silver platters, while I enjoy my five-dollar sandwich."

Cuddy laughed, and watched as House left in front of her, making sure to hold the door for her as he walked out.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson sat across from House as they ate lunch- conflicted. House looked so carefree, content, but- he worried about how much of it would disappear once he found out.

He'd grown to know House possibly even better than his own mother. And struggled with telling him what he'd been keeping from him, or keeping his promise to Blythe House.

His cellphone started ringing in between a story House was telling him, and he looked up at Wilson, frowning, "You gonna get that?"

Wilson swallowed and took his phone out of his pocket to look at the caller ID- Blythe House. He shook his head and put the phone back into his pocket, making sure to put it on silent, "No- what were you saying?"

"Oh I was done. Is Cuddy taking prenatal vitamins?" He asked randomly, biting into his Reuben sandwich.

Wilson shrugged his shoulders, breathing in deeply and picking at his fries, "I don't know? Why don't you ask her?"

"Because then she'll think I do have the hots for her, and I've done such a great job of convincing her I don't." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Wilson rolled his eyes, "House- tell her the truth. What you're doing doesn't make any sense."

"I said I have the hots for her, not that I'm i_n love_ with her. I just wanted to jump her, that's all."

"Right. Because someone who merely has sex on his mind would of course be concerned as to whether or not she's taking prenatal vitamins-"

His phone started vibrating in his pocket, and he pulled it out sending it to voicemail.

House frowned, "Who are you avoiding?"

"Cameron- turns out she's more controlling than all three of my ex-wives." He lied, hoping he wouldn't pick up on it.

"Well I could have told you that." House rolled his eyes and changed the subject to the latest monster truck convention that was happening.

Wilson swallowed, while absentmindedly biting the side of his lip- not knowing how much longer he'd be able to keep the secret at bay.

His phone started vibrating again, but to his dismay Cameron chose that moment to walk into the cafeteria as well. When she spotted him, she waved at him, and started walking in their direction.

He made a split-moment decision and got up, "Uh- gotta go. Patient is dying."

He left House in mid sentence, and hurriedly walked towards the back exit of the cafeteria.

xxxoxxxo

There was something about needing to make sure she was taking her prenatal pills, that House couldn't shake. So he'd gone to the pharmacy and done a prescription for her, getting a strange look from Marco in the process.

"They're for my stripper girlfriend, her name is also Lisa Cuddy", he explained sarcastically before walking away with the bottle in his hand.

Apparently he and Wilson were the only ones that cool enough to know about her bun in the oven.

As he passed the nurses station, he stopped and looked at a vase that had a red ribbon tied around it.

He looked down at the bottle and shrugged, taking the ribbon off the vase and tying it into a neat bow around the bottle.

House stood at her office door- peaking inside, where she sat going over some files with Wilson. He took a deep breath and figured it was now or never.

They both gave him a strange look as he walked in with the pink ribbon- wrapped bottle in his hand.

"Can I help you?" Cuddy asked slowly, with a frown, and one eyebrow raised as she noticed the bottle in his hand..

Wilson, who already had an idea of what he was doing, let out a chuckle- though he noted it was semi forced.

House held out his hand with the pills, and waited for her to take it. She did- slowly, wordlessly, and read what it said.

He gave her a tight smile, "Just doing my part in making sure our Dean of Medicine has a healthy pregnancy- Merry Christmas."

Cuddy blinked repeatedly with her mouth slightly open.

Only House didn't stick around to hear her 'thank you', because he was out the door only seconds later.

xxxoxxxo

"He's been delightful today..." She stared off to where House had just been, a little surprised at his pleasantness. Cuddy looked down at the prenatal vitamins that were wrapped in a messy bow, unable to suppress a smile.

"It's not going to last", Whispered Wilson standing up, as he began pacing back and forth in her office.

"I know, the Vicodin. You're not giving him a refill right?" She asked, setting the bottle on the coffee table.

"He's not on Vicodin- he gave me the bottle back, because he didn't want to get addicted again."

"That's wonderful!"

Wilson inhaled deeply and fell into a chair in front of her with a huge hump, "I know. But I'm really worried he's going to crash soon."

Cuddy turned her eyes to Him and rolled them, "You're starting to sound like a broken record Wilson...these past months all I've heard from you is that you're worried about him, that he's keeping stuff from us- which turned out to be NA, something good. Then you thought he couldn't do anything selfless to show he's changed, and instead he surprised you at the oncology benefit with a lovely piano performance.

"Even with me- he was willing to see where all our flirting could go-no it didn't work out, but there was no moping afterwards or him being resentful that I'm with Atticus. Why is it so hard for you to admit that maybe he _has_ changed for the better?"

"The reason he's in a good mood lately- since the accident at least is because- I've been secretly dosing him with antidepressants. He thought he was taking vicodin, but really it was a low dose of Prozac." He had his face in his hands at this point.

"How could House not notice he wasn't taking Vicodin?"

Wilson took a deep breath, "Because he didn't really need it anymore, and it had a placebo effect on him."

"But why Prozac? House has always been miserable, and you've never dosed him before."

She could tell that he was struggling to tell her, "Because- he's going to need it soon. He's going to crash Cuddy, and when he does you're going to be the only one that can help him."

"Why are you so sure he's going to crash? What about you?"

Wilson looked up at her and there was a level of sadness to his face that she had never seen before, "House won't come to me because our friendship will be over."

Cuddy laughed, "Because you dosed him with happy pills? He won't hate you for that-"

"No, not that. What he will hate me for is not telling him that I've known his mother is dying, and that I've been keeping it from him."

She felt her face go white, and swallowed, "What?"

"She got diagnosed with a brainstorm glioma back in Virginia. She called me afterwards asking as a favor that I look over her file, and not tell House. So I did- I looked at her MRI, it was clearer than most of what I see. I confirmed it, she has three months left- if that", he said it with a lump in his throat.

Cuddy felt like she couldn't breath, "Why didn't she tell House? Why didn't _you_ tell him? What if there's something he can do about it?"

Wilson shook his head sadly, his eyes getting glassy, "You and I both know there's no survival rate for a brainstem glioma. There's only treatments to give her time, and she doesn't want to do that. She was planning on telling him a few weeks back, but she said he kept avoiding them. Then they were planning on coming out anyway, and he had his accident, so she decided to wait until he was better."

Cuddy put her hands over her mouth, because Wilson was right, apart from herself, and Wilson, Blythe was likely the only person House truly cared about.

"How could you keep this from him Wilson?" She asked in a whisper, reveling in shock.

He had gotten up from the chair again and was pacing the room, completely unnerved and anxious, without a clue of what to do, "She begged me not to, and it's her news to tell. That and the doctor patient- confidentiality she made me promise to."

Cuddy shook her head, "House won't care about any doctor patient confidentiality. You're his best friend- you shouldn't have kept this from him."

"How could I tell him? How do you expect me to be the one to tell my best friend that his mother is dying? And that not even he, a genius diagnostician- can do anything about it?" He shrieked angrily- totally uncharacterisitcly of him.

After a few moments, he calmed down and put his hand to his mouth, and the other on his hip, before continuing, "They're arriving early tomorrow, I was going to take him to see them by myself- but it would be nice if you could come. I don't know how House will react."

Cuddy swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, "Of course."

xxxoxxxo

House thought over what had happened the previous day, had he really given Cuddy prenatal vitamins? Why? An now thinking back, Foreman's joke about an atrium heart valve wasn't that funny. It all seemed like a rather unrealistic dream.

In fact, ever since he'd left the hospital, after his accident- it had felt like he was in some sort of haze.

He opened his door, ready to head out to work on Christmas, only to be caught face to face with Wilson, who was holding two coffee cups. House frowned, and grudgingly took one as Wilson held it out.

Wilson had bags under his eyes, and he was nervous about something.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, as he took a sip of his espresso.

"Giving you a ride to work, it's Christmas and I'm Jewish. I heard Cuddy called you in to work," He swallowed.

"She's evil. I think I'm going to ask for those prenatal pills back. Think she's used them yet? Maybe I could still get my money back", he said thoughtfully as they walked out to his Volvo.

He waited for his friend to reply but Wilson merely shrugged, "I bought the tickets to the next Monster Truck convention."

House stopped in his tracks and blinked, "What? You never buy the tickets- I always have to buy them, because you hate it."

Only, as he was about to say something- House went to open the passenger door, only to realize Cuddy was sitting in the front seat.

She smiled nervously, lowering the window, "You get the backseat today."

House frowned, making a face at Wilson and got into the car, shutting the door after he was in, "What? Is carpooling a thing now? Is it the new black?"

"I had a flat tire", Cuddy stated.

Something was going on, "And you don't have AAA? Wait. Why are _you _working on Christmas?"

When neither of them were saying anything back, House realized something was going on. And when Wilson stopped at a red light, he tried opening his door, but the child lock was on.

"What's going on?" He asked, as his heart rate went up, "Is this an intervention? Because it's a little late, since I'm no longer on drugs."

Wilson shook his head, "No, we're just going to breakfast before heading into work."

"We can have breakfast at the hospital..." House said, tilting his head down- it was the face he made when he felt he was talking to idiots.

"But when was the last time the three of us went out for breakfast? Outside the hospital?" Wilson asked looking back at him through the rear view mirror, attempting a smile.

House wondered if that was a trick question, since they'd never actually gone out for breakfast, "I swear I'm clean. You can give me a blood test."

Cuddy turned, "House, we know you're not on drugs."

When they pulled into a diner, House became even more perplexed- because they weren't lying either, they were in fact going to have breakfast.

After they parked, and Wilson opened the door for House, he eyed them both suspiciously, "What's really going on?"

Neither of them said anything though, and House sighed following them into the diner and throwing his empty espresso cup away in the trash bin, right before they walked in.

He followed Wilson, who let the waitress know they were joining a table.

House strained his neck to see where Wilson was leading them, but slowed down when he realized that the table they were joining was his parents.

"Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?" He asked as his mom stood up from the booth and hugged him. She looked a little tired, and felt her frailness as he hugged her back.

His dad was the one that spoke up, "It's Christmas son, and we decided that if you wouldn't come to us, we'd come to you."

House slid into the booth, facing them and made room for Cuddy and Wilson. Only, when he looked up, they had already walked away, and were seated across the diner from them.

He turned back to his parents, and frowned at them, "What's going on?"

xxxoxxxo

"Is this such a good idea? Maybe we should have done this at the hospital?" Cuddy said, stealing a glance over at their table.

Wilson shook his head, and thanked the waitress as she set down their waters, "No, he'd just storm off if we were there, and go hide. Here he can't do that."

"I wish I could hear them", Cuddy admitted, still watching as House spoke to his parents. There was something funny about watching a grown man sit across from his parents, he looked almost- scared, from the way he kept fidgeting with his fingers- almost as if he were waiting to get in trouble for doing something bad.

She turned her eyes back to Wilson who looked as if he were attempting to break a world record of holding his breath. His body was tense, and his face was red, as he tapped his fingers on the table.

"You need to relax", she whispered.

He scoffed, "How can I? I'm about to loose my best friend."

"Right now this isn't about you. And, how can you be so sure? House has changed, and this isn't your fault, maybe he'll be mad at you for a while, but he'll get over it."

Wilson exhaled, looking past her, "Well we're about to find out- he's coming over here."

xxxoxxxo

House stared at his parents, expectantly, "I know what this is about."

His mom's eyes grew, "You do?"

"Yep. Wilson told me, so you don't have to tip-toe around me, I'm a big boy."

Blythe House extended her arm across the table and took his hand in hers, "Oh Greg, you're handling this much better than we both thought you would."

House shrugged, "Things like this happen to everyone- everyday. Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long."

At that moment something happened, that he had never witnessed, and couldn't be prepared for- his father started crying into his hands- hard.

Instantly, his mom let go of his hand, and instead held his father, attempting to console him, "Oh John, stop it. We promised not to do this to him."

The way she was holding him, and wiping away her own tears made it clear to House, that their being there had nothing to do with an impending divorce.

He looked for signs, his mother had lost weight, she wasn't wearing make-up- something she usually could not go without, there were bags under her eyes-

House felt like he was going to be sick, "You guys aren't getting divorced, are you?"

Blythe looked back at him, and shook her head.

House swallowed, "You're dying."

* * *

**Part 13 Preview**:

_His eyes frantically searched all of her scans, "It's not a tumor- I can save her."_

_"House, stop this- don't treat her like one of your patients. Go be with her. She needs you by her", Cuddy said softly, placing a hand on his arm, soothingly._

_He recoiled from her touch, and shut his eyes, laboring his breathing, "If you're not going to help me- leave."_

_It was useless to try and make him see reason, he was just like any other family member- in denial. _


	13. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Author's Note: For some reason this chapter was extremely difficult to write. I found myself going back and re-thinking every scene. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that House dealing with the idea of losing his mother is somewhat of an uncharted territory. Still, I tried as much as possible to stay true to his character. Hopefully you guys agree! Enjoy, and remember any feedback is appreciated. :)**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 13

_I Will Follow You Into The Dark_

_House looked for signs. His mother had lost weight, she wasn't wearing make-up which was something she rarely forgot, and there were bags under her eyes-_

_House felt like he was going to be sick, "You guys aren't getting divorced, are you?"_

_Blythe looked back up at him, while shaking her head._

_House swallowed, "You're dying."_

His father's shoulders moved with his sobs, and Blythe rubbed his back, while she sniffed back her own tears.

It was bizarre to him, as he sat there- to see a strong Marine Pilot crying. Where as he, couldn't even muster up the fright that he should have been feeling, by the news of his mother's death sentence.

House felt seemingly...ok?

In fact, lately that's exactly how he'd felt about most things.

He was fine that Cuddy was pregnant, and that she was dating- or seemed to be dating Atticus. He had basically given Wilson his _blessing_ on dating Cameron- who was supposed to pine after him for eternity. He had even been responsible enough to stop taking Vicodin for his broken wrist.

Everything he'd done as of late had been completely uncharacteristic of him. At first, he'd pegged it all on the fact that he wasn't in pain anymore. But he knew something was off, if he wasn't feeling rage over his mother dying.

He tilted his head a couple inches, and focused his eyes on the cup in front of him- as a million little puzzle pieces began to settle themselves properly in his brain, to form a picture.

Wilson.

Wilson had been the one to write and pick up his Vicodin prescription without him asking for one. And now looking back, the panic, at the fact that he'd downed half the bottle within a few days made sense- because Wilson had never looked that scared when he was popping Vicodin every five minutes before. No- he hadn't given him vicodin- it was happy pills.

He was dosing him for this.

Wilson had asked him multiple times if he'd spoken to his mom- _he_ had known, and he'd been keeping it from him.

House felt his chest tighten, "What is it? Cancer?"

Blythe swallowed, "It's a tumor, a brainstem glioma-"

His breathing hitched for a moment, and he licked his lips- analyzing his mother. She looked fine, and wasn't exhibiting any of the classic symptoms.

"I want to see your scans and chart, and I also need the name of your primary doctor", House said while clearing his throat, attempting to stay clearheaded of irrational emotions.

"No", she said with a sad smile, while shaking her head.

House scratched the side of his head impatiently, and exhaled, "I need to see your file mom."

Again Blythe swallowed, "Greg, I don't want to become one of your cases. I want to spend time with my son, not with Dr House."

"In what world do you think I would just let you die? The doctor who gave you that diagnosis probably scrapped through collage with a C average", he paused clicking his jaw to the side, "You need to get a second opinion."

He had a feeling she had, he just didn't want to ask- to bring it forward. She had to tell him on her own what he was fearing.

"I did honey. I asked James to look at my file. He confirmed the diagnosis", she said, while his father cleared his throat, and held her hand.

House looked down at the table, his nose flaring a bit, and clenched his jaw, "Why him? Why didn't you come to me?"

Blythe sighed, "Because you would prod and poke trying find any other explanation, but the truth that's staring you in the face. You wouldn't be satisfied with the answer, and because James is an oncologist. It seemed logical."

He scoffed, "He's a second rate doctor, at best! _I'm_ your son, if you're sick- you're supposed to come to _me_."

"Your mother is dying. She doesn't want a doctor, she wants to spend time with her son." John House spoke softly.

xxxoxxxo

_"Right now this isn't about you. And, how can you be so sure? House has changed, and this isn't your fault, maybe he'll be mad at you for a while, but he'll get over it."_

_Wilson exhaled, looking past her, "Well we're about to find out- he's coming over here."_

Cuddy held her breath as House got to their table and looked straight at her, "I need you to request my mom's file from her hospital. Her physician's name is Dr. Kupersmith."

"House, your mom doesn't want that." Wilson quipped in quietly.

He turned to look at Wilson for a moment, only to give him a look of utter disgust that Cuddy had never seen, then turned back to her exhaling, "So, you gonna do it or not? If not, we both know I'll just go behind your back- break into your account and request it on your behalf. I was just hoping you'd save me the trouble of going through all that."

She scoffed and shrugged, relenting, mostly because she knew how much this meant to him, "Ok."

"I'll meet you at the hospital then, I'm driving them there", he said with a single nod towards where his parents sat, as he walked away again.

Cuddy exhaled and turned back to Wilson, who looked in awe, "He ignored me, he's never done that before."

xxxoxxxo

Wilson's heart raced as he walked towards House's office.

Cameron- who was also acting cold towards him, had told him they'd admitted House's mom and were about to take her to get a MRI scan of her head. Which meant it was a perfect opportunity to talk to him.

When he got to his glass door, House was looking at a scan on his lightboard, while using his unbroken hand to play with his red ball- awkwardly.

He was in thinking mode.

Part of Wilson knew that it wasn't a good idea to interrupt him, but the larger part of him- the part that was drowning in guilt, was adamant about needing to speak to him.

As he walked in, House turned and noticed it was him, then looked back up at the lightboard, "Go away."

"House- we need to talk", he stressed with a hand on his hip.

He turned again, "I know- and we will. Once my antidepressant-addled brain is clear enough," He caught his ball, and heaved a sigh, looking down, "I'm just not in the right state of mind at the moment. Much too ok with things."

"Actually, I think you're in the perfect state of mind for this." Wilson said while swallowing. Then added, "I need to explain-"

"No. I'm not going to indulge you", he spat making a move to leave his office, only Wilson stepped in front of him, blocking his exit.

"House, just listen. Please?"

House took a step back and rolled his eyes, then brought his right hand to the bridge of his nose and scrunched his face, "You know what? What the hell. Let's have at it."

"I was only trying to protect you-" Wilson started, before House scoffed and threw his head back in a dry laugh- while momentarily tuning away from him.

"You have an extremely screwed up perception of what protection is", House paused and swallowed hard- taking his time to find the right words, "-I always saw a number of ways in which our friendship would end, and all of them were because of me. I figured I would finally cross some line of insults or pranks that would open your eyes and make you realize it didn't make sense anymore... "

He stared at Wilson devoid of emotions at that point and shrugged his shoulders in defeat- adding, "But I never thought it would be you who'd screw it up."

Wilson swallowed, unsure of how to respond. Only, he didn't have a chance to.

House walked out immediately, not giving him a chance to say anything back. Though, he wasn't sure he had anything to say back, because he knew- he knew House was right.

xxxoxxxo

_Next Day_

_December 26th_

"-And Dr Hourani is insisting that Dr Stein not send him anymore patients", Nurse Brenda finished off with her morning checklist to Cuddy.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, more irritated than she knew she should be and played with a rubber band in her hands, "Tell Hourani he doesn't dictate which patients get referred to him, or by whom."

Nurse Brenda nodded, "Also, apparently Dr House has bericated himself and his team in the light room. He's been in there since last night, and he's not letting anyone else in."

She froze, "Since yesterday?"

Nurse Brenda nodded.

"I think he might be holding his team hostage", she tried joking, only- she stopped laughing when she saw Cuddy didn't find it amusing.

Cuddy sighed, and started walking out, "I'll take care of it."

xxxoxxxo

As she got close to the Lightroom doors, she could hear House's muffled agitated voice from within.

She inhaled, knocking on the door.

"It's busy!" He yelled, clearly annoyed- attempting to cover it up.

"House, it's me."

There was a pause, "Still busy!"

"Foreman, open the door." She bit her lip, upset that she had to stoop to that level.

Within a matter of seconds, she heard shuffling, and movement of things, until the doors were opened to reveal the three relieved, and exhausted faces of Cameron, Chase and Foreman- While House's back faced her as he looked up at an MRI scan.

She sighed sympathetically at them, "Go home. I'll deal with this."

They immediately started walking out, not having to be told twice- leaving her alone with House.

"You need to get some rest", she said walking up to him.

House took the scan off the wall and placed it on the table instead, ignoring what she'd said.

Cuddy took the opportunity to look at his face, he had bags under his laser-focused eyes, and he looked pale- she sighed, "Have you eaten breakfast? How about we go to the cafeteria?"

"It could be infectious- look at the medulla", House mumbled, not taking his eyes off the scan, and completely ignoring her question. His fingers pointed to a spot on the MRI.

Cuddy swallowed as her eyes looked down at the spot, because it was worse than what she'd thought, "House, there's necrosis on the left side- by the pons."

He stiffened and licked his lips frantically, "Sorry forgot, you're not really a doctor, are you?- you've got no idea how to read MRI scans."

His words were meant to sting her, she knew that- but it was only because he also realized that she was right- he was just trying to find some type of outlet.

His eyes frantically searched all of her scans, "It's not a tumor- I can save her."

"House, stop this- don't treat her like one of your patients. Go be with her. She needs you by her", Cuddy said softly, placing a hand on his arm, soothingly.

He recoiled from her touch, and shut his eyes, laboring his breathing, "If you're not going to help me- leave."

It was useless to try and make him see reason, he was just like any otherpatients' family member- in denial.

xxxoxxxo

It was lunch time when Wilson strolled into her office, with agony written all over his face.

Cuddy had a pile of paperwork building, she had four days to complete her presentation to the board on the new sub-department, she had seven HR cases to look at- but at that moment she put it aside.

He didn't say anything at first, just sat in the chair opposite to her, exhuming pain.

"He hates me." Wilson breathed out, "And he has every right to."

Cuddy breathed in deeply, and rested her head on her hands.

"He told me we weren't friends anymore."

"I'm sorry Wilson. I know that you did what you thought was right for him, but don't you think we should focus on _him_ right now? And not your screw up?"

"He won't even talk to me." He pressed.

She sat up straight, "No offense, but House is acting like any rational person would. If you'd done the same thing to me, I'd be furious too...Give him time."

He dropped his head into his hands, breathing deeply, "I really screwed up."

She genuinely felt bad for him, because Wilson only ever acted on best intentions. He had not one malicious bone in his body. But she also knew House, and Cuddy knew though she told Wilson to give him time, the truth was that House would possibly never forgive him.

Cuddy put a hand on his shoulder, chuckled sadly, "Yes, you did."

"He's going to need someone to lean on, once she's gone. He's going to need you", Wilson said looking up at her.

There were momenst where House tested her patience, and frustrated her beyond belief- but Wilson's ability to internalize every slight gave him a run for his money.

"Just because House is royally mad a you right now doesn't mean your friendship is over- you have to be there for him when it happens. I can't imagine anyone else being able to reign in the horror of self-destruction that will happen when the time comes."

It was partly true- House would self-destruct, however- whether or not Wilson would be capable of controlling the disastrous outcome, Cuddy wasn't sure about.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy was about to leave for the day, and had begun to get her things together, when the doors to her office burst open, and House walked in looking if anything, even more frazzled than he had in the morning.

He ignored the fact that she was packing up, and focused his eyes on hers, "I need to do a brain biopsy."

"House-" Cuddy frowned, struggling with what to say- because the truth was that he wasn't thinking rationally anymore. She shook her head and swallowed, "No, you can't do a biopsy on your own mother- you shouldn't even be attending her."

He rolled his eyes, scoffed, "Fine, I'll make Chase her attending- and guess what? That makes me the family right? Well I consent to the biopsy."

"But the scan was clear, I saw it myself. It's a Brianstem Glioma." She argued, picking up her coat.

House paced her office, and it was obvious that he was getting more frustrated by the second,"It's an infection, I can cure it- but I need to do a biopsy to confirm."

"There's no need for a biopsy, she has an infection because she was administered Decadron for swelling- because she has a brain tumor!" She yelled- not being able to control her anger anymore. After she realized what she'd done, she sighed, while standing up from her desk, "She's going to die, and I'm sorry House- I really am, but I can't allow you to put her through that- it won't save her."

He'd stopped, and was looking at her, as his chest rose and fell with his shallowed breathing.

"Why am I even asking you? It's not like your competent enough to read the scans." He muttered angrily.

Cuddy felt his words hit her chest like a pack of bricks, and she clenched her jaw, "You know what? Sure- I'm not a neuroncologist, but neither are you. The doctor who was your mother's attending in Virginia however, was, and his diagnosis was correct...Stop this House, _please_."

House's nose flared, "I need to do a brain biopsy."

He was relentless.

"No...I'm taking over as attending, and discharging her as of tomorrow morning", she looked at him, as his eyes grew a little, but still- he didn't say anything. Cuddy frowned and continued, "Take some time off, go spend her last months with her...make her _happy_."

House merely looked at her for a few seconds, and Cuddy could see that he was trembling. If it was anger or fear she wouldn't know, because after a while he simply turned around and left without saying anything else.

xxxoxxxo

_December 27th_

Cuddy's first visit that morning was to Blythe House, who was already packed up and ready to go, with her Husband at her side.

She smiled up at Cuddy as she walked into her hospital room, "Am I all clear to go?"

"Uh, yes- yes you are", she said, distracted by the fact that House wasn't with them, "Where's Greg?"

"Haven't seen him since he drove us here two mornings ago", John House said with a note of bitterness laced into his voice.

Blythe patted her husband's hand affectionately, "I'm sure Greg's been very busy."

Cuddy smiled, deciding not to comment on the fact he had no current cases, "Well, you're all set to go. Did the nurse already drop off some forms for you?"

House's mom nodded, "We're heading back to the hotel. I know Greg has our room number, but just in case- can you give this to him? I'd really like to see him before our flight leaves tomorrow", Blythe said handing Cuddy a business card of The Hilton hotel with their room number on it.

She swallowed, and nodded her head, "Of course."

Then as Blythe stood up, Cuddy didn't know why, but she walked over and gave her a tight hug. It could have been that the pregnancy was making her hormonal, or perhaps it was the fact that House was loosing her, and in a way she could feel his loss- but she was surprised to feel Blythe return the hug.

When they separated, Blythe smiled at her, and placed a hand on her stomach, "I heard the news, I'm very excited for you Lisa. You're going to make a wonderful mother."

Cuddy swallowed, and her mouth momentarily turned down- but she forced it into a smile, as her eyes welled with threatening tears, "Thank you."

And as Blythe's hand remained in her stomach for a fleeting moment, she felt the first flutters of her baby move.

xxxoxxxo

He struggled with knocking on the hotel room. There wasn't much for him to say really, and he also dreaded seeing his dad.

It could only go a number of ways- none of which ended good.

House held a hand to support himself up against the wall and bowed his head down, taking a deep breath before standing up straight again and knocking on the door.

It took a few seconds, but finally the door opened, revealing his mom.

She smiled at him, "Oh Greg. You came."

He managed a weak smile, while numbly walking into their hotel room. House looked around, "Where's dad?"

"Your father went to get us lunch. Have you eaten? I could ask him to get you a Reuben?" She asked placing a hand on his arm, as she always had since he was a child, to soothe him.

House looked down, shaking his head, "No, I'm not hungry."

"Honey, you don't look too good. I always worry about you eating, you know?" She said sitting down on the couch.

House scoffed, "Mom I'm fine- I'm not the one who's basically committing suicide."

"Gregory House, that is an awful thing to say."

After a moment of silence he bowed his head, nodding, "Yeah- I'm sorry."

Blythe House gave him a sorrow filled expression, and held both his hands as he sat down next to her, "Greg, do you remember when your father was stationed in Japan? Remember how much you loved it? And you were terrified of coming back to Virginia because you were afraid of the change? But everything was fine, just like every other time we moved. You were always fine, you will be fine."

"This is a little different than moving continents mom. You aren't moving far away- you're giving up", he said with a shaky breath looking up at her for a second, before focusing his eyes back down at his lap- while swallowing and added, "You can't leave me."

Blythe let go of his hands and cupped his face in her palms, "I don't have a choice, my number is up. And I would rather spend the time I have left playing chess with you, or learning to play the piano with you, and going to a monster truck rally with you and your father, than being at a hospital, miserable and in pain."

House swallowed and sniffed, "I could save you."

"Honey, we both know that isn't true."

"You should have come to me sooner-"

Blythe smiled at her son, "You still wouldn't have been able to do anything. My tumor was never operable, I knew what my chances were from the start."

House inhale deeply, "I just can't loose-"

"Greg, really now, I feel like I'm not talking to my son. This isn't the Gregory House I know", she said trying to lighten up the mood, "Nothing will change, you will mourn me, then go back to your life. You'll be fine."

He scoffed, "You're all I have mom. You'll be dead, It won't ever be the same."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy attempted to go the rest of the day, as if it were just another average day at the hospital. She tried forgetting the fact that Blythe house was dying, that she was pregnant, and that Atticus was still patiently awaiting an answer to his marriage proposal.

What she did try to focus on however, was the HR complaints which were becoming a small mountain on her desk, or her presentation on the new sub-department and the ten candidates she had to interview for a neurosurgeon position, to fill within the next week.

However, somehow any which way her mid tried distracting her, it would all lead back to one common denominator- House.

She'd checked in with his team a few times, but none of them had yet to see him. So instead she'd reassigned them all to help out in the ER for the day, until he decided to show up and complain that she couldn't take his team.

But even as she waited until the very last minutes before five, for him to show up, he never came- which was very un-House like.

Then, as she was getting ready to leave for the day, she looked up for a moment to see House signing for something on the pharmacy log and watched as Marco, the pharmacist handed him a prescription bag.

After a moment, House walked away, and out in to the lobby. Cuddy didn't think twice and bolted after him.

As she made it to the lobby, she spotted him inside an elevator, as the doors closed, and sighed. She watched as the numbers to the elevator went all the way to the top. Where was he going? His office was on the third floor, Cuddy wondered to herself.

The roof.

She remembered Wilson telling her that he'd occasionally go up there when he was going through a rough patch with his ex- Stacy.

She wasted no time in taking the stairs, hoping to reach him before he made a mistake of going back on Vicodin.

Half way up, she realized that running in six- inch heels was a horrible idea, and took them off, sprinting up the steps until she reached the the door to the roof.

As she opened it, his back faced her- with his hands clearly close to his mouth.

"House don't!" Cuddy shouted, with a pang growing in her chest.

He froze, and when he turned around to reveal that it was a cigarette between his lips, and he'd been about to lite it- she sighed in relief.

He looked at her curiously, and brought it down, "Ok?"

Cuddy was about to apologize, but she decided to look inside his pockets instead- he seemed fine with her assaulting him too.

When her hands found a cylinder little bottle ,she looked up at him with a disapproving shake of her head, and took the bottle out to look at it.

However, as she went to reprimand him, her eyes traveled to the label- it was a prescription of Decadron for his mom.

"You thought I was relapsing." It wasn't a question- but a statement.

She apologized and placed the bottle back in his pocket, "Can you blame me?"

He sighed, putting the unlit cigarette and lighter back in his blazer pocket as well, "Guess not."

"Where have you been all day?" She asked looking closely at the circles that kept growing, under his eyes.

House looked at her feet, "Why aren't you wearing shoes?"

Cuddy closed her eyes, reminding herself to have patience, because he was purposely pushing her buttons to push her away. It was his coping mechanism.

"House, where were you all day? You didn't show up for clinic duty." She pressed, concerned at the fact he kept evading her questions.

He made a grossed out expression, "Do you realize how many microbes are on your feet right now? Do you really want your fetus exposed to all that?"

"Stop avoiding the question, why didn't you say bye to your mom, before I released her in the morning?"

He flickered his eyes elsewhere, exhaling, "What was the point? I went to their hotel room afterwards anyway."

Cuddy bit her lip, unsure of how to really proceed with him. So she did the most natural thing that came to her, and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, "House, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It was the first time that she'd addressed what would soon be a loss to him.

He stood there, like a cold marble statue, unmoved and tense.

She knew that perhaps she should have been hurt by the fact that he couldn't even hug her back, but also understood that this was new territory to him too. He was loosing his mom, he was loosing possibly the only person he thought loved him. And even though he'd never admit it, she knew he was scared.

So she decided to just let him stand there, with her arms around him, willing some of her comfort to flow in to him.

After what seems like a while, House's arms slowly made their way around her too. But what surprised her was that, it wasn't in a perverted manner, but more in a way that yearned the closeness as well.

She felt his chest rise agains hers, but said nothing. And she knew that it was enough. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to say the words. Because then it would make it final, and he couldn't come back from acknowledging his mother's demise.

"When did you start smoking?" She asked not being able to take the silence anymore.

She felt him shrug, "I haven't really, I just felt like having a smoke."

"Well don't. Please", Cuddy yearned into his chest. There was something so comforting about being in his arms that she couldn't describe. There wasn't anything quite like it, and she never wanted to let go.

His chuckle brought her back from her thoughts, and then she felt him swallow.

"I need to take some time off, after the sub department meeting thing", he let out, in an unusually soft voice.

Cuddy shook her head, "Don't even worry about that. You can take the time off now, and come back whenever you're ready."

House finally untangled himself from her embrace, while he shook his head, "I'll leave right after the meeting."

"Ok. House?" She asked as he began to walk away.

He turned back with his eyebrows raised, and his unbroken hand inside his pocket, "Yeah?"

"I'm here for you, you know that right?" She asked tentatively.

For a moment his eyes flickered around the roof, while he thought- but eventually he nodded once, "Yeah."

He walked away from her, leaving Cuddy to stand by herself- feeling possibly more frightened than when she'd first gotten there.

It wasn't that she felt unimaginably sad that his mom was dying- yes that in itself was tragic, but what she felt was more of a premonition that she began feeling in her chest.

It was a feeling of dread, as if she were watching House walk away for the last time.

* * *

_**Part 14 Preview:**_

_"__How long has he been sitting there?" Asked Foreman, as all three of them stared at House's vacant expression that faced the wall of his office._

_Cameron sipped from her mug, "Well he was there when I got here, and that was an hour ago."_

_Foreman shook his head, "Why doesn't he go home? He's going to be useless to us anyway."_

_"His mother's dying, would it be too much to ask to show him some sympathy?" Cameron spat at him._

_Foreman shrugged his shoulders as he looked through the patient file in front of him, "It's not like he'd show any to us."_


	14. Yesterday

**Author's Note: **

**yay! We're getting to my favorite type of writing. Good ol' angst! It's what I'm most comfortable with, so I hope you enjoy it. Btw I'm looking for a Beta, if anyone is interested. I've never used one on this site before, so I'm not exactly sure how it works, but I would really like to give it a try. Anyway- enough mumbling from me! Thank you to all who review! It is greatly appreciated! :) I sincerely hope you are enjoying the story! Please continue to fuel my muse! Enjoy- ari.**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 14

_Yesterday_

"House isn't here yet", Wilson announced as he walked into Cuddy's office.

She stared at him, and paused to purse her lips, "He's coming in late today, he had to drop off his parents at the airport."

Lately, Wilson had began to irritate her more than House on a daily basis- and that was saying a lot.

"Ah. I see...how is he?" He asked, with both hands on his hips- Wilson's signature pose.

Cuddy shrugged, "He wouldn't tell me- said he was fine, but I honestly don't know. You know how he is- he clams up when it comes to showing emotions. Anyway, He's leaving to spend time with them in Virginia, after our meeting with the board on Thursday."

Wilson raised his eyebrows, "If he says he's fine, he's not."

She rolled her eyes, "Well no offense, but lately you've been wrong about him. Excuse me if I don't exactly jump to believe you."

He sighed, and she could tell his eyes were moist as he looked at the ceiling, "Just...pay attention to him, please?"

Cuddy nodded, as she swallowed, "Wilson?"

He looked back down at her expectantly.

"Atticus asked me to marry him."

"What? Really? When?" He asked blinking rapidly, "-And what did you say?"

She fell back against her chair, exhaling, "About a week ago. I said I needed some time to think about it."

He nodded, "Well, what do you plan on saying?"

"I don't know. But is it pathetic that the first thing I thought about was, 'what about House?'"

"You love him." He stated, shrugging, "It's natural."

Cuddy swallowed, "I thought I didn't, I thought he was right, that it was just lust and my increased hormones driving me insane for him. But I do. I love him, he just doesn't love me back."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "He does."

She adamantly shook her head, "He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't."

"House pushes away the people he cares most about. You're in his elite list of people that matter to him, so it's why he pretends not to care about you at all. But none of this is new, you know how House is. So what's this really about?"

Cuddy laughed bitterly, "I just...don't know if I should keep pining for him, or move on. Will he ever change?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "As House would say- people don't change."

"It's just that with Atticus, I feel like I'm safe. I feel like I have someone to take care of me, I see myself differently with him."

Wilson was silent for a while, and began walking towards her door to leave, but paused to compose a thought, then looked back at her with amusement, "That's funny, because you've never been the type of woman, who relied on a man to define her."

xxxoxxxo

"Oh how I wish you were coming with us today", Blythe said as her hands were wrapped tightly around House.

Her symptoms had began to increase it seemed like, overnight. They'd had to ask for a wheelchair for her to help her to their terminal.

House knew what it meant if she was having difficulty walking. The glioma was worsening, she didn't have months anymore- now it was a matter of a few weeks.

When her hand trembled and she took time to respond to something he said, he only smiled- attempting not to frighten her, even if he was terrified inside.

He returned the hug, trying to stay clearheaded, "I'm leaving Friday mom, I'll be home then. I promise."

She broke away from the hug and planted an affectionate kiss on his cheek, "just because I'm dying, doesn't mean I'm blind. I know you're scared. But I love you Greg."

House swallowed and smiled widely back at her, knowing it would make her happy, "I love you too mom."

They exchanged quick goodbyes, and House gave his father a nod, as they left to their terminal, to fly back to Virginia.

He was happy to see them leaving, and that left him with a gaping hole of disgust in his chest.

xxxoxxxo

_Next Day_

"You have a phone call from a doctor at the Mayo Clinic on line three", Nurse Brenda stated, poking her head into her office.

Cuddy had her head down, while reading the presentation that House had put together. "I'm not taking any phone calls at the moment- wait, _the_ Mayo Clinic?"

Nurse Brenda nodded, "She says she's been trying to get ahold of you for days."

"She?" Asked Cuddy with growing curiosity, because she couldn't recall a female doctor from the Mayo clinic.

"Yes, Dr Petrova."

Cuddy scowled, and moved her jaw to the side as she pleasantly recalled Dominica Petrova from the Infectious Disease Summit.

She picked up her phone, with an edge to her voice, "This is Dr Lisa Cuddy."

_"Dr Cuddy, this is Dr Petrova, we met at the Vegas Summit a couple of months ago."_

"Yes. Can I help you?" She asked clearly irritated.

_"Well yes, I would like to know why you are not permitting Dr House to assist with the consult I requested? I would hope it is not because of our differences", _she said, letting her accent through.

Cuddy frowned, "What consult? I wasn't even aware of any request from your hospital for Dr House."

_"But we have been communicating via email for weeks. Every request I have sent to you, and you have continued to decline." _She stated also irritated.

Cuddy was about to rebuff, but stopped in mid thought, realizing House had broken into her inbox again. She wasn't sure why, but she wasn't upset- just amused.

"You know, it's starting to come back to me. Sorry, I must have gotten you confused with another hospital. He gets a lot of requests as you can imagine. Have you spoken to Dr House yourself?"

_"I have, but he stressed that he must get permission from you before accepting a request." _

Lisa Cuddy laughed, House ask her for permission? In what universe?

She wasn't sure why he'd told Dominica Petrova that he wasn't available, but Cuddy was fine with it.

"Well sorry, Dr House is indispensable at the moment, goodbye." Then hung up on her, not feeling guilty for acting rude.

xxxoxxxo

"Your whore called my office to complain today", Cuddy let out as as she walked into House's office. He looked up, clearly confused at what she had just said.

"What?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, and walked over to her usual spot, where she sat against his desk, "Dr Bimbo Petrova."

House's eyes grew as he realized he'd just been caught, "Whore isn't a really nice name to call someone-"

"Sorry, I just assumed that if she wanted to sleep with you, she must be a hooker", Cuddy let out suggestively, smirking.

House laughed dryly and half smiled looking at her almost admirably, "Damn, that was good."

"So were you going to tell me about her at all?"

He tapped his fingers on his desk a few times, while feigning indifference, "I didn't think my love life was relevant to my job. I'll make sure our phone sex is strictly done at home from now on."

Cuddy scoffed, and rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean. She said she'd been trying to get you, to go to the Mayo clinic for weeks. But that _I _wouldn't let you- what gives?"

"That all I cared was about getting into her skirt? I'm not all that interested in her brain?"

"Wow, you're romantic", she teased standing up. Cuddy paused, looking at House seriously, "Have you spoken to Chase yet?"

He shook his head, and nodded over to the DDx room where his ducklings had just walked in, "Wanna call him over? My leg's hurting."

Cuddy gave him a look, but still walked over and pointed to Chase with her finger, beckoning him to join them, "I'm sure your leg hurts."

Chase walked into the adjoining office with a slightly concerned expression, "What's up?"

House looked at Cuddy expectantly, but she rose her eyebrows back. And after a moment he turned to Chase, "I don't need you anymore-"

"House!" Exclaimed Cuddy, annoyed.

He laughed, "Well if you'd let me _finish- _I was going to say- I don't need you anymore because, you're going to run your own department."

Chase blinked, "What?"

Cuddy, clearly irritated at House, spoke up to clear the confusion, "We're creating a sub-division specializing in neonatal care, to the diagnostic department. Dr House would like you to run it."

"Seriously?" Chase asked, looking from Cuddy to House, "Is this a joke?"

She shook her head, "It's not a joke. House believes you would be best suited for the position- granted that is, if you're interested."

"Of course, absolutely! Thank you", Chase said walking towards Cuddy to shake her hand enthusiastically, then turned to House- but pausing when he saw his expression.

Instead, Chase gave House a tight smile and took a step back, "When will this be happening?"

"We have a presentation with the board and some foundations on Thursday. After getting the final ok, we will officially announce it, and begin the transition of your new department. Ultimately, you will still report to Dr House, but you will have your own office, your own cases and fellows who will report directly to you."

Chase looked awestruck, "This is amazing, thank you so much. I just have one question, what about Foreman?"

"You can't have him, he's mine", House jokingly said, "Get your own neurologist. You can't have Cameron either, she's mine too. Well, technically she's Wilson's- but we all know who she belongs to when push comes to shove."

Cuddy laughed dryly, and breathed in deeply, "Dr House will have a conversation with _both_ Foreman and Cameron- until then, I can count on your discretion I hope?"

Chase nodded eagerly, "Of course."

House rolled his eyes.

xxxoxxxo

_Later That Day_

"How could you give a new department to Chase and not me?" Foreman asked bewildered at House.

"I like him better?" He pretended to be confused, "Or, it could be that he deserves it, because he's a good doctor, but that's just a crazy idea."

Foreman clenched his jaw, and House noticed how he'd balled his hands into fists, "Chase betrayed you to Vogler, I was in charge when you and Chase got in trouble for the mistake with his patient, and I oversaw the department when you got shot. I at least deserved to be considered for the position."

House looked down at his desk, and leaned back lazily in his chair, "You're right, you make a good administrator, you can boss people around, you're organized, you follow protocol and procedures. But you still have a lot to learn about diagnostics, and nine times out of ten Chase will be right and you will be wrong."

Foreman was deathly quiet, and only looked at House with a menacing glare, "I should be running the department."

"One day you will make a great Dean of Medicine, but you'll never run a diagnostic department." House said standing up straight, "Now get out and send the skinny brunette in."

Mostly he was sending him away because he was a little afraid of what Foreman might do to him, if he continued to belittle him. It didn't matter that he was taller than Foreman, House was pretty sure Foreman could still take him on.

And he was relieved when he'd sent Cameron in after him.

She sat in the chair opposite to him and smiled, "It's ok, I know already and I'm glad Chase is getting it."

House frowned, "You're not at all jealous?"

"Chase has been here longer than all three of us, he's learned the most. And you kind of need me."

He scoffed, "Right. How foolish of me- I can't cope without you, I'm an emotional mess."

"It's the truth, who else is going to do all the patient charting and submit your department budget reports?"

House looked at her silently, "Good point."

His iPhone started ringing at that moment, and he frowned looking at the caller ID, "Why don't all you kids go play in the ER for a while? Lets play who can find the coolest dying patient?"

Cameron laughed standing up, "Fine, I'll go relay the message."

He waited until she'd walked out to answer his phone, "Hey mom, I was just-"

But as he was in mid sentence, the unmistakable crying of his Aunt Sarah rang into his ear.

House's heart began to feel like it was going to explode, "Aunt Sarah?"

She did her best to subside her crying, "G-Greg, honey-" but she couldn't form sentences, without another bout of erratic breathing and silent sobs, "Your mother-"

He swallowed a knot in his throat and looked up at the ceiling of his office, holding his breath, because he knew what was coming.

Her sobs increased, and she silently bawled into his ear, "-She's gone, Greg- you're mother is gone."

xxxoxxxo

After successfully doing a round in the ER and examining every patient, Cameron had returned to the DDx room to look over all the files that she'd gathered- awaiting g both Chase and Foreman to return as well.

House had been only a room a way for the past hour working on something, but she'd decided to wait for the others before disturbing him.

Finally after a while both of them strolled into the room, Chase looking I characteristically chipper, and Foreman looking like, well Foreman.

"How long has he been sitting there?" Asked Foreman, as all three of them stared at House's vacant expression that faced the wall of his office.

Cameron sipped from her mug, "Well he was there when I got here, and that was an hour ago."

Foreman shook his head, "Why doesn't he go home? He's been useless to us anyway."

"His mother's dying, would it be too much to ask for you to show him some sympathy?" Cameron spat at him.

Foreman shrugged his shoulders as he looked through the patient file in front of him, "It's not like he'd show any to us."

Chase rolled his eyes, "You're just hurt because he didn't appoint you to run the new department."

Foreman gave him a look that said be careful, "He only picked you because you'll kiss his ass."

"You're both idiots", Cameron said while reading through the patient's file. She stood up, "I'm going to ask him about the cases, and see which one he wants to take while you both fight."

She took the file from in front of Foreman too and made her way into his office, "House we have another case-"

"We aren't taking any this week."

She paused, feeling her heart drop, "Is it your mom?"

House inhaled deeply and looked up at her from the spot where he'd been staring at, to shake his head, "Nope. I'm heading out to the Mayo Clinic tomorrow- they have a kid who's allergic to oxygen. Fascinating stuff."

Usually he would have been jumping off the walls, but the way he had said it lacked any signs of excitement whatsoever.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

House nodded his head eagerly, while packing up his stuff for the day, "Peachy. Don't take any cases while I'm gone- Chase is in charge, and he needs to hire two fellows for his department by the time I get back. Oh, You need to hire someone to replace Chase. Preferably with great Aussie hair."

Cameron frowned and watched him put on his leather jacket, "O-k? Are you sure everything's ok?"

He looked up at her, "I'm fine. And stop looking at me like that before you make Wilson jealous."

House walked out of his office, raising one eyebrow at her, at an attempt to play off that everything was fine.

Cameron knew better though, he wasn't fine.

His mom was dead.

xxxoxxxo

As House got home that day, and locked the door behind him- and dropped everything on the floor.

He couldn't breathe.

House dropped his hands on his knees, bent over, attempting to catch his breath. It was all in his head, and he knew that, he even knew that he should have been able to talk himself out of having an anxiety attack- but he couldn't.

His mother was dead, and he hadn't been there.

Everything had changed, and it wasn't supposed to happen that way.

The size of his living room was becoming too small, the fact that none of the windows were open, made him start sweating, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to regulate his erratic breathing.

Suddenly an unexplainable urge to make it all go away filled him, and there was only one answer to what he needed- Vicodin.

There were bottles stashed all over his apartment, he'd made sure of it, just incase the pain in his thigh came back. At least, that had been his rationalization.

And that's when it started, his frantic search of pills, while not caring or paying attention to what he knocked over or broke. No, all that mattered at that point was not feeling anything.

He needed to be numbed into oblivion, so that he could go on without trepidation.

So that he could merely function.

But even as he knocked books off the shelves, in a hunt for his Vicodin, House couldn't find any. Why had he hidden them so well?

He paused, with his eyes closed, head bent down and labored his breathing as he remembered a green locked box that was safely sitting on top of his bookshelf. It held his morphine, beautiful glass vials that would bring him to utopia with a single needle prick into his veins.

House swallowed, trying to reason with himself, because the morphine was meant as a last resort- it was his Hail Mary.

As he grabbed a step stool to reach it, he felt as if he were a bystander, observing someone else command his body, while his arms instinctively reached for his box.

Every movement raised his blood pressure, until all he could hear was the pounding of his blood through his veins- anxiously awaiting the sweet escape that would penetrate his entire body.

A rush went through him when his hands found the cold metal box, and he pulled it down, knocking down more books in the process. Not that it mattered, because none of it did.

His fingers shook, as he fumbled to unlock the box. Why had he even bothered to get a box that required a combination anyway? He grew frustrated as his many attempts to open it failed.

Finally after what seemed like forever, he managed to open the box successfully, his breathing getting shakier by the minute as his eyes locked on the morphine vials and the hypodermic needles.

His right hand wrapped around one of the vials, and he closed his eyes taking a deep breath- attempting to talk himself out of his insane idea.

There had to be something else, there had to be another answer to ease all the pressure in his chest, there had to be something to let him breath. He needed someone, he needed the comfort.

He needed Cuddy.

xxxoxxxo

She'd taken enough time to decide, and just when she thought that maybe her answer would be no- she'd gotten home to see Atticus slaving over dinner, complete with an apron, and a grin on his face. And as much as she didn't want it to, it warmed her heart.

This was what she needed after a long day- this was a man who would be there for her, who would make a great father, who would talk to her- share his life with her, be open with her.

There was no question that part of her heart and soul would eternally belong to House, but in the end that wasn't enough.

There were too many variables in her life now, too much to consider with a baby on the way.

She would need a partner, she would need someone to carry the toll of parenthood with her. Atticus was already a dad, he was the dad to her fetus. It was rational for him to be in her life.

And Cuddy hoped that maybe if she just kept repeating it over and over again, her head would change her stupid heart.

"Yes", she heard herself say to him, as he took out something from the oven.

Atticus paused for only a moment, before setting the lasagna on the counter, then turned to look at her curiously, "What?"

She swallowed, fidgeting with her fingers behind her back, "Yes, I'll marry you."

As if on cue, Atticus pulled out a blue Tiffany's ring box from his pocket, and bent down on one knee in front of her.

Cuddy half- smiled, half laughed, and watched as he took out the silver-band ring, and placed it on to her ring finger, effortlessly. It was just like him to be ready, he never ceased to amaze her.

Afterwards, he stood up with a a grin on his face and kissed her, "I love you Lisa. I never stopped."

She felt her heart beat a little faster, as he said the words. And as she was about to reciprocate his declaration of love, her doorbell rang. She exhaled, and gave him a light kiss back on his lips, "Hold that thought."

Cuddy walked to the door with a goofy grin on her face, unable to shake it off, and didn't even bother checking through the peephole, to see who it was.

Her smile fell when she opened the door to reveal her visitor.

House was standing up against the frame of the door, when she opened it, and his chest was rising and falling at an alarming rate. His eyes were focused on the floor, but as she'd opened the door, and he saw her feet, his eyes traveled to her face.

She took note of his broken look, there was a painful appearance in his face, and noticed him swallow before speaking. He was in excruciating pain.

"Cuddy-" was all he could croak out, but it was enough for her to realize something was wrong- very wrong.

As she extended her arms to grab hold of him, another pair of arms enveloped her waist instead, and pulled her back.

Atticus.

"Ah, if it isn't the reclusive creep, Dr House himself. Have you come to congratulate us?" He boasted.

Cuddy watched as how House's demeanor changed immediately as Atticus had joined them. He pushed himself off the door frame and nodded lamely to him, rolling his eyes, while mumbling, "Yeah sure. I already knew. Look, can I speak to her alone? Hospital stuff-"

"How could you know? She just said yes", Atticus motioned as he exposed her hand with her ring finger.

Cuddy pulled it away, and scowled up at Atticus, but not fast enough for House to miss the very evident engagement ring that she was now wearing.

His eyes were the only thing that registered surprise, but even as soon as she'd seen it, it was gone. He looked back up at the both of them, and feigned excitement, "Awesome- Congrats."

She breathed in deeply, and looked back behind her, at Atticus, untangling herself from his embrace, "Can you give us a few minutes? We have a presentation tomorrow that we have to talk about."

Atticus gave her a long passionate kiss, that was meant to mark his territory, "Don't take too long, the food will get cold."

She nodded, and watched as he walked away, giving them some privacy.

Once he was gone, Cuddy looked back at House, who no longer looked to have any sort of expression on his face. Whatever he'd been about to say before Atticus had interrupted them, was gone and locked up away and out reach.

It didn't mean that she wouldn't try though, "What's wrong?"

House frowned, feigning confusion, "Why would anything be wrong?"

"House, before Atticus came out you looked like you'd just had the wind knocked out of you."

He shrugged, then nodded his head as he swallowed, "It was a pretty long walk from my bike to your door- I did get winded."

"Please don't lie to me- if there's anything wrong-"

He sighed, "I was just getting ready for you to yell at me. Because I decided to head out to the Mayo Clinic tomorrow after all- to help Dr Petrova with a patient."

Cuddy's mouth dropped, "House! You can't leave tomorrow! The presentation we've been preparing to deliver to the board and the foundations is in two days!"

House shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, an oxygen-allergic kid beats out the board any day. His life is literally being suffocated out of him-"

"You can't do this to me!" She screeched angrily, then added, "-Not to help some bimbo doctor."

There was something conflicting in his eyes that Cuddy noticed, something that told her there was another part to his story.

Only as he noticed her staring, he looked away past her, "Look, I'm not really asking you for permission. I'm just giving you the heads up, so why don't you go back inside and play house? I like this whole '_sixteen and pregnant- so now I have to get married'-_ thing you have going on. It's working out great for you, and I'm sure your dad would be thrilled. A child out of wedlock is the new _in_ thing anyway."

Cuddy felt like he'd jabbed a knife in her gut. She clicked her jaw to the side, and crossed her arms, "You're a real bastard. No wonder you're all alone, and miserable."

For a fleeting second, there was a glint in his eyes,- as they momentarily grew and met hers, but he blinked and whatever had been there was gone. Instead House snickered and smiled cruelly, "Yeah, you really got me good. We all know you're settling-"

She couldn't take it anymore, and slammed the door on his face. Because she knew if she'd kept it open, she'd say something that she wouldn't be able to take back. How dare he bring her dead father into it? House knew that was a touchy subject for her.

When she turned around, Atticus was there waiting for her, "What was all that about?"

"Nothing. Did you have to do that? Claim assertion over what you believe belongs to you now?"

Atticus's furrowed his eyebrows, "Was there something wrong with that? Aren't you mine now?"

Cuddy pursed her lips, "I'm not some prize of yours to show off. I don't relish being thought of as something you own."

He sighed, while nodding, "You're right. I'm sorry- I just get this inexplicable desire to protect you from that madman who obviously has the hots for you."

She softened, smiling up at him, as he took her hands into his, "You have nothing to worry about with House."

"I just don't want to loose you again."

He bent down and gave her a chaste kiss, "I love you Lisa."

She smiled up at him, convinced that she believed what she was about to say, with l her heart, "I love you too."

xxxoxxxo

House instinctively closed his eyes as she shut the door in his face, and bowed his head down for a second- breathing in deeply.

Why had he said those things? He hadn't meant any of them.

It had been a mistake to come to her, he knew that now. She couldn't be there for him, he couldn't talk to her, and if he couldn't talk to her there was absolutely no one left.

He took a moment to swallow, as he contemplated ringing her doorbell again to apologize. But even as his finger almost made it to the button, he dropped his hand, and turned around to leave instead.

The more he thought about it, back on his way to his bike, the more he knew he it was really for the best. Because the last thing he needed was Cuddy pitying him over his mother's death.

It was easier if he was just on his own, it was easier to push it all away. Talking about how he was 'feeling' with anyone wouldn't bring her back, it wouldn't make him feel better or make him miss her less. Nothing would help, except not to feel.

And as he placed his hand into his pocket to take out his keys, his fingers came across a piece of paper, and he pulled it out. It was the prescription note he'd stolen from Wilson's office for Vicodin.

It was then, for the first time that night, that he began to feel slightly better, as he got on his bike and headed to the nearest pharmacy.

* * *

_**Part 15 Preview**:_

_What the hell are you doing here?"_

_ She inhaled deeply and smiled sadly at him, "I know your mom passed away."_

_House opened his eyes wide, "Again, what the hell are you doing here?"_

_ "You need someone."_

_ "And you need a seventy-two hour hold in a psych ward", he muttered turning back around to face his window, while crossing his arms. After a moment he paused and turned his head over to her again, "That seat is taken."_

_Cameron nodded, "I know. I logged onto your email account and printed the e-ticket off it."_

_"Woman, do you not know the definition of boundaries?" He muttered closing his eyes again, facing away from her._


	15. Broken: Part 1

**Author's Note: dark themes ahead, be warned! I apologize in advance for any medical mistakes. Enjoy! :)**

**p.s. I have some bad news, I originally planned on making this story about 15 chapters, but have realized it will be quite a bit longer. I do apologize, but there are many more details that I wouldn't be able to fit into 15 chapters. Still, enjoy!**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 15

_Broken: Part 1_

Cameron barged into Cuddy's office, early Wednesday morning.

Cuddy looked up, flabbergasted, "Why does no one feel the need to knock anymore?"

"I need to take a few days off", she said curtly, placing a piece of paper on her desk, then taking a step back.

Cuddy picked up her letter requesting time off, and frowned handing it back to her, "Isn't this something you should be handing your Department head?"

"House- left for a few days", She said slowly.

That's when Cuddy remembered him telling her the night before of his plan on going to the Mayo Clinic the next day. Though, to be honest with herself she hadn't thought he'd go through with it.

She took a deep breath looking over the pharmacy inventory log, "Right. How could I forget, he went to selflessly help with a consult, at the Mayo Clinic."

Cameron's eyes got big, and she moved her head forward a little bit, "And you believed that?"

"He told me last night, he came over- why else?..." Cuddy paused, looking at a spot on her paper.

He'd been upset the night before when she'd opened the door. And he had been about to say something before Atticus had interrupted him.

"His mom died yesterday afternoon. I suspected because he was acting strange, and after he left I called his dad...he confirmed it."

Cuddy felt like an idiot.

House had gone over to see her, after getting the news. He'd needed her, and instead she'd slammed the door on his face.

Now it all made sense. The way he had closed up after Atticus had shown off her engagement ring, how he'd made a lame excuse of going to help out Dr Petrova at the Mayo Clinic- his insults on her pregnancy and engagement.

All of that, he'd done to push her away, to avoid any type of comfort from her. He'd felt that with Atticus becoming a permanent anchor in her life, that he no longer fit.

It broke her heart.

House wasn't a masochist, but he was comfortable with pain. It was an area he knew well, and above all else he didn't take emotional chances- he was faithful to what he knew.

If he wasn't sure that there was space for him, he wouldn't subject her to his personal life problems.

She placed her face in her hands and heaved a sigh, "I'm so stupid. He came to tell me, and I basically kicked him out."

Cameron listened from where she stood, but didn't comment.

Instead, she held her breath, and Cuddy asked, "And you're asking for time off to go to Blythe's funeral?"

She wanted to, of course she did. He needed someone to be there for him, she could only imagine the horror he must have been feeling. After all, when she'd lost her father, it had been one of the lowest moments in life.

But there were other things for her to think about. The hospital for instance needed to be ran, and this time she wouldn't be able to leave Wilson in charge, because he needed to be there for House more than she did.

And there was the presentation the next day that the board was anxiously awaiting.

It was another thing he'd known, and had probably pushed her away for- because she had other responsibilities.

"Not for his mother- for him. I've been through loosing someone, and he's going to need someone", she smiled tightly, "I'm on the same flight as House, it leaves in four hours."

Lisa Cuddy nodded, knowing somewhere in her, that though she wished more than anything to be the one with him on that flight- that the person he needed wasn't her.

He needed a motherly figure who wouldn't patronize him, or would wind up arguing with him, because he couldn't keep his emotions at bay. House needed Cameron.

xxxoxxxo

He swallowed two pills dryly, while he waited in line to board his flight. As he felt them go to his stomach, House realized he'd lost count on how many he'd taken since leaving his apartment.

Just that morning he'd gone to multiple pharmacies, to load up on pills, for what would most certainly be the worst weekend of his life.

After he'd left Cuddy's house the night before, and gone home after picking his first batch of Vicodin pills, he'd felt much better. So well in fact, that he'd called his father who'd been awaiting to hear from him since he'd hung up with his aunt Sarah.

John House was a mess, and he didn't do messes- he was precise, cold, emotionless. It was weird for House to attempt to be there for his father- a man whom he despised more than any other human being on the planet.

But the pills made it bearable to listen to him go on about not knowing what dress to pick out for her, or who to call, and what to do- he wasn't functioning.

Truthfully, he couldn't care less about what he was feeling. His mother being dead wouldn't change how he felt about him, it wouldn't bring them closer- they wouldn't bond and become best friends. Nothing of that sort would happen.

But the reason he was going was much more complicated than that. It was because it was his final attempt at doing something to make her happy, even if she was gone. It stood against everything he believed in. He didn't think she was watching from above, he didn't believe her death would have some profound meaning for him- that it would cause him to change, but he needed to prove it for himself at the same time.

Before long, he had been boarded on to his flight, and took his first-class seat, taking out his iPod.

House felt the oncomings of his Vicodin buzz, and closed his eyes preparing for what would be a nice flight.

But just as the pills were numbing him to sleep, he became aware of someone sitting down next to him. Which didn't make any sense, since he'd made sure to buy both of the seats, just so he wouldn't have to worry about uncomfortable chatter or annoyance.

He frowned, and attempted to open his heavily-drugged, half lidded eyes while removing his earbuds, to turn over and shoo away who'd ever joined him, only to be face to face with Cameron.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

She inhaled deeply and smiled sadly at him, "I know your mom passed away."

House opened his eyes wide, "Again, what are you doing here?"

"You need someone."

"And you need a seventy-two hour hold in a psych ward", he muttered turning back around to face his window, while crossing his arms. After a moment he paused and turned his head over to look at her again, "That seat is taken by the way."

Cameron nodded, "I know. I logged onto your email account and printed the e-ticket off it."

"Woman, do you not know the definition of boundaries?" He muttered closing his eyes again, looking away from her.

When she didn't say anything, he figured it was settled- that maybe she'd gotten the point. Maybe she would even leave?

Only, seconds later he felt her hands grab his face and turn him around to face her-roughly, "House open your eyes."

He did, but it was mostly out of reflex than anything else, "Ow, are you trying to snap my neck?"

Her tensed shoulders fell, "What did you take?"

"Nothing, this is how normal people look when they want to sleep", he said gnawing her hands off his face and attempting to turn back around.

He wasn't sure why he was lying. He'd never had a problem being high around her before- then again he'd had an excuse before.

"You're stoned."

He scoffed, "You wish. That would be a turn on for you, wouldn't it?"

"House, what did you take?"

He didn't answer, instead just put his earbuds back on. Not that it did any good, because she merely pulled them off again.

"What did you take? Was it heroin?"

House scoffed at everyone's belief that he would resort to the worst thing possible, "No I left all the heroin with my hooker."

He closed his eyes again, but he could feel her frowning behind him, "I just want to know- to keep track. I want to make sure you're ok."

"Vicodin, now go away and leave me alone", he exasperated, knowing she wouldn't have stopped if he'd kept quiet.

"But you were doing so good. Why would you just let yourself relapse", she asked indignantly.

"Why don't you go bother your boyfriend instead. Actually- I'm surprised he's not the one who's here, is he here?" House queried looking around to see if any more of the incoming passengers were his ex-best friend.

"He's not here. I can't believe you're stoned House. How many pills did you take? Judging from your eyes I'd say a bit more than the recommended dosage."

He rolled his eyes, and licked his lips, "Are you going to be this way the entire time? Because I'll ask for another seat if you are."

Cameron sighed and shook her head, "Have you written your eulogy for her funeral?"

House clenched his jaw, "You know what? let's talk about my drug use instead."

"I spoke to your aunt Sarah, she said your mom really wanted you to give one."

He swallowed and turned his head back around, "Leave me alone."

"Fine, rest. I'll wake you up when we get there."

Finally something he agreed on. He nodded his head, and laid against his seat sideways, with his back towards her, letting the pills lull him to sleep.

xxxoxxxo

Cameron had made arrangements for a car to pick them up at the airport, once they landed.

He was actually a little relieved, because it turned out that his tolerance for Vicodin wasn't what it used to be. Since he'd been off it for so many months, he was barely functional when they got off the flight.

If it hadn't been for her, he would have left his luggage, walked into the ladies room, and gotten onto a flight headed to Arizona.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having her there after all, he thought to himself after they'd gotten into the car.

He heard her give the driver his parents address, and muttered, "Stalker. What, did you google it?"

"You're aunt Sarah gave it to me this morning. She's already there, with your dad."

House sighed deeply and swallowed, "Seriously, you're creepy."

"Drink this, we need to get you somewhat sober before we get there", she said ignoring his comment, and handing him an espresso filled cup.

House eyed the cup, then her suspiciously, "Take a sip first, I have trust issues with coffee."

She rolled her eyes at him and took a huge gulp, then handed him the cup, "I'm not stupid enough to try and drug you when you're already medicated enough."

He was still mildly suspicious of the cup, but relented and drank the espresso, all in a few large gulps- then threw the cup back at her, "Happy?"

"Sure."

The rest of the car ride was quiet, for the most part, the only one who said anything was House- as they passed by his old prep school, and pointed it out to Cameron.

He swallowed, remembering his first day of high school.

House had been extremely nervous to be going to school in the states, after having traveled the world with his parents. It wasn't that he was nervous about fitting in- he was nervous about the social niceties, and mind numbing conversations he would have to endure.

His mom, ever his protector of sorts, had assured him that the rest of the kids would find him intriguing- promised him that he would make many friends.

She'd been right to a point, he'd made friends, but not because he wanted to or felt the need to, he'd merely done it for her- and as always she'd seen right through it.

House smiled as he looked out the window of the car, remembering how she could always tell when he was lying.

He'd had his first girlfriend at that school too, and mentioned it to Cameron as they neared his parents' home.

Her ability to remain silent when it was what he needed, was a quality that House liked about Cameron.

As they pulled up to the white two-story federal style farmhouse, House sighed.

Let the mourning begin, he thought.

xxxoxxxo

His father had a permanent rim of red around his eyes, his aunt Sarah's face was swollen from so much crying and his two younger cousins both kept going in and out of tears with every look they gave him.

That was the horror he was treated to in the first thirty seconds, after walking through the front door.

They had all given him sympathetic hugs that lasted too long, and commented on things that they remembered about Blythe, that they suddenly felt the need to share with him.

He was tense the entire time, but held his tongue, if only out of respect to the memory of his mother.

After they'd settled in, Cameron doing most of the non-verbal tasks, like putting their stuff away- and placing a kettle on the stove to make coffee, House excused himself to the bathroom where he downed the last three pills in bottle he'd had in his pocket.

He looked at himself in the mirror, feeling anxious and wanting the pills to take effect once more. He needed to be numbed if he was going to spend the afternoon in a room full of people crying and talking about his mother.

He took a deep breath and looked down, balling his hands into fists just at the thought of her.

Ever since the first phone call, he'd tried so hard not to let his mind travel to the thought of her. People died, he kept telling himself, they died everyday- it was a fact of life.

But even his rational mind couldn't ease the pang, or the knot that would form at the thought of her.

After a few minutes, he took one last breath and walked back out to see more people had arrived, and were seated all around the living room hugging, exchanging condolences and exploding into more tears at the sight of him.

Luckily, the Vicodin started buzzing through his body, and he was able to sit down and take all the pestering of his extending family and friends for a while.

However, when he saw his dad's brother walk-in through the door, House stood up, trying to excuse himself before his uncle spotted him.

It didn't work though, because as he turned around his uncle called his name and he sighed, turning back around to go and greet his uncle.

"How are you holding up Greg?" Asked his uncle Peter asked.

House nodded, "Fine."

His dad's brother was if even possible, worse than John House.

Peter House was a pastor, and an authoritative asshole, who had tormented him one summer that he'd spent in California. He'd actually missed his dad that summer, for the first time in his life.

That was the summer that he'd realized he was an atheist, at the tender age of eight.

"Your father told me you couldn't even figure out what was wrong with her."

House clenched his jaw, "She had an inoperable brain tumor."

His uncle slapped him on the shoulder, "All the work of god. It was her time to go, not even you could save her."

House blinked, "I'm thirsty", and walked away back into the kitchen- before he snapped. Also, hoping to find someone who didn't feel the need to bare their soul to him.

Even Cameron's eyes were watery though, as she spoke to his dad, while serving him and his aunt Sarah some coffee.

And they all kept telling stories about his mom that he'd never heard before. Apparently she'd taken up watercoloring after he'd left for Hopkins, and his father beckoned him to his old room to show off several of her paintings.

They had converted his old bedroom into her studio, where a lot of her canvases still sat.

"She left this one for you", his father said, handing him a wrapped canvas, with twine to hold it. There was a letter in the front of the canvas, just under the string with his name on it.

House swallowed, feeling the Vicodin starting to wear off again, and the feelings he'd been suppressing, slowly coming back. He took the package under his arm, "I'll go put this in the guest room."

In a flash, he was off and dumped the painting on his bed, closing the door behind him and locking it.

He took his duffle bag, and dumped the contents on his bed, searching for one of his Vicodin bottles, and frowned when he didn't see it. He figured that he must of put them all in his other suitcase, and frantically searched that one, which he knew definitely held his supply- yet none of them were there.

House sighed up at the ceiling, and closed his eyes tightly- Cameron. That's why she'd offered to put their stuff away.

He felt a surge of anger suddenly burst through his chest, because really, who did she think she was? He hadn't asked her to come along, she wasn't his friend, wasn't his girlfriend- she had no right.

The anger permeating through his body, acted on its own and had him going back downstairs, where Cameron was listening intently to a story that his aunt Sarah was telling her of his mom.

When he walked through the doorway, Cameron looked up at him- already knowing what was going through his mind.

"I need to talk to you", He blinked, attempting to remain calm.

She excused herself from his aunt, and walked into the nearest vacant room, where he closed the door behind him.

"Where are they?" House asked with a sharp edge.

Cameron didn't even try and pretend she didn't know what he was talking about, "Flushed them."

House scoffed, slightly raising his voice, "What the hell is your problem?"

She licked her lips, while crossing her arms, "I'm not the one with the problem House. You're the one creating it for yourself. You need to deal with her death without resorting to drugs again."

"You had no right-"

"I know. I know, I didn't have a right to flush them. I don't even have a right to be here, but you need me."

House laughed, "I need you? What kind of pathetic crap is that? I don't want you here, especially not now."

He opened the door, "Leave."

Cameron shook her head, staying put where she stood, "No. You need me, and you need to deal with the death of your mom, without being numbed."

"She's dead! People die, life goes on. I don't need the pills to cope with my _feelings_, I need the pills to deal with every other moron who's here!" He spat angrily at her.

She flinched, "You can tell yourself that all you want, but it's not the truth. You miss her- and you're hurting because she's gone."

"I'm hurting because I'm being subjected to deal with idiots like you", he muttered with a dry laugh. House sighed, "It's bad enough having to deal with them all weekend, but having you here as my non-existent conscious is something I don't need..._leave_."

Cameron stood unmoving, and said nothing. They locked eyes, as if in a war to see who'd win, it was very annoying to him. Just as he was about to say something, someone spoke up behind him.

"She's not leaving, and neither am I."

That unmistakeable voice belonged to the one and only friend he had, or used to have- James Wilson.

xxxoxxxo

"Ok, if you guys don't leave I will", House was resolute in his decision after what had persisted as a very annoying argument with the both of them.

Wilson gave him a grave look, "How do you think that's going to look to everyone who's here? This is your mother who just died."

"See, that's the kicker. I- don't- care." He said slowly, as if he were speaking to a child.

"Well you're not leaving", Wilson shrugged, with his hands in his pockets.

House laughed, "Oh yeah? Try and stop me- I'm going home."

He walked out of the room, completely ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him, and sprinted up the stairs to get his bags and leave.

House grabbed his blazer, putting on in a huff.

As he'd mounted his duffle bag on his shoulder, he reached for his phone that he'd left on the nightstand- it was gone. His heart skipped a beat, reaching for his wallet inside his blazer pocket, it was gone too.

House swore, and violently dropped his bags, turning to leave the room, but Wilson was waiting for him at the doorway.

"What the hell is your problem?" House asked him angrily, "You and your girlfriend have no right to take my stuff, or be here."

Wilson, ever the calm one, sighed, "Did you know that when multiple pharmacies get a script for the same patient, they usually call the doctor to confirm? Especially if it's narcotics...You forged prescriptions for Vicodin using my prescription pad."

He flung his arms, "Fine, sue me! But leave me the hell alone!"

"You think that's what this is about? You need to deal with her death, and you can't rely on painkillers to help you through it."

He was searing hot with anger, which was a rarity to House. Hardly did he get angry enough to feel the need to want to hit something.

"Wilson, you need to give me my stuff and leave", he said shaking with anger.

Wilson looked at him, while exhaling, "No. Because I'm afraid or what might happen to you if I'm not here."

xxxoxxxo

"And that was Greg when we were in Japan. He'd never seen a geisha before, and was fascinated to him", John House boasted, sharing some pictures that he'd found while going through his mom's things in her chest.

House grimaced and closed his eyes as he sat at the piano and he listened to them talking behind him. he was pretty sure his dad was purposely doing everything possible to annoy him. At least all their extended family had left, so the embarrassment of his youth was only witnessed by Wilson.

He breathed in deeply, running his fingers along the keys, remembering when his mom had called him to let him know she'd boughten a new piano to learn how to play it.

That had been right after he'd had the ketamine treatment, and she'd asked him to teach her. He'd promised her he would, right after he got out of the hospital, but had then made up excuses on why he couldn't leave work.

"And your wife took all these pictures?" Asked Wilson thumbing through all the photos, "She was really talented."

House got up and cleared his throat, announcing, "I'm going to bed."

"But it's only eight, and dinner's ready", Cameron stressed walking into the living room, frowning as House started to walk up the staircase.

"Not hungry."

He was surprised to make to the guest room, without anyone tailing him, and even more when he was able to close the door and fall on to the bed in peace.

It was the first time since he'd left his apartment that morning that he could hear himself think, without someone there to coddle him.

With the absence of anyone there, something to distract him, or any drugs to numb him, House finally couldn't stop his thoughts from going to his mom, when he looked up at the ceiling.

It was the stupid chandelier he spotted, that caused his body to go into a bout of uncontrollable trembling and erratic breathing. He'd helped her install it the summer he'd come home after his freshman year at Hopkins.

That stupid memory caused it all, he closed his eyes, swallowing the worsening knot in his throat and suddenly he couldn't breath anymore- he couldn't fight the pain in his chest.

xxxoxxxo

The entire presentation had gone smoothly, and Cuddy had been even more impressed in how Chase had filled in for House.

He was on point with every question, was charming as always, and outlined every detail of the department he was to run.

She'd hardly said anything the entire time, which was a first, since she always tended to have to speak over her staff when it came to doing a presentation in front of the board.

"It seems as though every thing has been thought through, I'm impressed", said the Chairman.

"I agree, when can we get this department going?" Asked one of the foundation members smiling.

Chase looked over at Cuddy with a huge smile, and raised his eyebrows excitedly.

He almost reminded her of a young House.

xxxoxxxo

"I made pancakes", Cameron said to House with a hopeful smile, who had his eyes glued to Prescription Passion on the TV screen.

"Not hungry", he said, without taking his eyes away from the screen.

Cameron sighed, and went to stand in front, blocking his view.

He rolled his eyes, "Go away."

"When was the last time you ate? You clearly need to eat." She said, crossing her arms.

House stood up, exhaling, "Look around, this is a buffet for you- it's full of people who are hurting, so go find someone else to nurture back to health. Stop wasting your time on me."

He walked off before he could hear her retort, or send Wilson to find him. He realized now how their relationship worked- they were like a super couple obsessed with attracting neediness. It was a wonder why they hadn't started dating before now.

House almost made it to the guest room, when one of his younger cousins- Samantha came at him holding her wailing baby out, "Oh thank god, can you please hold Trevor? I need to pee."

House's eyes shot wide open and shook his head, but still found himself holding the baby, "I can't."

She waved her hand absentmindedly, as she walked into the bathroom, "You're a doctor, you'll be fine."

The baby was screeching painfully, making him grimace.

"Just feed the kid?"

"Yes", she called from inside.

His eyes went from the bathroom door, to the crying infant he held in his arms, "Stop crying."

The baby screwed up his face in a hurt expression, and cried harder. House frowned, and tensed up- he didn't understand how people thought they were cute, if anything they were creepy.

He licked his lips, and exhaled putting the baby against his chest, and tapped his back lightly- the baby immediately burped and slowly stopped crying.

House walked back and forth for a few minutes, rubbing his hand up and down the baby's back anxiously waiting for his cousin to walk out.

"Wow, you're a natural", Samantha looked stunned as she exited the bathroom, drying her hands.

"No, it just doesn't take a genius to see when a baby needs to be burped."

He held out the baby to her, but she shook her head, "You look good with a baby in your arms, ever thought of having one?"

House scoffed, almost shoving the baby back to her, "God no."

xxxoxxxo

"You know, you really should have started your prenatal care much earlier", Dr Taub said, while ultra-sounding Cuddy's stomach.

Cuddy smiled, "It's hard to find time when your running a hospital."

He shook his head as he looked at the monitor with a smile, "Well, your fetus looks healthy, at any rate. I got your tests results back, your baby tested negative for Down syndrome."

"Thank god", she breathed out with a tiny smile.

Dr Taub made some notes on her chart and nodded, "I gotta say Dr Cuddy, I think you're the first doctor who I've met, that waited until their second trimester to start their prenatal care."

Cuddy frowned, feeling her heart skip a beat, "That's not possible. I'm in my first trimester-I'm twelve weeks."

He shook his head, "I highly doubt that. The fetus is fourteen weeks along. Do you want to know the sex?"

"What? No", she said uneasily looking at the screen.

"So you don't want to know the sex?" Dr Taub asked, confused as her eyes were glued to the monitor screen.

Cuddy swallowed and nodded her head, "I mean I do- but that can't be possible, I took a pregnancy test."

He shrugged his shoulders, moving the scanner around her stomach, "False negative tests happen all the time, especially if you test early in the pregnancy. Oh- there we go. Do you want to take a look?"

She looked up at the screen hearing the heartbeat of her baby, and the increasing blood pumping through her own veins.

Cuddy swallowed, because there on the screen was her baby.

There on the screen was her son.

* * *

**Part 16 Preview**:

_He was falling._

_Falling fast in a pool of warm water. And the rush that permeated through his chest to the rest of his body was unlike anything he could have imagined._

_House closed his eyes, breathing shallowly, dropping both his arms to the side, as Paula mounted his legs._

_The high was slow like molasses, being sent to the very tips of his fingers and back._

_She ran a hand down his bare arm, feeling sensitive to her touch, and it electrified him, made him want more._


	16. Broken: Part 2

**Authors note: I promise there it will get better for house! So bare with me! He just needs to hit rock bottom first...**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 16

_Broken: Part 2_

Cuddy paced her office back and forth, looking at the sonogram of her baby.

A baby boy.

There was no excitement in her. There was no joy at knowing that her baby was a boy, that she was having a son. And the fact that she wasn't excited, didn't bother her. No, it was the fact that she wasn't bothered by the fact that she wasn't excited about her son- that frightened her.

She was still trying to wrap her head around it, and not just that, but the fact that her fetus wasn't the outcome of one night with Atticus, but from a donor instead.

It changed everything. Or did it? She wasn't entirely sure.

On one hand, the thought of having someone there to go through all of the sleepless nights was comforting, but she also couldn't stand keeping the truth from Atticus. He deserved to know that he wasn't the father.

And since he wasn't the father, did she want to stay with him? The truth was, she wasn't so sure.

He wasn't the one. She wasn't in love with him- but maybe she could be again one day. After all, Cuddy was comfortable with him, and he was a great guy- the pros definitely outweighed the cons.

But she did love House. Whenever she saw him or thought of him, her body just reacted differently. Cuddy had spent so much time trying to convince herself that she didn't, that the reaction he caused her was negative, but the truth was she liked being around him. She liked watching him talk, making sarcastic remarks, having the answer when no one else did, everything- House was an enigma.

In the middle of all her thinking, Nurse Brenda knocked on her glass door, before walking in, "Dr Wilson called while you were out, he asked for you to call him back. It sounded urgent."

Cuddy panicked but nodded back to Brenda, and went to dial him back. It only ran once before he picked up, _"Hello?"_

"Wilson, it's me. What's going on?"

She could hear him audibly sigh into the phone. Cuddy was even willing to bet that he had one hand on his hip, "_Its House. I don't think I can help him, you need to be here."_

"Well I can't just leave. And anyway, I thought you and Cameron could handle him. What's he doing?"

_"He's shutting everyone and everything out. He forged prescriptions in my name to get his hands on Vicodin, and he's not eating- he's a mess. He needs someone who will put him in his place."_

Cuddy sighed, closing her eyes in the process. What Wilson was telling her, didn't surprise her. "I'll see what I can do. When's the funeral?"

_"Tomorrow. We're going with him to do the final decisions today. I don't know how long it'll be before he breaks down."_

She breathed out and sat straight in her chair, "I'll get a flight out tonight, I guess I can leave Thomas in charge for the day."

They said their goodbyes, and Cuddy hung up the phone, letting out a dry laugh at what had been going through her mind only minutes before talking to Wilson.

What was she even thinking to herself? He was too damaged. House had the maturity of a thirteen year old boy, and he couldn't deal with emotions. No amount of love on her part would ever be able to change him.

xxxoxxxo

_House walked back and forth for a few minutes, rubbing his hand up and down the baby's back anxiously waiting for his cousin to walk out._

_"Wow, you're a natural", Samantha looked stunned as she exited the bathroom, drying her hands._

_"No, it just doesn't take a genius to see when a baby needs to be burped."_

_He held out the baby to her, but she shook her head, "You look good with a baby in your arms, ever thought of having one?"_

_House scoffed, almost shoving the baby back to her, "God no."_

After closing the door to his room, he fell in to the bed with a huge sigh. Wilson was going to drive him to pick out his mom's casket that day.

But the thought of actually doing it made his chest hurt.

Call him crazy, but he'd never expected to be attend his mother's funeral. Even as a young kid he'd never thought it would happen. Not that House believed she would live forever and ever, no. He just legitimately thought he'd die before either of his parents did.

And it wasn't because he was suicidal or a masochist. But logically speaking, he'd figure his liver would give out after all the Vicodin, that he'd OD, or he'd have some accident.

Hell, he'd already been shot, had a motorcycle accident, and an infarction in his leg, he was clearly prone to accidents.

There was a knock on his door, he rolled his eyes, "Go away."

Of course, whoever it was didn't listen and walked in instead.

House looked up to see Wilson, who was holding a plate, "I said go away."

"Really? I thought I heard you say please Wilson come in", Wilson said feigning astonishment, while walking towards House to hand him the plate.

House looked down at it, "No thanks", and handed it back to his ex-best friend.

"You haven't been eating, it's going to make you sick."

"I'm trying this new diet, I hear it's the _'in thing'_\- where I just rely on air", he joked, then gave him a knowing look, "Sorry if I'm a little hesitant to eat or drink anything you try and give me."

Wilson placed the plate on the nightstand, "House you need to stop this. You need to let yourself mourn."

"I'm here aren't I? I'm going to pick out her casket later- I've been pleasant with everyone- what else is there?"

"But _you_ aren't dealing with her death", He stressed.

House stood up, "What do you want from me Wilson? Want me to bare my soul and cry on your shoulder? She's dead, obviously I accept it. What else do I have to do?"

"You're bottling up your emotions- and it's making you sick."

Wilson looked at his eyes, and House wanted to look away. But as much as he hated it, Wilson was right. Outwardly, he could pretend to be happy- or as happy as he could and Wilson would always know that he was miserable.

In a way, Wilson reminded of his mom- he could never lie to her either. Maybe it was the foundation to their friendship, or had been- the fact that he could see through all the crap he tried to get away with.

House exhaled, "I'm fine."

"You're not. Cuddy and I are worried."

He scoffed at the ridiculousness, "You called her?"

Wilson averted his eyes away from him for a moment, and then looked back, "Yes."

"You realize that's completely stupid, right? I was fine- I had a plan and you and your girlfriend ruined it."

"Right, forgive us for stopping you from self-destructing and OD'ing on Vicodin. It was stupid for us to get in the way of your drug-induced planned weekend." He spat at House, as he starting to get angry.

House looked up at the ceiling and then back at Wilson, "It was working. Then you came, acting all high and mighty and ruined everything. What are you even doing here? What gives you the right to think you can even be here? I don't want you here!"

"You can hate me all you want, and blame me, but you do need me House. You need to have a connection to humanity, and just because your mom's dead doesn't mean it's severed."

He laughed, "Do you listen to yourself sometimes? You sound pathetic. Go fuck off, and leave me alone."

He walked out, leaving Wilson in the middle of the room to sigh.

xxxoxxxo

House sat in a hard plastic chair, playing on his PSP while Wilson and his dad discussed the difference between a mahogany casket, and a steel titanium one.

"We were supposed to pick out everything next week. Blythe had a plan, but she never got a chance to tell me, because we thought she had more time", John House said, his voice cracking a few times in the process.

As House listened, he was struck with how different his dad had been lately. It was almost like he'd grown up with someone else, and this man was an imposter- he didn't recognize him.

In a matter of seconds it got worse, when House's dad doubled over on the casket in tears.

Wilson, a model son, and star oncologist, placed his hand on his back to soothe him.

When House saw that, he couldn't take it and stood up, with a deep breath, "I'm waiting outside."

He couldn't deal with the support his father needed, or the emotional distress he was showing ever since House had gotten there. No, Wilson was way better suited to help him through it. He was fine, lingering off in the shadows, and only coming out when for when he really needed to.

xxxoxxxo

They'd decided on a white casket, and he was now going through her closet deciding which dress she'd wear.

House hadn't seen her yet, and to be honest with himself- he wasn't sure if he wanted to at all. Because the thought of seeing his mother laying in her casket, was literally the nail on the coffin. It was the finality to all endings, and the last confirmation that he would in fact never see her again.

He took a deep breath, going through all of the summer dresses and suits that she neatly kept by color, smirking. House smiled because his father had driven her into his insane military expectations when it came to being organized.

It seemed like she had endless amounts of clothes that she'd acquired over the years, and he wasn't even sure what to pick, or what she would have picked.

House swallowed, because he realized that he didn't even know what her favorite color was, or if she preferred dresses over suits.

After a while of looking, and the increasing anxiety that kept building in his chest, he came across a lavender dress that he remembered she wore on his birthday a couple years back. She'd looked really pretty in it, and he remembered that he'd actually had a pleasant dinner with his parents. His dad hadn't even been that bad.

He pulled it out, and laid it on his parents' bed, feeling his face get hot- he needed to cool it down.

And so he walked into their bathroom to splash on his face, trying to talk himself out of feeling so stupid. He was letting his irrelevant emotions get the best of him, and for no reason.

With a couple if shaky breaths, House looked back up at the mirror on their medicine cabinet trying to reel in the panging in his chest.

Then without thinking much about it, he opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the various prescription bottles that were there- anti acid, carmustin, ambien- and then his eyes stopped- Oxycodone.

He picked up the full bottle, it had been prescribed to his mom only a few weeks ago, and she hadn't taken a single one. His chest rose and fell a little faster, but he didn't think about it.

His hands acted on their own, as they unclasped the bottle and poured two into his palm. In one move, he popped them into his mouth and swallowed them- closing his eyes in the process.

House pocketed the bottle, and closed the medicine cabinet, feeling slightly better even though the pills hadn't kicked in yet.

xxxoxxxo

"Where are you going?" Atticus asked as he watched her pack an overnight bag on her bed.

Cuddy's shoulders dropped. She'd hoped that he would be stuck at the firm, and she had purposely left the hospital early to avoid seeing him.

She dropped a dress into her bag, and licked her lips, turning around to face him, "I'm going out of town, and I'll be back tomorrow."

Cuddy turned back around to continue her packing.

"Where are you going Lis?" She cringed at the nickname. He hadn't called her that in twenty years.

The thought of telling him made her panic. It wasn't that she was trying to hide it from him, or that she was afraid he'd get jealous- but either way Cuddy couldn't pinpoint the exact reason.

"My friend's mother passed away", she said in between grabbing her black Christian Louboutins' from under her bed, and placing them in the bag, "I'm going to her funeral."

He had walked over and placed a hand on her arm, "Why didn't you tell me? I'll go with you."

"It's just going to be a small affair, and it's only one night- don't worry about it. Plus, you have that big case going on-"

Atticus grabbed her a bit more firmly and turned her around, "Lisa, I'm going with you."

She sighed, and frowned at him, "It's House, it's his mom that passed away. I just think it would be better if I went alone."

He scoffed and shook his head, "And you think I'm going to let my pregnant fiancée travel on her own?...by the way you never told me how the ultrasound went."

"It went fine- the baby and I are both healthy. Look Atticus, I really think I should go on my own-"

He shook his head, "Absolutely not. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to your or the baby, and I wasn't there to do something."

She let out a laugh, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. There will be plenty of doctors in attendance."

"I wasn't aware the creep had friends", he let out with a sneer.

Cuddy did a tiny intake of breath at his comment, and stared at him shocked, "That was completely uncalled for-"

"Is there something going on between the both of you? I feel like he's always getting in the way."

She untangled herself from his grasp and took a step back, "You're being irrationally jealous. His mom is dead, I'm going to be with a friend who needs support- not to spend the night with him."

"Then why were you keeping the truth from me? Why don't you want me to come along?"

"Because the both of you can't stand each other! And he needs me right now."

Atticus ran a hand down his perfectly coiffed blond hair, and sighed- licking his lips, "I'm going Lisa, and that's final. I'm not letting you go on your own."

She rolled her eyes, "Fine. But I swear to god, if you call him a creep or say something insensitive-"

"I'll be on my best behavior for you, ok?" The he sighed and smiled at her, "I don't like when we argue. I'm sorry Lis, I love you,"

Cuddy relented and gave him a trembling smile, falling into his open arms, wishing that she could say the same thing back- but ultimately just feeling tense instead.

xxxoxxxo

The day of the Funeral, Wilson had come to terms that the approach both he and Cameron had been using with House, just simply wasn't working.

He wasn't ok, that was still clear, but he needed his own space to be able to deal with everything.

So they'd left him alone the day before, and since then he'd been slightly more social.

It was clear that House was still mad at him, and was only tolerating his presence, because he'd taken on the roll of comforting John House. But he was still avoiding him at all costs, and didn't initiate any of the conversations- using Cameron as a buffer instead.

Wilson, placed a hand on one of House's cousins, who had just arrived for the funeral- when the doorbell rang.

He looked around to see if anyone had heard, but they were all in conversations, crying, hugging- so he excused himself to go answer the door.

Cuddy stood there with Atticus, a mournful smile plastered on her face.

"James Wilson the Oncologist, right?" Atticus asked cheerfully, putting his hand out to shake it.

Wilson eyed Cuddy, who frowned apologetically, then looked back at him, "Uh, yes- Atticus Beaumont, the defense Attorney.- right?"

Atticus laughed heartedly, and Wilson smiled back tightly, moving aside to let them in.

Once he closed it behind them, he scratched his neck, "Cuddy, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Cameron came out with a platter of pastries, and walked towards them when she saw Cuddy, "Dr Cuddy, what are you doing here?"

Wilson raised his eyebrows and turned to Atticus, "Cameron, this is Dr Cuddy's fiancée- Atticus Beaumont. Will you keep him company for a moment? I need to speak to-"

"Yes. Of course", she let out immediately as if she were reading his mind.

Before either Cuddy or her pretentious fiancée had a moment to object, Wilson had already grabbed her elbow, pulling her away to the home office, one of the only rooms that was uninhabited.

When he closed the door, and was sure that no one was listening he turned to Cuddy, "Are you out of your mind? What were you thinking by letting your fiancée tag along?"

"He wouldn't take no for an answer. What was I supposed to do, sneak out?"

"Yes. Seriously Cuddy, how dense are you? You're supposed to be here for House! This wasn't an opportunity for you to flaunt your new arm candy."

She sighed, shrugging, "Well there's nothing I can do about it now. So get over it. Where's House?"

He looked at her for a few seconds, "Upstairs, in his room."

When there was nothing else to say, she nodded and they both turned, heading out of the office to see people already leaving to their cars.

Cameron walked up to them, holding her purse and coat, "Should we get going?"

"Are you guys riding with House?" Asked Cuddy.

Cameron shook her head, "He's already left with his Aunt Sarah and his dad", she paused eyeing Cuddy, "He was a little surprised to see your fiancée."

Wilson rolled his eyes at Cuddy, "Thanks a lot for coming to help House."

xxxoxxxo

House stood in front of hundredths of people at the church. There were people standing in the back, unable to find any seats. He didn't know why he'd never realized how many she'd- touched.

He licked his lips a couple times, trying to find his words. Because he hadn't been able to write a eulogy, he didn't know what to say about his mom.

So he stood in front of the sea of observers who waited on him to speak. He could see Wilson, Cameron, His dad, then he eyed her- Cuddy, and standing next to her pompous fiancée- Atticus.

It made him laugh and he looked to the side for a second, wondering why he hadn't dosed himself for this.

"My mom. What can I say?" He paused to scoff as he looked down, "She was nice, caring, people liked her. He made good food, she listened, she was a great friend. She will be missed."

With one last intake of breath, he picked up his blank piece of paper, and walked off the podium, leaving through the back exit of the church, feeling everyone's eyes on his back.

xxxoxxxo

After popping a couple pills, and with a cigarette between his lips, House felt slightly better after his lackluster speech.

He'd found a deserted spot behind the church with a patch of grass to sit down, a nice spot where no one would be able to find him.

He'd probably have a few hours to spare before they went to bury her, but in the meantime he needed to be left alone. He felt like he was going insane with all the emotional distress flying through the air.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't smoke?" He heard a mildly raspy voice he knew well- Cuddy.

House took a deep drag from his cigarette and blew it into the air to annoy her, "You decided, I ignored."

She stayed quiet, and House took one last hit before putting it out.

"Wilson told me what you did", she said siting down next to House on the grass, and up against the wall.

House rolled his eyes, letting out a breath, "Ok."

"That's all you have to say for yourself? 'Ok'?"

He shrugged his shoulders while looking down and playing with the hem of his shirt, "I forged his signature to get Vicodin, and admitted it, what else do you want?"

"I want you to get help", she said, stating the obvious.

House looked down at her annoyed, "I don't need help."

"You had over a hundred pills House. What did you want? To numb yourself to death?" Cuddy asked incredulously.

He shrugged, leaning his head back up against the wall, and attempted to joke, "No, just nearly death."

Cuddy scoffed and shook her head, "You're going to go back to your NA meetings when we get back to Princeton."

"You can't make me."

She softened her expression and frowned, "I'm worried about you- you have to know that you're not ok. You need help to work through this."

House closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing, in an attempt to stay composed, though she could tell from his erratic breathing that he was very upset- a far cry from ok, "I don't need help. What I need, is to be left alone- because _I'm fine_."

xxxoxxxo

They were at an impasse. She knew he would never admit that there was something wrong- because he didn't want to be seen as some wounded animal that needed nurturing. Because he thought that if he said it over and over again, it would become true.

So Cuddy frowned, looking down at his hand that rested on his leg, and took a daring leap. Her hand slowly made it's way on to his, and she intertwined her fingers with his.

He didn't even flinch.

She took her other one, and brought it to his face, softly grazing her fingertips over his skin- caressing it- and he let her. It was a confirmation that she'd broken through his twenty layers of self preservation. But she was scared that any wrong move and he would pull back like a rubber band.

Only he didn't.

Instead what he did surprised her. He kept his eyes closed, and slowly made his head into the crook of her neck, letting out a shaky breath. She brought her hand to his back as rubbed it slowly, keeping silent the entire time.

She didn't want it to end. Feeling him on her, even under the circumstances, was the best she'd felt in a long time.

"Your fiancée is going to be looking for you soon", he said into her neck, softly.

Cuddy shrugged, "Let him look. I don't know how much longer he'll be my fiancée anyway."

House froze at that, and finally pulled up, giving her a mildly amused frown, "You've officially piqued my curiosity. Please, do tell."

"He's...not my glorified sperm donor after all. I went for my first OBGYN visit yesterday- turns out I'm in my second week of my second trimester. It was the IVF after all...and, I'm having a boy."

He was smiling widely, "At least now you don't have to name your kid Prometheus, or Apollo. The world is your oyster."

"Yeah, I guess."

House's smile fell, and he frowned, "What's wrong?"

Cuddy laughed, keeping her eyes on his, then let it falter, "I don't know what I'm doing House. I should be happy to be pregnant- it's what I've wanted. But instead I have this bottomless feeling of dread in my chest."

She finally looked down, when she felt her eyes get watery. The last thing she needed was House making fun of her.

House hummed, frowning at her, "Sounds like prepartum depression."

"I'm not depressed. I just don't think I gave a lot of thought to this before I decided to do it. Now I'm going to raise a child on my own. What am I going to tell him when he's old enough to ask who his father is? Or on Father's Day?"

House shrugged, raising an eyebrow as he looked at her, "You don't have to raise him alone Cuddy."

She felt her heart skip a beat, and went lightheaded for a moment, astounded at what he was suggesting. But before she could say anything back, House spoke up again.

"-You don't have to tell Atticus the truth. Something tells me even if the kid came out looking black, he'd claim to be the father."

Her hope deflated, and she managed a smile back at him, "True."

"Some of the best marriages I know where based on lies", House half smiled at her, and Cuddy noted that he still hadn't pulled his hand away from hers.

She swallowed, "That's just wrong- I have to tell him. Besides I don't think I even love him."

"You don't have to love him to be married to him, again, another lie."

"House- I don't want Atticus, I want-"

"Well, don't you two look chummy", Atticus said cheerfully as he walked up to them. As Cuddy looked up, she could tell he was seething.

House instinctively pulled his hand, as he stood up, "Swear it was just a hand-job, I asked for the whole chi bang, but she refused to put out for less than a fifty."

Cuddy frowned as she watched him walking away, and Atticus yelled after him, "Just stay away from her...creep."

xxxoxxxo

The rest of the weekend had been completely in eventful, and House had gotten home Sunday night, feeling relief as he fell on to his couch without anyone there to bug him.

After the weekend he'd had he was seriously considering moving continents to avoid ever seeing anyone again.

He needed a distraction after the past few days, so at the airport before he'd boarded his flight, House had arranged for just that when he got home.

There was a knock on his door, and House licked his lips in a nervous beat as he got up and walked to open it.

"I thought after what happened last time, you wouldn't call for me again", Paula said with a smile as he let her in.

House closed the door, and move his jaw to the side, with a nervous laugh, "I thought your offer over- I'm curios."

She smiled seductively, and dropped her purse, running a finger down his shirt to unbutton it, "Well get ready for the best night of your life."

xxxoxxxo

After one last deep breath of the milky colored fumes, House closed his eyes feeling a rush begin at the core of his chest and spread out like wings through out his body.

He felt amazing, too good to describe in words, and let out a tiny shaky moan. He couldn't believe he'd never tried it before.

He was falling.

falling fast in a pool of warm water. And the rush that permeated through his chest to the rest of his body was unlike anything he could have imagined.

House closed his eyes, breathing shallowly, dropping both his arms to the side, as Paula mounted his legs.

The high was slow like molasses, being sent to the very tips of his fingers and back.

She ran a hand down his bare arm, feeling sensitive to her touch, and it electrified him, made him want more.

Everything seemed like it had been placed into slow motion, and he blinked his eyes half open to see her face coming down to kiss him.

It was a hooker no-no to kiss, but it felt so incredibly needed. And he slowly grabbed her face, sloppily crashing his lips against hers again, needing to feel all her skin against his. Feeling more turned on than he'd ever felt before.

It was incredibly euphoric, with every move, every lingering kiss, every breath of hers on him, it only egged his drug-induced arousal more.

Paula had been completely right. It was everything she said it was, and more. He'd never had anything like it before- Vicodin didn't even compare.

He loved it. He wanted more- and possibly to never to feel normal again- just this.

"Oh fuck", he let out in between kisses.

House knew he was in trouble.


	17. Colorblind

**Author'a Note: **There comes a time, when a writer has to choose between the story they've envisioned to write, and wanting to please its readers. Now, I'm not saying that I've planned some horrible ending. But after the last chapter, I knew that it would be a turning point and that some readers would either hate or like it. I was close to changing some parts of this story so that it wouldn't delve into the dark themes that I had already planned. However, after a considerable amount of deliberation- I decided to stay true to what I had originally planned. So, I make no apologies for how this story will progress, and only hope that you guys will give it a chance to see it through to the end. A special thanks to **Lydia**, whose review gave me the courage not only to continue with it, but to continue it the way I intended it to be. I hope you guys enjoy this next part! And as always thank you for reading :)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 17

_Colorblind_

_One Month Later_

Some time had passed since Blythe House had passed away. All the staff at PPTH had prepared for a storm of terror to erupt by the name of Dr Gregory House, yet again, it couldn't have been further from the truth.

He'd gone back to work, if anything in a better mood. He was complacent, was still solving all his mysterious cases at his normal rate, and was slightly kinder and patient with his team, which included a new fellow- Dr Lawrence Kutner.

All though Cuddy had been weary at first about the new addition to his team, now that Chase was running his own department- things in the Diagnostics Department were going as smoothly as ever.

Yes, she and Wilson had been on the 'House watch' for a while, but after a couple weeks back, and after no tricks, or pranks- they had come to realize that what House needed was space and time.

He was surprisingly dealing with his loss like an adult, or so it seemed to them. Maybe he was slightly more secluded from them, especially Wilson, and they'd go days without seeing or speaking to him, but it was to expect after what his best friend had done.

Which had left Cuddy to deal with her Atticus problem.

Right after the funeral, she'd told him that she needed a break. He had been very against it, but there was no convincing her otherwise.

After the stunt he'd pulled with House, she'd seriously wondered if she could be with him at all.

A man who couldn't put his jealousy aside to feel empathy for another person suffering a loss, was someone with questionable integrity in her book.

Though, just because they were on a break didn't mean he'd stopped trying to change her mind and apologize. He'd groveled at her feet, begging her to take him back, but ultimately he hadn't changed her mind.

Eventually, he'd told her that he'd wait until she was ready to talk to him. Only, Cuddy wasn't sure what she was feeling anymore, lately. She felt like all her emotions were in limbo. She wasn't excited for her baby, when at nineteen weeks she should have been planning her baby shower.

All this and more was going through her head, when Cameron knocked on her office door.

Cuddy gave her an acknowledgement nod, letting her know to come in- and so she did, nervously.

"Please tell me you bring me some sort of gossip from you department? Has House decided to do some insane experiment? A lobotomy? Anal probing? Something House-like?"

Cameron chuckled, and shook her head, "No, but I think _he's_ sick. He's been coughing, and I asked him if I could give him a check-up but of course he refused."

Cuddy, who had been looking down at some charts from the pediatric department, shrugged her shoulders, "It's February, people get sick- House included."

"But he's lost weight, he seems tired lately, gets headaches- he's sick." Cameron was insistent.

She inhaled deeply, and shrugged her shoulders again, "I don't know what you expect me to do Dr Cameron. It's probably just your typical rhinovirus. I think the best thing we can do for House is to leave him alone, because I think we've learned that the alternative doesn't work."

Cameron sighed obviously disappointed by her decision. But nodded and started walking out, only paused at the door, "Out of everyone, you're the only one he seems to be able to listen to anymore, can you just...talk to him?"

Cuddy thought for a moment, and nodded. But after Cameron walked out, Cuddy laughed. Because her and Wilson were a match made in heaven.

xxxoxxxo

As he stood in line to pay in the cafeteria, Wilson looked up behind him, and around the rest of the cafeteria, missing the days when House would cut in line and add an astronomic amount of food to his pile, and make him pay.

It had been a while since that happened, and even though he'd been saving money- he desperately missed his best friend.

"Are you going to get that?"

Wilson looked up to see Chase pointing to the last caesar salad that was left.

He shook his head, "No. How's the fellows scouting going for your new department?"

Chase shrugged his shoulders as he picked up the plate and placed it on his tray, "It's alright I suppose, I already hired one- Dr Remy Hadley. Though, Cuddy is pushing me to hire Dr Taub- the OBGYN here at the hospital."

"Taub's good. If he wants to be part of your department, I wouldn't think twice about it."

Chase nodded, "Thanks", then pause and eyed him nervously for a moment, "House talking to you yet?"

"No, but I figure in a couple decades it'll all be behind us", he smiled, trying to lighten up the topic.

Chase laughed and slapped Wilson on the back before leaving, "Give it time mate, you're his only friend- and the only person nice enough to be friends with him. He's not stupid, he'll come around."

Wilson took a moment to think over what he said, and looked at the T-bone steak that House would have gotten if he were there, then made a last minute decision to add it to his tray and pay.

xxxoxxxo

He had time to think about turning back, and almost did, but his feet betrayed him and pushed the door to House's office open, to reveal a thinning House siting on his recliner, taking a nap.

"House", he called a little soft at first.

When he didn't stir, he called out his name a little louder, until he sighed and kicked his seat. Finally, when he started getting concerned, House opened his eyes slowly.

He squinted one eye open, and held the other one shut looking up at Him, "Where's the chart?"

Wilson frowned, "What chart?"

"Well why else would you be here other than a consult?" House murmured, closing his eyes again with a yawn, and turning with his back to Wilson.

He rolled his eyes, and was just about to place the plate on to his lap, when House coughed violently a couple times.

"Are you sick?"

He shook his head, "No. I just get an allergic reaction whenever you-" but he couldn't finish his sentence, because he started coughing again.

Wilson went to put down his tray on House's desk and walked back, kicking his legs off the ottoman, and sat down to examine him. Because if there was one thing above all other- it was the fact that House rarely got sick.

"Go away", he muttered turning as far away from Wilson as possible, only he obviously tried suppressing his cough.

"You're sick", he argued, then placed a hand on his forehead, "House you have a fever."

He opened his eyes, and swatted Wilson's had away, while standing up, "What part of go away, don't you get?"

Wilson sighed, and stood up as well, watching House walk around to sit at his desk. He eyed him, and then looked back at the steak,"I'm also off red meat- better for the heart."

"Right. House...I'm sorry. What I did- dosing you, keeping your mom's condition from you...I shouldn't have done that." The words felt sour coming out of his mouth.

House rolled his eyes, "You're pathetic. I don't care, and I'm not interested in your guilty conscious."

"I just want things to go back the way they were. Can we do that?"

House looked at him for a long time, and sighed looking down at his desk, "No. We're not friends anymore Wilson, so unless you have a case you want a consult on, leave."

He started packing up his things, and Wilson licks his lips getting a little agitated, "No. This has to end."

"You're really annoying, you know that? See I can say things like that, now that we aren't friends. Just like I can say that you're metro sexuality is borderline gay." He said as he started walking out.

But as he was about to walk out, Cuddy walked in holding a chart with a smile, "I have a patient for you."

House rolled his eyes- whining, "No! I already have one."

"I thought you were taking more than one these days? What happened to that ambitious Dr House you've gotten us so used to?" Cuddy asked, her belly now protruding slightly in her tight skirt.

"That Dr House, is taking the afternoon off. And referring any further cases to the good-doer oncologist Dr Wilson-"

Just as House got his blazer and went to make his way around Cuddy, she grabbed his arm, "You're sweating."

House shrugged, "The body heat in here is making me."

Wilson watched as she placed a hand on his forehead just like he'd done, "You have a fever."

"You're getting fat- oh sorry, I thought we were playing, state the obvious-game."

Cuddy turned to Wilson, with a frown and as if asking if he'd caught it too, because House seemed to be catching his breath between words. Wilson gave a singular nod.

"Wilson, get out", she said with her head turned back at House.

He was a little taken aback, and blinked his eyes- but nodded his head resolutely. And felt only mildly hurt, because only a few months back, he would have been the one kicking her out.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy watched Wilson walk out of the office and looked back at House, "Cameron was right, you're sick."

"Not you too", he groaned, falling down on the ottoman.

As he spoke, Cuddy saw the well defined edges on his jaw, the worsening black circles, he did look tired. But it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, "I was just going to suggest you take the rest of the day off."

House blinked his eyes in surprise, "Seriously?"

"Well you really shouldn't be around the rest of your lackeys when you've got a cold, should you? Since they're the ones around your patient. That is what this is, right?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, seeing maybe if he'd open up to her.

House didn't skip a beat, "What else would it be?"

She sighed, and licked her lips, turning to leave, "Ok."

"Have you broken the news to Apollo yet, about your fetus?" He asked changing the subject.

Cuddy turned back, and pursed her lips at him, sort of amused, "_Atticus _doesn't know yet, no."

"So you decided to stick it out?" He probed, looking mildly interested.

She tilted her head and smiled at him, "Actually, not that it's any of your business, but we're on a break."

House nodded, placing his backpack on his left shoulder- with his left hand, at that moment Cuddy's eyes went to his hand, which had previously been in a cast.

She pulled it, from where he was holding it, and turned it over- examining the bones for placement, and tenderness, "When did you get your cast taken off? You still had three weeks to go before it should've come off."

"It's a little creepy that you know that. What? do you also follow my every move? Is that your car I've seen parked outside my place? Wow, this whole time I thought it was my hookers pimp." He asked with a peculiar expression.

"Who took it off? You had an appointment to have Wilson take if off three Mondays from now."

"Chase. And seriously, that's really creepy."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "House, I have a separate calendar for all 'House things' when it comes to you at the hospital. How else am I supposed to keep your mayhem to a minimum?"

He looked taken aback at her comment, and slightly, dare she say it, flattered? For some reason, seeing him smile so surprisingly like that, sent a jolt of fluttering butterflies to her stomach.

Then for the first time, she felt a strong kick.

Her eyes bugged out, "He just kicked!"

"You mean your _fetus_?" House didn't seem that impressed, "They tend to do that as your stomach grows."

Cuddy scoffed, but smiled and grabbed his hand, placing it on her stomach as he continued kicking repeatedly right on to House's hand.

He was looking at her stomach, and swallowed.

She smiled up at him, "I think he likes you."

"Or, it could be that tests have shown that fetuses are most active between nine in the morning and two, and it's noon right now- which means it's feeding time."

Of course he would put it in medical terms. Any other time she might have agreed with him, but Cuddy couldn't shake off the happy feeling, of his hand on her belly.

He didn't take it off though, and as he spoke, her baby kicked his hand again.

She smiled widely at him and he averted his rolling eyes, trying to fight off a smile, "Don't look at me like that. You're only embarrassing yourself."

"My baby likes you House, deal with it."

Finally after a few minutes, he pulled back his hand from her and cleared his throat, standing up- walking out, "Ok, sure. Don't get any babysitting ideas though, I won't do it for anything less than a hundred an hour."

xxxoxxxo

He was able to make it out of the hospital, without drawing anymore attention to himself, and he was glad. Because the stupid anxiety in his chest was worsening and if anyone else had stopped to chat, he might not have been able to put up a front anymore.

When House finally made to his bike, he stopped to lean against it and breath in deeply. He knew it was his fault- what was happening, but he hadn't meant for it to get out of hand that fast.

The first time he'd smoked heroin with Paula he'd made arrangements for her to come back that same week again. The next week she'd come over four times, and just last week he'd seen her nearly everyday.

House knew that what he was doing to was stupid, every part of him knew exactly what he was doing to himself and he'd go over every possible outcome each time- but when Paula came over, it was as if he had no control over his motor skills, and his body acted on its own.

It was just so much fun.

He figured he'd have a few months at least before anyone would notice any change in him. In fact, he'd made sure that everything stayed the same a PPTH. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to get into his business again. However, he'd underestimated how nosy everyone was- especially when it came to him.

He mounted his bike after a couple minutes and pulled out his phone, looking at the number Paula had given him, of her dealer.

Dealer. Even the word astounded him, how had he gotten to that point? Yes he liked drugs, he'd always known that, and had rightfully experimented in his youth like any healthy college student. He had no problem popping Vicodin all day long either, didn't even feel bad about stealing Wilson's presription pad, but this? It made him tremble- in an excited way, a bad way.

Paula's last visit had been two days ago, and that's when she'd given him the number. Yet, he hadn't used it- and he'd told himself that he wouldn't.

It was only there as an emergency, as a last resort, but even as he said those words to himself- and tried to name dozens of reasons of why he shouldn't call, he couldn't stop his fingers from dialing the number.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy felt giddy after the visit to House's office. And for the first time since she could remember, she had a smile on her face, because she felt as though she'd finally had a moment with the baby growing inside her.

And the best part to all of it, was that whether or not he liked it, House had been part of it as well. Still, Cuddy had a small feeling, that he _had_ liked it.

Maybe now she'd finally let Julia start planning her baby shower, she thought. And names, what would she decide? Not to mention that she hadn't purchased a single thing for her baby- who was literally a little more than three months away.

As Cuddy walked into her office, she stopped in her tracks, when she saw Atticus waiting in one of her chairs.

"Atticus?" She asked walking around to her desk.

He smiled up at her, then moved his eyes to her stomach, "I've missed you Lis, the both of you."

It took everything she had in her not to roll her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She asked crossing her arms, making her belly pop out more.

Atticus couldn't stop staring at it, "I told you, I've missed you. It's not fair to keep me away. What? Do you want me to apologize to the creep?"

Cuddy scoffed, "You're unbelievable. We're done, get out of my office."

He frowned, "What?"

"You have no disregard to anyone's feelings but your own. You're a self absorbed bastard." She spat.

Atticus looked at her and did a big intake of breath, "I understand this is the pregnancy talking, so I'll forgive you. You obviously need more time."

"No. I don't need more time- I don't want you around. And by the way, I was wrong- this baby isn't yours, I got pregnant by IVF after all."

He laughed, pacing her office, "You're just saying that because you're confused by all the hormones surging through you."

Cuddy's eyes grew wide, "Actually I think this is the clearest I've been in a while, and what I do know is that I don't want you in my life", she paused, feeling slightly guilty for wording it like that- and gathered her words again, softening a little, "I'm not sure what happened from the time we divorced twenty years ago, to now- but you aren't the same guy I knew."

Atticus frowned for a bit and swallowed, "It's him isn't it? You're leaving me for Dr House."

Cuddy sighed, "No. I'm not breaking up with you because of him. I'm leaving you because I'm just not in love with you."

She slowly took off the Tiffany's engagement ring he'd bought for her, and held it out waiting for him to grab it, but he was just quiet instead, while looking at it.

After a minute or so, he shook his head, "No. Keep it, I'm not giving up on us", he looked up at her, "Take as long as you need, because I love you and there's no way I'm letting you go this easily."

Atticus kissed her cheek hastily, and walked out without letting her get another word out.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy stormed into Wilson's office, making him flinch behind his desk and drop his pen.

"So is this the new thing? We rush in to each other's offices before knocking?"

She shrugged, "Just thought I'd return the favor."

Cuddy half smiled, fidgeting her fingers, "Atticus isn't the father of my- baby."

Wilson furrowed his eyebrows and sat back in his chair, pondering her news, "Wow."

"Yeah, I found out the day before Blythe's funeral. With everything that happened I forgot to tell you."

"Does Atticus know?" Wilson asked, placing a hand on under his chin, and the other supporting his arm.

Cuddy sat down on his love seat and exhaled, with a tiny smile, "I just told him. I broke up with him too, but he didn't seem to want to believe that either."

"What do you expect? The guy is completely infatuated with you", he shrugged. When he saw that she wasn't budging, he sat up straight, "Why are you here Cuddy?"

"He kicked." She couldn't help the smile growing on her face.

Wilson's frown grew and he looked at her completely lost.

Cuddy laughed, putting a hand on her stomach, "My baby, he kicked today for the first time."

His eyes grew big and he stood up walking over to sit next to her, "You're having a boy? Why didn't you say anything? And when did you even find out?"

"Same day I found out it was the IVF and not Atticus. I just didn't think it was the time to tell anyone...except for House. I told him." She let out sheepishly with a thoughtful frown.

Wilson mirrored her look, "You told him, but not me? I think I might be hurt."

She chuckled, "It was a spur of the moment thing in Virginia, right after he gave that horrible eulogy. He was the first person I told."

"Well, isn't that romantic?"

Cuddy paused and bit her lip, "And he kicked when House was talking to me...when he had his hand on my stomach."

He blinked his eyes repeatedly, "House had his hand on _your_\- stomach?"

She nodded, and smiled a little sadly, "I don't want Atticus- I don't think I ever did...I want House."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Obviously. Haven't we already had this conversation?"

xxxoxxxo

After meeting 'Trent', Paula's dealer, House had spent the better of the afternoon riding his bike aimlessly around Princeton, trying to talk himself out of his insane plan.

He'd driven by PPTH twice, hoping that maybe Cuddy or Wilson would drive by him, see his bike and distract him. He'd even gone to a music store to pick up some new strings for his guitar.

And when he'd ran out of albums to browse, or questions to ask the sales girl, he'd finally left. Feeling a pang in his chest mixed with anticipation and dread.

He wanted to stop himself with every fiber in his body, because he was intelligent enough to realize that what he was doing was a mistake- but no amount of rationality on his part could stop him from finally giving in and driving home.

And as his bike slowed down and turned on to his street, he pulled over to the side of the road when he saw a car he knew, parked in front of his apartment building.

Cuddy's car.

His heartbeat fastened, and for a moment he considered just driving up, talking to her and seeing what it was that she wanted. Because she probably just wanted to see how he was doing- like everyone else kept asking him.

_Yes- _he told himself, _this is good- it's exactly who you need to talk to._ And he knew the part of him that was saying that was right.

_But she'll just get in the way._ The other part, his favorite part of the moment reasoned.

It was a battle that formed inside him, that he hadn't expected. Because he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to go on- with everything.

House wasn't sure how long he could hide behind whatever he could find to shield himself with, and bury what he felt deep down in a black hole- hoping it wouldn't come out. He knew eventually his own cool exterior would crack- and maybe Cuddy was the answer to keep it from doing that.

Everything around him went silent, and all he heard was the thumping of his heart, when he watched her walk back down the steps of the front door, obviously not having found him.

For a second, he revved up the motor, resolute in driving up to where she stood.

But again, his body acted on its own- he couldn't stop it from turning his bike around and driving off- and not going back to his place until he could be sure she was gone.

xxxoxxxo

She wasn't going to give him a chance to say anything. Cuddy was just going to walk up to his door, knock- let him open it and kiss him.

She couldn't be bothered with explaining her feelings to him anymore- because it seemed as if every time she attempted to, she just got interrupted anyway.

So that was why after her talk with Wilson, Cuddy had realized that a bold move, was her only move.

House needed to see something big enough from her to realize she meant business. That she was completely, utterly- and cluelessly in love with him.

It made no sense, and she was fully aware of that. But it didn't matter anymore, because the more she tried to shy away from him, move on to someone else, or simply deny it to herself- the more miserable she'd gotten.

The only times she ever felt alive was when she was with him. In fact, it was the only time she felt anything.

And she realized that maybe professing her love wouldn't do any good- maybe he'd keep rejecting her, but maybe he wouldn't. And if he didn't, if there was a glimmer of hope for them, she also realized that he wouldn't change.

He'd always be some type of miserable. He'd always annoy her, stress her out and find a way to question her sanity, but what was life without a little challenge?

Lisa Cuddy was ambitious, and Gregory House was the biggest conquest of her life.

And as she got to his apartment, and walked up the steps, she felt absolutely exhilarated at what she was about to do.

She waited after a couple knocks, knowing he was probably sleeping off his cold. Cuddy figured, she needed to be patient for him to get up and answer. But after a while of waiting and incessant knocking, she realized he wasn't home.

All the excitement that had been surging through her, deflated and she exhaled, dropping her shoulders.

After a while of standing in front of his door, she walked back out through the front and down the steps to her car. Only, as she did, Cuddy could have sworn that out of the corner of her eye, she saw his bike turn at the end of the street and leave.

xxxoxxxo

Whether she saw him or not, Cuddy wasn't sure. But by the time she got to her home, all the happiness she'd been feeling, had completely depleted.

As she closed her front door, and took off her heels- she turned on the light and walked into her living room, and was startled by Atticus.

Who was waiting for her, nursing a glass of some type of alcohol in his hand.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in?" She asked angrily.

He held up the copy of the key that she'd given him to her house, "I followed you."

"What?"

Atticus, stood up, and Cuddy could see that he'd been drinking quite a bit- and got her confirmation when she saw the half empty whiskey bottle, that had been in her liquor cabinet.

"After you left the hospital, I followed you." He let out in a shaky breath, closing their proximity, "You lied to me."

She took a step back, but he held on to her arm, "What are you talking about? I never lied to you-"

"You went to see him. I'm not stupid, I found out where he lived a while back. Some guy you're into- likes hookers, stays up all night playing video games."

Cuddy's mouth dropped, "You had someone spy on House?"

Atticus scoffed, and griped his hand tighter around her forearm, "You told me it wasn't because of him that you wanted to break up- yet where's the first place you go to? Him. Why Lisa?"

She was astounded, this wasn't the Atticus she remembered from when she was eighteen. Cuddy wasn't sure what to say. So she laughed dryly and pulled her arm from his grasp, "I don't have to explain myself to you."

Atticus placed both his hands on his head, grabbing fistfuls of hair in anger, "What's so goddam special about him! Huh?"

He had turned around and was in complete rage. Yet, for whatever reason, Cuddy wasn't scared- if anything she felt sorry for him. But even then, all the pity she had for him, didn't give him the right to make her talk about House.

He was a sensitive subject, something that she'd realized meant more to her than Atticus could understand- even if she tried explaining it. House was special.

By now, he was back by the table against her wall, with his hands on the glass bottle if whiskey. He was holding it tight, his knuckles were almost white.

"Like I said, why I went to go see him is none of your business. You're drunk. Get out."

He threw his head back, and breathed it picking up the bottle.

It all happened fast.

In reality, Cuddy had no warning.

Atticus, picked up the glass bottle, and threw it angrily, hitting the left side of her face with a loud thump, causing her to fall off balance, to the floor and land on her stomach.


	18. The Funeral

**Author's Note: **So this might be the last chapter you guys he for a while. I'm going out of town and may not be able to update. I'll do my best though, hopefully I'll be able to before I leave on Wednesday. Thank you for all who read. Please enjoy! Also, I would never kill Cuddy's baby, that would just be cruel! :)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 18

_The Funeral_

_It all happened fast. _

_In reality, Cuddy had no warning. _

_Atticus, picked up the glass bottle, and threw it angrily, hitting the left side of her face with a loud thump, causing her to fall off balance, to the floor and land on her stomach._

Cuddy rolled over on her back, silent, a little awestruck by what had just happened.

Immediately after she'd hit the floor, Atticus had reacted and apologized, saying over and over again that he hadn't meant to hit her.

She'd watched in slow motion, as he'd called for an ambulance that had taken her straight to PPTH. And she had been too in shock over the whole ordeal to realize he'd tagged along.

She guessed that there must have been a murmur from the dispatcher that the Dean of Medicine was being rushed to the ER, because when she got there, Wilson was already waiting- as they opened the double doors to the ambulance.

As soon as the doors opened, and he caught sight of her face, and an extremely drunk looking Atticus sitting next to her, Cuddy heard as Wilson gave quick orders to have her taken in- and she had watched from where they were taking her, as he placed a hand on Atticus's chest preventing him from following her.

Taub appeared out of nowhere and gave orders to start treating her, and pulled out a ultrasound machine getting a view of her baby, to see if any damage had been done to the sac. While two others worked on treating some lacerations on her face, from pieces that had broken off the glass bottle.

What struck her through all of it, was the fact that she wasn't scared, she hadn't felt the pain. Cuddy didn't feel anything, she felt numb.

xxxoxxo

"Are you sure he hit her?" Cameron- who had just gotten there, asked Wilson with her arms crossed. They both watched Atticus talk to two cops, from afar.

Wilson heaved a sigh, turning away from Atticus, to look at Cameron, "No one accidentally slams their face on a bottle and proceeds to _fall on the floo_r."

"Is that what she said?"

He shook his head, as they started walking back to the nurses station, "No, that's his story. Cuddy's in shock, she hasn't spoken at all."

"How's her baby?"

"Miraculously, he's fine. We were worried about a tear in the placenta, but Taub did a non-stress test, and an ultrasound to check for movement. Everything looks fine."

Cameron leaned against the station, taking in the whole ordeal, "What did House say? I'm sure he'd want to run more tests."

"Don't know, Kutner called and left him messages but he hasn't called back. He probably would just do what we already did, and he went home sick anyway." He said looking through Cuddy's chart.

"Wilson, he'd want to be here- one of us should go for him."

He sighed, not taking his eyes off her chart, "Then go. God knows he doesn't want to see me."

"Finally, something we can agree on", said a fairly arrogant voice behind them.

They both turned around to see a frazzled House, taking off his motorcycle jacket.

xxxoxxxo

He wasn't sure where to go after he headed off on his bike, leaving his apartment building and Cuddy behind.

But it was getting late and there were only a number of places that were still open at that time. One of them being a bar.

As he drove towards _Sherrie's, _House could only think of the tiny wrapped package in his pocket. And how close he'd been to going through with his plan to use it.

As his bike pulled up to the curb, House got off with a small sigh, and took his helmet off, feeling no desire to go inside the lively bar.

He tapped his fingers a few times on the seat of his bike, wanting nothing more than to go home- but weighed that against the thought of running into Cuddy again.

Which he wanted to- his subconscious wanted to go up to her and be distracted by her flirtatious looks and smile. He wanted to admit that maybe, just maybe he did need help. After all, it was certainly smarter than what he was choosing, but his pride would always surpass his need for self-preservation.

Besides, she wasn't his keeper. Sure, she'd been extra attentive to him lately, mostly because his mom had died- but it was only because of that-it's what he wanted to believe. What he couldn't believe- or didn't want to, was that she genuinely cared.

Because that would screw everything up, Cuddy wanting to care for him- would break his strong armor of not caring. And House was fine with not caring, he was comfortable with it. Actually come to think of it, he preferred being miserable, because then there were no surprises. Always thinking the worst was going to happen, had the benefit of never being let down.

Being miserable and having no one to please or worry about letting down, meant he didn't have to hold his breath for that disappointing look that he'd get when she found out what he'd been doing.

She was breaking him down. It was true, he could feel the layers slowly being peeled off. Six months ago he wouldn't have driven away if he saw her at his apartment. Well, maybe he would have- but for entirely different reasons.

Their stupid little escapade in Vegas had spiraled his feelings out of control to the point of where he was now. He was even thinking of possibly disappointing her, which he wouldn't have given a damn about before.

Just the thought of her- just thinking about her, made anxiety in his chest build up.

He could go back, she might still be there- and for a split second, House picked up his helmet, ready to place it back on.

But the front door to the bar burst open with two seemingly drunk girls, and snapped him out of his insane idea to drive back to her.

Instead, he let out a breath and set his helmet down on top of his bike, walking into the bar.

The noisy atmosphere and music instantly relieved some of the tension in his chest, but not all of it. He still felt shaky from both wanting to go back to Cuddy, and really just wanting to get stoned.

It was a conundrum to him.

He sat at the bar and ordered a beer, not his usual drink of bourbon- but drinking anything stronger would depress his lungs, and if he did end up going home and getting stoned- he was pretty much signing his death sentence.

So for a while, he sat there babysitting his third flat beer, and trying to figure out how to get her out of his head.

He needed to stop caring, and he was usually so good at it, so why couldn't he do it now? House ran a hand over his hair in misery, knowing the answer.

Drugs. It made it easier not to care when he was stoned. So that was the answer, that's what he needed.

He also, didn't need his apartment for that, he already had the drugs with him, he thought over in his head. All he really needed was a lighter. His subconscious fought him internally, yelling no over and over again- saying don't go there- but he shut it out.

House looked up at the bartender, letting out a breath, "Have a lighter?"

xxxoxxxo

His phone kept vibrating in his pocket as he sat in the bathroom stall and took out the lighter and wrapped content in his pocket.

He already felt that rush that came with the anticipation of what he was about to do. His hands were shaky, while holding it- and getting it ready.

For a minute, he stared at it. Wondering how he had gotten from running eight miles a day only a few months ago, to siting in a stall about to smoke heroin. But he wasn't one for remorse, or trying to analyze his feelings. It was what it was, and there was no point in trying to reflect on what had gotten him there.

But as he unwrapped the small foil wrapped drug, his pager went off at the same time as his phone.

House sighed putting both the lighter and the drugs back into his pocket in a huff, and took out his phone.

He had thirteen missed calls, and a text message from Kutner.

_Cuddy's being rushed to the ER. She had an accident._

xxxoxxxo

"So what happened?" House asked throwing his jacket into Cameron's arms.

She flinched as she caught it in her arms, and Wilson gave Him a nervous look, then turned to Cameron- who mirrored his expression.

"Did Kutner not tell you?"

"Nope. Just said she had an accident- so, was it a drunk driver? Did she go into preterm labor?" He asked, and attempted to snatch her file out of Wilson's hand, though his reflexes were faster and he pulled it away.

Wilson looked to Cameron for a moment, "Want to give us a minute?"

"How about _you _give my lackey and I a minute? At least she won't go on and on-"

Cameron walked away leaving both of them standing in silence. House rolled his eyes.

Wilson looked over at him, who had taken a deep breath, and relented, "Just get it over with."

"Get what over with?"

House walked around the nurses station and popped open a drawer where they kept the lollipops, taking several cherry ones, popping them into his pocket and one into his mouth, with a shrug, "Obviously you want to bare your soul to me once more before you tell me what type of accident Cuddy had- so, do it."

Wilson massaged his temple, and looked down at his feet, "Atticus hit her across the face with a glass bottle, and she fell on her stomach."

He looked back up to see House's expression. He was hard to read if you didn't know him, but Wilson knew his tale-tell all too well.

For a moment, he'd watched as his misanthropic friend's eyes had popped open- it had gone away only a moment later. He furrowed his eyebrows only slightly, and licked his lips once, looking down at the floor- avoiding eye contact.

House cared- a lot.

He did a tiny intake of breath and tapped his hand on the side of his leg a couple time before looking back up at him, "Did you do a-"

"We've done a non-stress test, and an ultrasound- so far, everything checks out", Wilson said finally handing him the chart.

House took it, and swallowed looking at it for a full five seconds, before giving it back to Wilson and averting his eyes to a random spot somewhere else in the room.

"You agree?" Wilson asked incredulously, taking the file into his hands.

"Uh hu. So why do you need me here?" He asked starting to walk away- he had tensed up his chest and shoulders. Of course, Wilson was probably the only person who could tell.

He sped up, catching up to him, "Because, it's Cuddy?"

"I thought you'd paged me, because I could diagnose something. You've already concluded she's fine, so what's the point in having me here?"

"How about, I don't know? Because you love her?" He blurted in the middle of the lobby for everyone who was walking by to hear.

House stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at him. He didn't look surprised, angry or annoyed- instead he had a look of amusement, "Even if that were true, which it's not. How would me being here help? She needs an ice pack for her face and a restraining order against Prometheus. None of which I can help her with."

When Wilson didn't say anything, House took it as a cue of being right and turned away to start walking away again.

"She's in shock- she hasn't spoken to anyone, or said anything. She just keeps looking at the same spot on the wall."

House stopped again, and licked his lollipop for a couple seconds, "Well, then she needs someone up in psych. Something else that I can't really help with."

"She needs someone to talk to", Wilson said, blocking him from the elevators.

House looked at him with a frown, like he'd just been slapped, "Well isn't that your job? She needs someone, go coddle her Wilson."

"House. Stop this, and go talk to her. You at least owe her that much", Wilson pushed.

He laughed, and shook his head, "I don't owe her anything. Actually-"

By that point Wilson was so infuriated, that House could tell, "I don't care if you hate me for the rest of my life- and you can say whatever you want to me. But don't let your anger towards me, affect Cuddy. She needs you...go."

He could have kept arguing, but he told himself that Wilson had an all-time record of lecturing him, and knew the only solution to get him off his back was to give in and visit her.

Well, that was what he told himself the reason was for giving in.

xxxoxxxo

House picked up the chart at the end of Cuddy's hospital bed and looked up at her- sucking on his lollipop in the process.

She'd had an MRI done in addition to the non-stress test, and ultrasound. She was fine, just like Wilson had said, except for mild concussion.

Cuddy was laying on her side, hiding her obviously swollen face- with a blank look at the wall.

Even him walking into her room hadn't done anything to break her stare, or catch her attention.

House turned, to look at several nurses staring at him from the nurses' station- who had all scattered off as soon as he'd turned. He went up to the blinds and shut them, as well as the door- so no one could snoop in on his interaction with Cuddy.

The last thing he needed was gossip going around about some type of romance between them. After all, it was only ok when he initiated them.

He pulled up a plastic chair, next to her bed, and looked at her with a swallow. She looked blank, empty, and again didn't register that he was sitting in front of her.

"Hey", he let out rather nervously, not really sure what to say to her. He didn't do good with conversations where he had to comfort someone- social niceties were his downfall.

Even though he was sitting in front of her, she was still hiding most of her face, but he could see just enough to realize how hard Atticus had actually hit her. The impact had been full on, to the side of her face, and it was so swollen that her eyelids were almost twice the size of what they normally were.

He wasn't sure how to put it into words, because he couldn't ever remember feeling what was going through him- anger maybe, yet it was strong. But even that didn't do justice to how he felt.

He looked down at her cut up fingers from the glass, tapping his foot anxiously. He could tell they'd picked out the glass, but her fingertips were still red with tiny cuts- and he could only imagine how much it had hurt.

To be honest he didn't know why, but he found himself, wanting to touch her hair or her hand. So he ran a hand through her tangles, to fix her messed up hair, while looking at her. She closed her eyes then, and it was the first reaction she'd had.

"Do you want me to stay?" He whispered, with his hand still resting on her hair for a couple seconds.

When Cuddy didn't say anything back, he figured maybe it was a no, and went to stand up, only to feel her hand pull his. He looked down at her- she was finally looking up at him.

She was going to cry, he could tell, and he wanted more than anything to run away from her. House didn't comfort, he didn't coddle, or anything of that sort. But it didn't stop him from sitting back down anyway.

"Don't leave", she trembled, in a whisper.

House swallowed and nodded his head once, using his free hand to pull out the extra lollipops that were in his pocket.

"Want one? I was saving them all for me, but you look like you could use one", he mused with a nervous half smile.

Cuddy smiled at him through her wet eyes, and nodded- she felt comforted.

He unwrapped it for her, and she took it- slowly, plopping it into her mouth without breaking eye contact with him.

There was something about the way Cuddy was looking at him, that scared him. Because it was one of need, she needed him- and it made his stomach twist into knots.

Being emotionally needed was something foreign to House- it was alien.

Cuddy sniffed, and closed her eyes, letting the tears finally fall.

He was at a loss of what to say, which was strange, because if it were any other person, he'd roll his eyes and make fun of them for being so emotional. It was different when it was someone he...cared about.

House exhaled deeply and looked up at the ceiling for a second, "You have to get a restraining order."

As he looked back down, Cuddy shook her head, "No."

"Why? He hit you- he hit a _pregnant_ woman. What if he goes off on a pregnant women hitting spree? You have to tell the cops the truth." He couldn't believe she was being so irrational about it.

Cuddy shook her head, expelling more tears, "I just don't want to think about it. I don't want to spend another single moment of my life, wasting time on him. I just want to stay here, with you."

He rolled his eyes, "Well that's all lovely and romantic, believe me- I'm flattered. But you need to file a report."

She ignored what he said, and moved over on the bed, making room for him.

"You're not suggesting?" House frowned looking at the empty space, and then her, "-I'm _not_ laying next to you."

But she ignored him again, and grabbed his hands in hers, pulling him up, "Just sit next to me, I promise I won't tell anyone you're human."

House wasn't sure why he relented, but he got up on the bed with a scoff, "if you tell anyone, I'll deny it."

He got up onto the bed, and awkwardly sat on his side. Cuddy lifted her head, and he slipped his arm under her, letting her lay her head on his chest- comfortably.

Her body was still trembling, and he used his lollipop free hand, to hold her close. It had been almost eight years since he'd been in a relationship, and he wasn't sure what he was doing.

House caught his last thought in mid breath- _relationship_? Why had that word even crossed his mind? He flushed it out and cleared his throat, "I just want to make it clear that I don't like you."

She shuddered in his arms, she was crying- he'd made her cry and he sighed, "I was kidding. I like some parts of you- like your ass."

"House?" She asked, looking up at him, through her tear-stained eyes.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

He looked down at her, as she waited for him to respond- maybe even say it back. But he couldn't, he didn't love her- what he felt, it wasn't that- couldn't be that.

"Don't. You don't really mean it, you're just vulnerable because of what happened to you. So you're looking for human connection to feel-normal. And I was the first-"

Cuddy grabbed hold of his shirt in fists, as if afraid he'd leave her, she seemed terrified, like she was holding on for dear life, "Don't leave- please, please."

He'd never seen her like that before- so vulnerable. It was like he was dealing with an entirely different person, who'd taken over her body.

House swallowed, looking back at her eyes, reassuring her insane fear, "I'm not going anywhere."

After he spoke, she nodded her head, looking back down, and getting comfortable once more.

"Do you love me?" She asked into his chest.

He tensed up, breathing out and biting the bottom of his lip, "No. I don't."

"You love me."

He shook his head, "No. If anything I un-love you. See that's the opposite of love."

He felt her grab on to him tighter, "You love me."

"Why do you think that?" He asked with a roll of his eyes, and feeling tension grow through out him.

"Because you wouldn't be laying next to me if you didn't", she whispered, her speech slowing down as well.

House looked down to retort, and argue that he reasoning was faulty. Only to realize that she was slowly slipping into sleep.

After a few minutes she was deep in her sleep, but he couldn't move, and didn't want to. So for a while he laid like that, holding her, and watching her chest rise up and down, until he too drifted into sleep.

xxxoxxxo

"Should we take a picture?" Chase asked looking over at Wilson, who was staring at the amusing sight of House holding Cuddy in her hospital bed- both of them asleep.

Wilson laughed, "It would sure be nice to have something to hold over his head."

Chase took out his phone and snapped a couple of pictures of them slumbering, "They look...peaceful."

"No, they look in love." Wilson argued, not taking his eyes off his slumbering friends.

The Aussie laughed, "House in love? Please- they hate each other too much."

xxxxoxxxo

Cameron walked into House's office holding his jacket- and dumped it on his desk- annoyed that she was now also his maid. Then as she was turning to leave, she heard something fall on the ground.

When she turned back around and bent down to pick up what had fallen out of his jacket, she froze and focused her eyes on the objects.

It was a lighter, a glass tube, and a round crumpled piece of foil. It was only when she opened it up, to reveal a powdery-like substance, that her heart froze.

It was drugs. Not pills, Vicodin, oxycodone or any other pharmaceutical drugs, but actual street drugs.

House was doing drugs? He wouldn't- she argued with herself. He'd never go to that extreme.

Sure he'd mess around with any pills he could get his hands on, but he'd never be stupid enough to mess with street drugs.

But the more that Cameron stayed there, thinking, the more everything made sense. His isolation, weight loss, cough, tiredness.

House was doing drugs.

* * *

_**Part 19 Preview:**_

_I love you."_

_They both froze, and she felt him tense up his arms, that her hands were on. After a moment though he rolled his eyes, and took a step away from her, with an amused look, "Don't do this again, it'll only be embarrassing for you." _

_Cuddy crossed her arms- as a shield to protect herself, and bit her bottom lip, "I know. Believe me I don't expect you to say it back, I know you won't- but it's the truth. I'm in love with you, and you needed to know that someone besides your mom still loves you House. So if it means bearing my soul, and being subjected to your ridicule because of it- so be it."_

_House did a deep intake of breath, and averted his eyes to the bathroom door, "I think you should leave."_

_"No. I'm not going to let you push me away. I need to get an actual response from you, stop deflecting everything."_

_"Ok, you're right- you stay, I'll go." He tried sliding past her, but Cuddy blocked him, putting her hands on his bare chest._

_He sighed, taking her hands and pushing them down, unconvincingly saying, "I don't love you."_

_It was very subtle, but Cuddy could tell she was slowly breaking through some layers, "I love you."_

_House's breathing hitched a little, he licked his lips and while trying to find something to focus on around the bathroom, "I don't love you."_

_Cuddy crept her arms back on to his chest, only he didn't push them away, she'd cornered him against the wall instead, "I love you House."_

_He had his head against the wall, and was eyeing her with his heavy breathing, "Do you think if you say it one more time I'll-"_

_She didn't let him finish, because she crashed her lips against his, and he didn't push her away. It wasn't rushed or filled with wanton- like emotions, it was sweet_.


	19. Fix You

**Author'a Note: **So...who's ready for some Huddy?

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 19

_Fix You_

Cuddy opened her eyes, to see his chest still under her, rising and falling slowly- House was asleep.

She lifted her head up to look at the clock on the wall, and let a tiny smile spread on her lips, as she laid it back down on top of him. Cuddy smiled because he'd spent the entire night with her.

So she closed her eyes, and didn't move, not wanting to wake him, afraid that it would ruin the moment, because she wasn't sure if he'd stay, or go.

"I was wondering when you'd finally wake up." He stated, only a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Cuddy popped her eyes back open and turned up to him, "How long have you been awake?"

He squinted and inhaled deeply, shrugging, "Just two hours or so."

"And you stayed?"

House looked at her incredulously, "I said I would."

Cuddy smiled at him, and he looked away with a roll of his eyes, but she didn't care- because he was trying to conceal a smile. Also, him staying there already cemented what she'd hoped, that he did love her.

After a few seconds he looked back at her, "Well, can I leave now?"

She frowned, about to retort, but saw at that moment, the thin layer of sweat coated on his skin, and realized his shirt was damp too.

He swallowed, "So can I?"

"What's wrong?" She asked placing a hand on his forehead to feel for a fever- he didn't have one.

"Nothing- just your swollen face is kind of making me sick", he joked, attempting to play off the seriousness.

She felt him pull his arm from under her, and slowly got up, grimacing as he held his stomach.

Cuddy frowned, sitting up on her elbows, "Seriously House, what's wrong?"

He looked around the room for something, frowning, "I think someone took my jacket."

"Stop deflecting. You're sick."

He looked at her, confused, "Didn't we establish that yesterday? When you sent me home early?"

Cuddy had a thought then, remembering that she'd gone over to his place, "About that...You weren't home last night. Where were you?"

"I get that we spent the night together _in bed_, but that doesn't mean you get an all access pass to my life."

"You weren't home."

He stopped searching for a second, "How do you know that?"

"I went to see you last night, and you weren't there." She stated- as a matter of fact.

He raised his eyebrows for a second, "I went to get flu medicine, for my _flu_."

She looked at him intently, knowing that he was lying. But if there was one thing about House, it was his ability to commit to a lie.

He raised his eyebrows back, as if asking her to challenge him. When she didn't say anything he let out a sigh, and started walking out, "You should think about putting an ice pack on your face, you're going to scare your nurses, and call Stacy- maybe she can help you place a restraining order on _Poseidon_."

And just like that, he walked out of her room.

xxxoxxxo

House could feel his heart pounding against his chest as the elevator beeped away at each floor it passed.

He tapped his hands anxiously on the railing, only hoping that the jacket he'd flung at Cameron the night before would be waiting for him in his office.

Truth was, he hadn't meant to stay the entire night with her, he'd had every thought to leave once Cuddy fell asleep, but when he'd woken up in the morning, something had changed his mind. Maybe it was that he felt sorry for her, or that it had just been comfortable- but the fact stood that it had been a mistake.

House breathed shallowly, and inhaled deeply one more time before the elevator doors opened, and he rushed off to his empty office.

There laying on his desk, Cameron had left his jacket. He sprinted his last few steps to get it, and frantically searched the pockets for what he'd left- and needed.

Only, as he realized that the pockets were empty with the exception of his wallet, he panicked.

"Looking for something?" A nagging-girlish voice rang behind him- Cameron.

House closed his eyes for a second, and sighed, before turning around with his wallet in hand, "Just this. Found it though, thanks."

She was leaning up against the glass door frame, but as he'd turned she pushed herself off it, and walked towards him with her arms crossed, "Sure about that?"

He knew she was testing him, because she had his stuff. She was waiting to see if he'd crack, or ask for it back- but they both knew he wouldn't.

House shrugged and grabbed his jacket off the desk, "I am missing some lollipops now that I think about it- oh yeah, Cuddy took them though."

As he started walking out, Cameron blocked his exit, "I saw what was in your jacket House."

"My keys? Because now that I think about it, I'm missing those too", He thought, tilting his head to the side.

He waited for her to respond, so she'd be distracted enough that he could move past her, but she didn't.

"Ok fine, you caught me- I was going to propose to you, but then I spent the night in bed with Cuddy- turns I'm gay. Now I need the ring so I can return it", he said evoking a sarcastic laugh, and trying to get past her again.

She stood her ground and grabbed his arms, "I saw- the drugs."

"Yeah, I know. It's a hospital- there's drugs everywhere", he shrugged, agreeing with her and began getting irritated.

Cameron let out a sigh, "I'm going to tell Wilson, and Cuddy-"

"My life- is not your business. You don't even know what you're talking about", he sneered a little meaner than he meant to.

She swallowed nervously, "I know you're jonesing...House this is serious-"

"No...you're going through withdrawal. Because Wilson's not damaged, and since my leg doesn't hurt anymore, you're looking for something to fill your fix. Something that you can help with that needy void that you're missing-"

Cameron pulled out the heroin, and House couldn't lie to himself, his stomach did a flip just at the sight of what he'd been looking for.

She looked at him, "You need rehab."

He licked his lips unable to keep up his lie anymore, because his breathing had given him away. The way he'd stared at it, had told her exactly what she needed to know.

"It's fine."

She scoffed, "No, it's not fine. I'm going to tell Wilson."

"What do you think that'll accomplish? Think I'm going to listen to him? That he'll make me see the error of my ways?"

He brushed passed her, not caring if he bumped into her in the process, or if she did Wilson.

xxxoxxxo

He took the stairs to avoid being spoken to, if there was one thing he knew, was that no one took them. Which guaranteed him silence, and the ability to leave without being unnoticed.

House was able to make it outside, to where he still parked his car in the handicap space, until he realized that his keys weren't actually in his pocket anymore.

Cameron had taken them too.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson paced his office, "Heroin? Are you sure?"

He'd already seen the paraphernalia, but refused to believe that of all the stupid drugs in the world, that House would go to that extreme.

Cameron nodded her head, "I saw it myself, but he's still denying it was anything serious."

"He's going to kill himself", Wilson laughed bitterly.

"He said it was fine."

Wilson frowned at her, "Don't tell me you actually believe that?"

She fell on to his seat with a thud, "I don't know. He's done things like this before, the LSD to stop a migraine, snorting antihistamine to get rid of allergies..."

"Yes, but all those- as crazy as they were- had justified reasons, stupid, but founded. What was the point of this? Nothing- he's just doing it to get high, because he's an addict, there has to be a way to force him into rehab."

The door to his office opened, with an amused House walking in, "Gosh why do I get the distinct feeling, this is gossip about me?"

"Sit down", Wilson sharply said.

House rolled his eyes at him, and turned to Cameron with a sneer, "Oh great, you told him."

"I'm taking you up to the fifth floor- you're signing into rehab."

House frowned, biting his tongue between his teeth on the side.

"Cameron, can you give us a moment?" Wilson asked, not taking his eyes off him.

She took a moment, but relented and nodded, walking out and leaving them alone.

"I came only because my keys don't seem to be where I last left them. Your girlfriend stole them from me."

"Maybe you were too stoned to realize where you placed them? Oh yeah, and now we won't give them back to you until you agree to sign yourself into rehab." Wilson said with a straight face at House who was sitting hunched over on his couch.

He frowned down at his feet, "I don't need rehab."

Wilson paced his office, rubbing his temple, and let out a scoff, "Oh do not even start with me House...Heroin? Are you insane? Maybe I can't force you into rehab, but I'm sure Cuddy would have something to say about it."

House's head sprang up, "Do you really think bugging her about some delusion both you and Cameron have, is the right thing for her right now?"

"No, it's not- and this isn't some delusion, it's terrifying that I even have to have this conversation with you. But she's obviously the only one that would be able to get through to you, and since-"

He stood up, and Wilson could see the obvious withdrawal signs- clammy skin, circles under his eyes, the jerkiness to his moves, all as he tried making it to his door.

But House stopped and turned back to him, "Leave me alone Wilson- we're not _BFFs_ anymore."

"Yes we are, and you need help."

House grabbed the handle to the door tightly for a few seconds, before slamming it shut with great force.

"Leave me alone! Why the hell don't you get the fact that I want nothing to do with you?" He exclaimed- his face red.

As soon as he'd said it, House's eyes locked on him- and Wilson could tell he was just as surprised by his outburst.

Wilson swallowed, "Because this is much bigger than you think it is."

House tapped his hand a couple times and looked down, as he turned the knob- to leave, "I'm fine."

"For once can you admit that you're not? Because we can all see that you aren't. How long-"

But House shook his head and walked out before he could let Wilson finish.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy had decided to call Stacy after all, through all his unnecessary sarcasm- House had made some very good points.

And only a few hours after she'd called her, Stacy had walked in to her hospital room, with her face falling as she took Cuddy into view.

"My god, what happened?" She asked, walking up to the side of her bed, perfectly poised as always.

Cuddy sighed, "My ex-husband- Atticus Beaumont, that's what."

"When you called and told me you were at the hospital, I assumed you were working- and that the emergency was Greg."

After a moment of being unable to move her eyes from her obviously swollen face, Stacy's gaze slowly made it to her more than obvious growing stomach, "You're pregnant?"

"Oh, I forgot to mention that I suppose. Thank god Atticus isn't the father." She half laughed, and grimaced, feeling pain on her face.

Stacy rose her eyebrows in relief, "That'll make it easier to put the bastard away...but if you don't mind me asking, who is?"

For the first time, she felt mildly embarrassed, and bit her lip, "I got an IVF treatment."

Stacy smiled, "I can only imagine what Greg had to say about that."

"Actually, he hasn't said much about it", Cuddy thought about it.

House's ex sat down in the chair, he'd been sitting in only the night before, "That's unlike him."

She still liked him, Cuddy could tell. Then again, she couldn't blame Stacy, House was addictive- something that no amount of time or distance could rid you of.

xxxoxxxo

_Two Days Later_

It wasn't that he valued what Wilson said, or that he agreed. It wasn't that he cared about Cuddy having something else to stress out about- House just wanted everyone off his back.

Which was why he'd taken a few days off to get the drugs out of his system.

It was actually quite perfect. Wilson already figured what he was doing, since he'd had to tell him as the intermittent- Dean of Medicine, that he was taking days off because he was sick. And luckily Cuddy couldn't bother him, because they still had her hostage at the hospital.

So House was free to lay in misery in his bed, as he went from cold chills, to fever and intermittent stomach cramps.

His head hurt too, but luckily most of the torturous side effects had began to subside.

He opened his eyes, breathing softly and looked over to his bathroom, feeling like it was well time he took a bath. Also, the thought of being in warm water, sounded mildly pleasant.

It was a little hard at first, but after a few minutes, he'd gotten up and slowly walked towards the bathroom- turning on the knob to fill the tub with water. Taking small breaths in the process, as he removed every article of clothing and carefully got into the tub.

xxxoxxxo

Cameron had told Cuddy, he'd gone home with the stomach flu- and the last time she'd seen him, he'd looked very sick, which was why she'd thought about whether to visit him or not.

The thing was, after the little incident the night after Atticus had hit her, she hadn't known how to approach him. She'd been so shocked by how he'd gone from acting almost sweet- to being completely indifferent the next morning, that she'd withdrawn from trying to contact him completely.

But now she needed to speak to him, to just make sure he was still ok. When he'd left her room that morning he'd looked so sick.

Which is how she'd gotten to his door late Friday night. House was if nothing else, a night owl, so the fact that it was past ten and she was at his door knocking, wasn't an issue to her.

She waited a few minutes for him to answer, only he didn't. She could hear the murmur of music coming from the inside, and the lights to his living room were on. Cuddy knocked again, a little harder thinking maybe he just hadn't heard her the first time.

When she couldn't take it any longer, she took out the key to his apartment that Wilson had lent her before.

She opened the door to see the TV on, his stereo on, but no sight of him, something felt wrong.

He wasn't in his bedroom either, though what she found was an untidy bed, that had recently been used. She eyed the room looking for any signs of House, until her eyes fell on his nightstand.

There was a bottle of pills, a lighter, cigarettes and as she took a step further she saw a glass ashtray- he'd been smoking. Immediately her heart started beating twice as fast, and she turned around, "House?"

All she heard was the loud blues music coming from his stereo. But after going back to turn it off, she heard the noises coming from the bathroom.

Immediately, she rushed for the door, expecting it to be locked, but opened it to see House bent over the toilet puking his guts out.

Cuddy fell to her knees next to him, and placed a hand on his back, feeling him flinch at her touch. She noticed his hair was wet and there was water residue on the floor- he'd just taken a bath.

After a particularly big bout of puke, house wiped his mouth on some toilet paper, and turned to her, with half-lidded eyes, "What are you doing here?"

She pursed her lips in worry, "I came to check on you. What the hell is going on House?"

He swallowed a gag, and looked down, "Stomach flu- Cameron brought in lunch from home."

House flushed the toilet and sat up against his tub, closing his eyes. Cuddy put her hand up against his forehead, feeling for a fever- though there wasn't one there.

She dropped it with a sigh, "I saw the pills on your nightstand."

"It's not what you think", he breathed out, keeping his head back resting on the edge if the tub.

"Oh, so you weren't popping Vicodin?"

His head shot up rather fast and he gave her a frown, "Vicodin? Are you insane? Of course not, it Dramamine- you know, for vomiting . And it's Cameron's fault."

Cuddy felt the tension in her chest rise, and she swallowed back a knot in her throat, "So this isn't anything else? I shouldn't be worried, that you've gone off the wagon?"

House merely sighed, "I said it was Dramamine. What part of that don't you get."

"You'd tell me if something else was wrong, right?"

He laughed, "Sure."

She stood up, pulling him up with her, forcefully, "You need someone to watch you, you need-"

"-For you to leave me alone. I'm fine, and I don't need to be babysat."

Cuddy stared at him for a moment, stunned because he really could go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. It scared her, it only fueled her thoughts on how he couldn't handle his emotions anymore.

"You're a mess. You're falling apart and maybe you don't see it, but it's happening. You're hurt House, both your best friend and your mom kept the fact that she was dying from you, and you felt like she was the only person that could love you, so you're giving up. Nothing matters to you anymore."

He looked at her for a moment, and let out a tiny laugh, "You came up with all that insight because I have the stomach flu? My mom died- but everyone does." House paused, "Here's a thought- I was digging through the fridge, saw that Cameron made lunch and decided to eat it. It was a mistake, and I'm not going to do it again."

"I love you."

They both froze, and she felt him tense up his arms under hat hands. After a moment though, he rolled his eyes, and took a step away from her, with an amused look, "Don't do this again, it'll only be embarrassing for you."

Cuddy crossed her arms- as a shield to protect herself, and bit her bottom lip, "I know. Believe me I don't expect you to say it back, I know you won't- but it's the truth. I'm in love with you, and you needed to know that someone besides your mom still loves you House. So if it means bearing my soul, and being subjected to your ridicule because of it- so be it."

House did a deep intake of breath, and averted his eyes to the bathroom door, "I think you should leave."

"No. I'm not going to let you push me away. I need to get an actual response from you, stop deflecting everything."

"Ok, you're right- you stay, I'll go." He tried sliding past her, but Cuddy blocked him, putting her hands on his bare chest.

He sighed, taking her hands and pushing them down, unconvincingly saying, "I don't love you."

It was very subtle, but Cuddy could tell she was slowly breaking through some layers, "I love you."

House's breathing hitched a little, he licked his lips and while trying to find something to focus on around the bathroom, "I don't love you."

Cuddy crept her arms back on to his chest, only he didn't push them away, she'd cornered him against the wall instead, "I love you House."

He had his head against the wall, and was eyeing her with his heavy breathing, "Do you think, if you say it one more time I'll-"

She didn't let him finish, because she crashed her lips against his, and he didn't push her away. It wasn't rushed and full of wanton- filled emotions, but sweet.

When she pulled away, Cuddy bit her lip, "House?"

"Yeah?"

"You love me."

He scoffed, and rolled his eyes, "I love...the twins, especially lately. But that's thanks to them going into the dairy business."

She snaked her arms around his neck, pulling him down, and kissed him again but only for a second before pulling back a few inches, "You love me."

He sighed, and closed his eyes, though strangely enough didn't pull away, "I can stand you."

Cuddy smiled widely, "I guess I'll settle for that."

He let out a soft laugh with a smirk, and looked at her- it was the type of look that always sent a pleasurable feeling down her chest. It was a type of look that could read her soul. Though, if she said that out loud she knew he'd only mock her for thinking something that cheesy.

It was a perfect moment, and nothing could break their eye contact, until she felt a kick. House felt it too and looked down, finally breaking away from her.

"I think your kid wants you to go", he let out walking away, into his bedroom and finally putting a shirt on.

Cuddy swallowed, "Are you really going to be that childish? Just going to walk away because you remembered that I'm pregnant."

He stopped at the door way between his room and the hallway, and looked at her, "I think you're looking for someone to fill the void of Atticus. And since Wilson isn't available, you're after me."

"I never wanted Atticus, I want you. And I know some part of you wants me", She said taking a leap of faith.

House licked his lips, and looked past her, "Begging doesn't become you Cuddles. I always thought you were more of a dom."

Her breath hitched and she struggled not to let the hot tears get to her eyes, but was unsuccessful and looked down, "I'm pouring my heart out to you. For once can you just be serious?"

She wasn't looking at him, but she heard him sigh audibly, "It's not going to work."

Cuddy looked up, she was a little perplexed, and annoyed, "Right, because you can see the future."

"No. But I can see the past. And you're going to remember all the horrible things I've done, and you're going to try and convince yourself that I've changed. And I'm going start doing those horrible things again, because I haven't changed. Then you'll realize that... I'm an insane choice for someone who's about to pop a kid out. And from there, it's a short step to the inevitable conclusion that all of this... was a mistake. Tell me any of that isn't true."

"You're afraid, the only time you're afraid is when you're happy. You just don't expect it to last." She tried slipping her hands around his waist.

He slowly pushed them back down.

House swallowed, "Cause it doesn't."

"You don't know that!" She let out frustrated.

"I've done horrible things to you, and I'll do them again. But because of one stupid moment in a hospital bed...you think I can change. Tell me where I'm wrong." His face looked pained, and he was close to giving in- close to letting her in.

She frowned, shaking her head, "I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up, you're always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known", she paused, bringing her hands up to his face, "You are always going to be the most incredible man I've ever know. So unless you tell me to leave right now, I'm staying with you because I love you."

For a moment they just stared at each other, and Cuddy could sense all the thoughts that were running through his head, until he spoke up,"Leave."

Her chest broke out in pain, and she dropped her hands with one solemn nod.

She'd been so close, but Cuddy turned around and began walking away to leave. She couldn't keep throwing him bones, not anymore- not after humiliating herself that much.

It was not a couple more strides to his door, and then she'd be able to breakdown away from him.

But before she could make it to the door, before her hand could get to the doorknob to turn it, House's hand caught hers and pulled her back, so her back hit his chest.

It was soft, and she couldn't see him as he said it, but she knew he meant it, "I love you."

xxxoxxxo

He felt insane.

He shouldn't have said it, he should have let her leave. Because then she'd never try saying it to him again, Cuddy would just give up.

Instead, he held her now, as her stupid fetus kept kicking at his arm that was wrapped around her.

"So what now?" He asked with his head on her shoulder, since it was clear that neither of them knew what to say.

Cuddy turned around, with a huge smile, "Let's not analyze this, you love me- I love you. Can't it be enough?"

He sighed and shrugged, "I just meant, are you hungry? Tired? Both?"

She bit her lip at his question, and slipped her hands under his pajama pants, making him raise his eyebrows, "I am hungry, but for something else."

"That is so- _oh_", House couldn't finish his thought, and instead let her lead him to his bedroom as their lips locked.

* * *

_**Part 20 Preview:**_

_"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" House asked looking past his Dad, making sure no one saw he standing in the middle of his office._

_He had a package under his arm- House recognized it. It was the painting his mom had left for him, that he'd purposely left at their house._

_John House smiled, "I knew you would just say you were busy if I said I was coming to see you."_

_"Well I am busy, I have a patient in surgery right now."_

_His dad nodded, "I was told you'd say that, but I know you don't have any cases at the moment", He paused and took a step closer to House's desk, "Look son, it was really important to your mother that you get this. I came to make sure you opened it."_

_"I left it for a reason dad...I don't want it. Keep it", he said scratching the side of his head. _

_The he sooner his dad left, the sooner he could go back to figuring out what to do about his Cuddy problem. And by problem, he meant did he buy her flowers, did he-_

_"How about I but you a rueben_?"


	20. Skinny Love

**Author's Note: **I am soo excited about this chapter, and I don't even know why?! I felt much better while I was writing it, versus it's predecessor. So I hope you enjoy it! We're _sorta _nearing the end now. Anywho, enjoy!

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 20

_Skinny Love_

Her mouth was on his collarbone, after having pushed him down on to his bed roughly.

She was insatiable. Cuddy wouldn't stop attacking him with her lips and hands, they were everywhere.

Her hand was groping _him_, and House couldn't think straight, he had some sense to stop her, knew he should, but she was just too good.

Out of the blue, Cuddy sat up, while straddling his legs and took her dress off, revealing a lacy black bra. House ran one hand over the intricacy of the lace, that left little to the imagination.

He opened his eyes and laid them on her stomach for a moment, expecting to automatically feel turned off by the protruding belly, but instead he sat up and grabbed her back down, kissing her hard.

The pregnancy seemed irrelevant at that moment, her bruised face didn't matter. He just wanted her, in the most primal and depraved way, he wanted to devour her.

And it was different, the inexplicable lust he felt for her was tenfold what he'd felt while sleeping with Paula. Not even with a drug induced haze had his arousal matched what it was at now, it felt like this was twenty years in the making.

As he ran a hand down the small of her back, Cuddy arched her head and she let out a tiny moan into his ear, that nearly put him over the edge.

Her face fell against his cheek as his fingers worked to unhook her bra, and a hiss escaped her as her skin grazed his unshaven cheek.

Cuddy's fingertips were circling his waistband,and she smiled languidly at him in between kisses while she she started pulling them down.

Only, before she could actually pull them completely down- they were interrupted.

"Oh my god!" Screeched a voice from the door of his bedroom.

Cuddy immediately jumped off of him to the side like a scalded cat, as

they both took in Stacy, who now had her hands over her eyes, as if they'd been burnt.

"Stacy?" She was the last person House would have expected to show up at his apartment, at that very moment. He swallowed and looked over at Cuddy who had picked up her dress and slipped it back on. He was pretty sure he'd never seen her face so pink before.

Stacy had turned around at the door, "I'm so sorry. I just came to check on Greg, because James said he was sick. And since I still had a key-"

"It's-fine", House managed stealing a sideways glance at Cuddy who was searching for her shoes on, and had still not said anything.

"Uh- can you wait outside?" He asked absentmindedly, hoping to give a frantic Cuddy some space.

But soon as she'd put her shoes on, she started sprinting out, and House felt his chest tighten, "Cuddy-"

He got off the bed, in one move and hurried after her, sliding past Stacy- but he wasn't able to stop her before she walked out the door and closed it.

It felt like they were always getting interrupted with one thing or another- they had horrible timing when it came to them.

House heaved a sigh, and turned back to Stacy who was standing awkwardly in his hallway with her arms crossed, "Oh god Greg, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. I'm used to my personal space being invaded", he muttered bitterly, picking up his t-shirt from off the floor and pulling over his head.

She'd paused, and was staring at his absent cane, "I heard from Wilson that you'd had some treatment for your leg- I'm so happy for you."

He smiled tightly, "Uh, thanks. So...why are you here Stacy?"

At once there was a change in her posture, and she became tense- House frowned.

She took a moment before speaking and licked her lips, "I spoke to Wilson earlier. He had the most interesting thing to tell me about why you were sick."

House rolled his eyes, "You out of everyone should know what a drama queen he is."

"I also know he cares about you, and that when it comes to you, he's usually right", she argued back.

House scratched the back of his head, and flapped his arms, "Well I'm fine. The sick thing was a cover for '_I'm sleeping with the Dean of medicine' _so leave me alone."

"Does Lisa know? About the drugs?" She asked softly.

He scoffed and closed his eyes for a moment, making a mental note murder Wilson next time he got a chance, "I'm fine. I'm not on any drugs anymore. Both Wilson and his do-gooder girlfriend overreacted."

"You're thin."

He shrugged his shoulders, "I've always been skinny."

Stacy took a moment, "If you need help-"

"I just said I was fine! What do you want? A blood sample? Urine?" He asked exasperatingly.

"I'm sorry about your mom", she said softly- changing the subject and walking towards him, "I didn't hear about it until after the funeral- or I would have been there."

"You didn't have to be." House shrugged, looking towards the kitchen, "And Cameron was there, it was like having you...sorta."

Stacy frowned, "Wilson's girlfriend?"

House nodded.

"We share her, he gets the weekdays, I get the weekends." He joked.

She was only a couple feet away from him now, and kept biting her lip, "God I miss you."

There was something about the way she spoke to him, that after all the years still had the ability to make him feel like a school boy, talking to his crush. It was different now though, because the lust for her wasn't there anymore. All that was left were the memories, the irrational hope that he'd always felt with her, it's why he'd pinned for her for so long. Because no one else had the ability to place his misery and anxiety at a minimum like Stacy did.

However no amount of fond memories could surpass what Cuddy meant to him now. She'd always been important, but now it was different, she needed him just as he needed her.

All he could think about was Cuddy- her small frame, perfect hips, "I've moved on Stace."

She laughed, looking around the room, "I could see that. Don't you think it's a little soon though? She just got out of an abusive relationship."

"Yeah, I'm helping her through the pain", he said evenly.

They both laughed for a moment, but Stacy sobered up and gave him a small smile, resting her hand on his, "If it's worth anything, I hope you're happy."

The hardest part, was that she meant it. She was ever his protector of sorts, and he could never hate her for it.

xxxoxxxo

She'd left about twenty minutes later, and he'd poured himself a glass of whiskey. It was only after he was left alone and all he had was his piano to keep him company, that House realized he actually felt better.

He had no chills, no sweating, no aches or nausea- the withdrawals had subsided.

In between all his thoughts, there was a knock at the door.

Actually, he was slightly surprised that someone was actually knocking for once, instead of just bursting in like usual.

He'd gotten up and walked to the door, looking through the peephole, and frowned as he opened the door.

Cuddy stood in front of him.

"I thought you left?" House moved out of the doorway to let her in.

She dropped her purse on his couch and shook her head, "I just sat in my car, I couldn't go home. I haven't been back since..."

House immediately understood and nodded. She hadn't been back since the accident, she was scared.

It was weird seeing in her in that light, vulnerable and scared- he was clueless in that area. She needed comforting, someone who would hold her and make her feel safe, but unfortunately his own personal encyclopedia in all things- surrounding feelings wasn't an option anymore. He could no longer call Wilson in the middle of the night and ask what sensitive thing you'd say to a pregnant victimized Cuddy, at the wee hours of the night.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, it was the closest he could come to some sort of comfort.

She shook her head, and slowly snaked her arms around him, placing her head on his chest.

It made him want to tense up. He still wasn't used to the constant skin contact between the both of them, but he was trying to work through it.

He breathed in deeply, and offered, "We could always pick up where we left off."

It didn't seem appropriate anymore for some reason, and he'd said it mostly as a joke, than anything else.

She laughed- understanding his position, "As tempting as that sounds, I'm so sle-" she yawned, "-epy."

There was an annoying kick from her stomach and she smiled up at him again with her dazing at him, "He really likes you."

The fact that he was noticing it too was greatly displeasing to House. A kicking fetus was immensely annoying.

And suddenly he realized that maybe he was in over his head, where Cuddy and the fetus were concerned.

xxxoxxxo

"Why is he smiling?" Cameron asked, while she sat at the same cafeteria booth with Wilson, Chase and Foreman.

Indeed House, who was having lunch with Dr O'shea of all people, seemed to be in an uncharacteristically good mood.

"Is that...O'shea? From peds?" Wilson frowned.

Foreman snickered, "Jealous much? They've been eating lunch together since Monday- he says O'shea shares his love of Monster Trucks."

"I like monster trucks", Wilson let out absentmindedly, not taking his eyes off both House and O'shea.

Cameron looked over to Wilson, confused, "You said you hated monster trucks?"

Just as he was about to protest, Cuddy walked into the cafeteria and picked up a tray. Right when Wilson had a thought to get up, and help her- House got to her first.

His reaction was so fast that the four of them sort of tilted their heads in question, as they watched him grab her tray, and stand with her in line, picking out a few things here and there.

House was saying something to her, and Cuddy laughed back- biting her lip.

Wilson frowned, "Are they-flirting?"

Before any of them had a chance to reply though, they all watched as House bent his head down slightly and Cuddy smiled up at him, it looked for a moment like they might kiss. Only, Cuddy spotted them all looking and must have mentioned something, because House turned too and rolled his eyes- leaving her in line and going back to his table with Dr O'shea.

Afterwards, Cuddy walked to the table where House was sitting and he got up, helping her sit down, it was the oddest thing that Wilson had ever watched. In fact, he hadn't seen House act so chivalrously since he'd dated Stacy.

Cuddy, who had noticed they were still being watched said something into House's ear and the next moment he looked over at them, then surprised Cuddy by taking her face in his hands and planting a very long kiss on her lips.

"Yes I'm doing her!" House called over to them after they broke apart, and resumed his conversation about what could only be Monster Trucks, with Dr. O'shea.

xxxoxxxo

Later that afternoon, House sat at his desk, tapping his pen incessantly on his paper, and pondering over his many dilemmas.

He felt a ball of anxiety in his chest just at the thought of Cuddy and the time ticking-bomb in her stomach.

They hadn't addressed it, except for when Cuddy reminded him that her fetus really like him, as he would kick as soon as he'd enter the room. Of course, House had offered another explanation, saying perhaps it was due to her unborn child really _not_ liking him. But she'd shrugged that aside, and said that she could sense that he liked House.

Also, he couldn't shake off the feeling of desire to get high, and knew that it wasn't going to go away. But what really struck him was how it was different than before.

At first, after the ketamine induced coma, he'd felt free. He'd been able to go back to his former athletic self without a second thought to Vicodin. Now, his every thought that wasn't for Cuddy, surrounded around the pros and cons of calling Paula or Trent to score, even popping a simple oxy pill from his mom's prescription bottle, which he still had at home in his green metal box.

And then there were the persistent phone calls from his dad that he'd been avoiding. They'd started a few days ago, and he kept asking House to call him back, that there was something he'd forgotten.

All of that was why he couldn't concentrate on his current case. A boy with genetic mosiacism. A case that he hadn't really been all that interested in, he'd only taken it on because Cuddy had insisted.

And while his lackeys were in the lab trying to figure out why his patient had started bleeding into his lungs, House sat at his desk unable to come up with any good answers or ideas. He needed a muse, he needed Wilson.

There was something about the way Wilson spoke to him that ignited a lightbulb inside his head and helped him figure out cases, when he seemed to be at a dead end.

He could go to his former best friend and sit on his couch, and get the many annoying answers that he needed, but he was too prideful of that. He wouldn't give Wilson the satisfaction, that maybe he did need him after all, even if he did.

But the truth was, there was no one else. Being seen with O'shea had just been a joke, to make Wilson think he wasn't isolating himself, and that he was capable of moving on, making friends and what not.

House picked up the red ball on his desk and threw it on the wall, hoping to ignite some new theories or ideas. But the more he threw it, the faster his heart would beat- the more anxiety he felt.

He stopped throwing it, and got up fast, suddenly needing air.

The only thing was, that Wilson had also gotten the same idea, and was standing outside in his side if the terrace, looking down.

He looked up as he saw House walk out, "Hey."

"Hi", House let out awkwardly, standing against the cement ledge.

There were a couple minutes where they were both quiet, until Wilson looked up at him, "So...you and Cuddy huh?"

House looked him out of the corner of his eye and nodded once, "Is it really that surprising?"

Wilson shrugged his head, "No and yes. It's obvious that you two had sexual tension, I just never expected you to act on it."

"I didn't. She kept throwing herself at me, eventually I just had to give in- felt sorry for the woman", he joked, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, I think it's great." He stated and continued looking at the passing cars below.

House frowned, expecting Wilson to elaborate, but he didn't say anything else, and eventually House couldn't take it anymore, "That's it? No analyzations into our new relationship? How my attraction to a pregnant Cuddy is just my subconscious wanting a motherly figure in my life?"

Wilson inhaled deeply, "Is it?"

"No- but that's besides the point, you're supposed to go into a thousand explanations on why it is I'm with Cuddy-"

"Why don't you ask O'shea? I'm sure along with his love of Monster Trucks, he could give you some insight on why you finally decided to admit your feelings to Cuddy."

House slowly turned to Wilson and his eyes shot wide open, "You're jealous of O'shea."

Wilson scoffed, "Please, he's in Peds, I am not jealous."

House couldn't fight of the tiny smile on his face, "O'shea's a twit. He thinks the '_Avenger'_ is the best Monster Truck. Two-year olds like the _Avenger_."

Wilson smiled knowingly, "Just say it House."

"Say what?"

His friend gave him a knowing look, "You miss me."

He scoffed, "Now that is just...wrong."

"Ok." He pushed himself up, off the ledge and started walking away.

"That's it? You're going to walk away all hurt? Because I have a new friend to play in the sandbox with?"

When Wilson didn't stop, House sighed, "Fine", he sneered, and sarcastically added, "My life is just a mess without you."

He'd turned around and gave House a feigned frown, "Wow that's interesting, since mine has been relatively stress-free without having to babysit you."

House laughed, "Well now you're just being silly, because you never really stopped."

"Of course I didn't! I didn't stop being your friend simply because you were mad at me."

House raised an eyebrow, "Let's not get all bromantic now."

Wilson rolled his eyes, but looked mildly relieved. He then frowned his eyebrows for a moment and looked up at House, "I know I'll regret asking this, but is it at all weird- being with someone who's pregnant?"

House blinked, and also frowned, "I don't know, is it?"

"You haven't slept with her?" Wilson was shocked.

"Why are you so surprised?"

His friend's mouth dropped, and he shook his head in utter amazement, "_You_ haven't closed the deal with Cuddy- yet you're parading the hospital at her side?"

He shrugged one shoulder, "I think some people call it love?"

Wilson put a hand on his forehead, awestruck, "I don't believe it. You've been pinning away at her for years, there's no way if you had a chance you wouldn't bang her."

"Well if you hadn't let Stacy stick her nose in my business, then _maybe _she wouldn't have shown up right when I was about to close the deal with Cuddy", he said with his head forward.

His friend laughed, "Sorry about that."

"No you're not. You didn't want to annoy me over the edge, by showing up to check on me so you sent her, because you knew I'd be less resistant", he explained with a hand motion.

"I'm sorry that it caused an interruption to your evening with Cuddy."

House shrugged, "It'll happen eventually."

"Eventually?"

He nodded, "I'm now hoping until _after_ the fetus leaves her stomach."

Wilson smiled and crossed his arms, "Who would have thought- Gregory House- a family man."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, this isn't-...no. I'm not going to be part of some-test tube kid's life", he said putting a hand over his face, massaging it.

"But haven't you thought about it? If you're going to be in Cuddy's life- it's inevitable that you'll be part of her child's life", Wilson explained, as if he were speaking to a child.

House smiled and pointed at him, "See, now I'm starting to remember why I was avoiding you...She knows I'm not some father figure-"

"-Have you talked about it?" He interrupted, his eyebrows raised in question.

House scoffed, "No, but me as a dad? I'd only screw up the kid, forget to feed it-"

He paused, his eyes looking past Wilson, and tilted his head to the side, suddenly having a thought pop into his mind.

"See you later House", Wilson said turning away to go into his office, too familiar with his eureka moments.

After a moment of piecing the thought of his patient together, House smiled, "See you later Wilson."

xxxoxxxo

At the end of the day, all his patient had suffered from were complications due to dehydration, too many energy drinks and contrast that they'd given him for an MRI.

It had been an oversight on his part because his head had been riddled with so many personal problems. Which was the reason he usually avoided having a personal life, it got in the way of being completely objective.

And as House got his backpack ready to leave, he hoped to be able to avoid Cuddy- at least until he got home, since she'd been spending the night there, ever since she'd first gone over.

They still hadn't consummated their new status, and House wasn't racing to do it, but their arrangement was getting too domestic for his liking. Especially since he'd had that insightful conversation with Wilson about his future with her.

There was a noise at his door and House looked up, expecting to see her walking in. Only, it was actually the last person he expected- his dad.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" House asked looking past his Dad, making sure no one saw him standing in the middle of his office.

He had a package under his arm- House recognized it. It was the painting his mom had left for him, that he'd purposely left at their house.

John House smiled, "I knew you would just say you were busy, if I said I was coming to see you."

"Well I am busy, I have a patient in surgery right now."

His dad nodded, "I was told you'd say that, but I know you don't have any cases at the moment", He paused and took a step closer to House's desk, "Look son, it was really important to your mother that you get this. I came to make sure you opened it."

"I left it for a reason dad...I don't want it. Keep it", he said scratching the side of his head.

The he sooner his dad left, the sooner he could go back to figuring out what to do about his Cuddy problem. And by problem, he meant did he buy her flowers, did he-

"How about I buy you a rueben?"

House felt that familiar pang of anxiety at his chest, an exhaled as he shook his head, "I can't. I have dinner plans, leave it on the chair- I'll open it later."

John House looked unpleased by House's decision, but he seemed to talk himself out of saying something else. Instead, his dad nodded his head and placed the parcel on one of his chairs, "I'm staying at the same hotel your mom and I stayed at the last time we were out here. Room 221."

House nodded. His dad turned to leave, only stopping at his door for a moment and turned back to look at him with a small smile, "I'd like to see you before I leave. Maybe do lunch?"

And he left, knowing that House wouldn't answer with something he'd like. And instead chose to give him time to think it over. Even so, House wouldn't have lunch with him- he was sure of it.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy had left the hospital after having lunch with House. Nerves had gotten the best of her, after she'd caught several people whispering and looking at her.

She wasn't ashamed to be with him, she just hadn't been ready for how public her life would become at the hospital. Therefore she'd told her assistant to forward anything imperative to her, and had taken the afternoon off.

It was a good thing too, since she was running out of outfit choices at House's apartment. That and he virtually had nothing to eat other than canned soup and PB&amp;J sandwiches.

Cuddy hadn't gone home though, not that afternoon. She still couldn't bring herself to, especially alone. Even though Stacy had managed to get her the restraining order against Atticus, she still had some irrational fear that he'd pop up.

Instead she'd just gone to the mall to pick up some new things, while she'd had her housekeeper, Marina pick up groceries for House's apartment.

She'd made it to his place before him, which gave her time to put her things away in his half empty closet, and help Marina make dinner.

The whole thing was still strange, and she knew that she was pressing her welcome with House. After all they still hadn't really talked about where they stood, or had even had sex yet.

She couldn't lie to herself, she was kind of nervous to see his reaction when he got home, and had hope that the home cooked meal would help to ease some of his hesitance to her imposing herself so much.

After Marina had left, and Cuddy had checked her phone for any hospital phone calls- she found herself without much to do. So her eyes shot to his bookcase, looking at the endless spines, attempting to find something interesting to read.

Looking at all his books made her smile. Sometimes she forgot that through all the sarcasm, jokes, and insults that he was not just medically talented, but musically, and scholarly as well.

He had all sorts of varieties of books from parodies to classics that she hadn't ever dreamed of reading. Though most of his books were medical ones that, she could tell were worn and had been read by him.

She craned her neck on top of the bookshelf to see more book spines, feeling mildly curious, when she saw a familiar spine.

Cuddy scanned the room, until she saw a black step stool, and pulled it over, carefully climbing it and reaching her hand over the top of the bookcase, coming in contact with some cold- metal. She knew her hands where in the right place for the book she'd seen, and pulled it down, with the metal box holding it on top.

She slowly and carefully stepped off the stool, and walked over to the couch, looking at the book. After reading the title, she realized why it looked so familiar, it was _Approach To The Acute Abdomen _by _Ernest T. Cuddy - _her great grandfather. Cuddy swallowed, as she examined the book, it was almost in mint condition.

Why hadn't House mentioned he had it? He should have known that she would have founded it interesting to read. After all she'd only ever see the book once before, and she'd told him about it-

Her heart fastened, had he been planning on giving it to her? Suddenly she felt bad about having snooped- after all, it was his stuff she'd been going through.

She got up and picked up the book, along with the green metal container, but as she grabbed it, she was unaware that it had opened, and all of its contents fell on the couch.

There were several packaged syringes, a few too many vials of morphine, demoral, prescription bottles, and tourniquets.

Cuddy blinked rapidly, unable to form a thought. Realizing that one of the vials was half empty. And then recalled the conversation they'd had about his breakthrough pain last year, and realized she'd stumbled upon his old kit.

She wondered for a moment, why it was that he still had it, then realized it was because he still thought in the back of his mind that the pain would eventually come back. It made her a little sad that he lived with such pessimistic view of his leg.

Though, just as she was about to put it all back, something stopped her. Some small voice in the back of her head rang out _addict_. And even though she get guilty, it didn't stop her from looking at all the prescribed dates on both the vials and prescription bottles.

Her stomach sank, and her heart started beating fast again.

The first prescription bottle she looked at wasn't even prescribed to him, it was Oxycodone that had been prescribed to his mom only a couple months ago. The other pills she found had all been filled after he'd gotten back from her funeral. Only the vials of morphine seemed to be from when he still had pain in his leg.

His behavior only days before, on the night he'd spent with her at the hospital made sense now. He hadn't had the flu, he hadn't even had the stomach flu, he'd been going through withdrawals, and she had completely missed it.

Cuddy swallowed, struggling with what to do. If she confronted him about it, then she'd have to admit that she'd been snooping through his things. He might push her away, and if she didn't- maybe he would keep going.

There was no way it would end well, now that she'd stumbled across his stash, and decided the only thing she could do, was to approach him about it.

"What are you doing?"

Cuddy's head snapped up from the couch to look at House, who had gone white as he realized what she'd come across.

She'd been so caught up in what she'd found, that she hadn't heard him arrive.

But his face said it all, he'd been caught redhanded.

* * *

_**Preview Part 21:**_

_"What aren't you telling me?" Cuddy trembled, a little afraid that House wouldn't meet her eyes._

_He had licked his lips and shrugged, even looked up, but he still couldn't meet her eyes, "I...just don't know what your expectations are."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"I dont want you to get the wrong idea."_

_Cuddy blinked, "Just spit it out, what are you talking about?"_

_He inhaled a little and finally looked at her, "I was right. This isn't going to work."_

_TBC..._


	21. First Day Of My Life

**Author's Note: if you've never listened to First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes, I suggest that you do for the ending of this chapter. It's the song that I imagine playing in the background for uh- what happens. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 21

_First Day Of My Life_

_"What are you doing?"_

_Cuddy's head snapped up from the couch to look at House, who had gone white, as he realized what she'd come across._

_She'd been so caught up in what she'd found, that she hadn't heard him arrive._

_But his face said it all, he'd been caught redhanded..._

They both stood at a stand still, staring at each other and waiting for the other to speak.

But Cuddy had no idea where to start. Admittingly, part of her wasn't all that surprised. In the back if her mind she'd known that him relapsing was a possibility. What she hadn't expected was that it would be like this, pain free.

"How long?" She broke the silence.

House sighed, and finally put down his backpack, "It's not what you think."

She shook her head, "Don't bullshit me, how long?"

He opened his mouth a couple times, but just sighed instead.

"I knew something was going on, that morning at the hospital. I should have known."

House tilted his head up to the ceiling a little and breathed in deeply, "I wasn't high."

"Maybe not- but you were going through withdrawals, weren't you?" She pressed, moving away from the couch and walking towards him.

He swallowed, and licked his lips, looking around the room, then finally settling on Cuddy. He flapped his arm, "Yes."

Cuddy had crossed her arms, and moved her jaw to the side, "You lied to me. I asked you if something else was going on and you lied."

"I tend to do that, based on the fact that I'm an addict", he explained sarcastically, going towards the couch to pick up the metal box.

Before he even had a chance to, Cuddy put her hand on top of it, preventing him from grabbing it, "You don't feel remorse? At all?"

House's eyes traveled to the kitchen, and he sniffed, then went back to Cuddy, "Did you order in?"

"No, Marina made dinner- don't deflect. We need to talk-"

House walked away and into the kitchen, leaving Cuddy in mid sentence, "What did she make?"

She followed behind him, "Can you focus for one moment on what we were talking about?"

"But I'm hungry- is that lasagna?" He took a fork from a drawer and took a piece from the tray plopping it in his mouth, "Wow- you gotta try this."

"House! Stop!" Her anger had reached a level he was all too familiar with.

He dropped the fork with a sense of defeat and finished swallowing the lasagna with a sigh, "Fine. What? I relapsed, and I stopped. And now I'm clean, so this is all rather pointless."

"Why did you relapse?"

He scoffed, and shrugged sarcastically, "Oh I don't know? Maybe because I'm an _addict_?"

"_I_ think, it's because you didn't know how to handle your mother's death. Because Wilson lied to you, and because I kissed Atticus-"

"I'm clean, are you forgetting that part? Or is it just completely irrelevant?"

Cuddy exhaled and shook her head hastily, "But for how long? A week? A month? How long will it be until you decide you can't handle something else without pills? Or find some other way to numb yourself?"

He looked at her blankly, "I'm fine. I'm happy."

"No, actually you're not. I'm a temporary high for you House. It's not going to last. You have so many repressed, unresolved feelings surging through you right now, and I'm your distraction for the moment. But after this stops being exciting for you, you're going to crash."

He was looking at her seriously now, and swallowed, "What are you saying? That you're done?"

Cuddy screwed up her face, "No! of course not. I'm not going to drop you because you're broken...I just want you to get help."

"I'm fine."

"Maybe right now, but not in the long run. And I need you to be, I can't be your life-vest, I can't have that responsibility."

"And if I refuse? What then?"

He wouldn't look at her, instead he was looking down. It was an indication to Cuddy that there was something else, something he wasn't saying.

"What aren't you telling me?" Cuddy trembled, a little afraid that House wouldn't meet her eyes.

He had licked his lips and shrugged, even looked up, but he still couldn't meet her eyes, "I...just don't know what your expectations are."

"What are you talking about?"

"I dont want you to get the wrong idea."

Cuddy blinked, "Just spit it out, what are you talking about?"

He inhaled a little and finally looked at her, "I was right. This isn't going to work."

"Because I want you to get some help?"

"It's not going to work, because you want to mold me into a daddy figure for your growing fetus. I'm not that guy...I'll never be that guy."

She wasn't sure if she should laugh or frown at him.

"You think I want you to be some type of father figure?...I never expected you to be that. I just selfishly want you in my life- for me."

He exhaled and rubbed his temple, "I can't be in your life and not your kid's, it's inevitable that I'll have to be around-..._him_."

She blinked, "We'll address that when the time comes. Right now, we need to worry about you, because I need you House, and I love you."

Cuddy had made it up to his chest, and had worked her hands up to his face, bringing it down to kiss him, "Please don't shut me out."

House merely stood there though, like a stone figure, unable to react to her ministrations. She knew he was afraid of letting go, because even though they were together- he still kept her at arms length.

"I know you think love is conditional, that it can be quantified and calculated. But even if you burnt down my house, I wouldn't be able to stop loving you."

It was slow, but Cuddy found his hand slowly slipping to her back, bringing her in to him, and he buried his head into the crook of her neck, letting out a breath of whatever it was he kept holding in.

"I'm going to make an appointment for you to see Nolan."

House tensed up, "I don't need to spill my tortured soul to anyone. I'm fine Cuddy."

There was no way he could think that, and she knew it. He was just scared, "Can you just try it once? If It doesn't work, we'll go from there, but I just want you to try it."

"Fine."

It was forced, and he clearly wasn't happy about it, but it would have to do for the moment.

xxxoxxxo

House needed her, had to have her.

He'd initiated it this time, starting with pulling her towards the bedroom, while attacking her neck with hungry kissing.

House had felt her respond, with a hitch of her breath, and let him lead her to his room- feeling as if they both needed the release. She'd gone happily too, immediately responding to his every touch.

Their sudden insane desire for each other had taken away the slow, romantic-ness of it. Instead they'd been driven by complete lust and ardor, as every article of clothing found its home on his mahogany wooden floor.

They were silent through all of it, except for one-worded statements to convey a demand.

And with one move he was inside her. He paused for a second to wallow in the feel of her, before moving back out and in again.

He watched as her eyes clouded from the ecstasy she felt, and she let out small mewed sounds while he moving in her.

He wanted to take his time, and go slow for their first time in twenty years, but just found himself going faster with every slow moan that escaped her parted lips.

Their bodies tangled, and he dove deeper in her with every thrust, holding her hip with one hand, and using the other move both her hands over her head.

Cuddy didn't object, but instead pushed herself further down, to help him go as far in as possible.

Her breath became shallower, and she arched her back as his pace quickened. He felt her tighten around him and House bent down to smash his lips with hers, as she came.

And as he watched her body shake with the aftermath, he followed, emptying inside her, and fell next to her, with his chest rising and falling.

After a few moments, Cuddy turned over to him with a smile plastered on her face, "That was...like I remembered."

House frowned, and waited trying to catch his breath a little, "Are you trying to say I was bad?"

"Oh god no, that was- amazing. I'd just forgotten why I compared you to every other guy I slept with", she let out closing her eyes and exhaling.

House couldn't stop a smile from forming on his lips, "You weren't so bad yourself. Although, I was expecting a lot more bondage."

Cuddy turned to him and laughed, reaching over to kiss him, "Round two?"

He frowned, underneath her, "Seriously?"

She nodded, but he didn't have a chance to say no, once he felt her hand slip down his stomach to make his eyes close in bliss.

xxxoxxxo

After they'd gone their second round, House lay down on his bed, looking at his white ceiling- attempting to understand what he felt in his chest.

It was anxiety and impending doom.

He swallowed, and turned over to see Cuddy's slumbering, naked body next to his. She looked peaceful, without a care in the world, with her arm draped on his chest.

House licked his lips, feeling remorse. Knowing it would all end bad, and having a dark pit fill his stomach. It was getting harder to catch his breath, every intake became shorter, shallower.

Slowly, he pulled away from her and got up, slipping on his briefs, and jeans as his eyes scanned the room for his t-shirt.

Even as he found it, the ache grew in his chest. He felt it tighten, and the pang became stronger. He felt like a fool for thinking it might work out- Cuddy was wrong.

She'd leave him, she would push him aside as soon as she had the baby- his subconscious kept telling him, and if she didn't, he would find a way of hurting her. He'd do something so depraved, that she'd be forced to leave him.

He licked his lips and felt the blood being pumped through his body, needing to calm down, but he couldn't.

House looked at her one last time as he shifted in his bed, and walked into the hallway- beginning to see stars as he walked.

As he got to the living room, his eyes fell on the green metal container that they'd both forgotten about.

He didn't stop and think about what he was doing, he just took his mom's prescription bottle, and plopped three pills down his throat with a dry swallow.

It was after he'd done it, and had instantly felt some of the anxiety in his chest subside, that he realized what he'd just done- and mentally cursed.

House looked at the prescription bottle in his hand, and made a fist around it, closing his eyes in regret. He could almost see the disappointment on her face, if she were to see him.

If Cuddy woke up, she'd know what he'd done.

He had to get out of there.

xxxoxxxo

It was nice living with Cameron, Wilson decided.

Sure, having your room cleaned every day, with a complimentary mint on your bed was nice, he thought. But nothing beat, having a home cooked meal, and the warm embrace of her arms over him as they slept.

That night in particular, Cameron was filling in for someone in the ER, since they were short staffed. Which had left the apartment alone for Wilson to enjoy.

He'd turned on the history channel, and was watching '_The Rise and Fall of Joseph Stalin'_, while he enjoyed a rotisserie chicken, with red skinned mashed potatoes.

Domestic lifestyle was definitely for him, especially with Cameron. She was unlike any of his ex-wives, and for a while he'd began feeling that she was the one.

However, he'd learned from his previous three marriages, to take it slow. It wasn't to say that he wasn't sure about Cameron, he just wanted to avoid making the same mistake and have House rub it in his face.

As he watched the show, Wilson dropped his fork, and bent down to pick it up- but was taken off guard by a sudden slow knock at the door.

He glanced up at the clock on the wall, and frowned, wondering who it would be at eleven-thirty, almost midnight.

And as he'd gotten up to check to see who it was through the peephole, his frown became confusion, at seeing House.

But when he opened the door to see his friend, leaning his body and head on the door frame, with half lidded eyes, he frowned.

"Hey Jimmy", he let out rather tiredly.

Wilson sighed, moving aside to let him in, "You're stoned."

House slowly made his way over to the couch, and fell down on it, closing his eyes, "You must be psychic or something."

"You drove like this?" He shrieked.

"It only kicked in when I got here." He lied.

"What happened?" Wilson asked, as a million things ran through his head. He wasn't sure if he should strangle him, yell, take him straight to a rehab facility, or what. But what he was sure about, was that something must have happened if he was coming to him- high out of his mind.

House opened his glassy eyes halfway, "I slept with Cuddy."

"Were you that bad? Or was it her?" He asked blinking.

His friend slowly shook his head, "She was amazing, and I'm always good."

Wilson began to get impatient, "So what happened? How did you go from sleeping with Cuddy to showing up here, stoned out of your mind?"

"I don't- I don't know", he paused looking at the ceiling, truly confused through his drug-addled haze, "I just- freaked...and she was asleep, I didn't think about it, I just-"

"Decided that the next best step was to do heroin again?"

House's head snapped up, "No, I only took oxy."

Wilson rubbed his face with a sigh, "Oh, _only_? Well that's a relief...Did you steal my prescription pad again?"

His friend shook his head, "I left her a note, saying I was coming over. I just need to sleep it off, and then everything will be fine. She doesn't have to know."

"No", Wilson scoffed, placing his hands in his hips, "Everything will not be fine. You said you were getting clean-"

"I was, then I took some pills. Now as soon as they wear off, I will be again- and I'll be out of your way", he mumbled letting his arm fall down off the couch.

For a moment, Wilson labored his breathing, attempting to not explode on House.

He bent down and grabbed House's arm, surprising him in the process and forcing him to stand up, "We're going- right now."

House frowned at him, "What?"

"It's either Cuddy or rehab, decide."

He swallowed, "Rehab."

xxxoxxxo

He should have known better. As soon as he'd found out that House had been experimenting with Heroin, he should have told Cuddy and forced him into rehab. But as always, he'd foolishly believed that House could get better, that he'd manage to be ok.

Wilson turned over to look at House, who was leaning his head against the glass window and watched the buildings as they drove by, to PPTH.

He hadn't said anything, but the fact that he was going without argument, told him he was aware of how bad it was.

Even as they'd gotten to the hospital, and into the elevator in the middle of the night, House was going willingly.

He sat silently in a plastic chair, while Wilson went to sign him in and get the forms to have him admitted.

After he'd gotten the forms, and walked back to House, he handed the clipboard to him.

House looked up and took it with a small sigh, "Thanks."

Wilson took a seat next to him and had a thought.

It was that House, as messed up and stubborn as he was, knew that he needed help. He needed someone to push him- it's why he'd gone to his apartment, when he could have, just as easily gone to a bar, or a park to wait out his high.

And his thanks, was for that- it was for pushing him into rehab. Of course, he'd never admit it, therefore Wilson wouldn't ask him about it.

When he was done filling the paper out, House handed it back to Wilson and rested his elbows on his knees, with his head in is hands, "She's going to leave me."

"No she won't. Because that's what your stupid self-destructive side wants. You want her to leave you, so you have no reason to go through with this, and therefore you can continue your downward spiral", Wilson let out in one breath.

House rubbed his face, "If she doesn't, it'll only be so I stay."

Wilson frowned at him, "You know, self-pity has never been your thing."

"What can I say? I'm branching out from self-destruction and self-loathing", he muttered as a nurse walked out with a chart.

They both looked up, and Wilson was relieved to see it wasn't anyone familiar. The last thing House needed was the nurses gossiping about him.

As they both stood up, House gave him one last look and swallowed, "Well, here goes nothing."

Wilson gave him a look, "You're gonna to be fine House."

House shifted his eyes around a bit, and nodded before following the nurse into the admitting room.

xxxoxxxo

She'd tried calling him seven times, by the time she'd walked into the hospital.

Even Wilson, who had answered, had been vague about House's presence at his apartment, and had only said they'd see her at the hospital.

After she'd gotten filled in by Nurse Brenda on any pertinent details, Cuddy made her way up to Houses's office.

But as she walked by their glass wall, and looked in, all she saw were his fellows.

She opened the door and looked at the only one that would have a clue as to where he was- Cameron.

"Where is he?"

Her eyes automatically got big, and Cuddy noticed her swallow, "You should talk to Wilson."

She clicked her jaw to the side, "Did he got over to Wilson's last night or not?"

Cameron nodded her head.

"Then where is he?" She pressed, only feeling a tiny bit better.

"Cuddy", she turned to see Wilson standing at the door behind her. He sighed, "Can we talk?"

She nodded numbly, trembling at the way he'd asked her to follow him into his office.

Cuddy hoped for the best, to see House sleeping off a hangover on his couch, but as they both walked into Wilson's office- he wasn't there.

"Where is he?" She asked, getting straight to the point.

Wilson inhaled deeply, smiling tightly, "Rehab."

Cuddy frowned, "Did you trick him? Or-"

"He showed up last night at our apartment, stoned out of his mind. I told him he had two choices, face you or go to rehab. He...chose rehab", he said bluntly.

She felt hurt, sure and angry that he'd gotten high again, but mostly relieved, "Well, I'm glad- I guess. I sort of imagined him at a strip bar, when I saw the note."

"There's something else", Wilson paused letting out a scoff and smiling sadly, looking up, "And he's going to hate me again, for telling you, but...you have to know...he was doing heroin."

Cuddy felt her stomach drop, and swallowed, "Last night?"

"No. It was before that incident with Atticus. He'd been doing it for weeks. Cameron found his-stash, and we confronted him about it", he paused again, "Just- look if you're going to dump him, can it at least wait until after he completes the program?"

She frowned, "Why do you guys think I would just leave him? You're acting as if I don't know him. I knew what I was getting myself into with House. He's damaged, and broken, but I can't just stop loving him because of who he is."

Wilson let out a breath, "Well that's a relief."

"It just hurts that he wouldn't come to me. He doesn't trust me", Cuddy said, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

"He's scared of being happy, so he had to sabotage himself, so that at least his misery would be on his own terms", Wilson laughed rubbing her back, "It's a compliment, in a twisted way. You mean too much to him."

xxxoxxxo

House was sitting on top of a desk by the window, smoking a cigarette, when Cuddy walked in to the lounge room of the rehab wing.

When he spotted her, he put out the cigarette in the ashtray, and swallowed nervously, as she approached him, "So, by now you've talked to Wilson."

She nodded, and sat up on the desk next to him, getting help from him in the process as she found it difficult to get up on it with her growing stomach.

"You're a fool", she smiled sadly at him.

He let out a breath and looked out the window, "You can stay at my place as long as you need. I know you don't want to go back to yours."

"I'm not breaking up with you." She stated.

House looked at her for a moment, then down and fidgeted with his itching hospital bracelet, "You should. I'll probably do it again."

"You're not getting rid of me that easily", Cuddy placed a hand on his arm, "So stop trying to force me out."

"You do realize that I'm unstable, unhinged, and a narcissistic misanthrope, who is a terrible choice for a boyfriend to someone who's about to pop a kid out, right?"

Cuddy couldn't help at laugh, "And you realize that I don't care, right?"

House half smiled at her, "You're insane Lisa Cuddy."

She shrugged, and just looped her arm a little tighter around his, "Takes one to know one."

He shook his head, "This is going to be a disaster."

"Well, where would the fun be, if it went smoothly?"

House turned to look at her, and Cuddy thought for a moment that he would get up and walk away, ask her to leave or something along those lines, because his upset face conveyed that. Instead, he grabbed her cheeks with both of his hands and kissed her passionately.

It made a shiver explode in her body, having his lips on hers. It always felt like the first time with him, and he'd never stop making her feel like that, even with all his problems.

When they parted, he took a breath and stared at her seriously, "I am in love you...just to be clear."

xxxoxxxo

_Two Months Later_

Cuddy sat at her desk, getting bad heartburn, feeling her baby kick and her lower back ache in agony, in-between attempting to read through some of the inter-department memos she was behind on.

With only two weeks to gone fore her due date, she'd been advised by the board to start her maternity leave, but Cuddy had opted against it.

She couldn't imagine what she'd do with herself with a whole two weeks off. His room was already ready. It had been decorated with Wilson's help- out of everyone.

He'd suggested a nautical theme, and she'd ended up loving it. There were navy blue and white stripes on the bedding of the crib, and a beautiful canvas of a red sailboat hanging on the wall above it.

She'd had a huge baby shower, thrown by the hospital, that even her sister and mom had been in on. The only person that had been missing from the soirée was House.

From what she'd been told, he'd been invited, and Wilson had managed for him to get a day pass so he could attend it, but House had declined. And Cuddy understood, he didn't want to give false illusion to the idea that he was somehow involved in the pregnancy- after all, everyone was already gossiping about the fact that he was the father to her baby.

Everything was all ready to go for the arrival of her son. The only thing that was missing was a name. She'd gotten a lot of input on the subject. Her mother had asked her name him after her own father, her sister Julia had agreed. Everyone had pitched in an idea- even House, who had momentarily joked around and said she should name her son after him- but immediately took it back.

As she struggled to get up, to take something over to the trash bin, she looked down, feeling something wet between her legs, and almost gasped as she realized she was bleeding.

xxxoxxxo

"So tell us Greg, what would you like to share today?" Counselor Ben asked him, or what was now the fiftieth time.

House licked his lips ,wanting to make a comment about the fact that his monotone voice irritated him, and how he was a lousy counselor. However, he'd learned that negative comments would only earn him more one-on-one time with Dr Nolan, and his lame analyzations on his deep-rooted issues.

So he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to comment on the fact that he'd enjoyed his green jello that day, and how it had only been _mildly_ tasteless, when Cameron barged trough the door.

She was frazzled, and had blood over all over her black slacks and white coat, but she seemed to not care, and searched for House.

He would have laughed and made a snide joke about her appearance, had he not realized how she was trembling.

When she spotted him, she spoke up, "Cuddy went into labor, she's on her way to the OR for an emergency c-section because she developed preeclampsia."

House seemed at a loss for words, but after a moment stood up and started following her out of the common room, "What happened?"

"Greg you can't just leave the center-" Ben the counselor began to say, when Both House and Cameron turned to look at him.

"Excuse me, but the Dean of medicine trumps a stupid group session", Cameron spat out for him.

They left, and House was only shocked for a second before he remembered what was at hand, "What do we think it is? And by we, I mean everyone else."

Cameron looked terrified, "We think it's a placental abruption, brought on by the abdominal trauma that happened during her second trimester."

House followed her as they got on to the elevator heading towards the OR, and thinking over their diagnosis, "Who came up with the diagnosis?"

"Chase", she said pressing the button, she turned to him, "Why? Do you think it's something else?"

He shrugged, "No, I agree."

Cameron looked at him, and sighed as the elevator opened, "I didn't come get you to help us diagnose, she asked for you."

House followed her quick pace, "Where's Wilson, he has a better bedside manner than I do."

Cameron stopped right before the entrance to the OR and placed her hands on her hips, "He's at an oncology conference in California. Besides, she specifically asked for you, just hold her hand or something, and tell her it's going to be ok."

House swallowed and scrubbed in, feeling a little numb through the entire thing, because he had no business being there. He didn't want to be there, because he had nothing to do with what was happening.

But even then, he found his feet taking him next to a pale Cuddy on the OR table, as they had already began prepping her for the c-section.

A nurse mentioned something to Chase, who turned and looked at House and let out a sigh of relief, "Thank god, she wouldn't stop asking for you."

House walked up next to Cuddy, who was asleep, "She's out."

As Hourani cut into her abdomen, Chase nodded, "I know, we had to give her general anesthesia, but she was adamant about wanting you here."

"What for? I was having a break- through and riveting group session. Besides, It looks like you all have it under control."

"-Because she wanted you to be the first to hold the baby once he comes out."

House frowned, "That's not fair, what did I do?"

But as he said that, he heard the first cries of the bloody baby coming out of the placenta, after Hourani tapped his butt.

Only seconds afterwards, the baby was handed to him, and he looked down at the wailing, bloody, baby girl.

House smirked and looked up a Chase, "You should fire Taub, he can't read the sex of a fetus off a sonogram."

But as he spoke, she quieted down, and House looked back down at her seeing as she blinked at him, with watery bright, blue eyes.

His smirk went away and he frowned, watching her wrap her tiny hand around his finger, as he ignored everyone talking around him.

It was only when a nurse grabbed her from him to clean her up, that House snapped out of his haze and swallowed, looking up at an annoyed Chase, "You need to move, so we can close her up."

House nodded, stepping back, and followed the nurse into the adjoining room, where Cuddy's baby was being rinsed off while she wailed again. They checked her lungs, heart, and collected small samples of blood for routine testing, before they swaddled her up, and brought her back to House.

He shook his head, "No-no, put her in the crib-" he attempted to explain, taking a step back.

The nurse ignored his protests though, after they both noticed her stop crying as he cooped her back up in his arms.

She looked around with her eyes, searching for something, and House was almost certain that she looked at him, before closing her eyes and letting out a breath.

He did to, and swallowed- feeling something dramatically change in his chest.

* * *

_**Preview Part 22:**_

_House smiled at a groggy Cuddy, "If I were you, I'd ask for your money back."_

_"Why?"_

_"No really, I'd return everything you've gotten, and ask for your money back- because Taub gave you the wrong sex."_

_Cuddy smiled, "It's a girl?"_

_He nodded, and rested his arms on the side of her bed, "She has very strong lungs too, you should hear her."_

_Cuddy teared up, "Where is she? I want to hold her."_

_"Sleeping. Thanks to yours truly."_

_"You put her to sleep?" She looked at him stunned._

_He nodded, and then frowned at her, "I still stand by what I said before though, don't get any babysitting ideas."_


	22. Spies

**Author's Note: thank you all for your kind reviews! I have a couple orders of business to address really quickly. I was looking at the summary for this fic, and realized that I don't really think it does a good job of summarizing the story anymore. So I was going to challenge, whoever wants to attempt at maybe coming up with one of their own? And that I could use to replace the current one.**

**But also, I regret to say, that I've officially started school, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update now. :( maybe it won't affect the updates, perhaps it will? We'll see I suppose. **

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 22

_Spies_

Cuddy had been asleep for three hours and twenty-five minutes.

House knew this because, it was how long he'd spent entertaining her new mini-Cuddy.

Every time he'd attempted to hand her off, or put her down- she'd begin wailing uncontrollably, and no one else had been able to soothe her.

Normally, he wouldn't have cared. If it were any other newborn, he wouldn't have even be caught in the same room as her, but that wasn't the case with Cuddy's baby.

The nurse insisted that she needed to be held, to have a human connection, and with Cuddy still in post-op unconsciousness, and no other family member around to do the task, House had grudgingly stayed to hold the infant.

He had to admit though, she wasn't so bad when he held her- because she stayed quiet. The problem only started whenever he tried putting her down.

House looked at her pink face, smirking because she looked like a tiny little gremlin. Obviously she hadn't inherited her looks from Cuddy, poor kid.

After a while, his arms had gotten tired, so he'd set the recliner back, and placed her on his chest. She seemed fine with it.

House looked over at Cuddy who was still sleeping peacefully, and then looked back at a wide eyed baby.

"You're a brat", he mumbled, and he felt her tiny lungs let out a deep breath, as she was snuggled on his chest, and closed her eyes.

He rolled his eyes, "I'm letting you know right now, that this isn't going to work."

"What's not going to work?" Asked Cameron at the doorway, with a curious smile.

House stood up, holding the baby in place and walked over to hand her to Cameron, "Thank god- You're turn."

She took a step back and shook her head with a laugh, "Oh no, you don't. I just came to check on Cuddy- I have to get back to my rounds."

House sighed, "Then get a nurse, every time I try and get one in here to hold her, they ignore me."

"Hmm, maybe if you were nicer, they wouldn't be so mean." She said, going over to chart Cuddy's vitals down.

House sighed, placing her down in the plastic crib, but as soon as she'd felt him take his hands off her, she'd began crying again.

"Don't be mean, pick her up", Cameron said, looking at her stats monitor.

House crossed his arms, "See, the difference between you and I, is that I don't really care-"

But Cameron was out the door again, before he had a chance to finish.

xxxoxxxo

It had taken House a while, and an entire bottle of formula, that the nurse had insisted he feed her, but she'd relented and fallen asleep.

And after she was slumbering, a nurse had finally come in to take her away and do some routine checking on her. And he'd watched as she'd rolled her away, feeling strange.

He swallowed and looked away, walking back to sit down again, and pulled a book from Cuddy's nightstand to read. He snickered at the title, _What to Expect When Expecting, _and flipped through the pages, stopping at random ones to look at the pictures.

It was a while later that there was stirring from her bed, and House looked up from the book to see Cuddy opening her eyes.

He adjusted the recliner forward again, and scooted the chair closer to her bed, "Hey."

"Hi", she tried smiling at him, and winced when she tried moving to look around the room for her baby. She looked back at him with a small frown, "Where is he?"

House smiled at a groggy Cuddy, "If I were you, I'd ask for your money back."

"Why?"

"No really, I'd return everything you've gotten, and ask for your money back- because Taub gave you the wrong sex."

Cuddy smiled, "It's a girl?"

He nodded, and rested his arms on the side of her bed, "I tried doing an exchange for a boy, but strangely enough they don't seem to do any returns or exchanges after you give birth."

"I had a baby girl? I always wanted a girl", Cuddy cooed, extremely content,

"She's very bossy- just like you", House feigned annoyance, and added, "She has very strong lungs too, you should hear her."

Cuddy teared up, "Where is she? I want to hold her."

"Sleeping. Thanks to yours truly."

"You put her to sleep?" She looked at him stunned.

He nodded, and then frowned at her, "I still stand by what I said before though, don't get any babysitting ideas."

Cuddy smiled at him, and closed her eyes for a couple seconds, "She likes you, she always has."

House rolled his eyes, and was going to retort, but decided to just change the subject instead, "Your assistant got ahold of your mom and sister. Julia's on her way, but your mom can't come because of her hip surgery."

Cuddy frowned, and House looked at her- concerned, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't think of any names for a girl. I don't have anything ready for her- the nursery is all nau-"

"I already gave them a name", he said, looking at her blankly.

Cuddy dropped her mouth open a little, and frowned at him, "You named her? What did you name her?"

"Arlene. Thought your mom would _love_ it-"

"You named her after my mother?" She shrieked.

House tried keeping a straight face, but he actually felt mildly bad, "I'm kidding. We've just been calling her mini-Cuddy, since she's already so bossy. I'd say she definitely takes after you in that department."

She smiled, "Tell me more about her, what does she look like?"

He shrugged, picking a piece of lint off her bed, and flicking it away, "She's a baby, she looks like a baby."

Cuddy gave him an annoyed look, and he rolled his eyes, "She weighed a healthy six pounds- three ounces, has ten toes and ten fingers, bright blue eyes, with the lungs of Nellie Melba. She's- perfect."

"Who's Nellie Melba?"

"Opera singer", he explained looking away from her and scratching the side of his neck, "So-uh, what are you going to name her?"

Cuddy bit her lip, while smiling, "I've always liked Madeline."

"Cool."

She blinked at him, "You like it?"

House shrugged, "Doesn't matter to me, it's your kid."

Cuddy paused for a second, smiling mischievously, "Well if you had one, what name would you pick?"

"Hmm...well, I've always liked Ginger Spice", he looked at the ceiling thoughtfully.

She laughed and slapped him playfully on his arm, "I'm serious House, I need ideas."

He inhaled deeply, "Madeline's a good name. It's better than Cookie, Candy, or Paula-"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Hooker names?"

House shrugged, "They're the only other girl names I know."

"How about Carolyn? Or Rose? Maybe Rachel?" Cuddy said in thought.

He scratched his growing stubble on his cheek and licked his lips, "Sure."

Actually, he thought those were all terrible. But it wasn't his place to tell her his opinion on the matter. After all, it wasn't his kid.

All the baby talk was beginning to make him uncomfortable, and was bringing back that all too familiar pang in his chest he'd worked so hard to make go away. His body started asking for some type of relief from his other lingering feelings.

When he realized Cuddy was looking at him strangely, House blinked, "What?"

"You have that look", she murmured, bringing a hand to his face with a small caress.

"What look?"

She sighed, "I'm making you uncomfortable. You don't really care about the names, do you?"

He did, but he didn't want to. Also, he didn't want her thinking that he cared, or that he didn't- really, House wasn't sure. Answering either way would make Cuddy either upset or happy, and he didn't know what he actually wanted.

House swallowed, feeling his heart start beating fast, and felt perspiration begin to form on his forehead, while she waited for an answer. He breathed deeply for a moment, before deciding to respond, when he was saved by a nurse rolling in the cart with Cuddy's baby.

Even though she was in obvious pain, Cuddy sat up in her bed, and smiled widely, as the nurse handed her the crying newborn, "Oh you were right, she has very strong lungs."

She scooped her in her arms, and House was sure he'd never seen Cuddy look so- happy before, as she tried consoling the wailing baby with baby talk, but it didn't work.

"She's so beautiful", Cuddy looked down at her- mesmerized, though House couldn't see what she meant. The baby's face was red from crying, and looked like a little blob of anger.

So instead, House nodded, knowing this to be one of the rare occasions when lying to Cuddy was ok.

He could tell after a couple of minutes though, that she was beginning to get a little anxious from the wailing. She tried rocking her in her arms, but the baby seemed even more discontent with Cuddy's attempts to soothe her.

"Why won't she stop crying?" She frowned down, while laying her up on her chest and rubbing her back.

House shrugged, "Try feeding her."

Cuddy nodded, and awkwardly positioned the baby next to her breast, guiding her head towards her nipple. House couldn't help at stifle a laugh at how uncomfortable and unnatural Cuddy looked.

She frowned, almost trying to force the baby to suckle on her, but it was useless. She didn't want her boob, and Cuddy looked up at House in frustration, "She isn't hungry, but she won't stop crying."

"Babies cry, sometimes for no reason", he stated with a shake of his shoulders.

That didn't comfort her though. Instead, Cuddy continued trying to quiet her down, but nothing seemed to work.

House winced eventually and sighed, putting out his arms- hoping what he was about to do, also wouldn't work.

"Gimme", he said, and Cuddy gave him a confused look, yet handed her baby to him.

A soon as she was in his arms, and he'd placed her head on his chest, she instantly stopped crying.

"How did you do that?" Cuddy asked, awestruck.

He shrugged, and frowned down at the mini Cuddy, "I have no idea."

"I was right, she's always liked you. Remember how she used to kick as soon as you'd start talking?"

House rolled his eyes, "I told you why she kicked, and it wasn't because of me."

He took her off his chest, and placed her back into Cuddy's arms. For a moment, it looked like it had worked, like she was going to be fine. But as House lay back down in the recliner, the baby began emitting little hurtful wails.

And as he frowned, and took her from Cuddy's arms so that she'd stop crying once more, Cuddy looked up at him in amazement, "She likes you more than me."

He tensed up, because regardless of what he wanted to think, the fact stood, that she was right. For a reason unbeknownst to the both of them, Cuddy's tiny mutant baby liked him, and he got the feeling that it was because as much as he'd tried to hide it, he liked her too.

xxxoxxxo

Madeline.

That was the final name Cuddy had decided on.

Almost a month had passed since Cuddy had given birth to Madeline, and House had avoided them as much as possible.

And even though he'd gotten clearance to do the rest of his rehab as an outpatient, he'd rejected the idea. Stating that he didn't think he could stay clean if he was allowed out.

It wasn't a complete lie, but he knew the truth was he didn't want to spend time with Cuddy and her infant.

Besides, it wasn't like they hadn't visited him. In fact, Cuddy brought Madeline to him a few times, when she couldn't bare to hear her cry anymore.

Each time, all it would take was to be in his arms, and Madeline would immediately stop crying. Neither Cuddy or him liked it, but they'd settled on the fact that he was the only person who could make Madeline seize her wailing.

He only had a week left there though, and he worried about what Cuddy would expect once he was out.

House had purposely tried being difficult- in his last week. He tried paying off one of the nurses to sneak him vicodin, all in the hopes of being told that he needed to stay longer than ninety days. He'd even terrorized the other patients, knowing exactly where to push their buttons.

Much to his dismay though, Dr Nolan had seen through his attempt of self-sabotage. And in the end, it had made for an interesting last one-on-one therapy session.

"What are you afraid of House?" Nolan asked, a notebook on top of his crossed legs, while resting his elbows on each side of his comfortable seat.

House's first instinct was to deflect, by commenting on Dr Nolan's neon green argyle socks, though he now knew from experience that it would only work against him.

"Cuddy, and what she wants- which is what I'm not", he muttered honestly. There was no use in tip-toeing with him.

Nolan smiled smugly, "And has she said that she doesn't want you?"

House sighed deeply, "No. But she has a baby now, and she's going to want a dad for her kid. We want opposing things."

He nodded and made a note on his pad, "And you don't want a child? Why not?"

House furrowed his eyebrows, thoroughly confused at his question, "Why would I? A child is dependent on you until it can poop and eat on it's own, and by that time the cuteness is gone because they can speak. Once they can speak, their every word is annoying, and once they hit their teenage years they're unbearable. And all that time and investment only leads to what? Having to pay for their overpriced college tuition? And them hating you for inevitably messing them up one way or another in their childhood? No thanks."

Dr Nolan smiled, "I hear that- what's her name? Madeline? Finds your arms very soothing."

"That sounded _very_ inappropriate."

He shifted in his seat, but was careful not to give House any indication of irritability, "How do you feel about the fact that Madeline seems to prefer you over Cuddy?"

House shrugged, "Testing has shown that babies become attached to the first person that carries them after birth. I was that person, that's all there is to it. Once she's spent more time bonding with Cuddy, it'll be over."

"I asked you how you _felt_."

House clenched his jaw a little and sighed.

"I don't know", he stated honestly. He looked away from Nolan, around his office, attempting to get his words straight, "I guess she doesn't bug me as much as I thought she would."

Dr Nolan raised his eyebrows, in surprise, "Do you love Cuddy, House?"

"Yes", he let out easily.

"And you don't dislike Madeline?" Dr Nolan pressed.

House knew where his questions were going, but he humored him anyway, "She's fine."

"And it wouldn't be too far-fetched to say, that you would like them in your life permanently?"

"It wouldn't be so bad, no", House said feeling defeated, then argued, "But in the long run, we aren't compatible. I'm like...tequila to Cuddy's buffalo wings. They're great together when you're stoned, but once you sober up, you realize what a disaster it actually is."

Dr Nolan chuckled, "That's an- interesting analogy. Why are you so sure that it would end badly."

"Have you never had tequila and buffalo wings? It's like acid, of course it ends badly", House exasperated.

The psychologist tilted his head in a shrug, and raised his eyebrows, "It might be fine. And I don't think that's the issue at hand here."

Hose rolled his eyes, "Right. Ok, please enlighten me."

"I think, you're scared to take a chance", Dr Nolan let out smugly.

He snickered, "Did you forget who you're talking to? I take chances all the time!"

"Yes, with your patients. However, _you_ are a creature of habit. Change sets you off, and you avoid it as much as possible- and only keep close to what you know. Because misery is an area that you know very well."

"Have you and Wilson been sharing notes?" He tried joking, but Nolan stayed staring at him seriously. House looked around the room, "Expecting the worst has an upside of never letting you down."

Nolan nodded, "Of course you'd feel that way, after what Stacy and Cuddy did to your leg, after you let Cuddy in and then found her kissing Atticus, after Wilson and your mother kept her illness from you, even Wilson dosing you- it all makes a lot of sense. Here's where it stops making sense...you let Cuddy in...what changed?"

He took a big inhale of breath, "I guess I figured I was better boyfriend material than a drunk, pretentious wife beater."

Nolan shook his head, "I think, you realized that you need that human connection. After all, your mother's dead, and without her, you have no one."

"Gee, thanks. Aren't you supposed to be making me feel better?"

"No, you are, I'm just here to help guide you", he then got quiet for a moment, and looked at his watch, "Which brings us back to now...what do you plan on doing once you leave?"

House swallowed, and licked his lips, "I don't know."

xxxoxxxo

The day he left the rehab wing, he sort of expected to see Cuddy, waiting for him at the door with a stupid smile plastered on her face- and he scoffed at himself, realizing how corny that actually sounded.

She wasn't the one waiting though, instead it was Wilson, who already had his small suitcase in hand.

When he saw House come into view, he stood up straight, offering him a smile.

He'd have House some compliments on his healthy, fuller appearance, and of course mentioned that Cuddy was home with Madeline.

House had already expected that, and wasn't at all phased. It was only when they'd gotten in Wilson's car and had gone in the opposite direction of his apartment, that he turned over to Wilson with a frown, "Where are we going?"

"Cuddy's house", he stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?"

Wilson sighed, "She asked me to take you there...you just got out of rehab, do you really think you should be alone, at your apartment?"

"I'm a big boy, I'll be fine."

Of course, Wilson ignored him, and before long, they had arrived outside Cuddy's two-story Tudor home.

xxxoxxxo

Marina had opened the door and let them in to the living-room, where House could hear the all too familiar cries of baby Madeline.

He sighed, feeling Wilson staring at the back of his head and turned back to give him a tight smile, "I'll be right back, I should go say hi."

"Actually, I have to go. I promised Cameron I'd meet her for dinner. Tell Cuddy I said hi though", and without another word, Wilson walked back out the front door, leaving him to deal with Cuddy and her baby.

And walked up the stairs to the nursery that was still decorated for a baby boy, with sailboats all over the room.

As he walked into the nursery, House saw Cuddy dressed in black yoga pants and a sweatshirt, pacing the room with red rims around her sunken eyes.

When she saw him at the door way, there was a moment when she paused, smiling at him, and rushed to give him a kiss.

House kissed her back softly, and slowly maneuvered so that Madeline made it into his arms, and he was holding her once they broke apart, which seized her crying.

The thing was, once Madeline had stopped crying, Cuddy was the one that started sobbing into her hands softly. House stood in front of her with the now calm baby, who'd wrapped her hand around one of his fingers, staring at her and lost with what to do that moment.

"She hates me", Cuddy let out into her hands , in between a sob.

House looked down at Madeline who was staring up at him, "She doesn't hate you...she can just sense your fear. Babies are like dogs, they can sense when you're nervous and scared."

She laughed and looked at her baby in House's arms, "And you aren't scared?"

"Why would I be? She doesn't cry with me because she knows I couldn't care less about her", he lied, feeling mildly guilty when he saw Cuddy's hurt expression.

They both stayed there for a while, until Madeline was lulled to sleep, and House placed her in the crib.

He turned back around and shoved his hands into his pockets, as both of them walked out of her room.

Once in the hallway, Cuddy wrapped her arms around him, "I don't know if I can do this House."

He frowned.

"Well I'm getting mixed signals right now."

Cuddy shook her head, "Not us, me being a mother, I don't think I can do it."

"What?" He hadn't expected that, and pulled away from her to see if she was joking. But Cuddy's tear stained eyes told him she meant it.

House inhaled deeply, "You know, I've read somewhere that sleeping at the same time as your infant, is highly recommended. Also, I'm a little tired myself, I might start getting fussy too. Care to put me to bed?"

She smiled through her tears and pulled his hand towards her room, where he slowly closed the door, careful not to make too much noise and wake up Madeline.

Once inside, Cuddy instantly fell on her bed, and House followed her, only pausing to kick off his Nike sneakers, and laid down next to her on the bed.

Cuddy's eyes were already starting to get sleepy, and she yawned, curling up on her side, next to him.

House sighed and licked his lips, as a thought popped into his head, "Do you realize we've only slept together twice, in twenty years?"

It made her laugh, and House smiled too- happy to see her happy, it was a strange emotion.

"I still have two weeks to go until I get my sign off from Hourani for that", she said in between her yawning.

He was only joking, and he was about to tell her that, only- before he had a moment to, Cuddy had already fallen asleep.

xxxoxxxo

In the weeks that passed, things were quite strange for House.

He'd gone back to his apartment, absolutely refusing to move in with Cuddy. After all, he needed his own space, and she'd seemed to understand.

But that still hadn't stopped her from calling him in the middle of the night, trying to hold back tears, as he could hear Madeline in the background crying her heart out.

So he'd drive there, in the middle of the night, to help put her back to sleep, and then he'd drive back home- always refusing to stay the night. Because that would change everything- and House was not domestic.

After a while though, all the late, almost sleepless nights had begun to take a toll on him, until one afternoon he had to take a nap in his office.

But just as he'd gone into that sweet limbo of consciousness and sleep, someone had walked into his office, ruining what was supposed to be good sleep for him.

House squinted one eye open, to see Wilson standing in his office, "Nap time?"

He closed his eyes back up and rested his head back on his seat, "Yeah, now go away."

"How's your new baby?" He asked, ignoring what he said and instead plopping down on one of the chairs in front of House's desk.

"Cuddy's baby is a brat, and _I_ don't have one", He corrected Wilson.

"Is that-vomit on your shirt?" He asked with a note of amusement in his voice.

House finally gave up, and opened his eyes, looking down at what Wilson was referring to, "Yeah, it threw up on me. So what?"

Wilson opened his eyes wide in surprise, "Nothing, it's just adorable."

"No, it's deplorable...I think I'm going to break up with Cuddy."

"No you're not. But anyway, that's not why I'm here", he said digging into his pocket and pulling out a tiny black box, with a ring inside it, "This is why I'm here."

House looked at the ring and frowned up at Wilson, "Why Jimmy, this is all so sudden."

"I'm going to ask Cameron to marry me."

"You're an idiot", House said and stood up to walk behind his desk, and began going through some papers, at an attempt to distract himself from the ridiculous of Wilson's deceleration.

Wilson turned to face House, and was distracted by a brown package leaning up to the front of his desk, "Is this the package your dad dropped off?"

House watched as he picked up the wrapped canvas with the letter in front of it, and heaved a sigh, "How do you know about it? Are you guys best friends now."

"We went to lunch when he was out here, since you refused to go visit him", Wilson added in.

"Thanks for that", House sarcastically added, and saw how serious Wilson had gotten all of a sudden, "I get the feeling you want to talk about feelings now- so I'm going to pretend to be really busy and work now."

But Wilson didn't move, "Why haven't you opened the letter your mom left you? It's been months since she-"

"I've been busy", he shrugged.

"You should open it."

House looked up at him in mock surprise, "Actually, I'm stunned you nor the next Mrs Wilson haven't opened it yet. You know, since you like to put every private moment of my life under a microscope."

"Well it's not our fault you're like a child that needs someone watching them constantly. Else you do crazy things, like forge my prescription pad or decide to start doing heroin out of a whim."

He rolled his eyes, "Are we really going there again? Because reflecting on all my misgivings is getting quite boring."

"Why did you do it?"

House cursed, while sighing deeply, and was about to respond, only decided to walk out instead- taking the package with him.

He still had a patient in ICU, and had left his cellphone in the pocket of his blazer, that was still in his office, but he needed to get away.

There had been a feeling of dread that had been building inside him, since he'd first gone in to rehab, and it still wouldn't go away.

It was hard to explain, even to himself. But every conversation he had with Wilson made it worse. Every time he'd see how much Cuddy was failing at bonding with Madeline, and would rely on him to help, would heighten the dread.

Cuddy had been wrong about Nolan, he wasn't helping. If anything, he felt worse than when he'd first been admitted into rehab. He felt like his misery was magnifying.

And the twisted part of all of it, was that the only silver-lining he'd had in all of the deranged darkness was the birth of Madeline, which, in reality- wasn't saying much.

Add to the fact that the only time he felt even close to normal, was when he could make her stop crying, just made him feel worse thinking about it.

He just wanted to fall into a deep sleep, one where he wouldn't be bothered for a long time. At least in sleep, as boring as it was, he couldn't feel the anxiety that flooded his body. A nice dissociative one would be perfect, he imagined.

Actually, maybe a reboot of his brain was exactly what he needed again.

He was too caught up in his thoughts, to see someone familiar follow him outside into the courtyard, where he sat down- hoping that some of the fresh air would help his feeling of entrapment.

"Dr House, how nice to be seeing you again", said a female voice with a thick eastern European accent.

House turned around from where he sat, and looked up at the long-legged Dominika Petrova.

* * *

_**Preview Part 23:**_

_Dr Nolan looked uneasily at House, "When did this occur to you?"_

_House shrugged his shoulders, a little surprised at himself, at how candid he was being. This wasn't him, he wasn't some sad soul bearing person, "A few days ago."_

_"I'm sure you knew exactly what it meant, when this came to you."_

_He swallowed, and nodded his head- feeling legitimately scared, "So what now?"_


	23. In My Place

**Author's Note: **

**first order of business, this chapter is a bit depressing and I personally feel like I'm loosing steam. :( if any of you have any suggestions, I'm wide open! Please I would love ideas of certain scenes you guys would like to see. I need some inspiration, it's hard finding it now that I've started school and am already bombarded with so much school work :(**

**question answering time:**

**Amber SanGiovanni: what is the painting of? Would you believe if I said I wasn't sure myself? Lol we'll all find out together.**

**OldSFan: I agree, I think he's smitten with her too.**

**lenasti16: Im not a fan of Dominika either, don't worry- she won't cause any Huddy damage...I think. ;) but I understand about the mixed feelings with the baby and Cuddy- hopefully they can bond! We'll see...**

**lastly, enjoy! :)**

**\- Ari**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 23

_In My Place_

The Doctor from the Mayo clinic wore a white skirt and blazer suit, with a brown leather briefcase at her side.

She was smiling widely at House, clearly pleased to see him.

He swung his legs around to face her, from where he was seated and stood up, "Well you're awfully far away from the lovely Minnesota."

Dominika Petrova laughed a little too girlish for his liking, and bit her lip, "I am here recruiting a doctor from Princeton General to join our pediatric department."

"I didn't know the Infectious Disease department head was in charge of that sort of thing", he mused, not really in the mood to talk to her.

Months before, he would have made a pass at her, because she was just his type. Now, with Cuddy, he actually had no desire to even flirt with her, and her tactics were far from working with him.

"Actually, I've been promoted to Assistant Chief of Staff", she said rather pompously, obviously thinking highly of herself.

House tried really hard not to roll his eyes, and found it strange to be so put off by her, when normally he would have been salivating, "Cool. I bet you worked yourself really hard to get that promotion."

She caught what he meant, but instead of being offended, Dominika took a step closer to him, "If you would like to see what I did, I could show you in private?"

His eyebrows shot up, and took a step back, realizing he was treading in dangerous waters, "Sorry, I've been spoken for. My girlfriend is the super jealous type too...sometimes even violent."

Dominika looked surprised, "I must say Dr House, I wouldn't imagine a man like yourself to be committed."

"Oh I'm very committed, super committed", he nodded a little too enthusiastically.

"That is disappointing to hear. But I must confess, I have come with other agenda. With my promotion, there is a need for someone to fill my old position of Head of Infectious Disease."

House blinked his eyes a few times, and scoffed, "No thanks."

She frowned for a moment, "Perhaps we can discuss it over dinner? I believe it would be a great growth opportunity for you. I imagine that although prestigious in its own way, your teaching hospital must have its sets backs from someone like yourself."

He was about to open his mouth to say that he was really content where he was, but someone cut him off.

"House?"

He turned to see Cuddy dressed as the normal Dean of Medicine Cuddy, looking at from him to Dominika, "What's going on here?"

Dominika's huge smile faltered a little, and she looked at Cuddy smugly, "We are having a private conversation. If you could excuse us please?"

"No, she can stay. This is my girlfriend I was telling you about", House said immediately wrapping his arm around Cuddy's waist, suggestively.

She looked over to House with an amused but tired smile, "When you're finished here, I need you in my office."

"I have a Nolan thing in fifteen", he said directly to her.

She shrugged, "Afterwards then."

Cuddy gave him a quick kiss as he nodded, and walked away back inside the hospital, shaking her ass with a little more vigor than usual just for him.

He turned back to Dominika with a sigh, "See? now you got me in trouble."

xxxoxxxo

Gregory House.

To be honest, Dr Nolan had been stunned when Dr Cuddy had asked him to treat House. His first thought had been absolutely not, not after all the terrorizing stories he'd been told.

But after a while of reflection, and treating him- he'd come to realize that plainly put, House was just like any other narcissistic, anti-social, clinically depressed patient he'd had before, with the exception of being a genius, who could calculate what he was going to say, even before Nolan opened his mouth.

He struggled with the perception that happiness was something that could come without strings being attached. He couldn't enjoy happiness in the moment for fear that it would cave in on top of him.

House lived in a world that he'd created in is mind, where he was not worthy of happiness. Where in order to hide the fact that he loved someone or cared for them, he would justify a reason for staying away for fear of trust. And if he was happy, he needed to feed his misery in some other way.

"What's on your mind today?" Asked Nolan right away, as House had sat down with the package on his lap.

House shrugged, "Nothing really."

Nolan's eyes went to the package he was holding, "Can I ask what it is that you have with you?"

"You're asking, aren't you?... It's something I forgot to drop off in my car because I was running late." He said averting his eyes around the room, but kept his hand firmly around the package- making sure it was secured.

Nolan made a note, "What's inside the package?"

House shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. A painting I think", he paused for a second and took a breath, "It's from my mom, ok? We're going to get there eventually- so I might as well save us the time."

"You're mother died in January, didn't she? Why haven't you opened it? It's been months- what are you afraid of", Nolan asked straight to the point.

With House there was no sense in tiptoeing around anything, because of his ability to see through it.

He sighed and rubbed the side of his head, "I don't think I really care."

Nolan paused to observe House for a moment, taking notice of the more evident than usual black bags under his eyes before deciding how to continue, "Why were you running late today?"

"Wilson, Dr Petrova from the Mayo clinic, my mid morning nap? Pick one", He said it all rather rushed, with a shrug of his shoulders.

"What happened with Wilson?"

"He wouldn't stop bugging me", House licked his lips and toyed with the twine on the package, "He never does, it's almost like I can't breathe."

Nolan frowned, and placed a finger on his lip, "Has Wilson's behavior changed recently?"

House shook his head, "No."

"That's interesting", he said with a nod, "Yet, you find it suffocating?"

"No, I find it very liberating", House joked sarcastically, "I enjoy being treating like a pubescent child with a curfew."

They weren't getting anywhere as far as Nolan could tell, because it would all lead back to the relationships around him, and his inability to deal with them. And ultimately how he wasn't ready for that yet.

"What's your ultimate goal here House?"

He looked around, sighing, "To get better, whatever that means...I'm tired of being miserable and it feeling like it's only getting worse."

Nolan smiled, "There's something I want to try", he said while standing up to grab an unopened water bottle he'd purposely placed on his desk, and opened his side drawer taking out a prescription bottle, and handing I to him with the water bottle.

House eyed the bottle that was handed to him, "This is your genius idea? SSRI's?"

"I don't think we should rule out any method that might work. I know you don't have a problem taking drugs", Nolan said with the raise of an eyebrow.

He watched as House contemplated the bottle in his hand for a moment, before placing it on the coffee table, "I don't want to change who I am."

"Miserable?...do you think that by taking meds, you'll lose your edge? Stop making unique connections that make you a successful doctor?"

House half smirked and scoffed, "If Van Gogh was your patient, he'd be satisfied painting houses instead of The Starry Night."

"Van Gogh would still be making inspired paintings of the night sky, just maybe not from the room of his asylum."

"You don't know that."

"I know both his ears would be intact. And I know his life would be better", Nolan paused when House put the water bottle down, "I know this doesn't come naturally to you. But you want my help, which means you need to trust me."

There was a lapse of movement that silence filled instead, and then House unclasped the prescription bottle and swallowed a pill.

xxxoxxxo

Being back at the hospital, had been a breath of fresh air for Cuddy. She wasn't quite sure how long she could continue to stay home with the ever fussy Madeline.

At least being back at work brought a sense of normality into her life, which she felt as of lately she lacked.

There was so much good that had happened to her in the last year, but Cuddy couldn't feel any of the joy she should have been able to feel.

The birth of Madeline was supposed fulfill that void in her life she'd needed. But if anything her baby made her feel less like herself. Madeline's presence, felt more like a burden than a blessing, and even as she thought it, Cuddy felt horrible at the thought.

Then there was House, who she felt was slipping through her fingers. It wasn't that they argued, because lately they never did. And he was more helpful with Madeline than he needed to be. Actually if it wasn't for him, Cuddy was sure she would have lost her sanity long ago. He was sweet to her, in his own House way of course, and she was stunned he still hadn't made any sarcastic remarks about her inability to soothe her own daughter.

But there was so much that he held back from her, both of his own problems, and things that would cause her grief. She knew it was because he didn't want his own to burden her, but she genuinely felt like he was disconnecting more than usual.

The House she knew, although perpetually miserable, had always had a fire in him that held a balance of pleasure as well. Yet, the one she saw everyday now, looked almost empty whenever she looked into his eyes.

Cuddy wanted to bring it up, and talk about what was really wrong with him, but part of her feared, that the change in him was because of her and Madeline. She thought maybe they were the reason for his gloomier presence lately- and if that were true, then she didn't want to know.

There was a noise that came from her door, and Cuddy turned up to see House walk in, holding a package in his arm and eyeing her suspiciously, "What's up?"

"What did she want?" She tried hard not to show her irrational jealousy, over the bimbo doctor, as she liked to call her.

He let out a breath as he fell into one of her chairs and shrugged his shoulders, "She wanted to show me in private what she did to get promoted. I think there was mention of handcuffs?"

Cuddy's mouth dropped, "The nerve of that woman-"

"She asked me that before I explained I had a very bossy girlfriend, that would punish me if she found out."

She scoffed, and shuffled through some papers, attempting not to look too pleased by his response, "Stay away from her, will you? But seriously, what did she want?"

"She was trying to get in my pants...After having gone to Princeton General to recruit some doctor for pediatrics at the Mayo Clinic, I think."

There was a way that he shifted in his seat, that left Cuddy uncomfortable. Like maybe he was keeping something else from her, but she relented and let out a breath, "Like I said, stay away from her- she screams trouble, just the sight of her."

House half smiled, and bit his lip, "Have I told you how hot it is, when you get all bossy like that?...Fancy a quickie?"

It made her smile, and Cuddy laughed,"It's the middle of the day, and I have a board meeting in an hour- which reminds me..." Her voice trailed off, becoming quiet.

He raised his eyebrows, expectantly.

Cuddy bit her lip, feeling like what she was about to ask of him would only widen the already huge gap between them, "Marina called me saying she feels really sick. She's bringing Madeline here, but I have a board meeting in an hour. Can you...?"

She didn't have to finish her sentence for him to know what she was asking, "I can't babysit her, I have a differential to run, how do you propose I do that while trying to control a wailing baby?"

"She won't get in the way, just attach her to you with the baby carrier, and she's never fussy with you. House, I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important-please?", she pleaded.

"Absolutely not! People already think she's mine as it is", he argued back.

Cuddy looked own, feeling like an idiot for thinking that he might agree. He was right, it wasn't his responsibility, and he'd made it clear many times, she'd just hoped that some part of him had changed.

He must of realized that she felt hurt, because after saying no, he suddenly spoke up again.

House sighed, and licked his lip, "Fine. Have Marina drop her off in my office, because I refuse to be seen around the rest of the hospital, holding a baby..._your_ baby."

xxxoxxxo

When Marina placed Madeline in his arms- after making sure he'd shut the blinds to both his office and the DDX room, Madeline gurgled in his arms when she looked up at him.

But also, House felt a sense of relief, that he genuinely hated, by having Madeline in his arms. She was a huge distraction to the never ending anxiety he felt.

As soon as Marina was out the door, he looked down at Madeline with a tiny smile, "Did you plan this?"

To which Madeline smiled up at him.

House scoffed, but couldn't help at smile back, then attempted to look at her scornfully, "I think you're getting the wrong idea here. I really don't like you."

She gurgled loudly back at him, a clear indication that she'd called his bluff.

He took a breath and sat down in his recliner, placing her in front of him, "Fine, you're not so bad. Just don't tell anyone I said that."

As he held her away from him, facing him, Madeline swayed her arms and legs, and gave out a tiny wail.

"Hey now, the only reason I agreed to this was because you don't pull that stuff with me", he said to her, while she continued to move her arms and legs.

After a moment, he picked her back up, and placed her against his chest, where her swaying had seized, and he felt her give out a little breath. A nap sounded really nice actually, he thought. After all, he really hadn't had a good nights sleep in weeks.

There was a noise at his glass door, and House opened his eyes and watched as his lackeys all walked in a row.

Foreman frowned, Cameron smiled widely, and Kutner laughed, "Is that Cuddy's baby?"

House looked up at him blankly, "No, it's my new guitar."

Cameron walked over and bent down to make baby noises at Madeline's face, "She's getting so big, can I hold her?"

"Please", he said taking her off his chest and handing Madeline to her.

As soon as she was in Cameron's arms though, Madeline scrunched her face and let out a wail. To which Cameron stood up, and tried rocking her to calm her down. It seemed to work for a little while, but then the wailing would begin again.

"Why is she so fussy?" Cameron asked, rubbing her hand up and down her back.

"She's probably confused by you. You sound like a girl, but she doesn't feel your twins", House joked, in between a yawn while making his way into the differential room, and grabbing the marker.

"Our patient has liver failure, fluid in the lungs, and blood in her urine- differential diagnosis people." He wrote on the board.

He looked back at them to see if they were thinking, only to see all three of them paying attention to Madeline who was gurgling again in Cameron's arms.

House rolled his eyes, and dropped the marker. He walked over and took Madeline out of Cameron's arms quite abruptly, then walked into his office to get her car seat and diaper bag, and made his way to Wilson's office.

When he opened the door, Wilson was sitting behind his desk looking down at paperwork, but jumped in surprise as House's appearance.

"What is Madeline doing with you?" He asked getting up.

House handed her off to him and walked back towards his door, "Cuddy asked me to ask you to babysit."

"No she didn't", Wilson said in a baby voice, looking at Madeline who stared at him blankly.

"You're right, she didn't. But seeing as I have a chance to save a patient, and yours tend to die anyway, I'd say you loose and babysit the kid instead."

House watched at how natural Wilson looked with Madeline, and began cooing at her with baby talk, "She doesn't like baby noises, she gets annoyed."

That wasn't necessarily true, and he wondered why he'd even said it. Actually, he was a little jealous?- No, he cut that thought out of his mind immediately, he certainly didn't care.

Wilson frowned up at House, "What? Would she prefer if I were to read the Odyssey to her instead?"

"She'd prefer if you spoke to her as if she weren't an idiot, which she's not", House heard himself say.

"Why do you care how I speak to her?" Wilson had a curious smile on his stupid face, it annoyed House.

"I don't." He simply said, and walked out of the office back to his differential, feeling uneasy.

xxxoxxxo

It was later in the afternoon, after Cuddy had met with the board for a positive review on the new neonatal diagnostic department.

Ever since it had been formally put into effect, not only had they successfully brought down the numbers of infant deaths in the first few months, but the department had garnered positive articles written about it in several medical journals.

Needless to say, that Cuddy's afternoon had gone quite well, and couldn't help but smile as she made her way into House's office.

However, as she walked in she realized that he was asleep, and Madeline was nowhere to be found.

She walked up to him and shook him,only to hear a rattling noise come from his pocket. Her heart skipped a beat, at the noise of pills. But as she dug her hand into his pocket, and took the bottle out, she looked at the label- fluoxetine.

SSRI's- anti depressants.

Cuddy swallowed, knowing she shouldn't be surprised, he was seeing Nolan after all. But seeing the pills somehow made his misery all the more real, and that was scary. After a second, she put them back in his pocket, hoping he wouldn't notice that she'd seen them. After all, his treatment and the method of it, was his own business.

"House, wake up", she shook him, until he grunted and moved his shoulder away from her. Cuddy rolled her eyes, shaking his shoulder one more time, "Where's Madeline?"

He finally stirred and sat up with a yawn, looking around his office and then falling back on his recliner, as a thought evidently passed through his eyes, "With Wilson, he really wanted to babysit her."

"Why?" She semi- screeched, a little upset at the fact he would just easily hand her child off to someone else. It wasn't that she didn't trust Wilson, if anything he was easier to trust with a child than House. What upset her, was that he'd so easily hand her child off.

House obviously could tell, and let out a breath, "I was tired, and you trust him. I wouldn't leave her with just anyone."

"She was supposed to be with you- she's not Wilson's responsibility-"

"She's not mine either", he suddenly snapped back, and got up from his recliner, going towards his desk to retrieve his backpack.

Cuddy stayed silent, stunned and hurt- but mostly realized that he was right, and she had been acting on some false pretense that he wanted her to be his.

When he realized she wasn't going to speak up again, House licked his lips and put his backpack on his shoulder, "I'm going home, I need to sleep."

xxxoxxxo

Weeks passed by, and things had gone back to their somewhat normal state.

House had attempted to apologize for the outburst he'd had, but Cuddy had said there was nothing to apologize for. And him, not wanting to push the subject had just nodded and they'd fallen into some weird routine again.

She was the same with him, and if anything, even seemed a little happier as she started to finally bond with the soon to be three month-old Madeline. However, no amount of bonding between mother and daughter could surpass the strange irreversible attachment she had to House.

He'd tried staying away for days, and started holding her less as time passed by, all in hopes that she'd grow apart from him, but to no avail.

Because every time he'd walk into the room, or she'd hear his voice, Madeline's eyes would search for him and she'd gurgle and move her arms crazily until he picked her up.

House should have started getting better sleep too, since he'd stopped driving over to Cuddy's in the middle of the night. But he was still just as tired, sometimes even more so than before. He couldn't sleep.

And all he wanted was to stay home and sleep the entire day, maybe even two. The only thing that stopped him, was the questions he knew he'd get from Cuddy and Wilson if he decided to take a sick day.

Once, he contemplated getting some sleeping pills so that he could do it, but decided to bring it up to Nolan instead in his session.

Dr Nolan looked uneasily at House, "When did this thought occur to you?"

House shrugged his shoulders, a little surprised at how candid he was being. This wasn't him, he wasn't some sad soul bearing person, "A few days ago."

"I'm sure you knew exactly what it meant, when this came to you."

He nodded his head, and swallowed- feeling legitimately scared, "So what now?"

"As a medical doctor, what would you do, if your patient were to tell you they just wanted to sleep endlessly?"

House rolled his eyes, "I'm not suicidal."

"I believe that you aren't. But some part of you does", he mildly accused House.

"No. I just want to sleep, I can't sleep", he stressed, running a hand down his face in exhaustion, "So what? I just keep taking the pills?"

Nolan took a deep breath and nodded his head, "We stay on route. It's going to take time for you to feel better, it's not going to happen overnight."

"I've been taking the happy pills for weeks, and now I feel like I just want to sleep myself to death- yeah they're totally going to work", he muttered sarcastically.

"It takes time, give them time...have you opened the package and letter your mom left you?" Nolan asked.

House frowned all of a sudden, "How do you know about the letter? I never told you about the letter before, it was hidden, there's no way you could have seen it."

Dr Nolan tensed up, and let out a little sigh, "Wilson told me about it."

"You've been asking my friends about me?" House sat up straight, clearly upset.

"_He_ came to me. He's rightfully worried about you. Wilson mentioned that he believes you have unresolved feelings about your mother's death, and I agree. So have you opened both the letter and the painting?" Nolan asked again.

House swallowed, "No. But it's not because I have unresolved feelings, I genuinely don't care", he muttered and the tilted his head to the side, "Hey, here's a thought, maybe if I got some good ol' rem sleep, I'd care?"

Nolan chuckled, "I get it, you're unsatisfied with the medication. Which generally speaking should be helping you with sleep...has anything else changed, since you started taking the SSRI's? Something that could be disrupting your sleep?"

House shook his head, "No. I haven't even been going over to Cuddy's or driving over in the middle of the night to help her with Madeline anymore- I should be sleeping more."

Nolan frowned at his comment, but smiled curiously, "You didn't mention that before. Do you miss Madeline House?"

"God no. She's annoying", he muttered, looking away.

"We aren't going to get anywhere if you don't allow me to do my job. Do you miss Madeline?" Nolan pushed.

House swallowed, and took a moment before speaking, "I feel better around her, around both of them. I don't feel so anxious."

"Then be around them more, I'm sure Dr Cuddy wouldn't object."

He shook his head, "It isn't what I want, I don't want to be in her life like that. I don't want Cuddy to expect me to be some sort of dad."

Nolan smiled, "So you feel better when you're around them, and you acknowledge that- but you don't want to be around them?" He paused to let te thought fester for both of them, "Now this is just my view, but I believe you do want that life with them, it's just so foreign because it wasn't part of this life plan you drew out for yourself."

"So you're saying I can't sleep because my subconscious wants to be with them?" He scoffed.

"Yes, my suggestion is to stop fighting yourself. If this will make you happy, why not try it?"

House massaged the side of his forehead, "Because if it doesn't work, someone will get hurt."

"Or, it will. But you won't know unless you try it."

xxxoxxxo

He'd gone back to his motorcycle twice, on that Friday evening after his meeting with Nolan.

House wasn't sure what to say, or how to even ask Cuddy if he could move in. What if she didn't even want him there? He wouldn't blame her, not after what he'd said about Madeline.

But finally after while, he'd gone up to her door and rang the bell, only to hear a baby crying from the inside.

The noises of Cuddy trying to quiet her down were obvious, and he could hear her making her way to the door.

She was wearing black yoga pants and one of his t-shirts, that he hadn't even realized he'd left there. And saw her face light up when she realized it was him.

Even Madeline in her white onesie, who had tears streaming down her face looked at him, and he put his arms out to where she easily pushed her body in to.

"I didn't know you were coming over tonight- I thought you and Wilson were going out?" She asked confused.

She moved aside, and he walked in and stepped close to her, giving her a long kiss, realizing how much he missed her, even though he saw her everyday.

He gave one to Madeline on her cheek too, rubbing his nose as well, which she found funny, "He cancelled, so I figured I would hang out with you guys instead", he looked up Cuddy, "If that's ok?"

She was frowning, not because she was upset, but at his sudden whimsical behavior with Madeline, and how he'd purposely made her laugh, "Yes- of course."

He made a funny face at the mini Cuddy, causing her to giggle, and make gurgling noises at him, "I thought maybe I'd even spend the night? The weekend? A few years?"

House could tell she was in complete shock.

"You want to move in?" Cuddy asked him slowly, her eyes widening.

House took a deep breath and nodded, almost feeling the rejection about to come out of her lips, "I know it's crazy, so I get it if you say no-"

"No, I mean- yes. But are you sure? This is a huge change, a lot of res-" but she couldn't finish because he caught her off.

"I know I love you, and", House took a deep breath and looked at Madeline, "-I think I love her. And I can't sleep without either of you, so yes- I'm sure."

And as the words escaped his lips, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. Maybe not all of it, and as Nolan had said, it would take time, but it was a beginning to where he needed to get, and he felt like he would get there with them at his side.

* * *

_**Part 24 Preview: ( four months later)**_

_Cuddy groaned in bed, moving on her side, "It's too early for her to be awake."_

_House laughed, while draping an arm over her bare body, kissing her neck, and murmured, "I'll get her, but you're going to owe me later."_

_His arm reached over her to the nightstand, to turn off the baby monitor, so Madeline's calls for them wouldn't bother Cuddy. After all, it was Saturday._

_He got up, slipping on his pajama bottoms and t-shirt that Cuddy had pulled off him in a huff the night before. Then yawned as he made his way to Madeline's room. _

_She was standing in her crib, and had both her little hands on the railing, crying out at him as he came into her view. She immediately put her hands out, asking to be picked up._

_House rubbed his eyes, "What are you doing up this early kid? It's a Saturday, you know the rules- we sleep in."_

_He pulled her out and held his breath for a moment, fearing she'd need a diaper change from a poopy one, but was relieved to see it was just pee._

_She was very cooperative through out the entire thing, and sucked on her thumb, which was a clear indication that she was hungry. _

_"Would you like fluffy eggs this morning mademoiselle? Or a bottle of warm milk?"_

_Madeline smiled as he picked her back up in his arms, and she grabbed his face, sucking on his prickly cheek that always made her laugh._

_House winced, softly pulling her hands off his face, "Hey, stop that."_

_The mini Cuddy smiled at him, and said something then, that House wasn't prepared to hear, "Da-da."_


	24. And I Love Her

**Author's Note: Hello Everyone! Thank you once more for all your amazing reviews. Please keep them coming!**

**Questions:**

**-Will Cuddy and House talk about Madeline's dad?**

**All In good time :) I have it worked out, about how they will all find out.**

**p.s. There's a scene that I used in this chapter from the very first episode of House- so for all intents and purposes- in this House world, that scene didn't happen before. You guys should be able to tell :)**

**as always, enjoy!**

**-Ari**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 24

_And I Love Her_

"_Make sure you get those Cheerios she likes_", Cuddy said over the phone to House.

Madeline was playing in the shopping cart with a sock monkey, that she kept placing in her mouth- while he pushed the shopping cart down the aisle of baby food at Target.

House frowned at all the boxes, "Why can't Marina do this? Madeline and I TiVo'd the Real Housewives of New Jersey."

"_I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. And, I don't think we could have gone another day without mouthwash_", Cuddy paused, and House heard her sigh, "_My board meeting is starting...I'll see both of you at home later._"

After they'd hung up, House looked down at Madeline who said something incomprehensible in her own baby language. She'd gotten talkative ever since she'd turned seven months old.

"Would you prefer the colored Cheerios? Or the plain ones?" He asked her holding up the boxes, and examining them himself, then looked back at her, "I say we get both, one for you and one for me."

As he threw them into the shopping cart, Madeline found it funny and copied him by dropping her monkey in the cart too. House laughed and rolled his eyes, picking the monkey back out and handing it to her.

"James?" It was a voice he knew only too well…Paula.

House slowly turned around to see Paula dressed in completely different to her usual hooker attire- she was dressed in athletic wear. He always gave Wilson's name to his call girls.

Paula looked from him to Madeline, and smiled, "You have a kid?"

"No, she belongs to my girlfriend."

"She's so adorable", Paula cooed while bending down to smile at the tiny baby.

Madeline gurgled at her, and some of her spit landed on Paula's face. It was really amusing to her too, like she knew what she was doing, and House couldn't help at laugh himself at the baby.

Even Paula found it somewhat endearing, and smiled at Madeline, "You are too cute", she paused and looked back up at House with a mischievous smile, "You haven't called me lately."

He did a big intake of breath and shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah…I have a girlfriend now, so I'm kinda getting the sex for free these days- no offense."

"Well if you ever get lonely and want a little extra…you know- call me", she said with a wink of her eye, and walked away in front of his view, to purposely give him a great angle of her ass.

House sighed and looked back down at Madeline, who was looking up at him with a blank expression, "Oh don't look at me like that, and don't tell your mom either."

Madeline smiled.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy's alarm clock went off at five am, and House immediately reached over and smacked it off.

"Why do you always do that?" Cuddy's semi raspy voice- groaned, rising from her sleep, and stifling a yawn as she sat up.

House only opened one eye and took the sight of her bare breasts in, "Because I'm not a crazy person and I still want to sleep….Then again, we can do something else."

She looked down at him and rolled her eyes, but couldn't suppress the growing smirk on her lips, "You are so predictable."

He mockingly gasped, and pulled her down to him, pinning her under his body, "Don't think I'm not on to you Lisa Cuddy. Your breasts gave you away- you _wanted_ me to suggest it."

She chuckled underneath him, and brought her hands to his face, to pull him into her, and she gave him a long deep kiss.

Afterwards, he pulled away from her and watched as she got serious, even frowned a bit. House also frowned- growing worried, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just love you", she let out wistfully, with a strange smile, "And I'm happy."

It was corny, and normally House would have rolled his eyes, if he'd heard that sort of exchange between anyone else. But the fact that it was coming from Cuddy, and heck- the fact that it actually sort of warmed his heart, made him smile too.

He kissed her softly again, and looked down at her, "I'm happy too."

The rest of their morning was history.

xxxoxxxo

"Have you opened your mother's letter yet?" Nolan asked, even before House could sit down in the chair.

He rolled his eyes, "Could you wait until my cheeks are warm? _Jesus_."

Nolan chuckled, "Well I thought we should get straight to the topic. No point in tiptoeing around it, right?"

He was right in a sense, they'd covered almost everything else in the last few months, and it was becoming bearable to sit through their sessions now. However, the single thing that House had been avoiding was that of the infamous last letter his mother had left him- also the wrapped canvas painting.

"I lost it", House lied with a shrug and an unfortunate sigh.

Nolan raised an eyebrow, "I don't believe you. Regardless of what you say, that letter means too much to you. You wouldn't just dismiss it, even if you do refuse to read it."

"I don't care about it. I'm happy…ish- now. I'm clean, I'm not so misanthropic anymore either, so who cares about some stupid letter that my mom left behind? What could she have possibly said in it that would alter my life after her death? I can guarantee that I already know what it says."

"And what do you think that is?" asked Nolan, resting his hands on his crossed legs.

House sighed, and moved his hands in expression, "Be happy, try and find someone that will make me happy? I love you, I was proud of you, get along with your father? Take your pick."

"So why not open it and see? That way you know for sure", Nolan said.

He sobered up his sarcasm and sighed, looking down at his fingers, "Because it could always be the opposite. It could be that she finally says what a disappointment I was after all."

"You really think that your mother would have said that to you?"

The truth was no. He didn't really believe that. But what would hurt most was her last letter saying that she was proud of him, because he knew that it was a blatant lie. If his mother's last words to him was that he had made her proud, it would be more unbearable than to hear the truth. Because all that Blythe House had ever wanted was to see him not successful, but happy, and it was something he'd never been able to fulfill.

xxxoxxxo

"I'm going to ask Cameron to marry me today", Was what Wilson said as he walked into House's office that thursday afternoon.

House looked up to frown at his friend, "What? I thought you'd asked her three months ago?"

"_No_, you said I was being an idiot, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that you it was your way of saying I was rushing into it…so- I decided to wait. How could you not know this? You're my best friend", Wilson let out in a breath, clearly nervous.

"So you really haven't asked her?" House asked, dropping his pen and falling back against his desk chair.

Wilson shook his head, and rested both his arms on his waist, as he paced his office.

"Well, that explains all those weird looks she gave me, every time I asked her when the wedding would be. Here I thought all this time, that it meant she'd said no", House half laughed, half scoffed- then became somewhat serious, "You're really going to do it?"

HIs best friend stopped pacing, and looked at him, then after a moment- nodded his head, "So get it over with, tell me how I'm rushing into it, and how this is going to end miserably, with me having a third alimony to pay."

House shrugged and scratched the side of his head, "I think you could do worse than Cameron…_and_ she can stand me, so that's all that really matters."

"Right, because we're a packaged deal, like salt and pepper. I obviously gave a lot of consideration to whether or not she'd be ok with you", Wilson scoffed as he said it.

But House could only nod back in agreement, "You're right, it would have been a deal breaker."

"I'm doing it as soon as I see her. Why wait, right? I'm just going to ask her quickly- like ripping off a bandaid."

"Oh Jimmy, that's really romantic, she's going to love that", He rolled his eyes, sarcastically.

Wilson swallowed, "Well then how should I do it?"

House scoffed, and stood up from his desk to go refill his red mug with coffee, and Wilson followed behind him, "Why are you asking me? You're the one that's been married three times."

"It's not the same every time. Besides, two times out of three, they asked me to marry them", Wilson explained, leaning against the wall as he watched House fill his mug.

As he said that, House stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, and laughed- then looked up at Wilson, "You know, that actually doesn't surprise me."

"_Funny_. This is serious, its my life I'm talking about. A marriage proposal is all about execution- I just don't know what type of execution Allison would want", He said looking at nothing in particular while in thought.

House frowned, "_Allison_? Could you sound any more pretentious? Have you been spending time with Atticus lately?"

As Wilson formed an annoyed look, his eyes popped open all of a sudden and he pushed himself off the wall, "I got it."

And the next moment, before House could even open his mouth to ask what his brilliant proposal idea was, he was out the door and sprinted down the hall towards the elevator.

xxxoxxxo

Ever since their dating had become somewhat serious, House had began actually working his clinic hours. It was a surprise to everyone, and mostly him. Actually, he hadn't even realized that he was working all of them, because he would be so distracted by thoughts of Cuddy or Madeline.

But he gave a sigh, as he placed his stethoscope around his neck, and walked into exam room one, to be welcomed by a thirty-something year old man with black curly hair, a goatee and glasses.

House gave him a tight smile, and sighed, "Hello, I'm Dr House. How can I help you this lovely afternoon?"

The clinic patient moved the rim of his glasses up and swallowed nervously, "I think I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome."

His first thought was to shoot back with some snide remark, but instead House closed his eyes for a moment, and cocked his head to the side- ever so slightly, "Any other symptoms? any other reason you think you may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?"

"It's kinda the definition isn't it?" The guy said with a small laugh.

House took a deep breath and made a note on his chart, "It's also kinda the definition of getting older."

"I had a couple headaches last month, mild fever, sometimes I can't sleep, and I have trouble concentrating", He said looking into thin air as he thought about it some more.

"Apparently not while researching this stuff on the internet."

"Well, I was thinking it also might be fibromyalgia?" The patient said in question.

House pretended to look contemplative, and then serious- though obviously sarcastic, "Excellent diagnosis!"

"Is there anything for that?" he asked a little bit hopeful.

"You know, I think there just might be", House said as he stood up and walked out of the exam room, and over to the dispensary.

"I need 36 Vicodin, and change for a dollar", he said while handing the pharmacist a dollar, and waiting for the quarters.

House got his change and went over to the candy machine. He placed the quarters into the slot with candies, and went back to the counter. He took the Vicodin and slipped them into his pocket, exchanging them for the candy. He smirked, and placed the bottle on the counter again.

"Exam room 2."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy laid down on her couch, in her office with the lights turned off. For some reason she'd had an ongoing head for the past few days, that refused to go away.

Nothing she'd taken had made it go away either, it would just come and go as it pleased- making it unbearable for her to do any work at all.

And around one, that thursday afternoon- she had given up on trying to work, and instead had decided to attempt a nap- hoping it would help.

The only thing she hadn't accounted for was the fact, that no one knew what privacy was anymore, and instead had gotten countless interruptions by Nurse Brenda, Foreman and Chase- who felt the need to pass every decision by her.

Normally, she would have been ok with the fact that he still felt somewhat uncomfortable, after all he'd only gotten promoted a few months back. But her incessant headache had made even the handsome Aussie seem like the most annoying person in the world- and that included House.

The glass door to her office creaked open, and Cuddy groaned, "Whatever it is, I'll deal with it later."

"I agree. Chase told me you weren't feeling good, you should go home", she heard House say.

Cuddy shook her head, "I have too much work to do, I can't go home."

"You can get it done later. But if you keep working while you have a migraine you're not going to get anything done. Go home, I'll run the place for you, while you get some rest", he offered.

She scoffed, "RIght, like I'd leave the hospital in your hands. There might not be anything left when I get back."

"True, but by me I meant Wilson. See, we're a package deal him and I, we're an 'us'- he said so", House said, lifting Cuddy's head up and sitting down underneath her, with her Head in his lap.

She sighed, and moved on to her side, looking up at him, "You promise the hospital will be ok? And you'll call me if anything happens?"

House crossed his fingers, and placed them behind his back, "Yes."

Cuddy struggled, but sat up, and kissed him on the lips, then broke away, "If anything happens to my hospital- you won't have any sex for at least a month."

xxxoxxxo

Cameron took a sip of her lemonade, as she sat in the Ddx room, going over their last patient's chart, making sure that everything was in order before turning in the paperwork.

It was something she usually did on fridays, but that weekend Wilson had made plans to take her away to Atlantic City, and the last thing she needed was to be stuck at the hospital on a Friday, finishing up paperwork.

She looked over at the clock on the monitor of her computer, it was three-fifty five. If she could get the file done in the next hour, then she could beat Wilson home and cook him dinner.

Ever since she'd made dinner for him once, he'd felt like it was some type of democracy, and felt the need to cook for her as well. The only thing was, that most of what he made was not really edible. The thing was though, that every time she'd get home, and he'd smile with a surprise meal in front of her, she couldn't find it in her heart to break the news to him that he was actually quite a terrible cook.

"Cameron, there's a really upset patient asking for you at the kiosk- in the lobby", Foreman said, with his head popped into the Ddx room.

She looked up and frowned, "Upset at me?"

Foreman nodded, "Something about you being rude to his mother? He says that he's going to go straight to Cuddy if you don't apologize or something. He was even talking about possibly pressing charges."

"Did he give you his name at least?" she asked standing up from the desk, and walking out with him towards the elevator- feeling her chest constrict with anxiety.

"I think his name might have been Wilber? Watson? No, I think he said Wilson", Foreman nodded, as he pushed the button towards the first floor.

Cameron frowned, going over all of her patients in her head, "I have no idea who it is. I don't remember having a patient named Wilson."

When the elevator doors opened, Cameron walked over to the Kiosk, but didn't see anyone. She turned to look back at Foreman, who just shrugged back in question and held up his hands.

Instead what she did find, where endless vases of red roses on the kiosk- surrounding a little black open box with a ring inside of it.

She was about to open her mouth to ask Foreman what was going on- when, at that very moment, someone on the second floor terrace cleared their throat very loudly, and she looked up to see Wilson.

Everyone who was in the lobby at that moment stopped and looked up at him too, which she could tell had made him slightly nervous, but he smiled at her and swallowed, "Allison Cameron, will you marry me?"

"What the hell is going on?" she heard House asked behind her, as he walked out of the clinic.

Cameron couldn't take her eyes off of Wilson who rolled his at House, "I just proposed you idiot. And you're ruining the moment."

"Well that was a horrible idea", he scoffed.

Cameron finally broke her eyes off of Wilson and rolled them at House, "Can you shut up? Yes Wilson, I will marry you."

xxxoxxxo

After the life changing-idiotic moment House had been a witness to that afternoon, he was more than happy to get home and away from the roaring joy that the hospital had turned into, after Wilson's ridiculous proposal to Cameron.

Marina had told him that Cuddy was sleeping, as she'd placed an eager Madeline in his arms, and had left for the day.

Madeline squirmed in his arms, and began gurgling what he knew was her gossip, and stories she had to tell him, as they climbed the stairs and headed to her nursery.

He put her on the rug, with all her toys surrounding them, and grabbed her sock monkey, rubbing it in her face- it always made her burst out in giggles. House sat down, beginning his routine of trying to tire her out, so she'd fall asleep, only realized that his blazer wasn't the most comfortable thing to move around in, as placed his elbows on the rug.

She looked up at him, in between giggles, as he sat up and took off his blazer, making it much easier to play around with her.

As far as House knew, it was just another average afternoon with Cuddy's kid- nothing out of the ordinary. And didn't realize that one of the Vicodin pills he'd swapped out in the prescription bottle earlier, had just fell on to her floor.

xxxoxxxo

"He asked her to marry him?" Cuddy asked House in amazement while they walked around the city, after eating dinner at the Peacock Inn.

He nodded, with his hands deep in his pockets, and Cuddy turned to him, "Where was I?"

"You left early remember? You said you didn't feel good", House said opening the door to the frozen yogurt place.

Cuddy kept wracking her brain, wondering why Wilson hadn't mentioned anything to her about wanting to marry Cameron. After all, wasn't she his friend too? Hadn't they just started dating not that long ago?

She was immensely happy for him, especially since it was Cameron, because she was actually a good choice, unlike his horrible ones from the past. But Cuddy couldn't shake the tiny small feeling of envy she felt at Cameron.

Not because she wanted Wilson for herself, but because she'd been asked, and she- who'd been pining away at the same guy for twenty-years, had barely gotten to start dating him. Marriage wasn't even a thought for them, actually they could probably go another twenty years before he'd even think bring it up.

"Wow- marriage…He really doesn't waste time, does he?" she asked, while swallowing and attempting to make her jealousy go away.

Suddenly, Cuddy felt like crying and she looked away from House, and instead at the different types of yogurt. It was all in an attempt to hide her eyes that were quickly getting glossy with tears.

She heard House laugh at her comment, and he too was looking at the different dispensers, deciding, "I know. I told him- he was an idiot. I wouldn't even want to get married once, let alone four."

Cuddy swallowed, and looked away from the yogurt, and back outside, "I think the food we ate made me a little queasy, I don't really feel like getting any froyo anymore."

He turned to her with a small frown, "You sure? It was your idea."

"I just want to go home. We told Marina we'd be back by nine anyway", Cuddy let out while walking back out of the Frozen Yogurt bar.

As the cold November air hit her, she felt slightly better, and hoped it helped with her increasingly warm face.

By now, she knew House had seen her eyes, or at least sensed something was wrong- but she also knew he wouldn't ask. After all, he was an impressive connoisseur of avoiding feelings.

And for once, she actually appreciated his discretion, because the thought of even talking about marriage with House was frightening to Cuddy.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy groaned in bed, moving on her side, "It's too early for her to be awake."

House laughed, while draping an arm over her bare body, kissing her neck, and murmured, "I'll get her, but you're going to owe me later."

His arm reached over her to the nightstand, to turn off the baby monitor, so Madeline's calls for them wouldn't bother Cuddy. After all, it was Saturday.

He got up, slipping on his pajama bottoms and t-shirt that Cuddy had pulled off him in a huff the night before, after they'd gotten home from their disastrous end of a date. She'd been angry, and House had been able to tell from their sex.

He yawned as he made his way to Madeline's room.

She was standing in her crib, and had both her little hands on the railing, crying out at him as he came into her view. She immediately put her hands out, asking to be picked up.

House rubbed his eyes, "What are you doing up this early kid? It's a Saturday, you know the rules- we sleep in."

He pulled her out and held his breath for a moment, fearing she'd need a diaper change from a poopy one, but was relieved to see it was just pee.

She was very cooperative through out the entire thing, and sucked on her thumb, which was a clear indication that she was hungry.

"Would you like fluffy eggs this morning mademoiselle? Or a bottle of warm milk?"

Madeline smiled as he picked her back up in his arms, and she grabbed his face, sucking on his prickly cheek that always made her laugh.

House winced, softly pulling her hands off his face, "Hey, stop that."

The mini Cuddy smiled at him, and said something then, that House wasn't prepared to hear, "Da-da."

There was a wave of incomprehensible emotions that ran through him, and he stared at the happy infant, blinking. It took a while for his body to catch up with all the thoughts running through his head, until House took a deep breath and started walking down to the kitchen with Madeline in his arms.

Once he'd placed her in the high hair, House prepared a bottle for her, and handed it to the eager baby, while pulling up a chair for himself, in front of her.

He pointed to himself with his hand,'"I'm House."

Madeline looked at him for a moment, and giggled, "Dada."

House sighed, licking his lips and raising his eyebrows, "Madeline, I'm _House, _not dada."

_"_Dada."

He ran his hands over his face, realizing how screwed he was. Set aside the fact that she was calling him that, but also that it was her first word- it meant that he was royally screwed. Because he knew that Cuddy's anger would go from a low simmer to boiling rage, before he knew it.

And he had to tell her, because not telling her would be worse than revealing the truth to her.

Then, as if on queue, Cuddy strolled in to the kitchen with a yawn, and bent down to kiss Madeline on the cheek, but completely ignored House.

That was a bad sign that things were already going in a bad direction.

"I thought you were going to sleep in?" he asked nervously, putting Madeline's bottle into her mouth, as she had started to say something- instead she sucked on the nipple quite contently.

Cuddy picked up the nearly empty coffee pot and turned to House, "You know that if you're the last one to drink coffee, you need to wash the pot. And I couldn't sleep in with your booming voice radiating through the walls."

He swallowed, her mood was worse than he'd realized. Maybe he would wait to tell her about Madeline, "Sorry."

She shook her head, "You also left the cap off the toothpaste again, and I've told you countless times to put it back on after you're done."

As House was about to open his mouth to say something back, the phone rang, and Cuddy looked at him expectantly, so he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"_Thank god you answered. I need a consult, its an emergency"_, It was Chase on the phone.

House rolled his eyes, "Well I don't work weekends anymore, see yah monday-"

_"__House, its the granddaughter of the Chairman of the board- at the hospital."_

He looked over at Cuddy who was angrily washing the coffee pot, he'd forgotten to wash the morning before, "Ok, give me a half-hour."

The last thing he needed was for Cuddy to look bad in front of the Chairman, because of Chase. And if anything, being away from her, he decided, might be exactly what she needed to cool down.

xxxoxxxo

"You're an idiot", House spat at Wilson the next Monday morning, as he barged into his best friend's office.

Wilson looked up from the papers he was working on and groaned, "I thought you got your misanthropic views of my proposal out of your system? How long are you going to keep berating me about my proposal to Alllison?"

"Ew, Can you call her by her name please? It's _Cameron. _And Cuddy is made at me because of you."

"What did I do?"

House sighed deeply and fell on to Wilson's couch, "She's mad at me, because of your stupid proposal to Cameron. Now you have her thinking about marriage. It's bad enough that Madeline is already calling me _dada. _Now Cuddy is going to expect me to do the same thing and ask her."

Wilson cocked his head to the side, and scoffed a smile, "Madeline called you dada?"

"Can you focus on what's important here? Cuddy- who hasn't exactly been in the greatest mood lately, now has wedding fever."

But Wilson, who was famous for his one-track mind, just kept looking at House with his mouth slightly open, "Madeline called you dada? Was that her first word? Does Cuddy know?"

"Of course Cuddy doesn't know. How do you suppose I tell her that her kid's first word was dada? To a guy that isn't even her dad."

Wilson shrugged, in thought, "Well, you are sort of-"

"Don't you even finish that sentence. I'm not her dad- I'm not anyone's dad."

At his comment, Wilson put up a finger, "Actually, you are some poor child's father, since you were generous enough to donate some of your swimmers to that sperm bank."

House rolled his eyes, "Please don't remind me- I did that in a moment of weakness. Besides, do you know what the chances of them having worked for some couple is? One out of three."

They both got quiet for a moment, and then Wilson spoke up again, "Are you going to ask Cuddy to marry you?"

"God no. Me? Married? What's the point? To belong to someone? It's all short of idealistic despair."

Wilson frowned, "I have no idea what that means."

House shrugged, "None of it means anything, that's the whole point."

There was a knock at the door that interrupted Wilson from asking something, and Cameron opened it with her face clearly annoyed.

"What's wrong?" Wilson asked immediately standing up to approach her.

"She's having second thoughts", House scoffed, taking out a red lollipop and plopping it in his mouth.

Cameron rolled her eyes at him, and then looked back at Wilson with a softer expression, "I'm not. I just came to tell House that he has a patient insisting he needs a Vicodin prescription for his fibromyalgia."

Wilson looked over at his House, who laughed and looked back up at Wilson, "Do you have change for a dollar?"

* * *

**_Part 25 Preview:_**

_Talking things through with House, had actually made her feel slightly better-emotionally. Because physically her head was still a pounding headache. _

_But even with a never ending headache, Cuddy was on the floor of Madeline's room, pretending to race after her and get her- Madeline found it hilarious. _

_Her baby had the ability to make any stress or sad thoughts go away, and Cuddy felt grateful for that. _

_Madeline looked back at Cuddy as she crawled ahead to see if she was still chasing after her. When she saw that Cuddy was close behind her, Madeline screeched and started crawling faster. _

_Cuddy crawled after her, and moved her hands- only stopped when she felt something hard underneath her palm. _

_She looked down, and picked up her hand to see what object was on the floor, and felt her chest get heavy with dread. _

_It was a long white pill. She picked it up, and examined it closer- Vicodin. _


	25. Lullaby

**Author's Note: **

**I first have to give a big thank you to Amber SanGiovanni for beta'ing this for me! Thank you!**

**Questions:**

What's in the infamous letter?  
**You're about to find out :)**

Suspicions regarding Cuddy's headache?  
**hmm...I don't know if there's anything to that at all? ;)**

**I hope you guys enjoy this- also please don't kill me?**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 25

_Lullaby _

_"I'm with you. No matter what else you have in your head, I'm with you and I love you." _

_\- Ernest Hemingway_

"Do you want two tickets to the Children's Museum?" Wilson asked, walking into House's office and holding the tickets between two fingers.

House frowned- looking up from what he had been reading- genuinely confused, "What?"

Wilson waved them in front of him as he walked towards his desk, "Tickets- to the Children's Museum, want them?"

"Why would I want that?" he let out with a tiny laugh, looking back down at the article that Dr Petrova had sent him from the Mayo Clinic. It was on findings of a third heart valve, that one of their patients had been diagnosed with. He couldn't lie to himself, the cases that the Mayo Clinic kept getting, definitely intrigued him.

Finally, Wilson sat down across from him, trying to peek at what he was reading, and became interested when he saw the cover letter that had come with the article, "Dr Petrova? is this the same one from Vegas?"

"Yup."

"You're still corresponding with her? Does Cuddy know?" He asked incredulously.

House shrugged, "She knows that a lot of doctors like to send me articles to read, and ask for consults- she's just never asked me for details of who they are. Therefore there's no need to tell her."

"She's not going to like the fact that you're still talking to this woman", Wilson shook his head, and placed the tickets on House's desk- then stood back up.

"It's not like I'm sleeping with her, or cheating. I'm just reading an article-which isn't that bad either, you should read it-"

His Oncologist best friend waved 'no' with his hands, "I am not going to be a part of this. You can deceive Cuddy all on your own."

House rolled his eyes and picked up the tickets, "Why would I want these again? And how did you get them?"

"My patient who just went into remission got them from the make-A-Wish foundation. When he found out he was better, he was so happy that he wanted me to have them- he's eight. And, since you have a child and I don't, I figured you could actually have a better use for them."

"I do _not _have a child."

"Right, so that picture you have in your top right drawer, is just the picture of a newborn baby that came in the frame? And I'm going to assume that you're just a real messy eater, since you show up three out of five days of the week with oatmeal splattered on your shirt."

House's mouth was slightly open from mere shock, but he recovered within a couple moments, "Should I get a restraining order?…I only have that picture because Cuddy gave it to me. What was I supposed to say? No thanks?- I _kinda_ want to keep having sex with my girlfriend."

"Madeline calls you dada."

He shrugged, "She's confused."

"She likes you more than Cuddy."

He winced, "She's not that smart- look at who her father is."

"You?" Wilson raised his eyebrows in question.

House finally put the article down and sighed, "No you idiot- I'm talking about Atticus. He's been sending Cuddy emails about wanting to meet Madeline."

"She's his? I thought Cuddy said he wasn't? And she's seven months old, why has he waited for so long?"

House winced again, "Yeah…I've sort of been deleting all the emails he's been sending her the past few months", he paused, then licked his lips while playing with a pencil, "-And she has to be his, the in-vitro didn't take, she was drinking afterwards a lot in vegas. I doesn't add up."

"Are you sure keeping a defense attorney away from his child is the smartest thing to do?" He asked House with a frown, and biting his lip.

"There's no way he can pin it on me. I rerouted the IP address, so that it looks like it's someone in pediatrics who's been deleting her emails", House let out with a victorious smile.

Wilson scoffed, and shook his head as he walked to his door, and turned back to House for a moment, "You're insane."

"I'm an insane _genius_."

Wilson eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and he smiled at House, "You do realize there's a flaw in your brilliant plan, right?"

"And what's that Jimmy?"

"That keeping Atticus from contacting Cuddy about Madeline, just proves that you want them both for yourself."

Wilson walked out without another word, leaving House to ponder it over.

xxxoxxxo

When House got home that day- to Cuddy's home, he was a bit nervous. Things hadn't exactly been smooth around them ever since Wilson and Cameron had gotten engaged. And the migraines she'd been getting lately, definitely hadn't helped either.

So in all fairness he wasn't sure what to expect, when he walked through the door that day. Especially not Cuddy, bent over- exposing her evolutionary ass in the air, while taking something out of the oven.

He blinked a couple times, wondering if his sight was deceiving him. Because ever since House had been living there- somewhat permanently, he'd only seen her cook a handful of times. And never in those times, had she used the oven. He'd always assumed she didn't know how to use it.

It was somewhat of great sight to see- her cooking a meal, which smelled delectable, and Madeline in her high chair playing with her chew toys.

When the baby caught sight of him, she screeched happily- announcing his arrival and hit her round chew toy hard down on her table.

Cuddy turned around, and frowned at Madeline for a moment before looking over at House who stood at the doorway, and smiled brightly at him, "You're home early. We weren't expecting you for another hour."

"My patient died." he lied.

Her face fell, and then he cracked up, shaking his head and walking towards her to give her a light kiss, before sitting down next to Madeline, "I'm joking. Turns out it was Munchausen- so I sent her to psych. They can deal with her now."

Cuddy rolled her eyes at him, with a tiny shake of her head, and sat on his lap, "You're such a tease. Are you hungry?"

Not that her behavior wasn't nice and all, but he found it completely uncharacteristic of her, and that scared him a bit.

"Are you ok?" he asked slowly, trying to infuse some type of concern in there, so she wouldn't call him an ass.

"What are you talking about?" she asked automatically getting defensive, and got up walking back to the stove to check on something.

He took his time, choosing his words wisely, "You're just- in such a good mood- and you sort of haven't been lately?"

Cuddy's back shrugged, "My migraine went away. Does there have to be some other ulterior motive?"

Her snarky response caused House to sigh, and he decided to drop the subject and look over at Madeline instead, who was shrieking something at him. Only, as he looked at her closely, House saw red blotches on her cheek that hadn't been there before. He frowned.

"Did you change laundry detergent?"

"No. Why?"

"Have you been using different soap on Madeline? or a different moisturizer?"

Cuddy turned around with a frown, "No. What's wrong?"

House softly touched her cheek, getting a closer look, "She has eczema. You didn't notice?"

She bent down and took a look, "That wasn't there before- what do you think it is."

House sat back up and looked at her blankly, "Eczema- I just told you. Are you suffering from short term memory loss?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "I heard you. I meant, how do you think she got it?"

"Well I'm trying to figure it out, aren't I?" he muttered looking at it closely. House bit his lip, "It might be genetic. Did your mom ever mention you getting it when you were a kid?"

She shook her head. As she did, House sniffed her neck, and pulled back, "That's new. I've never smelled that perfume on you before."

"It's a present I got from my mom. You think its my perfume?"

"Most likely. We should get her some creams too. Do you have any vaseline?"

"In my medicine cabinet." She said it rather curtly, and had turned back around to move her spatula in pot.

House stood up, and went to stand against the cabinet, and looked at her, "Hey. What's wrong?"

"I'm a horrible mother, that's what", she rushed out, trying to swallow back a sob before adding, "How could I not notice my own baby had eczema? And I should know better than to introduce something new in her environment that she may be allergic too. It's like every step I take, just makes me more incompetent."

"It could've happened to any idiot. It probably flared up while you were cooking, that's why you didn't notice", he tried comforting her. But it wasn't working, and House could see that, so he pulled her hand so that she pressed her body against his, and added, "Were you bending over like that, because you knew I'd just gotten in?"

She didn't say anything, but it was easy to figure out, with a smirk that spread on her lips. House bent down, and kissed her, and broke apart- but only an inch, "You little minx."

Cuddy bit her lip, and formed a frown, "Is everything ok?- between us?"

He'd been wondering the same thing: things had been tense, and he'd tried pushing it away, because he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it, if they weren't ok.

"I think so." he answered as honestly as he could. Cuddy meant everything to him, she was his gravity- he needed her tenfold to how much she needed him.

Her lips turned up, and pressed against his again, "I love you."

"I love you too."

xxxoxxxo

There was a Baby Nook at the Children's Museum, where Madeline was crawling, and playing on her own. Which left Cuddy and House to rest from having to entertain her- a very tiring job. Madeline had the vivacity of an energizer bunny, and it took the energy of the both of them to tire her out.

"This was sweet of you", Cuddy said touching his arm lightly, and smiling at him.

House gave her a tight smile back, and breathed out, "Thank Wilson, he gave me the tickets and had the idea."

"True, but you could have pretended that you never got them, and instead you brought us- it was sweet House. Just accept it", she whispered into his ear, suddenly feeling frisky.

He turned to her, stunned at her sudden behavior, and with a growing half smirk on his lips, "What's gotten into you?"

Cuddy shrugged, but felt her hand acting on its own as it made its way into his lap, and in-between his legs. House's eyes shot wide open.

"Let's not spend too much time here- I want you to take me home", she whispered into his ear, while holding him tightly.

House cleared his throat, and moved her hand away, "Cuddy, there's _children_ present- it's the Children's Museum, not the sex museum."

"Then let's go, I want you", she heard herself plead softly, with a kiss on his neck. Sure, her behavior was completely uncharacteristic of her, but she blamed it all on the fact that they hadn't been sleeping together much lately- she missed him.

But the weird part, was that he was hesitant. Because Gregory House was anything but hesitant when it came to seducing her in bed.

Her lips had moved on to his, and she took him in, hungrily, as if his lips were a form of oxygen, and she needed them to survive. Only, a few seconds into it, he pulled away and sighed, "Wait-wait. I have to-tell you something."

"What?" she asked a little frustrated that he'd stopped her ministrations.

House looked at her for a second, then down at the bench they were sitting on, "Atticus has been trying to get ahold of you- to meet Madeline."

Cuddy frowned, "How do you know? He hasn't called me in months."

He winced, "I kinda forwarded his calls to go straight to my phone- and I know, because he's been emailing you and I've sorta been deleting them."

She knew she should be upset that he was hacking into her email again, but weirdly enough, she wasn't. Again, it was sweet of him to try and protect from her ex- even if it was in an extremely childish way.

So Cuddy shrugged, "Well she's not his anyway, he has no reason for meeting her."

"You don't know that….You should do a paternity test", He suggested, looking over to where Madeline had found another baby her age, and was looking at it strangely.

Cuddy signed, and intertwined her fingers with House's, "I do know. The times don't add up for her to have been a product of a night with him. She would have been a premie when she was born, and she wasn't- she was full term. It was definitely in-vitro."

House exhaled what looked like relief, turning his eyes back to Madeline again- while taking a sip from his water bottle, "So what donor did you go with?"

"Some scientist-"

But Cuddy was interrupted by Madeline, who had suddenly screeched. Both Cuddy and House turned over, to see that the baby she'd been playing with had grabbed a fistful of her cheek and squeezed it in his hand, while his other hand grasped her wrist and bit into it.

"What a little punk!"

House had already gotten up and sprinted across the room, to pick up a crying Madeline. Cuddy watched as he instinctively swept her up in his arms and glared at the baby boy and then up at his mother, "Keep your kid on a leash if you're not going to watch it."

"Excuse me?"

Madeline's cries had subsided, but House was still caressing her face anyway while his eyes shot daggers at the mother, "Pay attention to your kid. Else one day you're going to wake up and have a wife beater as a son."

"Your child initiated it when she took away his toy", the angry mother accused while picking up her own infant.

Cuddy thought about walking over to where House and the mom were arguing, but found herself intrigued by how the scene was playing out. She was watching a side of House she'd never seen before. There had been times when he'd been territorial of her to some degree, but what he was being now was-protective- not an emotion that House easily conveyed, or at all for that matter.

The woman scoffed and held up her son's arm, "See this mark. Your daughter did that."

House rolled his eyes, "That is not a scratch from my kid lady. It's a sign of child neglect."

The mom's eyes popped wide open at his accusation, "How dare you-"

"House, I think we should go-"

The woman looked over at Cuddy, who'd joined them, "You the wife? Nice catch you got here. Your husband just accused me of neglecting my child."

The instinct to dissipate any argument came over Cuddy, and she smiled her dean-of-medicine smile, "I'm sure that's not what he meant-"

"Actually I did. And that was a scratch, but not from our kid. Your son has a bartonella henselae bacterium that caused cat scratch disease. Which you get from being in contact with cats, and judging by the cat hair evident on both of you- that tells me you have at least one at home. Now the only way to get CSD is by constantly being around one, which I'm guessing your son is, since he's trying to substitute the attention you don't give him- with his kitty cat."

The mom stood there in shock, and unable to say anything back for a moment. Then cleared her throat, "How do you-"

"We're doctors, actually- she's an administrator, I'm a diagnostician. And It's not that hard to piece it together- since you brought your kid here so he could roam around and you wouldn't have to pay attention. Look- if you didn't want to look after a kid, you should've just kept your legs together to begin with. It would have saved having to inoculate my kid, and this boring conversation", House grabbed Cuddy's hand and walked them away- leaving the mother with her mouth wide open, holding her screaming son.

xxxoxxxo

"I was thinking of giving up my apartment", House said, with his eyes glued to the article he was reading as they both lay in bed.

Cuddy dropped her book and turned over to see if he was joking. But from what she could tell, he wasn't.

"What?"

He shrugged and placed down his article, "Just makes sense. I'm here all the time. I haven't spent the night at my apartment in three months. It doesn't make sense to pay the extra rent anymore. Plus it's bigger here, so it would be easier than you guys moving into the apartment."

Cuddy kept quiet, she was completely taken off guard by his sudden idea. Were they ready for that? He was right, he had spent every night there for the past three months. But it was only three months, would they even last another year? Another six? Three?

"I don't know…"

House frowned at her, and she swore there was even a look of hurt, which he masked right away, "Really? I thought you'd love the idea, oh well- never mind."

She licked her lip, and bit it, "House. You've been here three months- what if you get tired of us in another three? Don't you think it's too soon?"

He scoffed, "Ok."

"That's it? Ok? Just like that?"

"It was only an idea", he muttered, picking backup his article.

Cuddy sighed- she'd hurt his feelings. He'd probably rehearsed exactly how he'd bring up, and she'd shot him down. But she had to stand her ground. It was a huge step for them if he moved in, "Why do you want to move in?"

He exhaled, "I said it was only an idea- no need to further my humiliation. I get the point."

"What about Madeline?"

"What about her?"

"If you move in, what part do you plan on playing in her life?"

"What have I been doing these past months?"

Cuddy crossed her arms, "Honestly? I'll say it- but you have to be ready to accept it. And if you do, there's no going back. You're either in, or you're out House. Are you ready to be her dad?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, he went back to reading his article- though Cuddy noticed his eyes weren't moving. His silence however told her everything she needed to know.

xxxoxxxo

The sky was bright.

It was the first thing that House realized when he opened his eyes. It was different, to the ominous gray clouds that he was used to waking up to- in the wee hours of the morning with Cuddy. Because living with her, had made a drastic change in the time he woke up to go to work.

His hand lazily searched for his phone on the night stand, and he picked up, looking to see what time it was.

9 AM.

He turned, thinking Cuddy would be gone, but she was still laying there in her nightgown, sleeping peacefully with no worries in the world. She looked so different when she wasn't mad at him, and lately it felt like the only time he could be completely safe that she wasn't, was when she slept.

"Cuddy", he whispered, pulling on the jeans he'd dropped on the floor the night before.

He saw her stir, but she didn't wake up, instead she just let out a little breath of air.

It was a lovely sight, peaceful, serene, and everything that she didn't exude while awake. So he decided to let her sleep in- she needed it. He couldn't remember the last time she'd actually completely slept through the night- and it wasn't because of their sex, since she'd had a drastic drop in her libido. House still blamed Wilson for that too, because if he hadn't proposed to Cameron, Cuddy would have gone on completely content with the status of their relationship.

Instead, he hurried, not really bothering to brush his hair, or his face. To be clear, he wasn't hurrying to get to work, he was hurrying to leave the House before Cuddy woke up, so that she'd have to stay home and rest.

But in the middle of his hasty-hurriedness, there was a feeling in the back of his head that he was missing something- forgetting something important. Either way, House pushed it aside, telling himself that it was probably Cuddy- to what his mind thought he was forgetting.

xxxoxxxo

When someone slammed the front door loudly, Cuddy woke up in a panic, looking out the window to see that the sun was too bright for her to still be in bed. She turned over about to yell at House, only to see that he was already gone. Instead, there was a note left on his pillow.

_Cuddles-_

_Sleep in. Took your keys. Hospital's all mine now- buahahaha_

_Love you_

_-H_

She wanted to be mad, but there was something about House, that made her able to drop her anger at any given moment, and sigh instead.

Actually, she had been irrationally moody with him as of late- all because of Wilson's premature proposal to Cameron- but that wasn't House's fault. Looking back, she felt a pit in her stomach realizing how she'd taken it out on him.

Cuddy knew what she'd gotten into, when they'd started dating. She knew what expectations to have with House- which were none. He didn't do romance, he didn't do comfort, or anything in that realm of emotions. She laughed at the idea of him buying her a Valentine's present, or even something for Hanukkah.

So to get upset because he hadn't asked her to marry him- that was completely absurd. And his proposal to move in, was his way of meeting her halfway. It was a way of letting her know, that he was in it for the long run, just not quite ready for the _'m'_ word yet. But after what she'd asked him the night before, she wasn't so sure where they stood now.

She got up, and yawned- walking into the bathroom- frowning. House had left his SSRI prescription bottle of prozac- he'd never done that before.

Cuddy popped off the cap, pouring the pills on her palm and counting them. It was something she'd been doing since Nolan had confirmed he'd agreed to take them. She was aware of what an invasion of privacy it was to count them, but it was only because she wanted to make sure that he was taking them.

There were thirty pills, and the bottle had been filled a week ago with exactly thirty pills. He'd missed an entire week. It was unlike him, House never forgot to take pills- no matter what type they were.

Cuddy made a note to ask Nolan about it later and put the pills back into the medicine cabinet.

xxxoxxxo

"He's back again", Cameron said, with her arms crossed, while walking into House's office, where he and Wilson were in the middle of a gin rummy game. It was their lunch hour.

Wilson laughed, and looked from his cards up at House, "Are you going to tell him that you're giving him placebos?"

House shook his head- but didn't take his eyes off his own cards, "I thought it would be cool to see how long I can keep this going."

Cameron walked over to them- still evidently annoyed, "From the looks of it, a while- he's claiming that he's growing a tolerance to his dosage, he wants you to up it."

Wilson dropped his cards, and exclaimed, "I win! You owe me fifty bucks."

Before he said anything back, House looked down at what cards he'd gotten, then looked back at his own- his were better. Though suddenly it didn't really matter anymore- so he set his down, and took out his wallet, "Here-take your blood money."

His friend stood up, and began his awkward celebratory dance, that both he and Cameron found embarrassing- yet neither of them said anything. After a while, Wilson stopped and gave House a look, "Round two?"

"No. Leave", he muttered- suddenly his mood had soured significantly. Wilson caught his abrupt change, and just blinked a couple times at him.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

House nodded once, exhaling a big breath of air, and pretending to get some files together, "I have a report I have to finish for Cuddy- and I need to get it done if I want to get any tonight."

Wilson held up his hands- while walking out the door, "I get it. Leaving, but before we do. I just thought I'd remind you that Cameron and I are leaving today for the midwest. We're going to go tell her parents-"

House rolled his eyes at his obviously exuberant friend- sometimes he wondered if Wilson was secretly gay- all the signs were there.

"Take pictures. I've always wanted to know what Cameron's mom looks like."

"You're creepy."

"You're curious too."

Wilson sighed, "True."

He was left alone, and thought maybe he should have felt better without Wilson there to berate him with useless conversation, but he felt like he couldn't breath. His chest was tight, and he could hear his blood pumping through his veins.

House swallowed, unsure of why he suddenly felt so anxious- when he'd been doing fine before.

Out of the corner of his eye, he looked down under his desk and saw the canvas and letter were still waiting there to be opened.

He grabbed both, needing a distraction from his weird onset anxiety that'd hit him out of nowhere. His fingers fumbled, while trying to take off the twine- but was eventually able to successfully open it.

It was a Japanese Cherry Blossom Tree.

Not just any though, it was the one his he'd grown fond of, when they'd lived in Japan- while his father was stationed there. It was the same tree he would climb everyday, and look out to the hospital where he'd met the buraku- an untouchable man who had been working as a janitor at a hospital where he'd taken his friend, who'd fallen down from rock climbing. That man, that buraku was who had made him want to become a doctor.

He'd sit in that tree for hours, sometimes just to avoid John House and his choice of abuse for the day, or to imagine what it would be like to be that buraku- that banned doctor, knowing everything, having the answer. Being the one everyone came to. But mostly- enthralled by that days choice in literature, everything and anything he could find in the small Japanese library.

Late at night, when all the lights were off in the small village where they'd been stationed, Blythe would come looking for him. Sometimes he'd be asleep, and she'd gingerly wake him up, asking him to go inside. Other times, he'd refuse- finding some strange comfort in that tree. It was inexplicable, but his mom had understood, so she'd leave him- until he'd decide to go back inside.

House swallowed, letting out a small laugh. She'd done a mediocre job, he couldn't deny that. But there was something about the watercolors- that made it ok. It wasn't perfect, but imperfect- and she'd managed to capture the essence of what that tree represented.

He set it on his desk, admiring his mother's artistic talent and regretted not having been there. But he couldn't think about that, he couldn't go there because it would bring a flood of thoughts he'd worked hard to push away.

Instead, he looked at the letter that was still sealed, and with one last swallow- he ripped it open.

_Greg,_

_I'm sorry- and don't start rolling your eyes as you're reading this. But you were right, you should have been the first to know, and I should have gone to you. I just hope you understand why I couldn't. I didn't want my dying to be the only reason you were around. I didn't want to become a puzzle for you. But this is irrelevant now that I'm dead, isn't it?_

_I'm sure you're reading this wondering what I could possibly have to tell you, that you couldn't have guessed yourself. Firstly, that I want you to finally ask Lisa out on a date. James told me she went to Michigan with you, and maybe you thought I'd forgotten about that Lisa you ranted about while you were there- I put two and two together a long time ago- ask her out. _

_I want you to be happy Gregory- don't roll your eyes. I do, and regardless of what you think, I am very proud of you. More than you could possibly imagine. I also want you to be careful and healthy, please do it for me. Which brings me to the real reason for this letter. _

_Do you remember that summer your father and you had the disagreement, because you thought he wasn't your real father? You had the wrong parent. There's no way to tiptoe around it, other than to say I'm not your biological mother. I remember how you pieced together that he was away when you were conceived. You were right, he was, and he was the one who brought you back with him when he came back from deployment. _

_I was angry with him at first. How couldn't I be? Not just because he'd had an affair, also because he'd brought you home for me to raise. But the moment you and I made eye contact, I felt like you'd been mine from the start. To me you were always, and will always be my son. I'm sorry we never told you the truth, but I was afraid I'd lose you. I felt like you were constantly looking for a reason to push everyone away, and this would have given you what you wanted to push yourself away from me. I couldn't stand the thought of that-_

House had to stop reading. He couldn't go on because he couldn't breathe anymore. The tightness in his chest had come back, and he felt like the room was getting dark.

He placed a hand in his pockets- searching for his happy pills, only couldn't find them. Then he remembered he hadn't taken them that morning, actually, he couldn't remember the last time he'd taken one.

xxxoxxxo

Talking things through with House, had actually made her feel slightly better-emotionally. Because physically her head was still a pounding headache.

But even with a never ending headache, Cuddy was on the floor of Madeline's room, pretending to race after her and get her- Madeline found it hilarious.

Her baby had the ability to make any stress or sad thoughts go away, and Cuddy felt grateful for that.

Madeline looked back at Cuddy as she crawled ahead to see if she was still chasing after her. When she saw that Cuddy was close behind her, Madeline screeched and started crawling faster.

Cuddy crawled after her, and moved her hands- only stopped when she felt something hard underneath her palm.

She looked down, and picked up her hand to see what object was on the floor, and felt her chest get heavy with dread.

It was a long white pill. She picked it up, and examined it closer- Vicodin.

Her heart sank.

xxxoxxxo

He would be fine.

All House needed where his happy pills, and Cuddy- heck even to play with Madeline would make him feel better. It would make everything he'd just read go away.

And as he pulled up to the driveway in his bike, and took off his helmet- with his heart pumping faster by the moment, all he could keep from breaking down in a panic attack, was that they were waiting for him at home.

It would all be ok. What he'd read in that letter wouldn't change anything about who he was, he wouldn't be any different. His parents had never defined him as a person, and the news that he was a bastard child wouldn't either.

He was one step away from grabbing the door handle, when Cuddy opened the door in front of him. He blinked in surprise, and felt relief to see her.

"Hey-"

She put up her hand, and his eyes trailed up to her stone cold face. Something was wrong, and she was upset- she'd been crying.

"What's wrong?"

"You relapsed."

House frowned and shook his head like a little boy, "No, I haven't. I've been clean."

"You took Vicodin."

"How do you know? You don't", he backfired- becoming defensive. Because the truth was that he hadn't, he'd been clean.

"How did I not know? How did I make myself forget for months that you're an addict?…And I found this on Madeline's rug", she said with a tiny pill in between her fingers.

He frowned, and thought back- remembering the Vicodin he'd taken from the patient in the clinic, and how he'd plopped the real Vicodin pills into his pockets. He looked back up at Cuddy, "I know what this looks like- but it's not."

"It's not about the pills, House. It's about what they mean."

He scoffed, "But I didn't take any pills. I swear."

Cuddy shook her head in frustration, "Can you stop lying? You took it because I told you, you weren't ready to move in. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain — drugs, sarcasm… Keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you."

"As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?"

"Pain happens when you care. You can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that- not for me, not for Madeline."

"I wa–I want to be with the both of you."

"But you won't ever be, not really. You'll always keep us an arm length away."

He sighed, "I want to be."

"That's not enough- not anymore. Maybe it was when it was just me, but Madeline changes things. I have to think of how she'll get hurt."

He felt like he was getting the wind knocked out of him, with every word that came out of her mouth. The worst part was that she was wrong, he hadn't taken anything. But then figured, maybe just admitting that he had, would be easier, "I can do better."

"I don't think you can", they both stared at each other, "You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again, because that's just who you are. I'm sorry."

It hit him then, what she was doing. Cuddy was breaking up with him

She reached up her hand- tears forming in her eyes- and stroked his cheek.

"No. No, no, no. Don't. Don't", he begged, with his eyes closed, feeling like everything was caving in on him.

"I thought I could do this."

"Don't. _Please_ don't."

"Good-bye, House."

And with one last sorrow-filled look, Cuddy closed the door on his face.

* * *

**_Part 26 Preview:_**

_"He told you that he relapsed?"_

_Cuddy shuffled through some papers, taking a deep breath, "No. He tried lying about it."_

_Wilson grabbed a fistful of hair in frustration, but didn't say anything- although it was certainly clear that he wanted to. He let out a big breath and collected himself, before looking back at her and asking, "Where is he?"_

_She shrugged, "I don't know. He had Foreman bring me in an email he sent him to let me know he was taking a week off."_

_"Well fantastic job Cuddy. You've really done it now", Wilson said sarcastically while actually clapping at Cuddy, "He's not home, he's not answering my calls, and Cameron said he bought ten different plane tickets to different places with his credit card. He's gone."_


	26. Passing Afternoon

**Author's Note: Ok, I need to take a moment and comment about how talented Hugh Laurie is. I know i'm probably totally biased, but he never ceases to amaze me. If you've never watched Jeeves &amp; Wooster (which I'm thinking most of you have if your avid Hugh Laurie fans) then you totally have to. His range of acting skills is just so amazing! Its my go to show now if I'm having a bad day. It's like no matter what's going on, watching an episode of that has the ability to make it all better.**

**Anywho...enjoy :)!**

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 26

_Passing Afternoon_

Everything stopped.

The moment she'd closed the door, the entire world had become a slow motion picture in his head. House had taken a few heavy breaths of air with his eyes closed, unable to absorb the oxygen to his lungs, because his world had just ended.

An ache had formed in his chest with the slamming of the door, and made House stumble back.

It felt like death. That's the best way he could explain it. It was the only way he could understand it. Cuddy had killed him. She'd stabbed him in his gut with the weapon he'd given her- that afternoon she'd gone ot his apartment asking to give them a chance.

He'd known from the very start that this would happen, that she'd dump him without a thought because she would remember who he really was. Because people couldn't change, because in the end she'd realize that he would always be the same.

Yet, though he'd foolishly known what the outcome would be- House still felt blindsided. He'd let his guard down, he'd let himself trust, and feel and he'd been broken down. Cuddy had hurt him deeper than he'd ever thought possible.

Nolan had told him time and time again about trust, about letting Cuddy in, and the fact that he needed to trust her. It was misguided advice that he should have known better than to listen to.

He took a moment to let himself find his air, before getting back on his bike and taking out his phone to call the only other person he could still count on, Wilson.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson looked at his phone for the tenth time that late friday evening. Cameron and him had gotten in late to Saint Louis and had rented a car to drive to her parents house. He looked at his phone as, while they drank coffee with Cameron's family. Every call he'd gotten was from House, it was completely annoying. He knew what his misanthropic friend was trying to do- and that was ruin a lovely evening with his soon to be in-laws.

Or, he thought- It could be an emergency. But if it was an emergency, House would have left a voicemail, or texted him with whatever crisis had erupted. Which again, only left one possible conclusion that he was attempting to play with their mini vacation.

He rolled his eyes, and breathed out deeply, turning off his phone. He would not let House ruin his weekend.

xxxoxxxo

It was Monday, and there was an array of mess laid out over Cuddy's desk, all of which she'd been too distracted to deal with. The board was awaiting a response to a suit that had been filed against the pediatric department, she needed to attend an HR hearing with Dr Stein and Hourani- both of whom couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other anymore, and the hospital's MRI machine had broken again for what was now the third time. All because Thirteen had insisted on giving a seven hundred-pound man a scan. Then there was House's patient- who's condition kept declining while House was nowhere to be found.

She imagined, when she'd broken up with him the friday before, that he'd be immature and pull some stunt. What she hadn't expected was to hear absolutely nothing from him.

The House she'd come to know, wouldn't have given up on trying to convince her to forgive him, or would have defended himself and asked her to give him another chance that he so rightfully deserved. But he hadn't, which told her that her suspicions about the Vicodin were real. He'd been using, and he'd lied about it. But none of it really made sense to her, there hadn't been any signs, he'd been happy- they'd been happy. She nearly felt guilty for doing it, and had almost called him back and apologized that same evening.

But that irrational thought had come and gone before she could act on it. Instead, she'd been distracted by Madeline- who'd shown up at her feet after she'd closed the door on his face and had put her arms up, asking to be picked up.

A knock on her glass door broke her from her thoughts, and she looked up to see Foreman standing there with a tight smile.

"Come in."

"This is for you", he placed a folded piece of paper on her desk.

She picked it up with a small frown to Foreman, reading it, "House is on vacation?"

Foreman scratched the back of his neck, "I thought it was odd. I figured you'd know- since you guys are dating-"

"We broke up."

His eyes popped wide open, "Oh. Do you want to-"

"No. I don't want to talk about it, but thank you", she said with a small scoff, before looking at her computer screen and pretending to be busy.

After a few moments, Foreman was still standing there. Cuddy looked up, "Yes?"

He looked like he'd done something and was about to get in trouble, then pulled out another piece of paper from behind and handed it to her, "I also found this on his desk."

She took it, and as she began reading, realized it was the letter Wilson had told her that House's mom had left for him. She read it, frowning a bit at first, then smiled- and then felt the need to swallow.

"I- thought, that was the reason he was on vacation. I figured you'd seen it-"

Cuddy's nose flared a bit, "I didn't know about this."

She stopped reading, and put it down. Had he found out that Friday about his mom? He'd looked somewhat lethargic when she'd opened the door to him- but she figured that it was just the Vicodin that must have been in his system.

She cleared her throat, telling herself not to get sucked in, she could feel sorry for him, and still want him out of her life. She set it aside, and looked back up at Foreman, "Who else knows about it?"

"Well, Cameron was the one that found it. She and Wilson just got back this morning."

"I think we should respect House's privacy. That means not going off and telling Chase or anyone else about it. I assume I can count on you with that, right?"

Foreman gave her a tight smile and nodded once, walking out of her office. When he was gone, Cuddy sank back in her chair feeling her throat swell up in a knot.

xxxoxxxo

It was around noon, when Wilson walked into her office, with an expression that could only mean he knew about their breakup. He looked up at her and opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say.

Cuddy gave him an expectant look, "Spit it out, Wilson."

"What the hell happened?" he asked finally with his arms spread out, in question.

She shrugged, responding back to an email from HR, "You mean House? I broke up with him."

"Why would you do that?"

The first thing that came to her mind, was to say that it wasn't any of his business. What happened between House and her was only their business. But if he was asking her, that meant he hadn't spoken to House yet, which was in itself odd.

"Do you want the short version, or the long one?"

He scoffed, "I want the truth."

"I found a Vicodin pill on my daughter's floor. The floor that she crawls on, where she plays", Cuddy stressed, hoping Wilson would pick up on the severity of it, "He put my daughter's life at risk by relapsing."

"He told you that he relapsed?" Wilson asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

Cuddy shuffled through some papers, taking a deep breath, "No. He tried lying about it."

Wilson grabbed a fistful of hair in frustration, but didn't say anything- although it was certainly clear that he wanted to say something. He let out a big breath and collected himself, before looking back at her and asking, "Where is he?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. He had Foreman bring me an email he sent to him letting me know he was taking a week off."

"Well fantastic job Cuddy. You've really done it now", Wilson said sarcastically while actually clapping at her, "He's not home, he's not answering my calls, and Cameron checked his bank account online- he took out ten thousand dollars. He's gone."

Cuddy sat up straight, and gave wilson a frown, "He had that much in his bank account?"

"He's gone off the rails. Who knows where he is, what he's taking- or who he's with."

"He's acting childish. He knows you and yourfiancee would snoop and try to find him."

He guffawed, "You broke his heart."

She finally couldn't handle it anymore. Cuddy slammed the file she had in her hand, on her desk, and looked at Wilson through watery eyes, "He broke mine! I don't want him near me- I don't want him near Madeline."

"You can't keep his daughter from him."

Cuddy laughed, "House is not Madeline's father. He never has been, never will be, and he made that perfectly clear."

"He adores her. Maybe he hasn't said it in the most conventional of ways, but he loves her and he loves you. That's something huge for him. You can't take that away from him, it's all that he has."

"She's my daughter, not his and I have to do what's right for her."

"Keeping her from him isn't right for either of them. He was the first one to hold her, he was the only person who could console her for months. He needs her in his life- the both of you in his life."

She shook her head, "He kicked the both of us out of his life when he decided to go back on drugs."

Wilson sighed, "Those weren't his pills. I mean-" He struggled, "They belonged to a patient that he tricked. He gave him placebos, and House pocketed the real Vicodin. He just forgot that he had them in the first place."

"You expect me to believe that House had Vicodin on him that he didn't intend to take? You do realize who we're talking about here. This isn't some boy scout- we're talking about a pill popping misanthropic childish man, who only has regard for himself."

Over anything else, Wilson was House's best friend, Cuddy understood that. It just frustrated her that he didn't see how obviously guilty House was.

Wilson had his hands on his hips, and breathed out slowly, "You're right. He was those things, and he'll always be those things, but being with Madeline and you changed him. The House I've seen these past months- god Cuddy- I had no idea he even existed. You guys did that to him, and as screwed up as he is, he wouldn't have messed it up and that I do believe. So yes, I do believe that those pills weren't his, why else would he have told me about what he did to that patient?"

Cuddy scoffed, "Oh I don't know? Maybe because he's always one step ahead of us and figured if he got caught, he'd have something to pin it on?"

He nodded his head, "Ok, so maybe that does sound like something he'd do- but he didn't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can't", he said with a shrug of his shoulders, "But I just know he didn't relapse."

Wilson's faith in House was extraordinary and unfounded. And though Cuddy had every reason to fight him about it, and insist that she was right, a small voice began telling her that what Wilson was saying made more sense than the actual sensible thing.

xxxoxxxo

There was an essence in the air that was missing, and she knew it was House. Nearly a week had gone by since Cuddy had seen him, and she missed him. Not just because there were cases to be solved at the hospital and more than usual amounts of people dying, but at home with Madeline- they both missed him too.

His absence was everywhere.

The lack of him was evident in his lonely guitar he'd left in Madeline's room, that he'd use some nights when she'd get fussy, to lull her to sleep while playing Yellow Ledbetter. It was in the mess of books by his side of the bed, and it was in his infamous leather jacket he'd forgotten in her office.

Even Madeline could sense the void of his presence. Cuddy could tell in the way that she had become less exuberant, and wasn't shrieking or playful as much. In fact, the only time when she saw Madline's normal self was a few times when they both heard a motorcycle passing by, Madeline's head would shoot up with eyes wide open and look over at Cuddy, asking her with her eyes if it was him.

Then on a friday night, after struggling to have Madeline keep food down, that she had thrown up a couple times, Cuddy had gone to pick up her up from her highchair, to put her to bed- she'd seen just how much she missed him.

They saw a light pass by the house, and for a moment it almost seemed like it was him, because it slowed down as it approached their home, the engine of the bike even sounded like his- but a second later it had driven off, and Madeline burst into uncontrollable wails. She hiccuped a couple times in between tears, and mumbled something in her baby language.

It wasn't much longer after that, when Cuddy began crying too, and rubbed her daughter's small back,"Sh- it's ok baby, mommy's here."

That night, Madeline slept with Cuddy, and they both fell asleep crying and wishing House was there.

xxxoxxxo

She felt like a lifeless zombie, and had been like that the entire day. It had taken everything in her to put on a smile for Madeline, because it wasn't her daughter's fault she felt so miserable. She was the one that had pushed the love of her life away, for possibly unfounded reasons too.

Cuddy opened the medicine cabinet to grab her toothpaste, but became distracted by something else instead- and frowned. There was a brand new box of unopened tampons that Marina had bought for her.

She counted back, realizing she should've had her period three weeks ago, and panicked. The idea that she could be pregnant again ran rapidly through her mind, and she held her breath trying to think. Cuddy was on the pill, and House- ever so cautious had insisted on using condoms regardless, having said countless times that he didn't want to take any chances.

It was possible though, she told herself- that her body was still out of whack after having Madeline.

Her baby cried behind her, and Cuddy turned to pick her up. Madeline's eczema had gotten worse, and was on the back of her elbows. She could tell that she'd tried scratching it away, because there was a tiny bit of blood coming from one of the abrasions.

Actually, the closer she looked the more it looked like she'd rubbed her elbow on something hard and it had caused it to bleed. Cuddy panicked, wondering what it could have been from. House was always the one that knew right away what Madeline was up to, it's like he had a ticket into the way she thought. Cuddy didn't have that, and so she tried rocking her as she searched the room for some telltale sign of what had hurt her.

Only, as her cries intensified she began getting nervous. Madeline's wails always made her tense, and she froze not knowing what to do. That was always the point where House would take her and reprimand the infant until she stopped crying.

Cuddy closed her eyes for a moment to breath reminding herself not to get worked up. She told herself that Madeline was only a baby, she could handle it. But as she opened her eyes again, she saw her put a hand up to her ear, as if it was in pain. After that, Cuddy didn't waste time in grabbing her car keys, and heading to the hospital.

xxxoxxxo

After they'd given her something for the pain, Taub looked into Madeline's ear, and nodded, "Yep, she has an ear infection."

"I know that you idiot, she also has eczema. Don't you think that's too coincidental?" Cuddy asked impatiently.

"Both things are really common in infants, and so is your worrying. Believe me, there's no zebra here", he laughed, giving Madeline a smile. She looked at him blankly.

Cuddy was trembling and swallowed putting some fingers to her lips, "Don't you think she could have an autoimmune disease? She could have neuroblastoma-"

"Or it could be a food allergy. Before we start drawing out ridiculous ideas, I think we should test her to see if she has a gluten allergy. That's more likely than cancer or lupus." He scoffed, writing something down on her chart.

He could see that she was still unconvinced. If working with House had taught her anything over the years, it was that the most unlikely thing was usually the culprit.

Taub sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder,"Would it make you feel better to have me ask Dr House for a consult?"

Cuddy sadly shook her head and swallowed, "No.…He's on vacation. Let's run the allergy tests. You're right, I'm probably overreacting."

xxxoxxxo

"I'm concerned about House", Nolan said, sitting across from her.

Cuddy swallowed. She wasn't sure why, but Nolan intimidated her, sort of like a professor she'd had while at Michigan. She'd always been really cautious about what to say to him, or careful not to mess up, in fear that she'd disappoint him.

It was the same now, only she knew that she was partly to blame.

"We broke up", she blurted, deciding just to tell him, as if it were a bandaid that she was ripping off.

"That would certainly explain why he's missed both his sessions this week, and why I got this email from him earlier today", Nolan said calmly, placing a piece of paper on her desk, and pushing it towards her.

Cuddy picked it up with a trembling hand and read the one line.

_You're fired._

She felt the corners of her mouth instinctively pull down in a frown, but cleared her throat and handed the paper back to Nolan, at least attempting not to look disturbed by it.

"He's just licking his wounds. He'll be back", She squeaked mostly trying to convince herself.

"From what I've gotten to know about House. I don't think he will on his own. I only came down to share this with you, because from what we've discussed during his sessions, your opinion is of the upmost importance to him. If there's anyone that can get him to come back, its going to be you."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy's day had been filled with returning visits from Nurse Brenda, Wilson, Foreman, and even the intimidating Nolan. But the last person she expected to see walk through the door at the end of the day was a clean shaven House.

He made his way in rather quietly and completely un-abrasive, making it to a chair across from her. He even had a faint smile on his face. Cuddy studied him, looking at telltale signs of drug use or any other indicator that he was suffering, but there was none. Either that, or he was holding himself together very well.

It was kind of perfect, since she sort of felt the need to apologize for her completely cold behavior to him before. Maybe, she thought- their conversation wouldn't go so bad after all.

But she pretended to be bewildered by his great mood anyway, and frowned, "You look happy?"

"Oh, sorry. Is this better?" he pretended to pout, and she noticed a tiny hint of bitterness laced in his voice.

Cuddy gave him a look, and rolled her eyes, "Your patient is fine by the way. Foreman was able to figure out he had epilepsy in the end- saved the man's life."

"Good. He'll be a great replacement then."

She'd been in the middle of putting her outgoing papers in the outbox when she froze, and turned back to look at him, "What do you mean?"

"Foreman- He'll be a great replacement for me."

Her heart raced. "What are you talking about? Why would he need to replace you?"

"Because…because I quit", he said simply.

Cuddy waited a moment before responding, and licked her lips, "House…I know I overreacted. I shouldn't have just thrown you out like that. I didn't give you a chance to explain yourself."

"I know narcissism is a great quality of yours and everything- but this isn't about you."

"You can't just quit because we broke up-"

He looked stung by her words and scoffed, "We didn't break up, you dumped me. And I can, and I am. I had another job offer weeks ago, I just hadn't taken it because I had a reason to stay. I don't now, so-"

"House-"

He swallowed and shrugged his shoulders- looking around the office, "You were right. Everything you said was right."

"Wilson told me about what you did with the clinic patient, and how you forgot about the Vicodin in your pocket-"

House scoffed, "And you believed what I told Wilson? No, you were right. I relapsed- and it'll probably happen again and again. Actually- you did us both a favor. I can't believe I was suggesting that I should move in with you."

He noticed how taken off guard she was, but didn't give her a chance to speak up, "The truth is, its really perfect timing since the job offer is in another state. That's what I needed the week off for- to visit the new place I'll be working at."

Cuddy could hear her heart, and her chest began to rise and fall rapidly, "House-"

"I've already given up my apartment by the way. I'm going to be running the Infectious Disease Department at the Mayo Clinic. It's weird how it all worked out, isn't it?" he laughed, as if it were all amusing. When Cuddy didn't say anything, he stood up, "Anyway- I just thought you should know."

He was at the door of her office, when she stood up,"House. You can't leave-"

What she said, was what finally broke his cool facade, and he turned with his true emotions exposed for her to see, "Why not? What's holding me back?…Nothing. I have nothing here."

He stood there waiting, for her to give him a reason. To say he had her, that he had Madeline, and she needed to say it- she needed to tell him about not being able to function without him- but another thought popped into her head.

"The Mayo Clinic? That's…that's where Dominika Petrova works, isn't it?"

He stood up a little straighter and glared at her,"Nicely deduced. Yes."

"You're going to be working with her?"

"No, more like- for her. She got promoted to assistant Chief of Staff or something. I'm taking over her old role. Funny isn't it? I just keep getting girl-bosses. I wonder what her ass is like from behind?"He said with his face in thought.

Cuddy clenched her jaw, and swallowed- bringing her arms up and crossing them, "Well..I hope you'll be happy."

He looked at her then, almost sorry at what he'd said- struggling with his words, "Yeah, you too."

Before he could give her another chance to say anything else, House walked out of her office making sure to close her door slowly. And Cuddy was left, falling on to her desk chair, feeling the like the life had just been sucked out of her.


	27. Piledriver Waltz

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for all of you who continue to read and review. I really appreciate it, it keeps my fuel for this story going. A big thanks to **Amber SanGiovanni **for beta'ing this chapter and for the awesome advice! Without further interruption...enjoy!

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 27

_Piledriver Waltz_

The first two days had admittedly been a haze of hookers, booze, pills and anything else that had been offered to him by Paula and her friends. It had been the only way he knew how to repress the black hole of despair that he knew would happen eventually.

Suddenly something went dark inside him. The same brightness Cuddy and Madeline had been able to turn on, flickered out like a light when he popped the first pill. But it was better in the dark, he thought after the bitter after taste of the pill marinated his tongue. The cold unknown was comforting to him and it was where he belonged- his home wasn't to be in the light with Cuddy and her kid.

As he opened his heavy eyes on the third day of his 'vacation', and heard his phone ring, he'd felt an excitement in his chest, that he hated himself for feeling. How could he had gotten that far into a delusional state of unrealistic love? That wasn't him, he didn't compromise and conform.

His eyes scanned the hotel room, and the empty side of his bed, where Paula had been only a few hours ago, attempting to distract his beat up heart with her own body and drugs. His eyes spotted his phone and he picked it up.

He looked at his screen- focusing his eyes, and felt despondent at the fact that it wasn't Cuddy. It was a number he'd had five missed calls from, and three voicemails. It was a number that he didn't recognize, or want to answer, and whoever was on the other line had an insatiable determination to speak to him.

House took a deep breath and decided to answer the phone, "Hello?"

_"__Dr House, it is so nice to hear you." _

It was the infamous Dr Dominika Petrova.

He closed his eyes tightly and sighed, "Do you know what time it is in New Jersey?"

"_I believe it is noon."_

House sat up in his bed, as his eyes fell on the champagne bottle still half full on his nightstand, "Exactly. I'm on vacation. What do you want?"

It was like no matter how rude he was to her, or what he said, she wouldn't back off. It was worse than trying to make Cameron hate him.

_"__I know the last time we spoke you weren't interested in the opening here at our Hospital, but we are very eager to have you. And were hoping to possibly entice you with an offer."_

Three days ago House would have laughed into the phone and hung up on her. But things had changed, and he took a deep breath before responding.

"What type of offer? Does it include my own private jet? If so, I might be game."

xxxoxxxo

_A few Days Later_

House was in the middle of packing up the last of his things mostly books. It seemed that's what he had the most of.

All the while, Wilson followed him around the apartment attempting to change his mind about quitting, and moving away to Minnesota.

"You can't just leave", Wilson exasperated with his arms, as House picked up a book he'd meant to give Cuddy but never got the chance to. It was _Approach to the Acute Abdomen_ by Ernest T. Cuddy, her grandfather.

He turned away from the book and placed it in the box with the rest of his books, frowning at him, "Why not?"

"Your entire life is here, your child is here-"

House was getting irked by Wilson calling Madeline his child, there was only so much he could take. And rubbed his eyes while sighing, "Madeline is…bearable, I'll give you that. But I'm not her father. She belongs to Cuddy, and Cuddy broke up with me- ergo I have nothing to do with her anymore."

"That's bullshit, and you know it. You're just rationalizing-"

He snapped.

"Of course I'm rationalizing! But what can I do? She dumped me, not the other way around. I can't ask for parental visitations if I'm not her parent", House had finally broken his facade of indifference.

When he realized what he'd admitted to, House shut his mouth, looked away, and went back to focusing on packing his endless amount of books that he'd collected over the years.

Wilson smiled at House, "You do love her."

"Oh yeah, her smiles just bring _joy_ to my life", he sneered, though deep down he knew he actually meant it.

Wilson stood in front of him, watching as he packed, posing his signature look, as House waited for his deep analytical comment he knew was coming, "You're a coward."

He scoffed at his friend's predictability, "Oh yeah? Why is that? Is it because I'm moving, so I don't have to face the possibility of being excommunicated from their lives for good? Because I don't want to stick around to find out? Because I don't want to be perpetually hurt?-"

"Yes, all of the above."

"Here's a thought…I got a job offer with more than double my annual salary, at a prestigious hospital I've always wanted to work at. Which inevitably means more spending money for hookers and gambling. It's everything I ever wanted. It's as simple as that", House lied.

He watched as Wilson's chest rose and fell with a sigh, "You're making a mistake, and you know it."

"Well you should practice what you preach", House muttered taping up the box full of books.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He stood back up and pretended to look completely clueless with a shrug, "The fact that you're getting married for the fourth time? When are you going to learn from your mistakes and learn to love yourself Wilson? And I mean that in the literal sense."

Wilson scoffed and smiled at House sadly, "Is this about the letter your mom left you?"

House looked at him blankly, "No."

"Have you spoken to Nolan about the letter?" Wilson picked up a cane that House had left in the closet.

"Nope. Fired him."

Wilson scoffed, "Why would you fire him? He's been great with you."

House laughed, and picked up the box, placing it by his front door with the rest, and began packing up the very last remnants of his apartment, "Well let's see, I'm moving, so that's one reason I fired him. There's also the fact that he gives completely screwed up advice, and I was tired of paying him to tell me what I already know."

Wilson extended the cane to House, but he just frowned at Wilson instead, "I don't need that."

"It was in your closet, obviously you thought the pain might come back."

"No. _Obviously_ I forgot I had it. It's been a year, the ketamine isn't wearing off."

Wilson sighed loudly, dropping the cane into a trash can, "You shouldn't have fired Nolan."

House's eyes fell on the canvas that he'd hidden away behind his bookcase, of the Cherry Blossom Tree his mom had left for him. He decided to leave it for last, because if Wilson saw it, there was no doubt that it would break open another can of worms. House couldn't bear the thought of it.

"That is complete and utter bullshit. Ever since you began seeing Nolan, you've made so much progress-"

"Right, my life has been amazing because of him", House muttered, not looking up at Wilson.

Wilson sighed, but stayed quiet, and House could feel his eyes on him as he continued packing. There wasn't anything Wilson could say to stop him from leaving for Minnesota, and the finality of it was beginning to sink in for the both of them.

xxxoxxxo

He'd left Cuddy with a parting gift at the hospital: Kutner dropped a case of maggots in the cafeteria- disguised of course.

But it wasn't just a parting gift, it was also a means of distracting her. It was a way of ensuring she would be too preoccupied, to check in on Madeline with Marina. It would give him some time so he could drop something off.

House took down the canvas of the red boyish sailboat on the wall above Madeline's crib- Cuddy had yet to redecorate her room. She'd kept insisting that she wasn't inspired, and that it wasn't like Madeline could tell the difference anyway.

He looked one last time at the Canvas his mom had left for him, wondering if he should do it or not. He couldn't imagine what he would do with it himself, it was pink and girlish- it made him mildly smirk at the fact that his mom would paint such a feminine picture for him.

With one last breath, he mounted the canvas up where the sailboat had been- making sure it was secure, and looked down at a slumbering Madeline. Sure there was a moment where he'd thought about waking her up and playing with her one last time before he left, but what would it accomplish?

So he just looked at her as she slept peacefully without a care in the world- realizing it was perhaps the last time he would see her.

xxxoxxxo

When Cuddy got home late that evening, after the disastrous day she'd had at the hospital, she just wanted to curl up in her bed with Madeline and sleep.

"Where's Madeline?" Cuddy asked Marina, who was cooking.

"She's up in her room. She'll probably be waking up anytime now. She's slept most of the day, she was really tired", Marina thought, while she stirred the spaghetti sauce she cooked.

As if on cue, there was a shriek over the baby monitor, and it mildly lifted Cuddy's emotionally low state, "I'll go get her."

She took off her heels in hallway, and raced up the stairs hearing her shrieks call out for her.

"I'm coming Madeline", she called out to her.

It worked, because Madeline quieted down, and when Cuddy walked into her room, she saw that she was comfortably seated in her crib waiting for her.

When Madeline's eyes found Cuddy, she smiled widely, putting up her arms to be lifted. Cuddy smiled back, and picked up her baby, inhaling her in. There wasn't anything in the world more magnificent than having Madeline in her arms.

It made her forget about all the stressful things that had happened that day, including House announcing that not only was he quitting, but also moving away. She kept her eyes tightly shut at the thought of that and swallowed, not wanting to breakdown in front of Madeline.

They would both be fine. Cuddy had been ready for motherhood before House, she'd gotten pregnant ready to be a single mother- and that's how it would be. She was all that Madeline needed, and Madeline was all that she needed.

After a few moments, Cuddy opened her eyes back up, and looked at the wall against Madeline's crib, with a frown. The painting with the red sailboat above Madeline's crib was missing, and instead it had been replaced with a beautiful watercolor pink cherry blossom tree.

She looked at it closely, examining it, she wasn't much of an art connoisseur, but it was obvious that this hadn't been professionally done. Not that it took away from how beautiful it was, if anything the rawness, made it more authentic.

Her breath hitched, as her eyes fell on the corner of the painting, and at the name of the artist.

Blythe House.

xxxoxxxo

_Five Weeks Later_

The next time Madeline got sick it was a nosebleed, and it happened out of nowhere. She was in her in a highchair, while Cuddy cooked gluten free chicken casserole for her. Ever since Taub had done the blood test on her, and she'd been diagnosed with Celiac disease, Cuddy had begun cooking gluten free food for the both of them.

And when she'd turned to feed Madeline, and saw that her nose was bleeding, she nearly dropped the plate.

Madeline was laying her head on her tray, with her eyes drooping, as a small trail of blood bled down her nose and on to the tray. She wasn't complaining or crying, but looked lethargic and tired. And when Cuddy put her hand up to Madeline's forehead, her heart fastened, realizing that she had a fever.

That's when Cuddy had taken her back to the hospital, and to Foreman, because Celiac Disease didn't present with bloody noses. And also the fact that celiac disease didn't make sense because she didn't have it, nor did the sperm donor, or any of the grandparents from either side.

But Foreman had just reassured her that her case was atypical and that lethargy was typical of celiac disease. And that the nosebleed was caused by the Methylprednisolone injection that Taub had given Madeline for her severe outbreak of eczema a few days before.

"She's going to be fine, see you can already tell that she's feeling better", Foreman said making a funny face at Madeline, who giggled back at him.

Cuddy couldn't stop worrying, "I've never heard of Methylprednisolone to cause nosebleeds."

"It's rare, but it's happened in several cases", he said sobering up from the goofiness he'd shown for Madeline.

"Has it been presented in infants?"

He frowned, "No, but it's still possible."

"I think we should run blood cultures for other autoimmune diseases. She already has celiac, which means it's likely that she has another one associated to it", Cuddy thought while Madeline bit on her hand- she'd been teething for a while.

Cameron who was standing against the cabinets, with her arms crossed, deep in thought, inhaled deeply and bit her lip, "I know it's unlikely, but It could be lupus."

Foreman rolled his eyes, "Cuddy's nine month old baby does not have lupus, Her ANA was negative and none of her organs have failed."

"Negative ANA doesn't she doesn't have lupus, you know that and organ failure doesn't manifest until years later", she stressed, then looked at Cuddy, "House would agree."

"Well House isn't here", Foreman stressed.

Cameron shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe we should ask him."

Foreman looked over at Cuddy and flapped his arms with a scoff, "Call him then."

xxxoxxxo

It was different. Very different, having another boss as a girl, and into him. Well maybe not all that different, but she wasn't Cuddy, and she didn't have her petite body that he'd extensively researched and loved.

Dominika Petrova was nothing like Cuddy, and therefore the usual flirtatious banter that she used didn't work on him, for the mere fact that she wasn't _Cuddy_. If anything he found her coquetry out of place. He would find a reason to walk away, and pretend to be engulfed with work- which wasn't a lie.

When he'd agreed to take over her position at the Mayo Clinic as Head of Infectious Disease, House had figured it was a breeze- because Cuddy had been right, Dr. Petrova didn't look too bright.

They'd both been wrong.

It was all tiring bureaucratic work. He didn't actually get much time to do any diagnosing, or to solve any puzzles. He felt like a dog being kept indoors, without any time to run in the yard. Heck, even to see a patient would have made him happy at that point, because he'd actually be seeing something interesting, other than the clinically depressing grey colored walls of his office.

Instead he was stuck with two personal assistant doctors who would delegate down to the rest of his department of fifty doctors- it was a tiny bit intimidating.

All who'd heard from Cameron about his legacy at PPTH, had eagerly wanted to meet him, and ask for advice and hear about his past cases. Luckily, one other thing that prevented them from doing this was also stories of his rude, mean, derogatory form of talking down to his team- so for that reason alone, they all stayed away.

Park, an Asian neurologist who still lived with her parents; and Adams, whom he liked to call Cameron Version two-point-oh were lucky enough to deal with him.

But perhaps the worst part of his job was that there was no Wilson to smooch food off of- and he'd already lost five pounds.

He'd attempted to make friends with the 'Wilson' of the hospital, but had been unsuccessful in his friendship attempts. His guess was that he came on too strong.

House tried many ways to distract himself from everything he'd left back in Princeton. Even attempting to find a new Nolan, but even that was hopeless. He even missed Nolan, not that he'd ever admit to it.

In fact, he'd made a point to never see a shrink again. Because the truth was that he could figure out any conclusion that they would come to. Psychology wasn't exactly rocket science, he was competent enough to know what his issues were, and also that when it came to his view on life entirely- he was essentially right.

House sighed, and while he looked over some reports that Dominika was waiting for, felt his thigh twitch with pain.

He froze and his nose flared, looking straight ahead but at nothing in particular as his hand traveled over his right butchered thigh to massage it. Moments later the ache he'd felt had dissipated, but the seconds-long pain was enough to remind him of the reality of what it meant.

However, his thoughts were cut off by his phone that began to ring while sitting on his desk, and he looked down at the number.

It was Cuddy. Cuddy was calling him.

The pain in his leg came back, and his heart fastened, while his hand slowly reached out to answer it.

"My patient went into tachycardia after I gave him epinephrine", a young female doctor with red hair who House had never met, declared walking into his office.

House frowned and tilted his head, "Who are you? And who is your patient?"

The young doctor swallowed, and he could tell that her fingers were trembling, "My patient is Lloyd August- the twenty seven year old farmer, and I'm a- a m-medical student on your team, Martha M. Masters."

"I have a medical student working for me?" he asked, forgetting about his phone completely, "And who's with your patient?"

Martha nodded her heard while still trembling, "He's with Nurse Jeffery."

House stood up from behind his desk, and started to walk quickly out of his office with his intern following him, "You left your tachycardic patient with a nurse? Who hired you? And how long have you been here?"

"I- I didn't have your pager number, and I wasn't allowed to have your phone number. Dr. Brennan didn't give it to me."

He smiled tightly while pressing the elevator button, "I'm guessing Dr. Brennan is your boss?"

She nodded.

"And I'm his-her? Boss?"

"His boss, yes."

As they got inside the elevator, House felt a sense of giddiness that he'd missed from PPTH, at the thought that he was on his way to yell at a fellow.

"And why isn't Brennan helping you with your dying patient?"

"He said he would once his lunch was over. He's down at the cafeteria with Dr. Cole, Dr. Chen and Dr. CB."

"CB?"

Martha bit her lip, "I don't remember her real name- everyone just calls her cutthroat bitch- CB for short."

House scoffed, and licked his lips, "What did your patient present with?"

"He first came to the emergency room with a dog bite. He was given ampicillin for the dog bite infection, but he was allergic to the medication so then I administered .5 of epi for the allergic reaction which is when he became tachycardic."

House's mouth hung open a bit and he closed his eyes in disbelief, "You gave your patient _.5_ of epinephrine?"

Martha bit her lip, "He's stable now-"

House inhaled deeply, while pressing the first floor button," I gathered, by the fact that you'd let a nurse stay with your patient."

Martha frowned, "He's on the twelfth floor, why are we going to the first?"

House rolled his eyes, "What are you, five? Stop asking so many questions."

"I only asked one…" she mumbled.

His leg twitched with pain, and House winced- rubbing his thigh, as the elevator doors opened and let them out.

Martha frowned and moved her eyes from him to where he was rubbing his leg, "Are you ok?"

"Cramp", he muttered as they walked out.

He limped for a few seconds, before the pain dissipated again, and he was able to stand back up normally, as they made their way to the cafeteria.

Once they were in the cafeteria, it wasn't long before House could spot a table with four doctors laughing casually in a booth, "That them?"

Masters nodded, and House started walking towards the table, but noticed she wasn't following. He turned back, "What are you waiting for?"

"I-I wasn't supposed to go to your office- Dr. Brennan will get upset at me-", she explained fidgeting her fingers nervously.

"Seriously, how old are you?"

She swallowed, "Twenty-five."

House scrunched his eyes closed and shook it, confused, and opened his mouth to ask something, but decided against it, and walked away towards the table- this time with Masters following him.

As he got close, one of the male doctors- the black one, looked up and must have recognized him, because all four of them looked up afterwards, with white faces.

The other male doctor, looked from Masters to House, and stood up, "Dr. House-"

"Brennan?" He asked.

Dr. Brennan nodded, "It's a pleasure-"

House rolled his eyes, "Save it. I was up in my office, and this kid came up to ask for a consult on her tachycardic patient."

He swallowed, and looked over to Masters, "You're fired."

House chuckled and turned back to look at a devastated Masters, "No you're not."

"Dr. House-"

"You're fired."

Brennan blinked his eyes, "But-"

"What type of idiot let's a twenty-five year old medical student treat a patient without supervision?"

He looked at the rest of the doctors, and his eyes fell on a blond female doctor, "You CB?"

She nodded eagerly, "I told Brennan we should have been there with Masters, sir."

House closed his eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Shut up. Go with Masters and figure out what's really wrong with her patient, before he dies. After you confirm he's stable, I want all of you in my office for some long overdue Ddx'ing."

"But what about-"one of the other doctors tried to speak up, but one look from House was enough to shut her up.

Without saying anything else, House turned around to walk away- feeling a smile creep on to his face for the first time since he'd arrived at the Mayo Clinic.

xxxoxxxo

_One Week Later_

"Don't you think it's time to make it official?" Foreman asked with one eyebrow raised, and his arms crossed- while starring at Cuddy.

She rolled her eyes at him, and shook her head, "I told you it was probational- you've only solved sixty percent of your cases-"

"And Chase has helped with the other forty. Together we can run the department just fine."

Cuddy set her pen down and sighed up at Foreman, "Which is why if anyone is going to run the Diagnostic Department, it's going to be Chase…As much as it annoys me to say it, House was right. Between the both of you, Chase is the most innate in diagnostics and knows which risks to take."

Foreman stared at her in disbelief, "Are you doing this because I refused your idea about Madeline having an autoimmune condition?"

"No, I'm sorry Foreman. Effective tomorrow Chase will become Head of the Diagnostic Department. At which that point in time his position of Head of Neonatal Diagnostics will become available, and if you wish to apply you can."

"This is ridiculous. I've run the department for the entire month and we haven't had a single HR complaint, all the charting, and billings have been done and kept up with and the statistics of our cases are still above hospital average-"

Cuddy smiled sadly, "But not House's average. No one except Chase can get close to that. And as much as I admire you as a doctor and colleague, my answer is final. I'm sorry."

Foreman flapped his arms in defat, "I should quit."

"Don't act childish. Head of Neonatal Diagnostics is still something."

"I'd be working _under_ Chase." Foreman screeched.

"You and Chase get along, why is that a problem?"

Foreman laughed, and shook his head, "They were right."

Cuddy frowned, "What?"

"The only reason you chose Chase is because you still think he's coming back. Because if he does, Chase will have no problem stepping down to his adoptive Daddy figure. But if you gave the position to me, you know I'd challenge it…House isn't coming back."

Cuddy licked her lips, and cleared her throat, resting her chin on her hands, "I'm giving the position to Chase because he's the right person for it. Now, is there anything else you need Dr. Foreman? If not, I have work to do, I'm sure you do as well."

Foreman scowled at her with his jaw clenched, but eventually gave up and walked out of her office without saying anything else.

She looked back at the billings for the Oncology department, not giving herself a moment to spare and think. If she did, her mind would go to him, and to the fact that Foreman might have a point. And Cuddy couldn't allow that, not after all the progress she'd made in the last five weeks.

It hadn't been clear to her before, but being with House had turned her into somewhat of a different person. She'd found herself bending the rules because of him- yes it was something that she'd always allowed him to get away with, but she'd found herself being more lenient with the rest of the hospital as well.

Cuddy had been operating under a haze that being with House had created. It was a nice, happy haze. One full of giddiness and a feeling of complete bliss, but him being gone had caused it to go away. Now, everything was clear to her once more, like things had been before him.

She'd started doing her morning yoga again, running, and had even began doing mommy and me yoga with Madeline, when she was up to it.

But still, no matter what she tried distracting herself with, any free moment would bring her back to him. She'd see something that he'd left behind, and Cuddy's mind would fill itself with thoughts of him.

He was always everywhere to her, just not there.

Someone knocked on her door, and Cuddy looked up to see Nurse Brenda walking in with a chart, "Your patient's lab results came back."

Cuddy eagerly took the file out of her hand and opened it, to look at the results, "Which one?"

"Rebecca Adler. Her pregnancy test came back positive."

Cuddy's hands trembled and she swallowed. She looked back up at Nurse Brenda and plastered on a fake smile, "Thanks, I'll let her know."

She nodded once before leaving, and afterwards Cuddy fell onto her desk chair with a small thud- placing her elbows on her desk and her head in her hands.

Her world was about to turn upside down again: she was pregnant.

xxxoxxxo

House could hear Wilson sighing, "_You're miserable, and you miss everyone_."

"You're wrong, I'm extremely content. Besides, I find that there's a sense of happiness in my unhappiness- it's really quite zen." He said into the phone while watching the L word on mute.

_"__Wow…that's extremely poetic, have you ever considered a career in poetry?"_

House popped off the cap of his prescription bottle and plopped a couple pills into his mouth, "I'm actually tumblr famous now, didn't you know?"

_"__What's a tumblr? And did you just take Vicodin?"_

"It's this new thing that everyone's doing. You should try it, you'll probably find your fifth wife on there."

"_Uh- I'm not married to my fourth yet. And you're avoiding the question, are you popping Vicodin again?"_

House rolled his eyes, annoyed at how Wilson could bother him from thousands of miles away, "No. I'm actually straightedge now, drugs aren't cool anymore dude. Don't you keep up with any trends?"

He heard Wilson sigh on the other end, _"You are coming for my bachelor shower in a couple weeks, right?_"

"Could you be anymore gay? Yes I'm coming, and no you are not having a bachelor shower, you're having a bachelor _party. _As your best friend and best man, I would be doing you and our gender an injustice by letting you settle for anything less."

Wilson didn't say anything, because he knew there was really nothing he could do about it. House would get his way, because he always did. There was an imminent silence on the phone for a few seconds, before House spoke up again.

"How are they?" He couldn't say their names. House would never tell Wilson or anyone this, but it hurt him too much.

Wilson paused on the other end, gathering his words which House could tell was already a bad sign.

_"__They're…fine. Cuddy's heartbroken, emotional, a workaholic again, and Madeline…Well-"_

House sat up straight, "What's wrong with Madeline?"

_"__Crap. Cuddy's going to kill me, she made me promise not to tell you-"_ He groaned over the phone.

"What the hell is wrong with her Wilson?"

His friend exhaled into the phone, _"Nothing dangerous. She's just been in and out of the hospital with minor things. An ear infection here, nose bleed there, flare up of eczema- all things that infants get. But Cuddy didn't want you knowing because she said you'd say she didn't know how to take care of her own daughter."_

"Well it certainly sounds like she doesn't. It sounds like she's distracted."

"_Hm maybe it's because the love of her life just got up and left and she's heartbroken_?" He teased.

"Don't pin this on me. And this isn't about us, I asked about Madeline. It's all too coincidental just to be nothing."

_"__Fine. She has Celiac Disease, but House, don't make Madeline a puzzle. I know you aren't getting any over there, but that's not an excuse to treat your daughter like one."_

"I'm serious Wilson. Bloody nose, ear infections, and eczema are obvious symptoms of some other autoimmune disease- not Celiac disease. You should know this since you're getting married to an immunologist", he raved, then took a moment to sigh, and looked down, "Has Cuddy tested Madeline?"

_"__I don't know, why don't you ask her?_"

"You know I can't do that."

_"__So your pride surpasses the need to know if your kid is okay?"_

House held his breath, dithering with what to say. Yes his pride was important, for a long time it had been the only thing that was consequential- but Madeline had done something to him he couldn't shake. He needed to know she was at least ok. The thought of her being sick, brought back that awful sense of anxiousness in his chest- the kind he no longer had happy pills for.

xxxoxxxo

House had been pacing his unpacked apartment for a while, with his phone in his hand, thinking about whether or not to call Cuddy. But also because his leg had begun to ache, and when he was sitting down, it hurt more.

In all fairness, she'd called him first- so if he called her, he'd only be returning her call. Sure it had been a week since she'd called, but he could still use that excuse.

He glanced over at his kitchen countertop and eyed his prescription of Oxycodone, feeling a jolt of excitement in his stomach at the sight. He'd managed to get it after he'd explained how he'd been on Vicodin for years, so he'd grown a tolerance for it.

He'd already taken a couple earlier, when he'd been talking to Wilson but still didn't think it was enough to let himself call her. He plopped the cap off and took one more, picking up his phone and dialed her number.

He looked over at the clock on the wall, it was almost midnight in Princeton- she'd probably be asleep.

"_Hello?" _he could hear the grogginess in her voice- he'd woken her up.

House froze, unable to get anything out. Suddenly he'd forgotten why he'd called her, and what he'd plan to say.

_"__House. I know it's you, I have caller ID."_

He bit his lip, and shut his eyes, "Hi."

_"__Are you drunk?"_

"What? No! Why does there always have to be something wrong with me?" he muttered, falling on his bed, and looking up at the ceiling.

He could hear Cuddy yawn on the other end, and shuffled her bed sheets a bit, _"I really liked the painting you left for Madeline…your mom was a good artist."_

"Thanks."

_"__What's wrong?"_

"Why would something be wrong?" he asked, beginning to feel groggy from the Oxycodone.

_"__Because you're calling me in the middle of the night…I'm glad you called though, I need to talk to you."_

House swallowed- his mouth had gotten dry all of a sudden, and he got back up to get some water, "I know, I figured. I'm coming down next week for Wilson's bachelor party. I thought I could give you a consult then."

_"__Consult?"_

He took a water bottle out of his fridge, "For Madeline, isn't that what you called me about earlier this week? Wilson told me she's been getting sick. It sounds like it's autoimmune."

_"__She has Celiac Disease, but she's fine now. I have to talk to you about something else."_

House felt his chest ache, "Ok," he licked his lips, and hesitated- not sure if he should ask the next thing on his mind, "Do you…do you think she remembers me?"

_"__Of course she does. You guys have a connection that I don't even have with her. Believe me, she remembers you."_

House rubbed his eyes, feeling more and more that the ache in his chest was becoming prominent with every second. Hearing her voice, made the pit of his stomach fill with a chill of distress by not having her close. He'd forgotten how it was to talk to her, how she made him feel okay.

Sure he felt hurt, he missed her, she made him ache with pain, all at the same time, but also more than that- hearing her voice made him feel safe. As long as he had her on the phone, he felt like he was going to be fine.

He looked over at the cane propped up against the wall- tormenting him with its presence. And he wondered whether or not to tell her about his leg, and how the Ketamine had slowly began to wear off. She'd want to know- part of himself believed that.

The other more dominant side though, knew that it didn't concern her, not anymore. He'd become an island, and she didn't have to know.

"_House?"_

He broke out of his thoughts, and frowned, "Yeah?"

_"__I'm…I miss you."_

His nose flared, "I have to go."

_"__House…please-"_

"Bye Cuddy."

* * *

_**Part 28 Preview: **_

_He turned to look at her, feeling the pain slowly start to fade away. He gingerly walked over to his bed and grabbed his blazer, "Like I said, my leg hurt."_

_"You can't do this." She stressed not taking her eyes off his face._

_"What I put in my body is my business."_

_She looked at him gravely, "If you keep doing this you could die."_

_"See if you'd said, if I keep doing this you could die- then it would be your business", he said emanating a lightness to the subject, that he sensed Cuddy found disturbing. Then again he'd never really been one to care much of what others thought and now was no different._

_"House, I care about what happens to you."_

_He interrupted her, "Why are you even here?"_

_Cuddy froze, "We were going to go to lunch-"_

_"Yeah. But why sneak into my room? What is so important that it couldn't wait?"_

_House saw her swallow, and she moved her eyes around the room, "It can wait until we go eat."_

_"No. Just spit it out, and then you can be on your way. I have and appointment at two with a masseuse."_

_Cuddy clenched her jaw- he knew that she knew, that masseuse was just a euphemism for hooker. House wanted to hurt her._

_For a minute it looked like she might cry, or storm off. Though instead Cuddy took a deep breath and smiled, "It's not that important."_

_"Really? You came all the way here to tell me its not that important?"_

_She inhaled deeply as she stopped by the door of his hotel room, and looked back with a shrug, "I was just going to ask if you wanted to come to Madeline's birthday party."_


	28. Without You

**Author's Note: **Thank you again to all of you who keep reviewing, and inspiring me to keep writing, You have all been amazing. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 28

_Without You_

House swiveled in his desk chair, bored with the lack of Ddx-ing in his life.

The day he'd brought in Chen, Cole and CB to diagnose Masters' patient, Brennan- in pure spite had gone to Dominika, who had turned up in the middle of him calling Master's a _square bear_. Needless to say, she'd wanted to reprimand him and House had a feeling that her way of reprimanding did actually include her in a leather pantsuit.

Dominika had stood at the entrance of his office, with her arms crossed in a very Cuddy way. For a second it had made him smile at her, though when she returned it something in House snapped and he'd shooed everyone out.

That had been the end of him and doing differentials- at least with everyone except Masters. He'd find her knocking on his door while he rifled through stupid papers about numbers and grants- all very boorish stuff, and she'd give him the scoop on who was treating which patient and what idiotic decisions they'd made.

He also had Chase calling him every once in a while, on cases where he'd get stumped. Those two things were honestly the only things keeping him sane.

It had worked out great for a while. He'd get his zebra fix, he'd let Chase ask him for consults, and in turn he'd get an update on Cuddy and Wilson. Obviously he wouldn't ask straight out, but Chase would just add in at the end that Cuddy had been looking in over each case- or if she'd had a day where she'd bring Madeline to work. It was an unspoken fact that although House didn't ask about them, Chase knew that he wanted to know.

He looked down at the pile of useless paperwork that he was supposed to push for funding, articles his staff had written- unable to focus on any of it. It wasn't that his job was hard, it just involved an exorbitant amount of reading which House was no fan of- if it didn't involve him actually learning something about diseases he didn't know before.

The first day in, House had thought about walking out and just heading back to Princeton, no doubt that Cuddy would instantly give him his job back. But there was no way he'd go running back. So he'd stuck through the boring paper-pushing job and for once, listened to his boss.

He felt his leg twitch with pain, and dug into his pocket pulling out his pills, plopping one in his mouth. At the same time, Dominika walked into his office, with an exaggerated thrust to her hips that he knew she was doing solely for him.

"Dr House, you are not answering my calls. I want to speak to you about Dr Brennan", Dominika pretended to be mildly annoyed.

It was only a smoke screen though, what she really wanted was an excuse to blatantly flirt with him. That too was boring. House sighed, he was in a continuous state of boredom in Minnesota. There weren't even any good hookers.

House pretended to be confused, "You've tried calling me? Is that what that ringing was? I thought it was just a reminder to take my vitamins."

Dominika smiled seductively, as she propped herself up on his desk, "I don't understand why you let him go."

"Because he's an idiot. Besides, its my department so its my decision", he shrugged actually paying attention to the papers in front of him. He wasn't in the mood to indulge her flirting.

"My hospital, my problem", she said with a bit of a thick accent.

House shrugged, and read over the article that Adams had written and left for his approval to get pushed up- he signed it without really reading it and moved on to the next thing.

"Perhaps we could discuss it over dinner", she suggested, placing her hand on top of the pile of papers he'd been looking at to get his attention.

House dropped his shoulders in a sigh, and looked up at her, "I don't date my bosses- it makes for a hostile work environment. Haven't you taken that HR class they have everyone go to?"

Dominika smiled, "I like a man who plays hard to get."

"I'm not playing. I don't play at all actually."

"You certainly seemed keen in Vegas, before we were interrupted by Dr Cuddy", she mused, pushing her lips together.

He clicked his jaw to the side at the mention of Cuddy, and tapped his hand on his desk a couple of times, "I have a lot of work to do."

She stood up, and began walking to the front of his door, "When you get back from vacation, we _will_ have dinner Dr House."

Once she was out of his office, House shuddered at the thought and plopped another pill.

xxxoxxxo

_Five Days Later_

Wilson had passed by the terminal three times, trying to spot House through the rain, and then looked down at the clock in his car. it was ten-thirty, House had told him to be there by nine-thirty and he'd be waiting for him. He looked into his rear view mirror at the surprise he had waiting for him, hoping she wouldn't wake up before House got in the car- if he ever got in the car.

Madeline. She was dressed in a long sleeve white shirt, with a black dress over it and black and white dotted leggings, with the hair that she did have up in a little tiny ponytail with a pink bow in the front. Wilson couldn't help at smile, just thinking about how excited House would be-though he knew he'd pretend he wasn't at all, and continued to look for him through the rain.

He'd already called the airport asking if there had been a delay in his flight, thinking the worst imaginable thing, after all the weather was horrible for flying. But the attendant he'd spoken to had assured him they'd already arrived, and that the passengers including House -he'd had him check- had gotten off safely.

It was a conundrum to him. He took out his phone and was about to call him, when he finally spotted House coming out through the front entrance, wearing a black flat-cap and black wayfarers in his classic ensemble of dark jeans, and a heavy winter coat. What struck Wilson though, was that he was holding a cane under his arm, while his other hand pulled his rolling suitcase.

Wilson parked his car in the waiting area, and got out to open the trunk to his car, "Where have you been? I've been circling the terminal for an hour."

House shrugged, handing over the cane and suitcase for him to place in the trunk, "The flight was delayed."

Wilson froze and noted that House had just blatantly lied, then looked at the cane House had handed him, "Why do you have this?"

He closed the trunk and got back into his car, looking over at House who was looking back at a sleeping Madeline.

"What's she doing here?"

"I thought you'd want to see her, so I asked Cuddy if she could tag along", Wilson boasted, then asked, "Why do you have the cane?"

House looked at him, though he hadn't taken his sunglasses off yet, "Why would you think I want to see her?"

"I asked first. Why do you have the cane? You were walking fine."

"For sympathy. People see a cripple, they have to be nice", he said as it were the most apparent thing in the world.

Wilson rolled his eyes, not buying it, but dropped the subject for the moment.

He looked back at Madeline again, who was stirring awake, "It's like she can sense you."

Wilson couldn't tell for sure, but he got the feeling that House was rolling his eyes underneath his sunglasses, and motioned for Wilson to be quiet with his finger.

He whispered sorry, but turned to look at House taking notice his more pronounced jawline. Wilson frowned, "Have you lost weight?"

House sighed, "Dude, I told you to shut up", he looked back at her,"Great, now she's awake."

He was right, Madeline was blinking her eyes open and yawning and within a few seconds she'd spotted House, and smiled, "Dada."

House turned back to the road, "Awesome."

Wilson looked at him, studying him for a while, "Why were you wearing sunglasses inside the airport?"

"Why aren't you looking at the road? You have a _baby _in the car." House motioned with his hand.

"Dada." Madeline kept trying to get House's attention- who in turn just covered his face with the flap-cap and ignored her.

They kept driving for a while, and Madeline kept calling out for House who pretended to be the one that was asleep, until she started crying.

House turned to her with a sharp voice, "_Stop crying_."

It took her a minute, but House yelling at her actually worked. She calmed down, and pouted but didn't cry again. Instead she just looked at him and kept calling out for him to pay attention to her, which House didn't do.

He kept his eyes straight ahead, sighing, "Where are we going? We passed the Hilton."

"Tux fitting."

"And you brought a baby to go with us to a tux fitting? What's wrong with you?"

Wilson turned over to him with a smile, "Then we're going to go have lunch, and we'll have dinner at my place. You're going to be staying there. I have your whole stay planned out."

"Uh…no I'm not. I booked at room at the hilton." There was a hint of apprehension in House's voice that Wilson found puzzling.

"I called and cancelled it", He bragged with a smile- it wasn't true, but Wilson wanted to see how it would play out.

"Well call and un-cancel it. I'm serious Wilson, I'm not staying with you and Cameron."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Why not? We have an extra room. It would save you money."

"Money isn't an issue Jimmy. I just don't want to be smothered by the both of you."

"Fine. I didn't cancel it", he admitted, he'd never been a good liar anyway.

"Yippee", he muttered.

Wilson remembered something he'd wanted to ask House then, "So Cameron and I have been planning the wedding-"

"You're helping her?" House asked in disbelief, "Do you have any respect for your gender at all?"

He rolled his eyes at House, "_Anyway_. We've been planning the wedding, and the topic came up about what the musical entertainment should be for the evening-"

"You can't afford me."

It was uncanny how House could always guess what he was thinking. It was both amusing and annoying to Wilson. He sighed and looked over at his best friend, "House. I'm asking for one song. It's my wedding and I want to surprise Cameron. I know it would make her night to see you perform."

House scoffed, "Not in a million years."

There was no point in asking again. Once House made up his mind about something, there was no changing it, and Wilson knew that. So he dropped the subject and instead focused on how unconventionally more depressed he was.

"What's wrong? You're unusually moody today."

"I didn't know you were going to bring her", House mumbled looking out the window.

He was vexed and Wilson found that concerning, House might sometimes pretend to find her annoying but he'd never been upset to see her before.

"I thought you'd be thrilled to see her. Cuddy said you were going to go over her file."

"Yes, her file- not examine her. Or don't you not know? I don't relish seeing my patients."

Wilson pulled the car up to the curb, and parked it. He got out, and waited to see what House would do once he got out of the car. After he was out and closed the door, House started to walk towards the Tux shop, leaving Madeline in the car for Wilson to get her out.

He sighed, and went to take out Madeline from her carseat, and began unbuckling her belt as she looked at him strangely. Wilson and Madeline hadn't really bonded all that much, actually he hadn't really ever bonded with any baby. And he got the feeling she could tell he wasn't all that familiar in the child department, from the fact that he was having lots of trouble figuring out her seatbelt.

When he'd picked her up from Cuddy's house, she'd placed the carseat in the car and buckled Madeline up herself. He looked at her and sighed, "I'm new at this."

Madeline sighed.

"Need help?"

Wilson looked up to see House had come back and was very amused that he couldn't figure out how to take her out. He moved aside and watched as House instantly pressed on the button holding her in, and picked her up.

Madeline smiled at House while gurgling incomprehensibly to him. And although he desperately tried to hide it, Wilson could tell that there was a smile threatening to spread on his lips.

"it sounds like she has a lot to tell you", Wilson mused after closing the car door behind them and made their way into the Tux shop.

House scoffed, "She's just making fun at your idiocy. Who doesn't know how to take a baby out of a carseat?"

"Maybe those of us who don't have kids?"

Wilson went up to the front counter and rang the bell, hearing House ask, "So are they giving you a discount? Get married three times get the fourth Tux for free?"

He made a face at House, but he was too caught up with Madeline resting her head on his shoulder that he hadn't seen the expression on Wilson's face.

But then he looked up at Wilson, "I thought she just took a nap?"

Wilson shrugged, "Maybe she's still tired?"

House shook his head and finally took off his sunglasses to get a better look at her, "She's pale."

"Well she's a baby, I'm sure she doesn't get out in the sun that much. Plus its been raining for what feels like forever."

Wilson stretched out his head behind the counter as much as he could, trying to see if someone was coming. After all, he'd made an appointment for noon.

"Wilson." House called for him.

"I made an appointment. And you think they'd have someone out here. I'm a little surprised by their lack of -"

"Wilson!"

He turned his head, "What?"

But his eyes found what House was yelling at him for. Madeline had began throwing up bile and her body had gone limp in House's arms.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy rushed into the cafe to get away from the rain. She was meeting up with Stacy to talk about her restraining order on Atticus. He was attempting to challenge it, and kept insisting to meet Madeline. He'd even served her with papers demanding visitation rights.

She spotted the tall brunette sitting by the cafe window, and walked over taking off her coat in the process.

"I'm sorry I'm late, there was an accident on the way here", she said giving Stacy a loose hug, then sitting down across from her.

Stacy waved her hand, "Its fine. It gave me time to catch up on some of my other cases. Where's Madeline? I was hoping to meet her."

Her stomach did a tiny summersault at the thought of Madeline, and where she was.

"She's with Wilson, picking up House from the airport", she said, before pausing to explain, "She loves House, and although he'll deny it to his grave- he likes her too and he hasn't seen her in almost two months. It was Wilson's idea."

Stacy turned down to her purse, and rummaged through it pulling a card out, "I remembered that your birthday is this friday."

"Thank you. Can you believe I hadn't even given it any thought? With the hospital, Madeline, and now Atticus berating me about meeting her, I'd completely forgotten."

"You said she was with Wilson, picking up House?"

"Yep."

Stacy raised her eyebrows, and rested her head in her hand, "House actually likes a child? I never thought I'd see the day. When we went to thanksgiving at my sister's the last year we were together, he made every child cry."

A waitress came up and Cuddy ordered a hot chocolate, before responding back to Stacy, "They have a connection. I think it's because he was around when I was pregnant, and he was the first one to hold her when she was born", she licked her lips and smiled, "Its not just that though, they have the same humor- Madeline would always understand when House was being funny. And you should have seen the way they would fall asleep- exactly the same way."

Stacy smiled, "Are you sure she's not his?"

She laughed, "Believe me, its crossed my mind once."

When she didn't correct herself, Stacy's eyes went wide, "Well, what happened? If you don't mind me asking, why did you guys break up?"

"Oh no we didn't break up. I dumped him."

Stacy blinked and took a sip of her coffee, "What? Why?"

"I found Vicodin pills on Madeline's bedroom floor- where she plays. He relapsed, and he put her life in danger. And I thought It just cemented the fact for me, that he'll always think about himself before others…"

"You said you thought?"

Cuddy sighed, unsure of how to begin explaining herself, "Everything pointed to him relapsing, but when I spoke to Wilson I had doubts. I didn't even give him a chance to explain himself."

"Don't let him fool you. Greg is…an enigma no doubt, but if you found Vicodin on him, there's no way it wasn't his."

She couldn't help herself then, and felt hot tears fill her eyes, "I know. I just don't understand what set him off. I thought we were happy."

Stacy sighed, and smiled at Cuddy, "You probably didn't do anything. He does what he wants without a consequence of how it might affect the people around him. You can't fix him, I learned that the hard way. You did the right thing Lisa, letting go of Gregory House is always the right thing."

"He was different though. I knew he cared about me, he cared about Madeline- hell parenting came _naturally_ to him, I was the one that struggled." She let out a tiny laugh in between her tears.

As Stacy opened her mouth to say something, Cuddy's phone went off, and she glanced at the screen- Wilson had left her a voicemail.

"Excuse me", she said while she listened to his message.

There was yelling in the background, and she could hear that he was driving, _"Cuddy. Madeline got sick, she started throwing up. House thinks there's something wrong so we're taking her into the hospital. She seems fine now, but House is insisting. So I just thought I'd let you know. Ok, bye."_

It wouldn't have been a big deal because kids threw up all the time, had it not been for the fact that Cuddy realized Madeline had thrown up that morning right after she'd fed her breakfast. Cuddy stood still for a few moments, gathering her thoughts, before she picked up her coat and slipped out of the booth, "I have to go back to the hospital, Madeline is sick."

xxxoxxxo

"I'm telling you to do a spinal tap, what part of that is difficult for you?" House spat at Taub, who was examining an apathetic Madeline.

She was laying down on her side in her diaper, with her eyes barely open, unmoving while Taub and Thirteen looked over her with frowns on their faces.

"It's a UTI. It's common for babies to get them at her age. We should start her on antibiotics for her fever and the infection."

House laughed, "Obviously its an infection, the question is _why_?"

Wilson watched from where he stood up against the wall, while House argued heatedly about Madeline's level of severity.

He kept pacing the exam room, yelling at both of them when they'd suggest it was nothing. And Wilson had started noticing a slight limp when he walked, and how his face would contort with pain. It wasn't noticeable to any other observer, but he who had known House and all his limping stages, could easily tell that he was in pain.

House spoke animatedly about their idiocy, and Wilson noted a layer of perspiration that he had on his face from arguing with them.

Thirteen looked up at House, "House, you don't work here anymore, and you know we need permission from a parent to do a spinal tap- which she obviously doesn't need since we know its an infection."

House scoffed and turned to look at Wilson, in utter amazement at their irrelevance to what he was asking them to do. At that same moment, Cuddy barged in and stopped only for a moment by the shock of seeing House- then walked over to where Madeline lay.

"What happened?"

"Did you not hear the message Wilson left you? I'm pretty sure he gave you a play by play", House snapped at her angrily.

"Yes. I got it, thank you", she said through gritted teeth,

House scoffed, running a hand through his hair, "What have you been doing? letting her room around on the floor freely? Do you even watch her?"

Wilson stood up straight, his eyes opening wide and going back and forth, "House-"

Cuddy didn't say anything though, she took a deep breath and smiled at Madeline, holding back obvious tears and ignoring House.

Wilson saw her inhale deeply after a minute and run a hand down Madeline's hair, "Did you figure out what it was?"

"We think it's a UTI. We're going to give her nitrofurantoin for the infection."

Cuddy nodded, and picked her up, placing her against her chest and rubbing her back slowly, "She's burning up."

House was standing a couple feet away, writhing in pain from what Wilson could tell, and angry, "She needs an LP."

Cuddy turned to scoff at him, "My baby is not about to get a lumbar puncture."

He flapped his arms in utter frustration, "Fine, let your kid die, its clearly what you've been aiming for", and walked out of the exam room obviously resentful.

Cuddy turned to Wilson, "What's gotten into him?"

"He's in pain", he mumbled pushing himself off the wall and following House out of the room.

Wilson followed after him, and tried catching up to where House was headed to, "House-wait- House!"

But he ignored Wilson and continued his quick pace out of the hospital.

"Will you wait up? Where are you going?"

Finally House stopped and looked back at Wilson, pointing to his vomit smeared shirt with an edge, "I'm tired of smelling puke on myself."

"Don't you think it can wait? You know you're right about Madeline needing a spinal tap. She's been getting sick a lot. And Cuddy knows you're right too."

"Yeah well tell that to the she-devil. Maybe she'll listen if it comes out of you", he muttered as he winced while walking.

"Your leg hurts."

"You're metrosexual."

Wilson sighed, "House, when did your pain come back? When you moved away?"

He laughed, "Oh you'd love that, wouldn't you? It would play right in to your view on my supposed psychosomatic pain. Seriously, I get that you're regretting having gone into the wrong specialty. But don't take up your psychological diagnosing desires on me. Go play shrink with someone else's feelings."

And he walked off leaving Wilson behind, walking into the rain without his coat or anything to hide him away from it.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy held Madeline, in an effort to soothe her after Thirteen had administered a shot of antibiotics. She cried a little bit, and Cuddy tried rubbing her back and walking her around, but every attempt to pacify her failed.

She had hot tears rolling down her face, and Madeline cried out in baby talk, making Cuddy feel worse for dismissing House and his suggestion of an LP.

He was right, he was objective as he always was, and that's what made her upset. He hadn't stopped for one second to acknowledge her at all. Not that Cuddy expected him too, if anything he'd done just what she thought he'd do. Insulted her, questioned her ability as a parent, made snide remarks about the health of her child- classic House.

There was a knock on the door, and Cuddy turned to see Wilson peek his head back inside the room. Her shoulders fell mildly disheartened by the fact that it was him and not House.

Cuddy smiled at him for a moment, "She's a little fussy."

He nodded, standing up against the wall with a sigh, "Cuddy…you should listen to House. You know he knows what he's talking about."

"I know, I know. It's just seeing him start attacking me made me irrational."

"His leg pain is back", Wilson commented then.

Cuddy looked up at him, feeling her heart skip a beat, "When did it come back?"

"I don't know. Probably when he moved to Minnesota? Of course when I tried to ask him about it, he denied it. But he brought his cane with him, and he was limping earlier- the pain is back, at least in his head."

She bit her lip, and tried hard not to cry, but she couldn't help it. Cuddy knew it was partially her fault, she'd pushed him away, "Its my fault."

Wilson exhaled and shrugged his shoulders, "Well no offense, but I'm not going to disagree. Dumping him certainly didn't help…I know i've said this before, but I feel like something else is going on."

Cuddy let out a sob, "I'm pregnant."

He blinked a couple times, "What?"

"That's-that's not what you were referring to?" she asked, her crying subsiding and sniffing her nose.

Wilson who's eyes were huge shook his head, "I was talking about House…you're _pregnant_? Again? With House's-?"

She nodded, her eyes filling up with tears again, "I don't know what to do."

"Uh…how about telling him?" He suggested sarcastically.

Cuddy shook her head, "I've tried to. I've wanted to. He called me a couple weeks ago and I almost did. But every time I try and tell him, something stops me."

"How far along are you?"

"About fifteen weeks."

Wilson nodded profusely, "He needs to know Lisa."

She winced at the use of her name. He only did that when he was completely serious about something, she hated it.

"I know, I know. Just do me a favor? Don't tell him, I need to be the one to do it."

Wilson nodded with a sigh.

xxxoxxxo

A couple hours had gone by since House had gone to change his dirty t-shirt. Wilson had waited with Cuddy for a while, thinking that he'd come back, but he'd given up and instead decided to go finish some paperwork in his office, knowing that House would know to look for him there.

Wilson ultimately found House laying on the couch of his office, donning a new t-shirt, and playing with his red thinking ball, looking much more relaxed. When he saw Wilson walk in, he sat up slowly picking up his coat with a hint of a smile, "Ready to ditch this joint?"

He frowned at his friends complete one-eighty change in behavior, "Almost…first I think you need to go speak to Cuddy."

House looked pensive for a moment, and shrugged his shoulders, "I guess. Is she still down in the clinic with Madeline?"

Wilson shook his head, "She's in her office now", then watched as House walked out and noted that his limp had gone away again.

xxxoxxxo

Madeline had eventually fallen asleep, allowing Cuddy to go to her office and get some work done, while Taub and Thirteen did a spinal tap. She was in the middle of trying to figure out how to cut costs in orthopedics, when House knocked lightly on her glass door.

Cuddy took a deep breath, "Come in."

House tentatively walked in, and sat in the chair across from her. He had a smile while airily asking, "You called for me?"

She swallowed, "I'm sorry I didn't listen about the LP, you were right they're doing one right now."

He shrugged with a yawn and glassy eyes, "I don't care."

"How long are you here for?"

"Just until thursday night."

She laughed, because of course he would leave the night before her birthday. There wasn't any use in reminding him about it either- she knew he wouldn't care anymore. After a moment of self-pity, Cuddy cleared her throat, "Can we have lunch on thursday then?"

He winced, "I don't know. Wilson's _bachelorette_ party is on Wednesday night, things might get too crazy for me to function on thursday."

Cuddy gave him a reproachful look, and he rolled his eyes, "Fine. When and where? And what are we talking about?"

She opened her mouth a couple of times before responding, "I just have- some of your things. I thought you'd want them back."

He got up with a intake of breath, "Great. It's a date then-_not_."

xxxoxxxo

It would always mystify Wilson, how House had the ability to pull off epic bachelor parties, without an ounce of preparation or regards to what he wanted.

There were strobe lights in the pent-suite of the Borgata Hotel and Resort in Atlantic City. House had suggested Vegas, as he had very fond memories of the city, but Wilson hadn't wanted to give Cameron the illusion that it was an actual bachelor party- strippers and all. He'd told her that it was going to be a very lowdown event. He'd said they'd probably go to a cigar lounge and play some poker.

But of course the truth was far from that. As soon as they'd all gotten into the limo at the beginning of the night; which had included Chase, Foreman, Taub, Kutner, Tucker- a friend of his that House had great disdain for, O'shea- on House's insistence and somehow Thirteen, the course in which the evening would progress was evident with the first round of fire whiskey shots.

House had made their first stop, his favorite strip joint. Where they had an oxygen bar where you could inhale your favorite type of alcoholic beverage. It certainly was a first for Wilson, and he'd partaken in all the events, even in the penthouse suite, licking gummy bears off of Karamel's stomach- a stripper he had history with, from his past House-thrown bachelor parties.

Once they'd gotten to the penthouse suite, somehow he found himself solely in his underwear, socks and shirt, wearing House's wayfarers and dancing around as if he were Tom Cruise from Risky Business.

After a rather provocative dance with Karamel, he found House standing up against a while, sipping from a clear cup, Watching as the scene in front of him progressed.

Wilson walked up to him, putting an arm around his shoulders, "Why don't you dance with Karamel? You have to try a gummy bear off of her- they're _so_ good."

House chuckled and shook his head, sipping from his drink, "I don't like gummy bears."

Wilson shrugged his shoulders and took his arm off from around House's shoulders, and began dancing obnoxiously to the music.

House put his drink down on a table next to them, and looked over at him, "Think you kids can handle being unsupervised for a few minutes? I have to call my other kids in Minnesota and make sure they haven't killed anyone today."

Wilson nodded absentmindedly while moving to the music and drinking from his AMF- adios mother fucker, as House gave him one last look with a laugh and walked off. He went to take another sip of his drink, but realized he'd finished it, then eyed the cup House had left.

He looked around, figuring House could simply order another one once he came back, and gulped it down, but spit it out once he realized it was club soda. He shuddered and put the cup down, dancing his way back over to the bar.

xxxoxxxo

"I hate you. I don't know how you always talk me into these things", Wilson groaned, before spilling his guts back into the toilet, as House watched from the frame of the bathroom door with an amused smile.

House laughed, "On the plus side, I have some very memorable pictures to add to your bachelor scrapbook that I'm making."

Wilson swallowed and took in a big breath of air, "Why didn't you drink last night?"

"Are you kidding? Someone had to watch all you kids. Both of your last bachelor parties you ended up being arrested, I think the third time they put you away for life, or something like that- Cameron wouldn't have forgiven me."

"Sure you watched me. You dissapeared for two and a half hours and I almost made it up to the roof."

House chuckled, "What were you looking for?"

"The bathroom. Where were you?"

"I told you I had to call my team- they're treating a scary African dictator."

Wilson groaned in pain, feeling a pounding in his head he hadn't missed, "Well I still hate you."

There was a knock on the hotel door, and Wilson watched as House turned for a moment, "I think that's my taxi. I'll see you later. I'll be ready at six."

Wilson nodded remembering that he'd promised to take him to the airport. But as soon as he'd moved his head he regretted it immediately and held it in pain, whimpering at the onset of nausea that hit him. All the while he could hear House laugh as he walked out of the hotel room.

xxxoxxxo

The pain had become unbearable, and though he'd taken his pills, and he'd walked around his hotel room, with a layer of perspiration on his forehead- waiting for it to kick in- it still wasn't working. This had been going on for the past week and a half, and the pain just kept getting more insufferable by the day.

House had forgotten just how deep the pain could get, how intolerable it felt, and how to deal with it.

He shook, looking over at the bottle of pills, limping over to pick up the bottle and shook as he took another one out, dropping it on the counter of the sink, and began to crush it. It was the only way it worked lately- by breaking the blood- brain barrier. For some reason swallowing just wasn't working as well as snorting them anymore. He'd wait until that very last moment, where it would become so unbearable he missed having his emergency stash of morphine.

Yes it looked bad but it was medicinally understandable, at least that's what he kept repeating to himself every time he'd do it. He'd done the same thing with his antihistamine medicine, when swallowing the pills weren't working- this was the same thing, he kept reminding himself.

After he'd snorted the last line, though his chest tightened from the pill, he still felt a sense of relief. He knew that within a couple minutes his leg would feel ok. He looked back up, and into the mirror, rubbing his nose. And then his heart stopped, because Cuddy was standing behind him.

Neither of them said anything for a couple seconds, until House finally looked away.

"What are you doing here?"

"Is that- cocaine?" he could hear the fright in her voice.

"No", he scoffed, "Are you insane? It's Oxycodone- my leg hurt."

"Like that's any better", she scorned at him.

House licked his lips, picking up his prescription bottle and shaking it, "It's legal, I have a prescription."

"Whoever gave you that script obviously didn't know about your addiction."

"He knows I'm in pain."

"Then you take Vicodin House!"

He shrugged, "It wasn't working anymore."

"Then you swallow it."

"Takes too long to help the pain."

"So you decided to snort it?" she asked in disbelief, "What are you? A teenager? You know what that stuff can do to you."

He turned to look at her, feeling the pain gradually start to fade away and a feeling of heaviness fill him. He slowly walked over to his bed and grabbed his blazer, "Like I said, my leg hurt. And this way it breaks a blood-brain barrier thing, I get why you don't get it though, its a doctor thing."

"You can't do this." She stressed not taking her eyes off his face.

"What I put in my body is my business."

She looked at him gravely, "If you keep doing this you could die."

"See if you'd said, if I keep doing this _you_ could die- then it would be your business", he said emanating a lightness to the subject, that he knew Cuddy found disturbing. Then again he'd never really been one to care much of what others thought and now was no different.

"House, I care about what happens to you."

He interrupted her, "Why are you even here?"

Cuddy froze, "We were going to go to lunch-"

"Yeah. But why sneak into my room? What is so important that it couldn't wait?"

House saw her swallow, and she moved her eyes around the room, "It can wait until we go eat."

"No. Just spit it out, and then you can be on your way. I have an appointment at two with a masseuse."

Cuddy clenched her jaw- he knew that she knew, that masseuse was just a euphemism for hooker. And House wanted to hurt her even if he was lying about a masseuse.

For a minute it looked like she might cry, or storm off. Though instead Cuddy took a deep breath and smiled instead, "Its not that important."

"Really? You came all the way here to tell me its not that important?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

She gave him a shrug, "I was just going to ask if you wanted to come to Madeline's birthday party."

House felt some of the residue in the back of his throat and swallowed, "You're lying."

Cuddy scoffed, "Maybe. But its not important anymore…goodbye House."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy raced down to the elevator, feeling like the walls were closing in on her. She couldn't believe what she'd just seen. Sure she'd known him to act irrational about his pain and go to extremities to make it go away, but she never thought he'd resort to snorting oxy to make the pain subside.

She wanted to cry. For House, for what she'd done to him to drive him to where he was at. She wanted to cry because she knew he'd never be able to be there for her, for Madeline or the baby she was expecting. He was selfish and only cared about making his own suffering go away, regardless of how it would affect others.

Whatever mistake Cuddy had thought she'd made by dumping him- seeing what she'd just seen had reassured her that she'd made the right choice.

Every part that she'd seen about him the past few days had reminded her of the real person he was. It hurt, it was the most painful thing she'd endured to realize that the one person in the world that you were molded for, didn't fit you.

When the doors to the elevators opened, she wiped away her tears and attempted to compose herself, as she walked down the lobby of the Hilton. She kept her head down and realized that she couldn't stop crying, because she was going to be alone without him.

In between her thoughts, she didn't register that she was walking straight into someone, who took her arms in his hands.

Cuddy looked up at Wilson who looked worried, "What's wrong?"

xxxoxxxo

The entire ride to the airport was silent. Wilson wasn't sure what to say to House. And he had a feeling that he was only staying quiet, because he guessed that he'd spoken to Cuddy and she'd told him what he'd seen.

But looking back, he felt like a fool for not piecing everything together. All the signs that he was doing something had been there. The recurring leg pain made sense now, and why he'd been walking off for a while, and coming back much relaxed. It drove him crazy with fury, especially because he felt helpless.

When they finally pulled up to the curb, as House went to open the door handle, Wilson pushed the lock button and House looked at him strangely.

"You know I looked up what 'Straightedge' means on Urban dictionary dot com. The day you become straightedge, is the day I'm the misanthropic one."

House raised an eyebrow at him, "Hey now, don't dismiss the last time you said I couldn't be selfless- I'm still waiting for you to buy that Maserati."

"You need help."

House's shoulders fell, "Damn. You did talk to Cuddy."

"You need help." he repeated, refusing to let Him deflect, like he usually did.

He rubbed his face, "My leg hurts- I have a prescription, which I'm not abusing by the way."

Wilson griped his steering wheel, and looked ahead, "You need help."

"At least I'm not doing real drugs- that would be worse."

Wilson scoffed, and shook his head once, "House- you need help."

House finally cracked, "Fine! I do. I know I do", and paused looking blankly at the floor with a shrug of his shoulders as he opened his door, "But I don't want it."

He got off, and grabbed his suitcase, and neither of them said anything else.

xxxoxxxo

At 12:01 Cuddy heard her alarm go off, and got a message alert on her phone that she knew would be from Julia. Ever since they were little, they'd made a tradition of being the first to wish each other a happy birthday. Usually she'd respond back right away, but this year she couldn't bring herself to look at her phone.

She was heavy with pain of her own. Pain that radiated in her chest, and felt like it was drowning her. Love wasn't supposed to hurt this bad, love was supposed to be good. She wiped away her never ending tears, taking a deep breath and attempting to fall asleep.

Madeline would be up early the next morning and she knew she'd have to be awake to take care of her, as Marina had taken the day off because it was her birthday. But now she just wanted to lie in bed for possibly forever. And it made Cuddy feel horrible to feel that way with a daughter who was depending on her.

Her doorbell went off then, and it rang repeatedly.

She panicked and got up, getting a baseball bat that she had under her bed- she'd had it since House had left, and raced to the front door to see who was ringing her doorbell incessantly. Cuddy looked through the peephole, to see whoever it was had ran off and gotten on to a bike. Cuddy opened the door and looked at the person that had run off. She wasn't sure, but from where she was standing, the person with a hood on looked like Kutner, which didn't make any sense.

She took a step out and felt her foot hit something, she looked down at a small package that had been left at the foot of her door. She bent down to pick up the rectangular shaped object, that had a note on the very front. It read;

_Happy Birthday. _

There wasn't a name on it, or anything and Cuddy curiously ripped the brown paper off the object, and did an intake of breath as she realized what it was. A book, her grandfather's book.

_Approach to The Acute Abdomen _by Earnest T. Cuddy.

It was the exact same copy she'd found at House's apartment a year ago.

* * *

_**Part 29 Preview:**_

_He shook his head, "Don't flirt."_

_"I was just thanking you."_

_"You were teasing me."_

_He was right. But it was too easy for her to do, and the atmosphere certainly didn't help. Having him in her arms, brought her back to the good times, to when it was simple- if that had ever existed. _

_"You've ruined me", he breathed out while they swayed to the rhythmic movements of an instrumental version to Breathe Me. House swallowed, and looked gravely at Cuddy, with sorrow, "I was fine before you."_


	29. Air

**Ari's Note: **So I have to apologize Because the preview that you guys saw for this chapter has been moved to the next one. This chapter became too big, and so I had to cut it in half and make it two separate ones. Also I have a surprise for you guys! I made a playlist for this story on YouTube. The link is on my profile page, with a little more explanation on it. I hope you enjoy it! (P.s. The youtube playlist has the song I chose for the next chapter that sort of gives you a clue to the mood of the chapter.)

Thank you again so much for reading! I really hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 29

_Air_

_Two Months Later (May)_

It felt like Valentine's.

There were pheromones flying through the air at PPTH, with the upcoming wedding of Wilson to Cameron, and Cuddy was at the center of it all. Everyone at the hospital was talking about what type of dress Cameron was planning on wearing- mermaid style because Cuddy had seen it, where the venue would be at- _The Merion_ because she'd suggested it to Wilson- Julia had gotten married there, and how long the marriage would last.

Somehow Chase had swindled her into the bet, and she'd gone with a year, though she'd never admit it to them. She'd chosen a year because she figured it gave them just enough time to try and make it work, and a respectable amount of time to decide to get divorced. After all, Wilson had the worst track record of any guy she knew.

Madeline sat in her highchair as Cuddy balanced feeding her, and reading over the latest article written over Diagnostic Departments latest solved case of a transplant that had cause five of the transplantee's to die, and how they'd managed to save the the last one- it had made it into the Times Magazine, something that House had never managed to do while he was at PPTH.

Cuddy fed Madeline a large spoonful of organic applesauce, and watched as she ate it happily. She was relieved that her appetite had improved since her UTI.

Although the source of Madeline's UTI hadn't been explained, she'd gotten much better over the weeks that passed. In the end, Chase had suggested that her infection had most likely manifested from playing on the floor- just like House had theorized.

Needless to say, that Madeline had stopped playing on the carpet of her bedroom floor and her room had basically become a clean room.

Both of them turned up when they heard a knock on her glass door. Wilson was looking in with a box in his hand, and a poster in his other.

"Come in", Cuddy called out, putting another spoonful of applesauce in Madeline's eager wide-open mouth.

She made a noise that sounded like a protest, making Cuddy smile in the interim as Wilson walked in and set his stuff on her desk while falling on the seat across from her with a humph. He looked stress, but then again she thought, when didn't he?

"I need help", he said exhaling and placing the poster on the desk for her to look at. It was a diagram of the reception, and all the tables they had, with sticky notes of everyone's name circling the tables.

Cuddy frowned at him, "You're doing the seating charts? Shouldn't you leave this up to Cameron?"

"She's doing everything else. Plus, I like being involved. I'm just having a problem with one person", he sheepishly laughed.

"Oh let me guess, does it start with an _H_?"

"He doesn't get along with anyone! How am I supposed to find him a spot if he hates everyone? All of my family is scared of him, Cameron's family- well for one they're baptists- that's just a disaster waiting to happen, and everyone else is either scared, dislikes him or he hates them. Its hopeless."

Cuddy examined the seats and how Wilson had seated everyone and pointed down at it, "See, you went about this the wrong way. You should have started with House and then worked your way around him."

"Well I'm not going to redo this again just for the sake of making him happy", he argued.

Cuddy frowned looking at House's name and then seeing that he'd had a plus one next to his name, "He's bringing someone?"

Wilson rolled his eyes, "Allison made the mistake of sending him an invitation, asking if he had a plus one, and he said yes. But I know its just so he can have an open spot next to him. He tried the exact same thing when I got married to Julie."

"What if he does have someone in mind to bring?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

Wilson scoffed, "No don't do that. House is an island, he hasn't started dating anyone. It took him eight years to get with you. There is absolutely no way he's found someone in Minnesota."

Cuddy picked up her phone and handed to him, "Well lets make sure. I'd hate for his date not to have somewhere to sit."

Wilson raised an eyebrow at her, "Fine, but you'll see. He's just doing it to mess with us."

He dialed House's number, and placed the phone on speaker so they could both hear him answer. Madeline sat quietly looking a the phone too, as if she knew who they were calling.

It rang a few times, and Wilson was afraid he might not answer. He was about to hang up, when at the last moment, the phone was picked up.

"_Hello?" _Wilson snapped his head up at Cuddy as soon as he heard the very distinctive eastern european accent.

He panicked, "Uh I think I have-"

"Is House there?" Cuddy cut him off, clicking her jaw to the side.

They heard some shuffling and what sounded like footsteps, "_He is in the shower. Who's this?"_

Cuddy hung up the phone, and looked up at Wilson with her armor in place, "I think you've got your answer."

xxxoxxxo

House didn't like Dominika. Not at all. He'd only finally relented to take her out when she'd began visiting his office three times a day. Not even Cuddy, in the height of their relationship had bugged him that much- and even then she wouldn't have bothered him. Dominika however, would strut in with her hips swaying to the side and a look of utter impishness to her smirk.

She'd sit and wait while he went over different things with both Park and Adams, until they were alone and she'd make sexual suggestions while 'getting an update' about the department from him.

So he'd agreed to take her out, promising himself to give her the worst night of her life, so that she'd get over him. At least then if she thought he was an asshole- which he very much thought he was, she'd finally leave him alone and be hostile instead. Because hostility he could handle much better, than incessant flirting from a woman he had no interest in sleeping with.

But the one who ended up receiving the worst night of his life, was instead House.

Dominika had drank so much that night, that on the cab ride to her home House realized she couldn't articulate her address to the the taxi driver and instead had fallen asleep in mid sentence. He had _almost_ left her in the cab to find her way home, but instead he'd given the taxi driver his own address. House rolled his eyes at himself and at how soft he'd turned, because before, his nonexistent conscious would have left her.

Instead, since his leg didn't seem to hurt as much when he was in Minnesota and he'd popped an colossal amount pills anyway to numb her insanity out- he carried her blacked-out body into his apartment and dropped her on his couch, hearing a small cracking noise in the process.

House went to his room and fished his prescription out of his pocket, taking another and falling on to his bed.

Everything went out as soon as his head hit his pillow.

The next morning he woke up and remembered there was a Ukrainian woman sleeping on his couch. He sprang up, and winced as he realized his leg ached- quickly pouring a few pills on his palm from his nightstand, and dry swallowed them all at once.

After silently making his way to the living room, he noticed that she was unfortunately still there knocked out and it didn't look like she was going anywhere any time soon. Also, the fact that it was Saturday sucked, because it meant that neither of them had work to get to. He sighed and headed into his bathroom to take a bath and try to expel her intoxicating perfume off his body from the night before.

Once he was in the tub and let a bout of air out of his lungs, he felt some tension released from his body. He wasn't sad, depressed or upset even though his life had taken a turn for the worst. The only pain he felt was a mild muscular ache in his leg, but even then- that pain wasn't anything compared to what he'd felt while he'd been back in Princeton. And the fact that he didn't feel pain, bugged him.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the marble tub. Maybe he was getting over Cuddy? Even thinking about her didn't hurt him.

He heard the phone ring from afar, but ignored it. It was probably Masters asking for permission to do a routine test on a patient. He'd never met anyone more cautious in his life- not even Cameron was in the running.

"_Your phone is ringing!_" Dominika called out in a slur, from the living room. House took a deep breath and dropped his head under the water, tuning her voice out. How had she woken up? He was sure she'd be out until late in the afternoon. He needed silence and to forget that she was in his apartment, because she'd likely try and jump him soon. Maybe he could stay in the tub the whole day, and she'd get the hint.

After what seemed like hours of listless laying in the water and pruning to death- House slowly made his way out, wrapping himself with a towel, and drying his hair with another.

On the bright side he figured, if Dominika was awake he could kick her out. He'd call a cab for her and she'd be able to leave him alone.

Maybe it was the haze of too many oxy pills he'd ingested, or his lack of emotional distress, even a combination of both, but he couldn't help at laugh. It was amusing to him to have a model-esque woman who desperately wanted to pounce him, and not feeling anything back in return.

House cleaned off some of the steam on the mirror of his medicine cabinet and looked at himself, swallowing- Cuddy had profoundly changed him. For a moment, and really only an instant there was a low simmering ache that he felt. But he looked away from the mirror, and instead was startled by a knock on his door.

"You had a call."

He flinched and made his way over to the bathroom door to open it, poking his head out and saw Dominika was standing against his wall, "Who called?"

She shrugged, "A man or a woman. I do not know, it sounded like both."

He inhaled and smirked, "Must have been Wilson. He gets that all the time…Do you need to call a cab?"

"Do I?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes."

House closed his bathroom door again.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson didn't have Madeline with him this time, to pick up House from the airport. Not because he believed what House had said about not wanting to see her, because he knew that was total bull- but because Cuddy had refused to let him borrow her. After having seen House take the oxy, she didn't want Madeline around him at all. But Wilson knew it was mostly because she was sure he was sleeping with Dominika.

Still, he waited for him in his car again, hoping he wouldn't have to circle the terminal for an hour like last time. before he came out.

Luckily, as soon as he pulled up to the curb, he saw House was laid down on a bench, waiting for him with his head propped up on his suitcase. When wilson beeped the horn of the car at him, House slowly turned, spotted him and got up. And Wilson couldn't help to let out a sigh, realizing once again that House had lost weight.

He didn't bother getting out this time, merely popped open the trunk with a push of a button, as House with his more prominent limp, placed his suitcase in the trunk and shut it, walking around to get into the car.

"Is that a way to treat a cripple? Your _bestest_ friend who you haven't seen in two months?" he joked closing the door.

Wilson rolled his eyes and drove off, "Your limp is getting worse, and you lost more weight- have you been mistaking your pain pills for food?"

House shook his head, "This week is about you. That means no dissection of my life allowed."

"Right. You're that selfless that you'd actually allow me to have a day where I'm the center of attention and not you? No, what you're really doing is using that as an excuse to elude from what a mess your life has become", Wilson scoffed.

"Isn't the wedding day supposed to be the bride's day? Not the groom's?"

"Again, you're evading. I realize that you don't want any help, but do you think you can manage to keep it together for the next few days?" he asked.

House looked over at him and frowned, "I thought we just agreed that this week was about you? I will be on my _best_ behavior…Can you go drop me off at my hotel first this time?"

Wilson wasn't convinced. In his eyes it was obvious that House was falling apart, and was only holding on by a couple threads- those threads being pills and his sarcasm.

"No. We're going to the venue to do the wedding rehearsal, remember?"

House dropped his head back with a groan, "No. Please don't make me go to that. I'm not the one that's getting ma-"

"You're my best man! You just said this week was about me!" Wilson screeched.

"Well that's a little narcissistic don't you think?"

It wasn't long before they pulled up to the venue and House looked out the window as something came into his view- then turned back to him with sincere curiosity.

Wilson winced, "I forgot to mention- Cuddy and Madeline are part of the wedding ceremony."

xxxoxxxo

Madeline was walking.

It was the first thought that popped into House's head as his shaking hand closed the car door behind him. Sure she was holding Cuddy's hand, and she was a little unstable on her legs, but she was still standing mostly on her own.

Cuddy spotted him before Madeline and swallowed. He could imagine all the thoughts going through her head, and didn't want to think about them himself. Yes he was somewhat unhinged, somewhat medicated, but he didn't want her to see that. He wanted her to think that he was great, happy, and content with how his life was.

So he plastered on the most genuine smile he could manage and attempted to hide his limp as he walked over to them. Not that the cane wasn't a dead give away.

"She's walking. When did that start?" He was still trembling, and had no idea why. It wasn't cold, he didn't have any emotions surging through him and he wasn't scared- but he was still shivering.

As soon as he spoke Madeline turned her head, with her thumb in her mouth, and smiled widely at him showing her two front teeth that had finished growing out.

"A couple days ago…Oh god. House-" Cuddy began to talk, but was interrupted by a shrieking Madeline who took a few steps towards him.

He looked from Madeline to Cuddy and pointed down, "Can I?"

Cuddy nodded, and he bent down to pick up an eager Madeline, who grabbed his cheeks and laughed when he contorted his face in pretend pain.

It made him smile and he hated it. Never in his life had House understood why people said a child's laughter was one of the most beautiful things in the world. Just the thought was enough to make him want to hurl, but Madeline's- hers was uplifting to him.

"She seems better", he commented taking her in. She did, Madeline looked healthier and like she'd gained weight. It meant that he'd been wrong about her having a underlying condition and for the first time in his career, House was happy he was wrong.

"But you don't. You've lost-" She began again before he rolled his eyes.

He scoffed, "I'm fine. I've been running regularly."

Cuddy gave him a cold look, "You can't run."

"Ouch." He pretended to be wounded, "So Wilson said you were part of the ceremony?"

"Madeline's the flower girl", she said crossing her arms with a cold tone.

House frowned, and let a tiny smirk on his face grow, "You're mad. Why are you mad?"

He took a moment to study her, because he really hadn't since his attention had gone to Madeline too quickly. For one she'd clearly gained the weight he'd lost, mostly in her breasts. But also, she was looking at him differently, as if he'd done something. And he couldn't remember if he had.

"I'm just wondering where your 'plus one' is", Cuddy said with an edge to her voice.

House frowned, "Huh?"

"Don't pretend House. She answered the phone when Wilson and I called you. She said you were in the shower."

His eyes shot wide open, and he smiled, "That was you guys? Believe me it's not what you think-"

Cuddy put her hand up with a cold smile, "You don't need to explain yourself. What you do with your life is your business. I just thought you had better taste-"

However, before she could finish her sentence, they were interrupted by Wilson's younger brother, William- another lawyer- who placed the palm of his hand on Cuddy's back and gave House a strained smile, "Greg- its been…a long time."

House's eyes went to Cuddy who had turned to look up at William with a smile, and seemed fine with the fact that he'd placed his hand on her back. He looked at their proximity- they were too close- too comfortable.

"Yeah." was all he let out.

William wasn't unfazed by his response and smiled down at Cuddy, "Do you need me to get your sweater from the car? Its getting a little cold."

She shook her head, "No, I'm fine thanks."

"Well they're about to start, we should probably get going." He looked both at House and Cuddy.

House watched her nod and smile at William, then turn to him- dropping her smile and reached out for Madeline. When she'd taken her out of his arms, Madeline pouted and reached out for House, only to be walked away in Cuddy's arms, then tickled by her causing Madeline to forget about House.

He stood there for a couple seconds attempting to regulate his breathing and the trembling that had gotten worse, before following them to where they had set up all the rows of white wooden chairs leading up to the altar.

Wilson was already standing at the very front, with an eager-stupid grin plastered on his face as if it were his actual wedding day. House swallowed, and bit his lip as the pain in his thigh magnified while he walked and made his way to stand next to Wilson.

"Your leg going to be ok for this?" Wilson asked quietly as _Air _by Bach started to play. Cameron began walking down the isle behind Madeline who was reaching into the basket that Cuddy was holding with white rose petals and throwing them in the air as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

House took in a big breath of air, and squeezed his cane with his right hand until it went numb, "Yep."

They did the entire routine about five times- well up until Madeline began to get cranky and temperamental with the rose petals and squeezed them in her hand instead, whilst throwing them on the floor angrily. It was the comedic relief that House needed to distract him from the searing pain in his leg that continued to elevate.

By the end of the night, it seemed like they had finally gotten the routine under control and everyone started to get ready to leave. And he heard them talking about going to a near by restaurant to eat dinner.

He excused himself to the bathroom and downed a couple pills, but also used his time to call a cab. Having dinner with Cuddy, Madeline and her new boyfriend was the last thing he wanted to do. House knew that she was using William to get him jealous- well he was pretty sure she was…but then there'd been that smile she'd given him?

He shut his eyes and turned his head up at the ceiling of the stall, trying to clear his mind.

"House?" Wilson called out for him.

He opened his eyes, pushed the flush button with his cane- pretending he'd just used it and shoved the stall door open, limping out to the sink to wash his hands.

When Wilson spotted him walking out, he looked relieved, "We're all getting ready to go eat dinner."

House turned his head back down to the sink forming a frown, "Yeah. I heard…I'm not going, I called a cab to take me back to the hotel."

Wilson's shoulders dropped and he placed one hand on his hip, "Oh come on! Just because Cuddy is coming doesn't-"

He pointed to his leg, "It hurts. Tends to happen when you stand on it for more than three hours."

Wilson sighed and looked unconvinced, but relented and nodded his head, "I'll get your suitcase out of the trunk."

xxxoxxxo

"You what?" Wilson asked them incredulously looking between Cuddy and William as they waited to be seated for dinner.

William rolled his eyes, "Obviously you haven't told him I came out. Because he totally thought I was flirting with her, and I wasn't since Zane would totally have gotten jealous."

Cuddy was smiling with victory, "And I didn't flirt back."

"But you just let him assume anyway? Way to dig that knife deeper into his gut Lisa. You know the man is pinning for you. Did you even look at the state he's in?"

She rolled her eyes with a scoff, combing Madeline's hair with her hand as she slept on her shoulder, "He's moved on. You were there when we called him- you heard _her_."

Cameron who was standing next to Wilson as they waited for their table, sighed, but didn't say anything. But Wilson knew what her perspective was on the entire ordeal- she actually understood House in the same way he did.

It was because of them that he hadn't wanted to go to dinner, Wilson realized. Not because he wanted to go get high or rent a hooker. It was because he thought Cuddy was sleeping with his gay brother.

"You're making him worse", Wilson muttered to Cuddy as waitress arrived with menus to go seat them.

xxxoxxxo

The ceremony had the makings of Cameron in every detail. From the lavender delphinium flowers, to the off white tulle draping every row of the seats. She'd gone with a very subtle hint of lavender in the floral decorations, and everything else in white. It fit.

Cuddy was dressed in a golden slinky short cocktail dress, that was hiding her growing belly. While Madeline was dressed in a long white flower girl dress that Cameron had picked out at the last minute- since her niece wasn't able to come out from California.

She was in the middle of trying to refresh Madeline's memory on throwing the petals out on to the ground, when she saw him. House had just gotten out of a taxi cab, clad in a black Tux, black Ray ban wayfarers, though most importantly- without a cane or a limp.

He'd even done his hair in a less frazzled way and shaven. It was cute, he looked cute. But his shaven face, and the fitted suit he had on, just made it all the more visible to see how much weight he'd lost. She felt a pang in her chest at the thought, and looked away trying to make it disappear. Because there wasn't anything she could do about it, especially now that he'd moved on.

He walked over to her and Madeline, who was already raising her arms up at him, so that he could pick her up. And just like the day before, he gave Cuddy a look asking if it was ok. She nodded.

"You're not limping", she commentated.

He struggled against Madeline who wanted to take his sunglasses off, "The pain is intermittent."

"I don't believe you", she crossed her arms, but quickly put them down again, when she realized it would draw attention to her rapidly protruding stomach.

House shrugged, "What you believe is irrelevant."

Cuddy clenched her jaw and swallowed, fully knowing he had jabbed her on purpose.

"Where's Dominika?" she asked, figuring it was better just to get it over with.

He laughed while he tried stopping an extremely persistent Madeline from taking off his sunglasses, "I told you there's nothing going on between us. Why would I bring her?"

After a moment where Cuddy didn't respond, he looked over at her, "Where's your new boyfriend?"

"With his boyfriend."

House gave her a confused look, and Cuddy sighed. As much as she wanted to keep up her lie and make him feel what she had, when she heard Dominika answer the phone, she couldn't bring herself to do it.

So she shrugged, "William's gay. Him and his boyfriend Zane gave Madeline and I a ride yesterday because my car was getting fixed. That's why he asked if he could get my sweater out of the car."

"What's wrong with you car?" He asked not skipping a beat.

Cuddy frowned, confused at how he'd just skipped over what she'd said about William, "The transmission was getting fixed."

She looked around for a little bit spotting Stacy, "Stacy's here."

"Figured she would be", he said pretending to hide his face from a giggling Madeline.

"You know she's not with Mark anymore, right?"

House shot her a look, "Are you trying to pimp me out?"

"I'm just making conversation."

There wasn't much for either of them to say after that, as they waited outside to be ushered in. In fact Cuddy had almost excused herself to go use the restroom- as her bladder was in overdrive ever since she'd entered her second trimester, that is- until she heard Madeline say something she'd never heard before.

"Dada", she laughed in between fighting with House still trying to remove his sunglasses.

Cuddy turned around to drop her jaw at a House who was standing rooted to his spot like stone, "Did she just call you _dada_? Did you teach her that?"

"No. Of course not", he muttered, shoving Madeline into her arms and walking away nervously.

Cuddy held Madeline on her hip as she walked off after him, "You are _not_ her father. How dare you teach her-"

House stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at her with what she was sure was a sneer, "I didn't teach your kid anything. And she's been saying it since she was seven months old. Obviously you haven't been paying much attention. No wonder she gets sick all the time. Some mother you are-"

Cuddy wasn't sure if it was what he'd said about her as a mother, her jealousy over Dominika, or her unstable hormones- maybe a combination of all three. And she didn't think about it until after the fact too, but Cuddy slapped him across his cheek hard enough that afterwards there was a very evident pink mark on it.

There were a few gasps around them, and things had gotten quiet- but she didn't look around, just at a shocked House.

As soon as she realized what she'd done, she immediately covered her mouth, "Oh god. House- I'm so sorry."

He slowly brought one of his hands up to his cheek and rubbed it, with an amused look and a laugh, "Wow."

"I'm so sorry." She repeated herself, and felt tears brimming her eyes, as she watched him rub his cheek in amazement at what she'd done.

After letting the initial surprise pass for a minute, House raised his eyebrows as he spoke, "Excuse me."

He walked away and she didn't go after him this time. Cuddy wasn't sure what to do with herself. She looked around, realizing she'd just slapped House in front of Chase, Foreman, William, Cameron's entire family, and everyone else attending the wedding.

xxxoxxxo

As soon as the ceremony was over, and both Cameron and Wilson had gotten into their car, Cuddy had gone straight to find House- leaving Madeline with William and his boyfriend.

She'd spotted him almost sprinting towards the bathroom, but caught up with him just in time before he had a chance to make it inside, "House, wait-"

He stopped for only a second to look back at her, then kept walking. But as he took another step in, Cuddy pulled his arm back turning him around.

"You're not going to slap me again, are you?" He asked, taking a step back and hitting the wall of the bathroom with his back.

"No. Of course not." she said aghast, dropping her hand from his arm.

House lowered his sunglasses and shot his eyes at her breasts, then made their way down her dress, "Why are you wearing such a frumpy dress?"

Cuddy looked at his red cheek, "I shouldn't have hit you- especially not in front of Madeline-"

"You've gained weight", he countered.

"Please forgive me? I don't want us not to be able to get along," she evaded as well.

House tilted his head to the side, and looked at her strangely, "Are you…are you pregnant?"

"House- please" she asked stepping closer to him.

As she did, he gingerly placed a hand on the side of her dress, feeling for her skin, and made his way to her stomach, and stopping when he felt the roundness of it. He looked at her with a frown, "How far…"

Cuddy pushed his hand back down off of her stomach with a scoff, "Its not yours, if that's what you're thinking. A week after we broke up, I had another IN-Vitro treatment. I decided I didn't want Madeline to be alone."

She'd rehearsed what to say to him for when the moment came. She knew it was wrong of her to keep the truth from him, but it was better that way. House was clearly not meant to be a father, and didn't want to be. There was no need to burden him with the truth.

He swallowed a big breath of air, and placed his glasses back on-nodding, "Its fine. I deserved it. I shouldn't have said that thing about you being a bad mother. I'll see you at the reception?"

Cuddy numbly nodded her head, but House had already walked away.

xxxoxxxo

The first thing House did as soon as he arrived at the reception hall, naturally, was to go to the open bar. If he was going to survive not only an evening with both his ex-girlfriends in the same room, and the surprise he had in store for everyone, with a lack of medication to numb him out, he'd have to substitute it with alcohol.

He knew the dangers of mixing alcohol with the methadone he'd taken to make the pain in his leg go away. But he'd taken it in the morning, and figured he was safe as long as he didn't take his second dose later that evening. It only meant that he'd have to leave early, or run the risk of the cinderella effect and turning back into a pumpkin- or whatever it was that happened to her.

Right after he'd ordered his second drink to take into the reception hall, House was stopped by a young waitress who was stopping everyone as they went in. She was looking down at the chart in her hand and hadn't seen his face, "Sir have you been seated yet?"

House frowned and took a sip of his drink, realizing the young waitress looked extremely familiar, "_Ali?_"

Ali's head popped up at the sound of his voice, and a huge smile spread on her lips, "Dr House? What are you doing here?"

"Don't you know its my wedding? I just got married", he joked.

The look of dread on her face was immediately apparent, and House couldn't help at laugh- it felt nice to laugh.

She looked away, saddened, "Well congratulations, I guess."

"I'm joking. So where's my seat?" He asked trying to get a look at the chart.

Ali's smile came back and she tried to hide her relief, "Um, did you come with anyone?"

"Nope. Single and ready to mingle", he replied wiggling his eyebrows at her. As soon as he'd done it, he regretted it. He honestly had no intentions of messing around with anyone- especially her. Though it felt refreshing to be flirt with her.

She bit her lip and brought the chart to her chest, "Your table is this way, follow me."

As she walked in front of him, House could tell that she was moving her hips with a little pep- just for him and he of course looked. After all there wasn't anything wrong with admiring a young beautiful ass.

She stopped abruptly and he nearly ran into her, but she moved aside to show him his seat, "Here you are Dr House."

House looked up at Ali before he looked at his seat, "Call me Greg."

This made Ali blush, and she nodded as she began walking away, "I'll see you later Greg."

House watched her walk off, with a tiny smirk on his face, and after she was gone, he turned his attention back to where he'd been seated.

It had to be a joke.

He was seated in between Stacy and Cuddy.


	30. Sea Of Love

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 30

_Sea Of Love_

House took a deep breath as he looked from Cuddy to Stacy, "Well, this isn't going to be awkward at all."

Stacy was the first one to talk to him.

"She's a little young for you wouldn't you say?" she asked as he sat down, and she looked back at Ali who was walking away.

House smiled, "Oh age is nothing but a number."

"How have you been Greg?" she asked, with that inevitable flirtatious smile she always made when she spoke to him. It used to get to him and make him smile too, but he found that it no longer emitted any emotion from him whatsoever.

He took a sip of whatever drink he had in his cup and shrugged his shoulders, "Fine."

"How do you like your new job at the Mayo Clinic? I know you've always wanted to work there."

He knew that Cuddy was listening in on their conversation, so he took a big breath of air before responding, "Wonderful. The best decision I ever made. I get to sleep all day and get paid for it."

Cuddy pitched in then, "How's that different from what you did before?"

As he was about to respond, Taub showed up at their table holding Madeline in his arms about to hand her to Cuddy, only she reached out for him instead and he took her- while giving Taub a look of deep contempt.

It was irrational of him, but he didn't like the fact that Cuddy had chosen such an incompetent doctor for Madeline. Not only had Taub mistaken her sonogram and led Cuddy to believe that she was a boy through out her entire pregnancy, but under his care she kept getting sick.

"Oh my goodness! Is this Madeline? Can I hold her?" Stacy cooed, not really asking as she had already taken her out of House's hands.

Madeline gave her a very perplexed expression, and looked back at House contorting her face into a pout, "Dada."

Stacy's eyes nearly bulged out as she looked up at him, "She calls you dada?"

House pretended to cover his face from Cuddy, as if she'd slap him again, "Not because I taught her."

"Right", they heard Cuddy mumble.

"That's too cute", she said trying to make Madeline stop crying, but eventually she gave up and let her back into House's arms.

Madeline wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, and rested her head on his shoulder- as if afraid someone might try and take her away from him again. House gave Stacy a tight smile, giving her an illusion that he didn't like it all that much.

Though she still found it adorable and placed her fingers on her lips, "That is so precious…she has your eyes."

"She has Cuddy's eyes", he immediately corrected her.

"You both have blue eyes, but your shade is brighter- like Madeline's. Are you sure she's not his?" Stacy popped her head out to ask Cuddy.

"Positive", she replied with a bit of a scoff.

House felt Madeline put her thumb in her mouth and turned over to Cuddy, "Since when has she been doing that?"

"A few months."

He frowned, and picked up her thumb looking at it, "It's probably why she got that infection. You should put mayonnaise on it so she'll stop."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "She didn't get an infection from sucking on her thumb."

House shrugged, "It was just a thought."

Once the band on the stage began to play, they all looked up and House quickly handed Madeline over to Cuddy.

"Excuse me. I have to use the ladies room- I have to go powder my nose", He said as he stood up, finishing his drink and walking away.

xxxoxxxo

"Where do you think Greg went?" Stacy asked Cuddy while looking at the plate Ali set at the empty space between them.

She had her theories, all of which involved House in a bathroom stall doing drugs. Of course she didn't say that out loud, instead Cuddy merely shrugged her shoulders, "No idea."

And anyway Cuddy was too busy with Madeline who was trying to reach for her dinner plate, and she tried moving her back so that she wouldn't grab the mashed potatoes, which Madeline couldn't eat without going into anaphylactic shock.

They heard someone clear their throat over the mic at the stage where the band was setting up. The next moment Cuddy heard Stacy go, "Oh my god."

She turned to her, and saw that Stacy's eyes were averted up on the stage. Cuddy's own eyes followed where her's were and saw a slightly inebriated House standing in the middle of the stage with his acoustic guitar looking extremely awkward.

"Dada", Madeline called out loudly, garnering the attention of everyone around the table and everyone else in the ballroom.

Cuddy felt her face getting hot, and didn't know what to do, so she stayed silent.

House looked over at Madeline momentarily, but then cleared his throat and moved his eyes out to the audience, as one hand rested on the head of the guitar, while he placed the other on the front of the body while touching the strings lightly.

"When I heard what song Wilson and Cameron were going to dance to as their first song. I knew something had to be done. Come on! _At Last_ by Etta James? I think there's a rule stating that you can't use the same song every time you get married Wilson", House charmingly joked, igniting some laughs from several tables. Cuddy smiled too.

He took a moment and strummed on his acoustic guitar a little before speaking into the mic again- Cuddy could tell House was totally outside his comfort zone, "So If we could get those lovebirds up to dance?"

Everyones' heads turned trying to find them, until they saw that Wilson was had stood up and taken a smiling Cameron's hand, while they began to walk on to the dance floor. She looked ecstatic, but Wilson looked a bit miffed by House on stage with an acoustic guitar.

He began strumming his guitar slowly, but then looked to have a thought and abruptly stopped- looking down at a waiting Wilson, "By the way. If in the process of this, Cameron decides to jump on stage and leave you for me, you only have yourself to blame Wilson."

The rest of the guests laughed, and Cuddy watched as Cameron's cheeks turned a bright shade of red by his comment and how Wilson merely rolled his eyes. It didn't escape Cuddy though, that he held on to her a little tighter as if he were momentarily afraid that would actually happen.

Her eyes traveled back to House as he began strumming his guitar again and she paid attention to see if she recognized the song he was playing. He licked his lips once, and held his tongue between his lips, protruding those two very subtle dimples that Cuddy adored.

It started off slow and the first few strums were whimsical, with House looking down at his guitar as he played. His fingers moved freely on the strings, moving at a perfect timing to each note, as the chords became a beautiful medley.

House- with his eyes closed, or looking down- began to sing slowly into the mic, and Cuddy thought she might faint from the sound of him singing.

"_Come with me…m-y love", _A moment later his eyes looked up, and spotted her. She felt her heart stop.

"_To the sea…The sea of love. I want to tell you….How much….I love you"_, House was singing for Wilson and Cameron- sure, but he was only looking at her and Cuddy knew that what he was singing was to her more so than them.

It was perfect. His strumming and tempo was flawless and Cuddy forgot about all the reasons they couldn't be together, wondering why it was that she wasn't with this perfect man who was performing to her. She hated that he had the ability to infuriate her and convince her that she was better off without a psychotic, misanthropic, narcissistic man, and then go and sweep her off her feet with a simple song.

His fingers moved through the strings with every change of beat, into the chords. He made it look effortless, as if he were made to play the guitar and nothing else. It baffled her how a man could be so ingenious in every aspect- Medicine, the piano, guitar- in bed. He never ceased to amaze her.

By then his eyes were completely locked on her, unmoving and she felt like he was reading into her soul, "_Do you remember, when we met? That's the day…I knew you were my pet. I want to tell you…How much I love you."_

She couldn't stand it. It was too much and Cuddy looked away while Madeline kept moving up and down and dancing as House sang to them. Instead she looked over at Cameron and Wilson who were slowly swaying to his song, talking intimately between themselves.

It was short and only lasted a minute more, but to Cuddy- she felt as if he'd been singing to her forever. After it was over, a round of applause erupted through out the hall, including Cameron and Wilson. But he didn't acknowledge it.

Instead House while still looking down began to walk off the stage and out of the way while the band began to settle in their place to start performing.

And just like the night at the Oncology benefit, she expected him to wander off and disappear for the rest of the evening because it was his MO. But after he set down his guitar by the stage, she was pleasantly surprised to see him make his way over towards their table, with his hands inside his pockets with a look of nervousness that Cuddy'd rarely seen on him.

xxxoxxxo

There were a few times when Stacy was asked to the floor to dance by Wilson's friend Tucker, which left Cuddy alone with House. Not that it mattered, He wasn't talking to her anyway just downing drink after drink- it was like he'd paid Ali to keep him supplied at all times.

Even Madeline was off with Chase and Thirteen dancing on the floor in between the both of them, and laughing.

Cuddy looked at the untouched plate in front of him and at his thin profile as he continued drinking. She had a feeling that dinner wasn't the first meal he'd skipped that day.

She sighed, "Eat."

House looked taken aback by her directness, giving her a childish expression while sipping on his scotch, "You can't make me."

She softened her expression, "House, there's children in Africa dying every second, and you're wasting food?"

"Sure. Use the starving African children excuse", he mumbled finishing his drink as Ali came and dropped off another with a smirk.

"What have you lost, fifteen pounds?"

House sighed sipping his drink, "God you're so annoying. What have you gained like fifty pounds?"

Cuddy raised an eyebrow, ignoring what he'd said, "Do you want me to force-feed you?"

He rolled his eyes, but picked up a fork and loaded it a huge piece of chicken, plopping it in his mouth while he looked at her. He chewed for a couple of seconds before swallowing it, and didn't stop until he'd finished his entire plate within a few minutes. When he was done, he looked over at her, letting out a burp in the process, "Happy _mom_?"

Cuddy suppressed a smile, "Very."

When _Underground _by David Bowie came on, from when her and House had been at Michigan, Cuddy turned over to look at him to see if he remembered it too. Sure enough, he'd turned over to look at her, as many other couples made it onto the dance floor.

Cuddy couldn't help it, she stood up and extended out her hand for him to take. He looked at her for a moment, before relenting and taking it, letting her lead him on to the dance floor.

The DJ messed up at that moment though, and instead _Strange and Beautiful_ by Aqualung began playing. The last song they'd danced to in Vegas.

For a few seconds it was pure silence between the both of them, as Cuddy wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands went to the small of her waist.

"I'm sorry I slapped you."

House rolled his eyes and shrugged, slurring a little as he spoke, "Believe me you weren't the first. And its fine, I'm blaming your hormones. You tend to loose yourself when you're pregnant."

She wanted to retort, but he beat her to it, "How far along are you?"

"Four and a half months", she'd rehearsed.

He seemed content by her answer and remained quite as they danced.

She breathed in deeply and smiled up at him, "I got your birthday present."

He pretended to frown, "What are you talking about?"

"The book- _Approach to The Acute Abdomen_. I saw Kutner deliver it."

House shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Other than the fact you obviously have a stalker on your hands."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "House. I saw the book at your apartment a while back. It was the same book, so thank you. It was very sweet of you."

He looked around the venue, and let out a tiny mumble, "Your welcome."

"How long did you have it?"

He shrugged, "A while."

She smiled sideways at him, "You surprise me sometimes."

House averted his eyes from her and breathed in, "Don't do that."

Cuddy frowned, "What?"

He shook his head, "Don't flirt."

"I was just thanking you."

"You were teasing me."

He was right. But it was too easy for her to do, and the atmosphere certainly didn't help. Having him in her arms, brought her back to the good times, to when it was simple- if that had ever existed.

"You've ruined me", he breathed out while they swayed to the rhythmic movements of an instrumental version to _Breathe Me. _House swallowed, and looked gravely at Cuddy, with sorrow, "I was fine before you."

She should have never asked him to dance, Cuddy thought to herself. It was still too much pain for the both of them. It would be so easy to let him back into her life, and attempt to make it work again. She wanted that, and she was pretty sure he wanted it too. It wouldn't last though, she understood that above everything else, and it was the only thing that kept her from breaking down and ushering him back into her life.

Cuddy held on to him tightly, knowing that the dance was all the she could get from him, "You weren't fine. You were miserable."

"I knew who I was", he explained with semi muted slur.

She was too close to giving up and letting him invade her life again. Cuddy looked up at him, "You're still the same person. People don't change, remember?"

He scoffed, with that looked like pain and all his pent up emotions suddenly flooding out, "No. I was miserable, but I was happy with my misery. I had a clear vision of what my life was…of what I wanted. You ruined that."

Cuddy could smell the strong scent of scotch on his breath and his red rimmed eyes. He was drunk, and apparently she was getting honest House- she wasn't familiar with him. She'd only ever met high House, or sober House- this was new.

"You're drunk."

He sighed, "I know, but its still the truth."

She shook her head, "You did this to yourself House."

"Right. I asked you to come into my apartment that night and beg me for a relationship, because that's me."

"You wanted it too, I just gave you a push."

His nose flared a little bit, as _A Whiter Shade Of Pale_ by Procol Harum began to play, "Because I love you."

She nearly said it back like a reflex. Because of course she loved him too, of course she wanted to be with him. But that moment passed and she looked away.

"House…"

"I need you Cuddy."

She licked her lips and shook her head, "No. I'm sorry, we're done House. You're the one that decided to relapse, you did this to us."

House dropped his hands from her waist, looking at her as if she'd slapped him again- like he was on the verge of crying. Only, she couldn't be sure, Cuddy had never seen him cry, "I never relapsed. At least not while I was with you… Ironic isn't it? That when I finally tell the truth you chose not to believe me."

"House- you didn't try and defend yourself", she argued though she felt like it was a lame one.

He looked at her appalled and recoiled, "I did. But you didn't listen, you _never_ listen to me. You always look for the worst in me", he croaked, then took a moment before licking his lips, "But I guess that's my fault too."

Cuddy felt herself giving in, because it would be so easy to just make his pain go away. She knew she could make him feel better, she could even make him happy-ish. But as her mind ran with images of him, and what they'd been through, it settled on the last time she'd seen him, and how he'd snorted the oxycodone off the bathroom sink and then Dominika answering his phone.

She took a deep breath and put her armor back up, "Fine. Maybe you were telling the truth that night, but you ended up relapsing anyway House. And you chose that all on your own."

He scoffed, placing his hands into his pockets and shrugging while walking away with a subtle limp that was coming back, "Because I have nothing left to loose."

xxxoxxxo

After House had walked away, Cuddy had asked Chase to watch Madeline for a little while longer while she used the restroom. But the truth was that she needed to get away before she broke out in tears.

It wasn't healthy for her baby to be in so much turmoil, but she couldn't help it. It did hurt her to see House in that much pain, both emotionally and physically. She just wanted him back and it didn't matter what state he was in, but for the sake of Madeline and her unborn baby- she couldn't.

Rationally she understood that to let someone like House back into her life with children was the stupidest decision she could make. He'd always put himself first, in every aspect. She'd even dreamed one night about a fire, and all she could see was House running off and saving himself, while she and Madeline had been left inside her house engulfed in flames.

Maybe that was a little overdramatic of her brain to imagine, but it served the purpose of making her realize that he came first in his world. Her and Madeline as much as she did believe that he loved them, were just afterthoughts.

Cuddy wiped tears in the stall, and took a deep breath knowing she had to get back out to the table, before Madeline started to cry.

When she opened the stall and walked out, Cameron started walking in with a glass of wine in her hand and clearly unsteady on her feet.

Cuddy smiled at her, "I don't think I got a chance to tell you, but you look beautiful Cameron."

"Its _Allison _today and since it's my day and I'm not working, I can tell you that you're a bitch", Cameron slurred out clearly a little intoxicated, but with a pep.

Cuddy frowned and went to open her mouth, but Cameron put a finger up, "Sh! You have no idea what a man you're loosing."

"I think you've drank a little too much-"

"He never took that Vicodin", Cameron ignored her and sipped from her cup again.

"I'm starting to think he didn't too-"

Cameron opened her eyes wide, "Then why don't you take him back? He's hurting because of you."

She sighed, this wasn't what she needed- a drunk Cameron berating her on her decisions about House, "Its not that simple. Its not just me I have to think about-"

"And you slapped him! If you weren't pregnant right now, I'd slap you back for hurting him", she said with an attempt at a glare.

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "He said I was a bad mother-"

"You are _so_ blind. That man is the most thoughtful- caring person, like ever. It kills me that no one sees it! And he would do anything for you and that kid of yours…You know what?" Cameron asked tilting her head to the side as if she'd just thought of something, "You don't deserve him. He deserves someone that can see how amazing he is- because you can't."

Satisfied with what she'd said, Cameron dropped her champagne glass into a sink, hearing it shatter and walked into a stall- leaving Cuddy to think about what she'd just said.

xxxoxxxo

When Cuddy walked out of the bathroom, the first person she ran into was Wilson, who was outside waiting for his bride.

He smiled at her, but frowned when he noticed she'd been crying, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I"m just hormonal", she lied. It was his day after all, her drama with House could wait a day.

"Have you seen House? I saw him dancing with you and then I lost track of him after that."

Cuddy rested up against the wall like Wilson and shrugged looking out on to the corridor as people passed them by, "Have you checked the bathroom? He's probably getting high."

Wilson gave her a look, "Actually, yes. I did, he wasn't there."

"Then I have no clue."

He smiled then, "That was pretty thoughtful of House to do. Don't you think? The song?"

Cuddy raised her eyebrows and looked at the floor, "He's just full of surprises today."

"Hey is it true you slapped him at the ceremony?"

She put both hands over her face and felt herself finally breakdown, "Yes. I just keep hurting him Wilson. I don't know how to stop. I think he really was telling the truth about the Vicodin not being his."

"I already told you it wasn't."

She looked down, still in thought, "But he still decided to relapse anyway."

"He didn't know what to do with himself", Wilson shrugged, looking to see if Cameron had come out yet.

She shook her head, trying to find a reason not give in- she couldn't give in, "But he could have reached out to you, he could have reached out to Nolan-"

"He did. He called me like fifteen times the night you kicked him out", He explained with a laugh as if it were funny, "I just didn't answer my phone because I thought he was trying to ruin my evening with my soon to be in-laws. He tried calling Nolan too because he'd left his medication at your house and needed it- but it turns out he was in Atlantic city. So House did the only thing that he knows to do when something bad happens, self-destruct."

Cuddy felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest, "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"

Wilson who was a little inebriated as well, shrugged, "I could have sworn I did."

"Why did you do it?"

She swallowed, trying to wrap her head around what she'd done to him, "Do what?"

"Slap him."

Cuddy attempted to pull herself together. This wasn't her, she wasn't an overly emotional person. She was strong, she was independent, "He called me a bad mother, and said that I was basically careless with Madeline."

"Well- that's not the first time he's said something like that-"

"Fine. I was jealous because he's moved on with Dominika, ok?"

Wilson rolled his eyes, "He hasn't moved on. I called him a day later to ask him about her, and he told me what happened. He was in the bathroom trying to stay away from her, after she'd spent the night on his couch."

"Why didn't you tell me? I slapped him because of that bimbo."

Wilson scoffed, "I told you about a dozen times, you just chose not to believe me."

Something in her snapped all of a sudden, and Cuddy couldn't take any longer- she needed to find him. Her eyes searched the corridor looking for him, and she felt Wilson follow her trail as she went back into the Ball room to look for House.

"I need to talk to him."

But Cuddy couldn't place him, instead when Ali passed by with a platter of food, Cuddy grabbed her arm, "Have you seen Dr House?"

The young girl's face suddenly contorted in a frown and she groaned, "He left."

"When? Was he by himself?"

"No. Like five minutes ago, with that tall lady sitting next to him at the table. He totally had his arm around her."

Cuddy let go of her arm, and she walked away, leaving her to swallow.

Wilson spoke up then, and scratched the back of his neck, "At least we'll know he'll be ok if he's with Stacy."

The thing was, that Ali wasn't a threat, Dominika wasn't really a threat either. But Stacy? If House had left with her, she'd lost him forever.

xxxoxxxo

_Earlier_

After stealing Wilson and Cameron's champagne bottle from their table, House made his way out of the venue. He could feel the ache in his leg coming back, and knew eventually he'd be in too much pain to walk without his cane- which he'd left back at his hotel room.

He made it to the curb, before he sat down from pain in his thigh, and went to fish out his phone to call a cab, when someone spoke up behind him.

"Leaving already?"

It was Stacy.

House turned back to look at her, she had a cigarette in her hand, and he explained, "I'm turning back into a pumpkin."

Stacy laughed as she let out smoke, "What?"

He shook his head, squinting his eyes at the screen of his phone. He'd definitely drank more than he'd meant to, "Nothing. Just calling a cab."

"Do you want a ride?"

House looked behind her at the loud and busy ballroom, "No. You should go have fun. I'll catch a cab."

"Oh please. You're going to need help getting to your hotel room anyway. Your leg is starting to hurt, isn't it?" She asked, pulling him up by his hand.

He rolled his eyes and gave her a look as they walked, "I can see through your niceness. This is just a ploy to get me in bed."

Stacy snorted, "Oh Greg, you wouldn't even be able to get _it_ up after how much you've drank."

"Wanna bet?"

She rolled her eyes, "You only have eyes for Lisa. And I'm not getting in the middle of whatever's going on between the both of you."

He shrugged, as they walked to her car, "There's nothing going on between us. We're over. The End. Fin. Owari. Pagtatapos."

"Right", she said opening the door for him with a scoff, so he could get into her car, "You just want to hurt her by sleeping with me. You forget I can see through you too."

Stacy got into the car, and House let out a long sigh, resting his head on the window, "She hurt me first."

She looked at him softly, and placed a hand on top of his, "I know."

xxxoxxxo

The morning after the wedding, House lay in his hotel bed looking at the ceiling, thinking if he could just look at the blankness of the ceiling for a while he'd be fine.

He just needed to get through the rest of the two days he had left before heading back to Minnesota, where he would eventually feel better.

Cuddy and him were over forever. But, he would have been lying if he'd said he didn't think they still had some type of chance of getting back together before yesterday. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, up until that point House had held on to a glimmer of hope that they might get back together.

Nonetheless, It was finally sinking in, and he was beginning to accept the finality of their doomed relationship. But it was only a break up, he told himself. He'd had one of these before with Stacy. She'd hurt him too, she'd left him too, he'd even loved her too, and he had eventually been fine.

Yet, as much as he kept trying to tell himself that over and over again, he found that it wasn't working. His rational mind wouldn't accept the fact that he'd eventually feel better. Somehow, it was different this time.

He exhaled his lungs completely, reaching over for his phone. He had two days left in Princeton. Wilson would be on his way out to his honeymoon that day, which meant he had nothing to do in Princeton until then.

House looked down his phone list, searching until he got to the 'P's', and stopped when he got to Paula's number. She'd be able to hold his interest for a while.

xxxoxxxo

When House opened the door, his shoulders and smile fell, "Damn. You're not Paula."

"Is that your heroin-providing hooker girlfriend?" Wilson asked letting himself into his hotel room.

House raised his eyebrows closing the door behind him, "_Escort_. She doesn't like being called a hooker."

Wilson nodded while looking around, "Right, please excuse me. I'm going to assume that, If you're waiting for your call girl to get high with, Stacy isn't here?"

"No…?" House was clearly confused.

"Ali told Cuddy and I that she saw you leave last night with Stacy. Needless to say Cuddy was a little bit upset at the both of you."

House scoffed, limping over to his table to grab his prescription bottle and plopped a pill in his mouth, "I know its hard to believe, but she only gave me a ride- and by that I mean her car."

Wilson sighed as he watched him swallow the pill, and put a hand on his hip, "Have you had breakfast yet?"

"Yes", House clearly lied, "Can you leave now? Paula's coming over-"

He rolled his eyes, "We're going out to eat breakfast. Go get ready."

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be leaving for your honeymoon?"

"Not until tomorrow night. We had to push it back a day because Cameron got a patient referral. Now go change."

House didn't argue. Wilson knew it wasn't because he'd won him over with authoritative tone, but because he didn't have the energy to argue back.

"Cameron told me to thank you for the song- she really liked it", he yelled as House changed.

"Well your song sucked."

Wilson smirked and looked around his mostly empty hotel room spotting the champagne bottle that had gone missing the night before. He laughed, and turned his head when he heard a knock on the door. He walked over and opened it, revealing a young, tall brunette, whom he imagined to be Paula.

She looked different from what he'd pictured. He expected to see a slutty, trashy looking drug addict with track marks and oily hair. Paula was far from that. She was dressed professionally, with her hair, make-up and nails freshly done. Wilson would have never guessed in a million years that she was a call girl.

She looked at the room number on the door then at the piece of paper she had in her hand, "Sorry- I must have the wrong room."

"Paula?"

"Yeah…" She looked scared and took a step back.

"House is changing to go out for breakfast. You're going to need to come back later."

"House? You mean James?" she asked Wilson.

He laughed, just as House walked out from the bathroom in his classic ensemble, limping towards his cane, "You told her your name was James?"

Paula looked between the both of them, "What's going on? I'm confused. I didn't sign up for a threesome."

Wilson's eyes shot open and he put his hands up getting nervous, "I just got married last night. I'm not looking for any-threesome."

"Sorry. I'm going to have to reschedule", House said clearly disappointed and eyeing Wilson as the culprit.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson took a bite from his omelette while he watched House take out his prescription bottle as the waitress brought him his coffee.

"You should eat first."

"My leg hurts", he said washing the pills back with coffee.

"House, I know you don't want help…but I don't want to come back from my honeymoon to hear that you've died."

House rolled his eyes, "This week is about you remember? I'll wait until you come back from your honeymoon to die."

"You need to speak to Cuddy", he said sighing.

House took a bite from his pancakes, speaking with his mouth full, "Already have."

"When?"

He swallowed what was in his mouth and took another big bite, as if he'd just realized how hungry he was, "Yesterday, at the reception."

"And?" Wilson asked, raising and eyebrow and looking at him scarf down his five-layer pancakes.

House slowed down and put his fork down while sighing, "She said we were over- for good."

Wilson sighed, "You should speak to her again. I think-"

"Nope." House said with a shake of his head, "She's made up her mind."

He'd promised Cuddy that he wouldn't say anything, but to see House in the state he was in was beginning to get to Wilson. In the end, what he was doing was better for the both of them too, "She's pregnant."

House looked down at his plate with a frown, "I know."

"It's yours." He said it a little slow.

Wilson watched as House licked his lips, still looking at his plate and spoke softly, "I know."

"She told you?"

House shook his head, finally looking up at Wilson, "That she was pregnant, yes. Just not that it was mine. I'm just not stupid. It explains those migraines she was getting right before we broke up….and she's close to her third trimester."

Wilson blinked his eyes repeatedly and shook his head in confusion, "And you're just going to walk away?"

He shrugged, "She doesn't want me around."

"House, you can't just leave your responsibility of-"

"What part of she doesn't want me around did you not grasp?" House snapped at Wilson. He exhaled and got up, dropping his napkin on the table, looking down, "I asked her to get back together…she didn't want to."

"That doesn't mean you can't be-"

"She lied to me. She said it wasn't mine just so I wouldn't be around at all. She wants me gone, so I'm going back to Minnesota. I've never wanted a kid anyway", he explained simply.

House walked away leaving Wilson at the table alone to sigh.

xxxoxxxo

"She's a couple days early for her MMR", Taub said uneasily, as he gave Madeline her shot. Madeline didn't cry as the needle pierced her skin, but she eyed him curiously- Cuddy noticed, as if she were questioning what he was doing.

Cuddy shrugged, "Two days shy of her first birthday won't make a difference. I rather her get them now than wait. We're going to my mother's for the weekend. She's going to be in a new environment."

"She's a trooper", Taub smiled at Madeline as he extracted the needle from her arm.

She looked at him strangely, while sucking on her thumb, then looked up at Cuddy in question, "She is."

A few seconds after Taub had finished administering the shot to Madeline, and he used a cotton ball to wipe off the blood, Madeline began to breath heavily. She took out her thumb from her mouth and began wheezing.

Cuddy's eyes shot to Taub, "What's happening."

Taub immediately went for a drawer and grabbed an epi pen, and immediately administered it, "She's going into anaphylactic shock."

Cuddy held a wheezing Madeline and got Taub's stethoscope off the counter, listening to her heart, "Oh god. She's having a myocardial infarction."

Madeline's body went limp then, and she fell back onto the clinic examination table.


	31. Whiter Shade Of Pale

Ari's Note: Again thank you all who continue to review, it's really what's keeping me going, through the mountains of school work that keeps piling lol. So a bit more angst up ahead- don't fear there is an eventual silver lining- i hope...But also, a lot of medical stuff up ahead, if i've made mistakes, please excuse me! I'm using google as my main medical source of knowledge lol. ENJOY! P.S. Please check out my next full-length fic 'The Letters', since this story is sadly nearing it's end...:)

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 31

_Whiter Shade Of Pale_

The fact that House was Paula's favorite customer wasn't that he had a combination of attractive attributes that reminded her of her school girl crush on Clint Eastwood. Or that he seemed to know everything about every subject known to man. And it wasn't even that he was a jerk- something she found turned her on. It was that he didn't confuse their arrangement for some underlying crush like the rest of the gentlemen she serviced.

He didn't say 'I love you's' when she was riding him, or ask if she could stay afterwards and just hang out. He'd never asked her out on a date or tried to save her from her chosen career- their meetings were purely business transactions.

And she hadn't developed a crush on him, or thought that he was her knight in shinning armor- Richard Gere, but she found herself growing strangely concerned about him.

It was an unspoken rule, that personal lives was a no-no to talk about in the escorting world. She appreciated this rule and enforced it rigorously with everyone she serviced. But since the first time she'd seen him again the day before, Paula had known something had happened in his life. Of course, she couldn't ask or tell him about her suspicions or concerns for fear that he'd immediately ask her to leave- he paid well.

Paula had met a lot of different men in her time as an escort, and among them House- as she knew him now, had never been the emotional type who was looking to distract himself from a broken heart with her. He'd genuinely just wanted her for what she could service- for fun.

But the pain was evident in his eyes, because she was a connoisseur of heartbreak amongst men. She could tell when they'd had their heart broken, if they'd done the heart brake and felt shame, she could tell if they'd been dumped, done the dumping, or were doing it out of spite. She was a therapist of sorts- had even mended a few relationships in her career as well.

Paula knew House's heart had been broken and he had been dumped. But unlike most men, he wasn't with her to get back at the women who had broken his heart, he wasn't looking for vengeance, he wasn't looking to pour out his soul like most men, he was looking for an ultimate distraction. He wanted to completely loose himself in what she could offer him.

At first the fact that he'd been willing to try the drugs had been interesting, and fun- because that's genuinely what it was for her, fun. That wasn't the case for House, he had the ability to pump everything to the extreme, and he'd done that with the heroin. What had begun as something that had made the sex fun, and more enjoyable had quickly become a problem for him. To the point that she had declined any because she wasn't an idiot and she could stop. Where as he couldn't.

And it would have been a lie to say that she didn't partially blame herself. After all, she'd been the one that had first introduced him to the heroin to begin with. Which is why she essentially felt concern when he had tried hiding the fact that he'd picked up the pipe and piece of foil when he headed into the bathroom, after they'd finished their first release of that morning.

Paula had bit her lip, and watched him limp off, attempting to hide what was in his hand. She knew it wasn't her business, she was merely a prop for him. Normally that would have been fine, she preferred that, but he'd smoked before they'd began, and that was on top what she was sure he'd already taken before she'd gotten there. He'd smelled slightly of the champagne that he had on his nightstand, and his loopy state had told her he'd been medicating himself for a while.

Regardless, she watched as he closed the door behind himself, and heard the distinctive noise of a lighter. Paula sighed, and was looking at her nails, wondering what color she would get next, when she heard the thump.

"Are you ok?" She asked, then immediately regretted it- she forgot he was sensitive about his limp, and if he'd fallen, the last thing he would do was ask for her help.

However what he would do, was respond in some snide comment and tell her to bugger off- which he didn't.

In fact, Paula thought, after the thump there hadn't been any noise at all, not even the slightest tap of his cane on the tile floor or low grunt of pain- nothing.

She got up from the bed, and curiously walked over to the door, "House?…Can I pee?"

Nothing.

"House?" She knocked on the door, still there was no response.

Paula's hand went to the door handle, and checked to see if it was locked- it wasn't. She slowly turned the knob and opened the door.

House was unconscious on the floor.

xxxoxxxo

He didn't have to open his eyes to know where he was. House could hear the beeping of the heart monitor next to him, and felt the stiffness of the hospital mattress underneath him. But perhaps the dead give away was the oxygen mask over his face and the unmistakable scent of floral sanitizer that PPTH hospital rooms had- months earlier Cuddy had asked him if they should go with cucumber melon or a floral scent.

Also, from the soreness of his throat he could tell that they'd intubated him at some point.

"You're an idiot", Wilson said as House opened his eyes.

He closed them again for a second and licked his lips, "What are you still doing here?"

His vocal chords hurt as he spoke, and as he cleared his throat, his stomach ached, the'd pumped it too.

"What were you thinking?" Wilson's voice semi-screeched as he asked.

"Weren't you leaving today for your honeymoon?"

He heard him sigh, "You were dead for forty-five seconds. Were you actually trying to kill yourself?"

"Emphasis on the _was_", House mumbled, knowing Wilson's one-track mind wouldn't let him deflect. House paused for a second then and frowned, "Fort-five?"

Wilson sighed, "They had to intubate you until they could get you breathing again", There was a very audible scoff, and Wilson got up, "You were _dead_."

House cleared his throat, and let out a breath, "I've been dead before."

"Your infarction, I know. Well congratulations, you survived another death", Wilson scoffed.

House closed his eyes, and made a mental note to remove him as his emergency contact as soon as he left the hospital, "Its not big deal. I guess I get to live twice."

"Of course its not a big deal, what's death anyway? Is your life really that unimportant to you, that just because Cuddy doesn't want you, you want to die?"

"God you're boring. I'm fine. I was only having fun."

That comment made Wilson angrier. He scoffed and ran a hand through his hair, pacing the hospital room as he attempted to get his thoughts together- from what House could tell.

After a couple minutes, he took a deep breath, "Fun is- going bowling, going to a monster truck rally, going to the movies. Renting a hooker and smoking heroin isn't the definition of fun- its suicide."

"For you maybe", House said clearing his throat, and attempted to sit up only to feel like his head had been hit with a sledgehammer.

"You turned off your cellphone."

"I knew you were trying to call me."

"Yes, you want to know why? Because Madeline had a myocardial infarction."

At once his eyes snapped open, and he blinked up at Wilson, with confusion etched on his face, "What?"

"Oh did I stutter? I'm sorry- while you were off overdosing with your hooker, Madeline had a myocardial infarction", Wilson snapped at House.

"Why?" He asked as he began taking off the heart monitor, and IV fluids off himself, and winced as he tried getting out of the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting up", House muttered- disconnecting the rest of the IV chords from his arm.

"You can't just get up and leave. You died today."

"Yeah, and now I'm alive. What happened to her?"

Eventually, House knew that he'd have to talk to Wilson about what he did. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he'd gone too far. But whatever was going on with Madeline, trumped whatever issues were going on with him.

"What caused it?" House asked again feeling slightly nauseous as he stood up.

"You need to stay in bed. You just-"

"I'm fine. _How did it happen?_"

Wilson sighed and rubbed the side of his head, "From the epinephrine they gave her."

"What set off the allergic reaction?"

"Taub gave her a batch of MMR."

House scoffed, "Idiot."

Wilson frowned, "Why is he an idiot?"

"Don't know yet, just is", he said looking around and searching for his clothes, until he spotted the suitcase that Wilson had obviously brought from his hotel room. He winced, and bit his lower lip as he limped over to his suitcase to grab a change of clothes.

House looked around trying to locate his cane, and Wilson picked up on it, "I couldn't find your cane."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy was pacing the Ddx room, while Chase and his lackeys went over Madeline's file.

She knew she wasn't objective, and served no purpose being there because she couldn't think clearly, but she also couldn't stand around in Madeline's room not knowing what was going on. Her one-year old daughter had suffered a heart attack and she was more than a little worried.

Not only that, but having had House admitted from a heroin overdose with respiratory failure, had Cuddy on the edge. She hadn't stopped trembling for hours. She'd yet to see him, but how could she? The thought of seeing him lying in a bed beaten to death because of what she'd done to him emotionally killed her.

She'd pushed him over the edge. She'd basically signed his death sentence by rejecting him, when all he wanted to do was love her- love Madeline.

All she ever did was hurt him, underestimate him, judge him. House had been completely right about everything- from the very beginning. He'd warned her, he'd told her that she'd never be able to see past who he'd been up until that point, and he'd been right in every sense.

He'd even been right about Madeline. He'd warned her that she needed an LP, that she was clearly suffering from something else that had caused the Celiac Disease. But instead of having him in the ddx room where he should have rightfully still been, leading the case to solve the illness of her daughter, she had Chase. While he was great and had been a great replacement for him, he wasn't House.

And they had spent the last two hours discussion her case, yet still remaining empty handed as to what the underlying cause of Madeline's infarction was.

Taub had said something, when she heard the creak of a glass door and a distinctive voice, "You idiot."

Cuddy's heart raced and she turned around to see a weak House limping in, slightly supporting himself on the glass wall and eyeing Taub with such disdain she'd never seen before. At one point she was actually afraid that House was going to start attacking Taub or pass out.

He was clearly shivering, and still had the tape on his forearm from the where his IV had been, his hospital bracelet and sunken eyes. With Wilson behind him, who was holding a look with a mixture of frustration and worry.

"You administered a point-five epi pen to an infant?"

Taub looked genuinely scared and clicked his pen a couple times, "It was point zero five."

House rolled his eyes, "No you-"

"House, what are you doing here? You should be in bed." Cuddy asked in shock.

"They're job obviously, since they're incompetent. Who gives a baby even point zero five epinephrine?"

He swallowed and took a deep breath as he made his way over to the whiteboard where all of Madeline's symptoms were written.

Chase automatically stepped out of the way and gave House the pen, while he erased everything from the board.

"You were dead five hours ago, you need to go back to bed", She stressed.

House ignored her and erased everything from the whiteboard, "Can we get the family out of the room?"

Cuddy's mouth dropped, "How dare you? You don't even work here-"

He turned suddenly and looked at her, "Do you want me to go?"

She froze and licked her lips, "No."

He nodded his head towards the door, "Then get out. So I can save your kid."

xxxoxxxo

"What do we know about the patient?" House asked as if it were any other file.

Everyone looked at each other as he read the file, pretending it was just anyone else.

"House- it's Madeline…" Cameron whispered slowly.

He looked up at her, "A one-year old infant girl suffered a myocardial infarction after a poor excuse for a doctor administered point five epinephrine…go."

Chase took a deep breath looking at the file, "She has a history of ear infections, eczema, and bloody noses."

House frowned for a moment, clenching his jaw feeling slightly nauseous- but trying to suppress it, then inhaled deeply and raised his eyebrows in question, "What about her poop?"

They all looked at Taub, who'd been her attending physician since birth, "Uh- yeah. She's had recurring bloody stool."

House took a deep breath and looked at the board, "And an idiot for a doctor."

"House, you don't just get to come in here and start firing off insults because you're emotional about your ex-girlfriends baby", Taub fired back, angrily.

Cameron raised her eyebrows, Kutner played with his pencil not wanting to draw any attention to himself at all, and Chase looked at Taub, "House is right. Any attending doctor would have known that a baby that presents with bloody stool, eczema, and a history of infections has an underlying condition."

House looked over at Chase, "Wilson told you to hire this idiot?", then turned over to Taub, "Get out."

Taub scoffed and looked over to Chase, seeing if he'd override him, but everyone stayed silent. He gathered his things indignantly and gave House one last look, "You shouldn't be here either, you're a junkie who just overdosed on heroin and you're not objective."

House gave him a sarcastic look of hurt, "You're really hurting my feelings- Get. Out."

The room remained quiet as he walked out and House took a deep breath while looking at the blank white board, "She first started exhibiting eczema at seven months, what symptoms did she start presenting afterwards?"

"Uh…Cuddy made a note that she couldn't keep anything down. She started throwing everything up, and a few weeks later she was diagnosed with celiac disease."

He began writing down her symptoms on the board, "So she's had eczema, puke, bloody nose and tuckus, recurring ear infections, and had an allergic reaction to her MMR. Cameron?"

She snapped her head up at him, and waited for his question.

"What do we get if we add all these symptoms together?"

"Lupus?"

House rolled his eyes and sighed, "It's not lupus, but it _is_ an autoimmune disorder."

Kutner frowned, "House, we know she has an autoimmune disorder- celiac disease."

"Celiac disease doesn't cause bloody noses or ear infections."

"Lupus explains everything", Cameron argued.

Foreman walked into the room holding a file, and stopped when he saw House raising his eyebrows, but didn't say anything. He went around the table to give the file to Chase.

"Its _not_ lupus", House argued looking at the board in thought and hitting his lip with the marker.

Then a thought popped into his head, "She got an allergic reaction to the MMR?"

"We already established that", Chase said falling into a chair and dropping the file in front of him.

"But how do you get an allergic reaction to a vaccine?" He asked more specifically as if he were talking to a child.

Chase took a deep breath and began to shrug his shoulders as he thought about it, "Vaccines have-live viruses in them, someone who's immuno compromised could have an adverse reaction to that."

"-Which would lead to lupus", Cameron stressed.

House shook his head again, "What do we know about the donor?"

Foreman took a deep breath and looked at the file, "It could be something else."

"I'm sorry did I ask you for another diagnosis? I asked about the sperm donor, what do we know about him?"

Foreman sighed and looked up at House, "It could be leukemia."

House rolled his eyes and looked over at Wilson who was still in the room- he imagined, just in case he passed out, "Can you tell this idiot that she doesn't have leukemia."

Wilson pushed himself off the wall and looked nervously at the file then from Foreman to House, and sighed, "He's right. We should test her."

He scoffed, "She doesn't have any of the symptoms. No bruising-"

"She's had recurring bleeding, weakness, she can't hold anything down…and her platelet count is down", Foreman added quietly at the end.

House merely stared at Foreman, "What's the count?"

Foreman took a deep breath before responding, "Seventy thousand."

House swallowed for a second and stayed quiet, gathering his thoughts and licked his lips, "Then again, it could also be lupus…run an ANA and…tell Cuddy we're going to need to do a bone marrow biopsy to rule out leukemia."

As they all started walking out, House thought of something else, "Chase."

Chase nodded to the rest of the team to go on, and stayed behind with House and Wilson- waiting for whatever House had to add.

"We need to find the sperm donor that Cuddy used…if its leukemia, she's going to to need a bone marrow transplant."

Chase frowned, "What about Cuddy?"

Wilson shook his head sadly, "She can't donate her bone marrow while she's pregnant."

xxxoxxxo

Once Chase was gone, House walked into what had once been his office, to sit at the desk. Wilson, still ever trailing him, followed and had placed his hands on his hips.

"Just say whatever it is that you're dying to say", House muttered, closing his eyes as he fell on to the desk chair.

He could hear him sigh, "You can't be on this case."

"That's the last thing I expected you to say", House scoffed, feeling the beginnings of a runny nose, and trembling-what was clearly early stages of withdrawals. Not that he could even tell Wilson that, he'd just go off on how his addiction had gotten out of hand.

"You're not objective."

He took a deep breath and attempted to put on a facade that he was completely unaffected by what was happening, "It's fine."

"No, its not. You rejected both of the most obvious diagnoses because they both have bad endings."

"Not necessarily. If its leukemia, a bone marrow transplant could help-"

Wilson laughed bitterly and shook his head, "You're rationalizing."

House looked down at the floor, and frowned- realizing Wilson was right. As much as he wanted to pretend she was just another patient for him to diagnose, to treat, Madeline wasn't. It mattered to him that she didn't have either of those, because they were essentially death sentences at her age.

He took a deep breath, and looked up at Wilson- his hands both in fists in an attempt to hide his shaking hands, and resigned to the fact that he was right, "You're right."

"You can't treat her", he said matter-of-fact.

"I know."

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy had gone back to Madeline's room, where her blond curly haired baby was resting comfortably in the small bed, slumbering away with a low murmur of guitar music.

Ever since the first time that House had lulled her to sleep, when she'd been restless one night, it was the only way to successfully get her to fall asleep.

Laying there with her mouth ever so slightly open, she almost looked like she was fine, no one would have been able to tell that her infant was seriously sick.

It was irrational of Cuddy, but she couldn't help thinking that it was partially or all her fault. Madeline spent more than half her time with Marina, she'd missed several maladies that had happened to her, only to have them pointed out by House.

Nurturing and mothering had never come naturally to her, and she couldn't help thinking that had she bonded with her or been around more, that maybe Madeline would have been better.

There was a knock on the open glass door, and Cuddy looked behind her to see House standing at the doorway, with a somber look.

"Have the kids come talk to you yet?" He asked stepping in and closing the glass door.

Cuddy shook her head, "No."

"Great", he muttered sarcastically sitting on the doctor chair and swiveling it to the other side of Madeline's bed.

She could sense that what he had to tell her was bad, and she could feel her chest begin to tighten with the anticipation of news that would make her cry. The last thing she wanted to hear was that her baby was dying, she needed more time in the in-between where things where ok. A place where she could at least pretend that Madeline was only in the hospital because of an allergic reaction and that she was going to be fine.

"You died today", Cuddy heard herself say as she looked at Madeline, with wetness in her eyes threatening to fall down her face.

Her eyes traveled to House, who had taken a deep breath and had his head resting on the palm of his hand, looking down at the bed as he'd heard that. He looked near death at that point- and the pain and worry magnified in her chest. She couldn't loose both of them.

"I'm taking myself off the case", was all he said, completely ignoring what she'd said.

Cuddy closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself not to cry, "I thought you were gone."

"I'm fine", he said with a note of annoyance that Cuddy knew only too well.

"You were dead for almost a minute", she chocked.

House took a deep breath and finally looked up at her, "I'm fine. Did you hear what I said? I'm taking myself off the case. Chase can handle it."

Cuddy shook her head, "You can't. She needs you."

He shook his head, "I'm- I'm not objective….they're running an ANA to test for lupus and they'll be in here soon to do a bone marrow biopsy on her- it might be leukemia."

She placed a hand over her mouth, sobbing into it, and her eyes filling with tears, "Cancer?"

House looked down at the bed, with a small frown and a barely audible, "Yeah."

Cuddy couldn't take it anymore, and her silent sobbing took control over her entire body as she began to shake with tears. All the while, House sat at the other side of Madeline's bed, unmoved at all it seemed.

After a minute he stood up, and began walking towards the door, "Chase is searching the sperm bank you used to find the donor. If she does have leukemia, she'll need a bone marrow transplant. Her best shot is the donor."

Cuddy took a deep breath and swallowed, attempting to collect herself, "What about me?"

He shook his head, "I know you've been out of the scene for a while, but pregnant chicks can't donate marrow."

She wanted to loose herself in his arms. It was the only thing she felt would release some of her pain, because he was the closest person that shared her pain. Maybe he didn't feel exactly the same way about Madeline, as she did, but he did to some extent and she needed him.

Her world was falling apart, and because of how she'd instinctively pushed him away at the first sign that he'd done something to compromise the white-picket fence life she'd imagined for them, she didn't have him to console her.

"I'm sorry", Cuddy whispered suddenly feeling like it was the only thing to say.

There was no answer, and she knew it was because she was too late. She had finally pushed House to the point where there was no return to their relationship. All she could hope for now was some type of closure that at least they would end ok.

Cuddy turned to repeat how sorry she was, but he was already gone.

xxxoxxxo

Wilson had gone through his suitcase and thrown out his prescription- just as House had known he would do. It wasn't as if he'd planned it when he'd left Minnesota, that he'd overdose on a mixture of oxycodone pills and heroin- causing his friend to rummage through his suitcase. But they'd been best friends long enough, that House could anticipate his moves. Which is why he'd cleverly hidden a whole other bottle of oxycodone in the lining of the suitcase as an emergency back-up.

He held the bottle in his hand, as he sat on the floor of his hospital room's bathroom with one knee perched up, looking at it. At some point, he realized that he'd gone too far. Maybe it hadn't been intentional, maybe it had- his psyche was at times a trickster to his own self- but he realized that an overdose was a point in which he had to stop.

The entire time he'd been in the ddx room, attempting to find the cause for whatever it was that Madeline had, he'd been pain free- limp free, when he'd gone to Madeline's room he hadn't needed a cane either. He knew it was psychosomatic- some part of him had always known that, and he needed to stop, he _would_ stop…just not that day- he told himself as he popped the cap open and plopped a pill in his mouth.

House dry swallowed it and placed the bottle in his blazer pocket, standing back up and washing his hands in the sink- just in case Wilson was waiting for him outside.

Once he returned to Minnesota, he'd take some time off and get clean- for good. Not because he knew there was an inevitable speech coming from Wilson, or because maybe Cuddy would take him back if she saw that he was attempting to get clean, but because he was tired.

There was an exhaustion that came from so much self destruction, that at some point he knew he couldn't take anymore. He was at that point. He'd lived twice now, after two near death experiences and suicide had never been something that he'd aimed for. His life would continue to be crappy, and unfulfilling now that he'd had the sweet taste of what happiness could have been. But there was nothing he could do about it. Misery was the circle of life, and he would be returning to his own version of normality.

When he opened the door to the bathroom, Wilson was seated in a plastic chair next to his hospital bed, with his head in his hands. As he heard him walk out, his head popped up and he sighed, "She doesn't have leukemia or Lupus."

xxxoxxxo

"And so then there was none", House sighed as he erased both diagnoses from the whiteboard and looked at it frustratingly.

Cameron walked in holding a chart and went over to hand it to him, "We did a blood smear, her immunoglobulin levels are low, and off."

House took a deep breath and looked at the chart, "Her IgM levels are low…and IgA levels are elevated. Have we done a sequence analysis?"

He cocked his head to the side and looked up at Cameron, "Let's pretend Madeline's a boy."

Cameron looked over to Kutner and and Wilson, "O-k?"

"Tell the rest of the class- what do you get when you place, eczema, thrombocytopenia, recurring infections, and an autoimmune disorder all together?" House asked writing all the symptoms on the board, and finally turning over with what looked to be excitement.

She scrunched her face into a frown and looked down thinking and shook her head, looking up at House, "She can't-"

"Why not?"

"Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome only affects males."

"_Almost always_ affects males, because its genetic- and because it's an x-chromosome linked disease. However in spontaneous cases, oh lets say one out of a million, for no reason whatsoever a girl will get it….a test to analyze her levels of the WAS protein will give us a definitive answer."

Cameron adamantly shook her head, "You're only hoping for this, because if she does have WAS then a simple bone marrow transplant will cure her. But the likelihood of her actually having-"

"It fits", House laughed, "The reason for her celiac condition, the infections, eczema, low platelet counts, bloody noses- it all fits."

She took a deep breath and looked over at Wilson, "Ok, we'll run the sequence."

Within a couple of seconds, Cameron walked out with Kutner leaving House alone with Wilson again. He could feel what was coming, and didn't even pretend to limp as he walked over to the ddx frog to grab a water bottle out.

"You seem better", House heard him say behind him.

He scoffed, "Yeah. IV fluids sure do their job."

"And popping more oxycodone will do the trick too."

House exhaled and dropped his shoulders turning around, "Can this wait? I know you need to fill your daily dose of lecturing me on what to do to fix my life, but I think it can wait."

"This morning you died- I don't think that's registered in your head House. You shouldn't be up and walking- let alone popping more pills."

He shrugged, doing what he knew best, "Its dinner time. I'm all better-"

Right as he was about to finish, and go into some unrealistic reason of why he was all better, Chase and Foreman walked in- both with a nervous expression and a file that had a logo from the _New Jersey Fertility Center. _House frowned, Why did it look so familiar?

He could tell Foreman was tense but also had a look of bewilderment with an awkward smile as he turned from both Wilson to House, "We found the donor."

"Well have you tried contacting him?" House asked them as if they were idiots- they were certainly acting like it.

Chase walked up to Wilson and handed him the file, who in turn opened up and eyes almost bugged out with a tiny laugh, "Of course."

House frowned, "You girls can gossip later. Go contact the _donor_", House gave them both death glares.

Wilson looked up at him with a wide smile and a light laugh, "They are."

"What are you talking about?" He asked walking over and snatching the file out of Wilson's hands.

As soon as he had the file, he swallowed- it said James Wilson.

* * *

**_Preview Part 32:_**

_"You've been the grown up this entire time. I've been the one ruining everything from the beginning."_

_He was quiet a little bit and played with the hem of his hospital bed sheet, "To be fair we've both been grown ups for years now...Sorry to burst your bubble."_

_Cuddy who had tears streaming down her face, genuinely laughed- appreciating how he always knew what to say._


	32. The Hardest Part

**Ari's Note: **Well It's here, the bittersweet ending...This has definitely been an amazing journey writing this story for all of you. Thank you so much for reviewing and keeping me motivated to write. I think this has by far been my favorite fan fic story to write. Now I did have an epilogue sort of planned out. Its up to you guys though if you think you need it. Because I can pretty much leave it where it is. Anywho I really really hope you enjoy this!

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Part 32

_The Hardest Part_

Cameron waited patiently for the results to print from the machine, hoping that this specific zebra of House's would be correct, but fearing that it wouldn't be. She'd worked with him long enough to know that his first diagnosis was usually wrong, but that it would eventually lead to the right one.

There was this incessant knack in the back of her mind that kept telling her it was lupus. Sure the ANA had been negative twice now, but as an immunologist, she knew that negative ANA didn't necessarily mean that Madeline didn't have it. But if she was right in that sense, the prognosis for her wasn't favorable, especially with the symptoms she was exhibiting at only twelve months old.

If she was right, which she hoped she wasn't, her worry wasn't Madeline- yes that in itself was horrible, that a one-year old was going to die. However, Cameron's bigger worry was House. It was an unspoken truth, that she would always love him in a sense, and to see him go through so much unnecessary pain hurt her too. It was something that she shared with Wilson, and she was sure it was a reason that he'd fallen in love with her in a weird way. It was because she would understand if he had to leave at three-o clock in the morning to bail him out of jail, to go to the emergency room, or keep him company.

It didn't mean that she was in love with House, but that he meant something to her that couldn't be explained in simple terms- just that he was important, and his happiness was important to her because of that. Which was why if Madeline was dying, House- who would deny it until his death bed, would destroy himself over it and Cameron hurt at the thought of that.

She took one last big breath as the sheet began to print out the results to Madeline's WASp test. Her hand shook a little as she grabbed it, fearing what she thought to be right, and looked at the results with a swallow.

xxxoxxxo

_Meanwhile_

Both Foreman and Chase stood awkwardly in the Ddx room after Wilson ran after House.

After House had snatched the file from Wilson's hand, he'd looked at it for about ten seconds, before storming out quietly. Which is when Wilson had laughed for a moment and gone after him.

Chase sat down at the table looking over Madeline's file, when Foreman spoke up, "That must be awkward."

"I think it makes sense."

Foreman sat down next to him with a scoff and a bewildered smile, "You'd want your best friend to be the sperm donor of a kid you've been raising with the woman you're in love with?"

Chase shrugged his shoulders, "I'd prefer it over some random person. Wilson is mentally stable, already married so he won't try and woo Cuddy and he's here, so if he is a match Madeline can get his bone marrow right away."

"Do you think Cuddy knew? She had to know- Its too coincidental."

After a moment of looking down with a frown, Chase looked up at Foreman while clicking his pen, "What's weirder is how calm Wilson was. It's almost like he knew…or it didn't matter."'

Foreman scoffed and thought about it, "You're right."

After a moment of silence Chase grabbed the file they'd picked up from the New Jersey Fertility Center, to look at the description of the donor.

_Donor 020268_

_Ethnicity: Scottish, Irish_

_Eyes: Blue_

_Hair: Brown_

_Height: 6'2_

_Weight: 185_

_Description: Scientist researching dark matter. _

_Interests: mystery novels, blues music_

_Hobbies: Piano, guitar, harmonica, saxophone _

Chase laughed, and held up the file for Foreman to look at, "Wilson wasn't the donor. It was House, he just used Wilson's name."

xxxoxxxo

"Did you know?" He had to ask House as they both entered his office. It was too coincidental for it just to be an accident.

House shook his head, and looked at Wilson for a moment, before sitting down on his couch, "No. Any chance you also decided to go donate at that same clinic?"

Wilson rubbed his temples and paced the room, beginning to feel the onset of a migraine from all the insanity of that day, "House-we need to detox you."

He looked over at House, to see what reaction he'd get- but there was none. He sat there on the couch, with his head in his hands. Wilson knew that he had no idea how to process what was going on.

"The HLA test will take weeks. I have time", House rubbed his eyes.

Wilson looked out the window of his office, "You need to tell-"

His head snapped up, "Don't. neither of us is going to tell her the truth."

Wilson took a deep breath and shook his head, "How did you not know you were passing off the WAS gene?"

House sighed, "I didn't have it. It skipped a generation…obviously whoever my biological mother is- was a carrier."

"You need to tell Cuddy."

"No."

"So we should let her assume that I'm her glorified sperm donor? I wonder how Cameron will react to that."

House shrugged, "Just tell her you did it before you guys were even dating- its the truth."

Wilson laughed, "You realize how absurd this is- You need to tell her the truth. You both have two kids now."

House cringed, "How about she doesn't find out at all? Its supposed to be anonymous anyway."

"You have a child together- one I might add that you were already treating as if she were your own….You need to tell Cuddy the truth, and you need to start to detox yourself."

House took a deep breath of air and stood up from the couch, "What's the point? I can't donate my marrow to her anyway- even if we do match. And Cuddy doesn't want me involved in their lives."

"That's not true. Where are you going?"

For a moment House looked down and licked his lips, then looked up at him as he began to walk away, "Bathroom."

He was lying. Wilson could always tell when he was lying. Contrary to what House thought, he wasn't much of a good liar. Maybe he was to people who didn't really know him, but to anyone that knew House as well as he did, it was obvious when he wasn't telling the truth.

So he did the most natural thing that came to him, and began following House out of the office.

House snapped around, with an edge to the way he spoke, "I can pee on my own."

"You're freaking out. Who wouldn't be? You just found out that Madeline's yours-"

He laughed, making his thin face form lines that hadn't been there before, "Its endless- the need to dissect everything is such a compulsive thing for you. Let me pee."

Wilson sighed, "You're lying."

"And you're not my mom." House muttered walking away towards the elevator.

xxxoxxxo

It had taken him a while, but he'd finally lost Wilson and made it up to the roof. He needed to breath, and Wilson with his suffocating presence, made it difficult to do that.

House had taken up refuge in a corner wall where he was sitting on the floor, with both his legs perched up, thinking about what he'd just seen.

Before too long, he expected for the news to break. After all PPTH was like a high school where no secrets were safe, and people played the telephone game like it was going out of style. The story would get out that Wilson was Cuddy's glorified sperm donor, and that maybe it was why Cuddy and him had broken up. Actually there were endless amounts of different versions of how it could unfold. And his head began to spin with all the possibilities.

He just didn't want to be around when it was revealed to Cuddy that he had used Wilson's name instead of his own at the clinic. House could only imagine how angry she'd get, and possibly even slap him again.

It was the reason he'd popped a few more pills. It wasn't at all so that he wouldn't deal with the fact that he was Madeline's biological father- and how he felt about it.

House knew his body might not be able to handle the extra pills, in its mangled state- but he figured if it did shut down again, at least he was in a hospital.

If Cuddy hadn't hated him before, he knew that she would now. Because he couldn't donate his marrow either- if Madeline had WAS. He couldn't with his history of drug use and sleeping around with hookers- it was impossible. If it wasn't for the fact that she was pregnant with another child who would most likely be a match to her, House would have basically signed Madeline's death certificate.

House sighed, when he heard the door to the roof open, knowing it couldn't be good. He turned to see if it was Wilson or Cuddy, only to see Cameron instead. He sighed, wondering if it was actually worse.

"Great", he muttered.

Cameron went to stand against the wall where he sat, and placed her hands in front of her revealing a a file, "I got the results back."

House moved his arm towards it, but Cameron pulled it away from his reach, kneeling down and frowning at him, "How much did you take?"

"I'm fine. Give me the file."

Cameron shook her head, taking the stethoscope from around her neck and placing it over his heart to check his pulse, "I think she's really lucky."

He closed one eye and frowned, feeling like the fogginess of the pills were getting to him, "What?"

"Cuddy's really lucky it's you."

House laughed, "Of course Wilson told you…She's not going to see it that way."

"I know. Which is why I don't think she deserves you."

He looked at her strangely, "I'm getting conflicting messages from you."

Cameron sat down next to him, "I'm in love with Wilson, but it doesn't mean I don't get to be worried about you or care about you. I just wish she would see what I see."

"I think I might be too high for this conversation", he mumbled after a minute.

She smiled and caressed his stubbly cheek, "You've been destroying yourself over her, and its been because of all her mistakes. I know you can't help it, you don't choose who you fall in love with, I just wish you'd worry about yourself too. Especially with two kids…it doesn't matter what Cuddy says about your involvement in their life- you get to be involved because they're yours too."

House looked up at her eyes, "Things would have been much simpler if I'd fallen in love with you three years ago."

This made Cameron laugh, and she smiled sadly, "I don't think you could ever be in love with anyone other than Cuddy."

He frowned, "But you're saying she's bad for me?"

"Yes, but you can't help who you love, and she needs you too- maybe even more than you need her. She's going to realize that- at least she better, because if she doesn't…well maybe then I'll leave Wilson for you", she joked.

This made House laugh, and he looked at the file in her hand, "Does she have it?"

Cameron took a deep breath and nodded, "Yes."

House swallowed, feeling like he was slowly being numbed to sleep, "I can't donate."

She looked at him, noticing his breathing was slowing down, "I know….We need to get you a breathing mask, your heart rate is slowing down again."

He nodded and was about to stand up, but found himself lulled to sleep instead.

xxxoxxxo

When Wilson had told her about House passing out on the roof because he'd taken more pills, Cuddy had almost felt like she was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was too much to handle. Her child was sick, and House was effectively killing himself right along with Madeline.

She'd left Madeline with Julia, who'd arrived to be with her, and gone to House's room instead.

He was awake when she stepped into his room, flipping through the channels of the TV, but stopped when he spotted her walking in.

"Hi", he said, and Cuddy could tell he was a little frightened.

She smiled weakly at him and sat down next to his bed, unsure of where to start. What could she say? That she was upset that he'd taken pills again? That she was livid because of his promiscuity with hookers, that he should be focusing on helping Madeline? Cuddy wasn't sure.

"Wilson told me she doesn't have lupus or leukemia…He said it was Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome."

House nodded weakly, "How's Madeline?"

"Great. She's almost made a full recovery, you can't even tell that she's sick. But Cameron explained the disease, she'll be susceptible to infections her entire life until she gets a bone marrow transplant."

House looked away and took a deep breath, "Yeah."

Cuddy took a big breath feeling tears form in her eyes that she'd promised herself wouldn't get there. She needed to be strong, and keep her head high, besides House didn't sympathize with tears, he wouldn't react well to her emotional state.

But she couldn't help it, seeing him killing himself because of what she'd done, made her ache in such a way that she questioned whether she'd ever be able to get better from it herself, "I'm so sorry."

He frowned, but didn't move to hold her or comfort her, "What? Why?"

"Where do I even start House? I've been horrible to you. I've made so many mistakes with you, I hurt you, because I was afraid to let you close, because I was afraid to get hurt too…I'm a hypocrite", she let out with a bit of a shaky scoff.

She looked up at him, awaiting a response- anything. But instead all he did was swallow and ask, "I'm guessing- Has no one told you that they found the sperm donor?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, "I know its your nature to deflect, but can we for one minute-"

He took a deep breath and rolled his own eyes, "Of course they didn't tell you. I'm not deflecting, its relevant…believe me", he said with a little laugh, grabbing a file on the other side of his bed and handing it to her, "Is that the donor you chose?"

She took it in her hand, and opened up the file to look at the description, "Yes…but what does this have anything-"

"Its me." He said rather quickly interrupting her in the process.

Cuddy was silent for a moment, attempting to process what he'd just said, and frowned, "What?"

House swallowed and finally looked at her a little sadly from his bed, "Its me."

She looked down at the description again, then up at House, "But- It says James Wilson."

"I used his name, do you really think I'd use mine for that?"

For a moment they were both quiet, and Cuddy realized why it was that he was so sad. He wasn't happy with the news, solely for the fact that since he was Madeline's biological father- she couldn't accept his bone marrow, not with his lifestyle.

Immediately she felt like yelling at him, like pounding her fists on his chest and blaming him. Her daughter could die because he had been destroying his life with hookers and drugs. Because he hadn't stopped to think how it might affect others. But then it struck her that she had no one to blame but herself.

"My flight leaves in eight hours back to Minnesota, after that- I'll leave you guys alone."

Cuddy didn't say anything back, instead she just felt herself nod. She wasn't sure what to say, or how to react to the news. She stood up, really without any awareness of what she was doing and walked out, leaving House's room.

xxxoxxxo

It had all gone like he'd envisioned it. Maybe there hadn't been that much slapping involved, but for the most part, she'd reacted just how he expected her to. And yet, he felt in no other words- heart broken.

As he lay in the bed, he felt like he was drowning or couldn't absorb the oxygen into his lungs. He'd given her a chance to stop him from leaving, he wanted her to. He didn't want to go back, he wanted to stay, he wanted his old life back- but Cuddy hadn't.

Her reaction had said it all. The news didn't change anything, didn't make a difference, and he was still just as unwanted by her as before. He licked his lips and took a deep breath, mad at himself for being pathetic enough to think the news would make a difference to them.

He sat up, and though he could already imagine Wilson's reaction- he had to leave. He couldn't spend another moment being in the same place as them. Everything he did resulted in a disaster. Everyone around him got hurt because of his actions, he was tired of it. He was tired of himself.

House turned off the beeping monitor, and unplugged the IV of naloxone and saline from his body. He had about a minute before a nurse would come rushing in to his room, and about five before Wilson got there. He was striving to be out of the hospital in three.

xxxoxxxo

Cuddy had been sitting on the couch of her office, with her knees as far up as she could, without making it uncomfortable on her stomach for a while. She'd kicked off her shoes, and was hugging a throw pillow, trying to find comfort in it.

There was a knock on her glass door, "Come in."

She didn't look up, but she could imagine who it was, and sure enough- Wilson went to sit next to her on the couch.

"So he told you, I'm assuming?"

Cuddy nodded numbly as more tears ran down her face.

"And you're not sure if you should feel happy or depressed", He added.

Again, she nodded, wiping a tear with her hand and took a deep breath, "I should be ecstatic. It feels like fate, but I'm so angry too."

He nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder, "I think I'd feel the same way if I were in your position. On one hand, you just found out that the love of your life is the father to a child he already loved as his own. Then on the other, since it is him- he can't help Madeline because of his stupid lifestyle. Of course you're angry at him."

Cuddy popped her head up and frowned at Wilson, "I'm not angry at him- I'm angry at myself."

He furrowed his eyebrows and cocked his head a little, "Ok- I didn't expect that…why?"

"I did this to him. I did all of it. I hurt him, I- keep hurting him. He was just trying to cope with what I kept doing to him, I have no one to blame for what he's done to himself but myself."

Wilson took a deep breath, "Have you thought about telling him all of this?"

She shook her head, stifling a sob, "I started to. But that's when he told me about the fact that he was Madeline's father. And now…I just think he's better off without me. I just keep hurting him anyway."

"Are you insane?"

Cuddy hiccuped a sob and looked up at him in question

"Ok, granted you both can't communicate with each other to save your life. But he is not better off without you- he won't survive without you. He's going to keep going until he kills himself."

Cuddy took a deep breath, "I should talk to him again."

Wilson inhaled deeply and winced, "Well you might want to catch him before he boards his flight."

"What are you talking about?"

He grimaced and licked his lips, "He left AMA about two hours ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I sent Taub to tell you, obviously you can't rely on him", he laughed nervously.

Cuddy got up frantically from her couch and searched for her shoes, putting them on and stopping at the door, "Tell Taub he's fired."

xxxoxxxo

House winced as he bent down on the front steps to his apartment to pick up the multiple newspapers that had accumulated in his absence. His stomach was still sore from being pumped the day before, and he felt like it had taken all his energy to simply pick them up.

His mind was already spinning with the paperwork that was probably piling up on his desk. Last time when he'd only been gong for three days for Wilson's bachelor party he'd come back to three piles of things waiting to get pushed through to different departments. It was torture.

Meanwhile, his forty-something lackeys got to poke and probe at sick people, while he was stuck behind a desk. Dominika had tricked him. All those files and consults she'd kept sending him, were things that his lackeys dealt with, and that she'd enticed him with solely to get him to want to work there. Because the truth about his job, was that he was nothing more than an administrator- a job he'd never wanted.

He scoffed at the sad irony of his life. He was in a city he hated, with a job he hated away from the woman he loved. It was all strange how it had worked out in the end.

After a minute of resting, he made it up the rest of the steps and went to go unlock his door- but it was already unlocked.

He sighed, thinking it was just the icing on the cake. His apartment being broken into made for the perfect topping on an already horrible week.

House slowly opened the door, to his already somewhat empty apartment to look for an intruder.

Sure enough, there sitting on his couch was the trespasser- Cuddy.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hi?" He frowned, and rummaged through his pocket to pull out his cellphone, "One moment."

He scrolled down until he came to her name, and began to dial her number. House looked up to see her fishing for her phone and picked it up with a frown, "You're calling me? Why?"

He let out a breath and hung up, "I just had to make sure I wasn't hallucinating….what are you doing here? How did you make it here before me? Where's Madeline? Actually you shouldn't even be traveling that close-"

Cuddy stood up and let out a laugh as she walked towards him, and kissed him full on the lips to shut him up. After a few seconds they parted and House cleared his throat, "Is this that part in the movies where-"

But again, Cuddy kissed him to stop him from talking, which he was more than ok with. Her lips always sent a funny feeling to the pit of his stomach that he enjoyed.

When they pulled apart, she looked up at him, "Wilson says we can't communicate when we speak, so I'm hoping this works instead."

He half smiled and felt like he could breath, "Just can't help at meddling, can he?"

"You're not broken House, you're not unhinged- you've just been saying it long enough to everyone and yourself that you started to believe it. I'm the one that needs the help." She croaked, wrapping her arms around him.

He knew Cuddy was watching as he simply looked at her, with no telling expression. For once he had no sarcastic remark, or insult to shoot at her. Maybe it was partially because he was so weak and tired from what he'd done to himself, but it was also because this was a topic that was hard for him. House wasn't one to open up.

"House, I'm the one that needs you…I'm the broken one."

"I've always gone on about how you push people away. Of how you need to be looked over, of how you can't be trusted to take care of yourself. I always said you kept everyone at arms length- and maybe that's true, but I did it too. I didn't let you near me- not completely, because I didn't trust myself with you. I've spent my life pushing everyone away. I pushed you away when I shouldn't have.

"You've never tried to be anyone but yourself, and you've always known who you are, but that doesn't make you broken-it just…makes you- you. I've been the one trying to create this illusion of what a perfect family should be like", Cuddy said looking at him. He stood there staring at her, still frozen by her sudden weird declaration of love.

"Can you say something…please?" she scoffed, looking at his chest nervously.

House moved his eyes away from her, and looked at the empty apartment, finally dropping his backpack which freed up his hands to cup her face and kiss her softly.

He felt Cuddy let a tiny smirk grow on her lips as they kissed, and though he didn't say anything she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. After a minute he pulled back, "Wilson's right, this works much better."

She laughed and then sobered up again, "You've been the grown up this entire time. I've been the one ruining everything from the beginning."

He was quiet a little bit and played with the hem of her shirt, "To be fair we've both been grown ups for years now…Sorry to burst your bubble."

Cuddy who had tears streaming down her face, genuinely laughed.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked looking up at him, as his face looked up at the ceiling.

He swallowed, and slowly turned down to look at her, "I know I run the risk of sounding cliché, but I don't get what I'm forgiving. I gave you reasons to do what you did."

She shook her head, holding her arms around his neck, feeling like she would get pulled away from him at any moment, "I shouldn't have never pushed you away. You didn't deserve that."

"You did what you thought was right."

"I hurt you."

House took a deep breath and held his eyes on hers, "Life is a perpetual state of pain."

Cuddy laughed lightly and placed a hand on his cheek. How could she have ever pushed him away? Yes he had his faults, who didn't? But Cameron had been strangely right, no one saw the amazing man he was. He didn't let anyone see.

"Can you move back please?"

He swallowed, and brought her hand down from his cheek, letting out a tiny breath of air, "No."

She felt her heart about to stop, "But-"

"I never moved." He explained with a shake of his shoulders eyeing his clearly empty apartment- apart from his couch and TV, "I just packed up my stuff, but I never took it with me- just the one suitcase."

Cuddy frowned, "But you said you rented out your apartment-"

"Yeah…to myself. I still pay the same rent from fifteen years ago, its rent controlled, why would I give it up?"

She smiled at him, thinking, "You never planned to stay here?"

House tried to scoff while rolling his eyes, but it looked painful, "Its Minnesota…who wants to live here?"

Cuddy smiled up at him, and then he saw her turn it into a frown, "I just have one question."

"Which is?"

She struggled with her words, looking at his chest and shook her head as she thought about it, "How- why…what would compel you to donate your sperm?"

House took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders, "See it all started because Wilson really wanted a Maserati…"

The End.


	33. Epilogue

**Ari's Note: **Well...you guys asked for the epilogue. This isn't for the faint at heart! So if you were content with the end- **DO NOT READ AHEAD **\- because my throat nearly swelled up as I was writing it :( but alas...it's how I intended to end this story.

* * *

**You Only Live Twice**

Epilogue.

Helplessly Hoping

_Later That Day_

"I Quit", House announced as he walked into Dominica Petrova's office, dumping the large pile of papers on her office floor, that had accumulated on his desk.

She looked up from what she was doing with a startled expression, "You can't quit-"

But House had already began to walk out of her office, feeling a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. Actually, he thought, it had- since he'd dumped all the papers in her office floor.

xxxoxxxo

_Same Evening_

They'd been waiting for three hours to board their flight back to Princeton- after they'd made a quick stop at the Mayo Clinic for House to resign.

Cuddy had spent most of that time asleep, with her head on his lap while they waited for their delayed flight to be boarded.

The entire time House had been biting his nail, and trying desperately not to think of the prescription bottle in his blazer pocket and about not taking at least one pill. All he needed was one to subside the anxiety that was quickly forming inside of him.

He looked around the terminal, finding anything even mildly interesting to distract himself with. His eyes fell on a coffee bar, and the bathroom next to it, then sighed and rubbed his forehead.

He looked down at Cuddy as she slept soundly, and back up at the restroom- she wouldn't even notice, House thought to himself. He made a split second decision to stand up, only as he was about to- the speakers above them went off.

"_Now boarding flight 783 to Princeton, New Jersey."_

xxxoxxxo

"Could these idiots move any slower", House muttered as Cuddy and him made their way inside the airplane and towards their seats.

She smiled at the couple in front of them who had turned around, and then turned back to look at House and gave him a look.

He shrugged and let a large breath out, as they finally made it to the two first-class seats Cuddy had booked for them.

In the middle of sitting down, Cuddy gritted her teeth, "Was that really necessary?"

"Is breathing necessary?" He irritably muttered placing their carry-on bags in the overhead.

When he was done, Cuddy watched as he looked down at the other passengers that were boarding, and then at the vacant stall at the end of the plane.

He looked down at her, "I'll be right back."

"House."

He paused, and looked back at her- though Cuddy could see the thin layer of perspiration on his forehead, "I have to pee."

xxxoxxxo

"House…. House?"

He blinked his eyes open slowly, and Cuddy watched as he tried to focus them on her.

House licked his lips and swallowed, "What?"

"We're here", she whispered, semi-patting his hair.

Cuddy watched as he opened his eyes wide, attempting wake up completely, and yawned, while she made her way out into the isle, and he got out too.

House lazily picked up his blazer from his seat, and in the process of it, an orange round bottle fell out, spilling his pills all over the airplanes' floor.

She wasn't surprised in the least- after all, he'd been delightful after he'd come back from the bathroom stall. But House who'd looked down as the script fell, looked up at her with a terrified expression, as if he'd gotten caught.

Cuddy merely smiled sadly at him, and sighed.

xxxoxxxo

_Two Days Later_

Wilson had his hands on his hips, looking at House as he lay in the hospital bed and frowned, "Are you sure about this? Wouldn't it just be easier to go to rehab?"

"Nope. This works, I've tested it on patients", he said proudly handing the plunger to Wilson.

"House, I really think-"

House shook his head, "Last time Cuddy was pregnant and she had Madeline I was in rehab. This time there's a kid that needs someone to take care of it while she's off having the other kid. I can't go to rehab- she needs me."

"Pumping yourself full of naloxone and inducing a coma isn't dealing with your _serious_ addiction- this is an easy way out."

"I'll be clean- its all that matters" he shrugged, then added, "I wont have a problem staying clean after its out of my system. I'm not stupid, I have a kid- I'm gonna have two kids", he said raising his eyebrows.

Wilson took a deep breath and sighed pushing the plunger and putting him into an induced coma, "Ok…We'll see you on the other side."

xxxoxxxo

_One Week Later_

Madeline giggled hysterically, as House made a deep voice while he read a baby book to her in his ottoman, and she sat in his lap.

Wilson watched from the outside of House's office, but turned to look at Cuddy as she walked up.

"He seems like he's doing great."

She smiled, "I know. Madeline's ecstatic to have him back. She's completely different now that he's living at home with us again."

Wilson ever the worry wart- sighed, "I just-"

Cuddy held up her hand, "Don't start Wilson. House is doing _fine_. He's happy- we're happy. He's not going to screw this up. Even you said that before, remember?"

He nodded, and sighed. Having a weird feeling of dread on his chest.

xxxoxxxo

_Three Weeks Later_

"Have you seen him?" Cuddy asked Wilson as soon as he walked into PPTH that day.

He sighed as he picked up his messages from Brenda, "No."

"He's been sleeping at his apartment for the past three nights. He said he just needs his space, but…"

Wilson looked up at her with frown, not having the heart to tell her what he too feared, "I'm sure he's fine. I'll talk to him."

xxxoxxxo

When Wilson walked into his office, House was sitting on his couch with his head bent down and resting in his hands. He could already sense what was coming, and he could feel the mood just emitting from House as he sat there sadly.

He took a big breath, "Cuddy's worried about you."

"It was an accident- a one time slip. It wont happen again", he whispered finally looking up somberly, for Wilson to see his sunken eyes.

He let out a breath, "I'll call Nolan."

House shook his head, "No- don't and don't tell her either. I'll be fine."

"No. You won't. You came here because you know you won't be fine. If you thought you could handle your addiction on your own you wouldn't be so- depressed about it…You're going to the fifth floor and admitting yourself."

With a heavy sigh, and his head bowed, House nodded.

xxxoxxxo

_Three Months Later_

Cuddy lay in the hospital bed, with House's arm under her head, as they both looked down at their new baby. They'd given him a pass, with a chaperone- whom he called 'Voldemort' and who stood outside Cuddy's hospital room door- allowing him to be with her as their new baby came.

"Its not fair you know? A little more testosterone in the house would be nice", he muttered looking at their baby girl as she suckled on Cuddy's breast and looked up at them with her watery blue eyes.

Cuddy smiled up at him, "I think it's cute we have only girls."

He rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed- though secretly Cuddy knew he also liked the fact that it was all girls and just him.

"God kids are so ugly the first day they're born", he mumbled looking at her.

She frowned, tapping him playfully, "Shut up. She's beautiful."

He rolled his eyes at her with a tiny smirk, "Sure, she doesn't look like a mutant kid at all…At least this one likes you."

"That's mean. Madeline likes me too."

"_Now_ she likes you. Back then you were really awkward with her, no wonder she didn't. This one can tell you've learned the ropes."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and ignored him, "So what should we name her?"

House took a deep breath and closed one eye in thought, "Well…I've always liked-"

"Don't you dare say Ginger Spice again."

He looked at her hopefully, "Posh Spice?"

"I'm serious, you better come up with a really good name."

"Why me? Girls are the ones that are good at this type of stuff. See if she'd been a boy, then obviously it would have been Greg-"

Cuddy scoffed, "If we'd had a boy, we would not have named him Greg."

"Why not? My name is _fabulous_. But seriously, you pick the name."

She shook her head, and yawned resting her head against his shoulder, "You need to name her. I had her, and I'm too tired…"

House looked at Cuddy and smiled as she slowly drifted off to sleep, and carefully took their new baby girl out of her arms and on to his chest grabbing the remote in the process, and turning on the TV.

xxxoxxxo

_One Month Later_

"I'm going to ask Cuddy to marry me today", House announced as he popped into Wilson's office with the baby carrier on his chest, holding Daria.

Wilson looked up and dropped his pen, "Ok?…have you thought about this all the way through? You guys have only been back together for five months."

"We have two kids- and actually it's been five and a half months."

"Yes and you've spent almost three of those months in rehab."

House placed a bottle in Daria's eager mouth and looked back up, "So what?"

"You aren't stable enough yet- you-"

He smile and scoffed, "There's no way she's getting rid of me now- not after two kids. She has to make me an honorable man now."

Wilson laughed, and sighed, "Wow, House with two kids and married. Who would have thought?"

He smiled sincerely, and made a funny face at Daria, "I know right?"

"Where did you get her name anyway? Daria I mean." He asked curiously.

House looked up at him and blinked, "The show- duh. They were showing reruns on TV, the day she was born- when I was holding her and Cuddy had fallen asleep."

"Does Cuddy know?" Wilson asked surprised.

"God no. She thinks I searched the entire baby book", House scoffed, as he walked out with baby Daria.

xxxoxxxo

He'd gotten Cameron to watch Daria, while he'd gone out to the nearest jewelry store during lunch and almost bought a ring. Though, right as he was about to pay, he'd remembered the Tiffany's lamps Cuddy had in her office, and the Tiffany's bracelet she always wore, and the Tiffany's necklace she'd gotten from her dad. And then he'd changed his mind and sighed as he drove to the mall, to buy a ring that would come in a stupid blue box.

She'd called him as he'd been in the middle of talking to a saleslady about the outrageously overpriced ring, and when he hadn't answered, she'd kept calling until he decided to turn his phone off.

When he'd gotten back to the hospital, and walked into the lobby- with a cherry lollipop in his mouth, he could sense the stares and realized she must have gone on a frenzy, probably thinking he'd relapsed again.

After a minute of uncomfortably walking towards the elevator, House imagined that word must have gotten to Cuddy that he was back, because she stormed out of the clinic and searched for him with her frenzied disposition.

"Where have you been?" she asked frantically walking up to him in her six-inch heels he loved to admire. Lately, it was the little things that hadn't meant so much before, that he found lovely about her.

He shrugged with his lollipop in his mouth, and looking around as everyone stared, "Out for lunch."

She crossed her arms, "Why didn't you invite me?"

"I felt like going alone." He stated, while pushing the elevator button again, hoping it would suffice her curiosity.

Cuddy paused and licked her lips- whispering to him, "Are you keeping something from me?"

Well- House thought, it wasn't exactly as he'd envisioned it, but the lobby had been used as a place to propose before, he figured. He let out a huge breath and got down on one knee- popping out the little blue box and the lollipop out of his mouth, while rolling his eyes, "Since you're so nosy and won't give up until you've figured it out…do you want to marry me?"

xxxoxxxo

"You want to spend our _honeymoon_ in Atlantic city?" Cuddy asked incredulously.

House gave her one slow nod, not wanting to wake up Daria, who was sleeping peacefully on his chest, with her hand wrapped around his one finger, while Madeline was snuggled up against him on the side, "Yes."

"No. I told you I want to go to Versailles."

"Why?" he whispered, still focused on the breathing of Daria's ridiculously tiny lungs.

"I need some alone time with you- with your…body", she muttered a little embarrassed.

House snickered, "You're going to make me blush."

"Why do you want to go to Atlantic City?"

He didn't say anything just pointed two both their sleeping girls on their bed.

Cuddy inhaled deeply, "Julia is going to take care of them. And we're going to give her the list you made of every possible doctor they could ever need. They'll be fine."

House licked his lips, "What if something happens to Madeline?"

Cuddy smiled and softly touched her curly blonde hair, "She hasn't had an infection since the MMR and she's been getting a checkup every single week…she's been doing great, and she'll be fine. I'm the one that needs you to myself."

He concentrated on a random spot of the room, and thought, before looking up at her, "Fine, we'll go to _Versailles_. But if we're leaving them, they have to stay with Wilson and Cameron. They're no me, but at least they're doctors."

Cuddy cupped his face and kissed him, "You drive a hard bargain. But ok."

xxxoxxxo

_A year and a Half Later_

"House it wasn't amyloidosis", Chase said, walking into his office along with Cameron and Kutner, while he looked at the live video feed on his mac from Madeline and Daria's nursery.

Madeline kept asking Marina to go get her milk or different things and every time she did, Madeline would take the opportunity to hit Daria with her sock monkey. It cracked him up. Especially when Marina would walk back in and Madeline would be holding the sock monkey in her arms and sucking on her thumb.

"_Madeline why is baby Daria crying?"_

Madeline shrugged her shoulders, "_I want cwackews please."_

Marina took a moment to soothe a one-year-old Daria, then placed her back down in her crib and walked away again, to get Madeline her crackers.

Madeline hit Daria with the sock monkey again.

House chuckled.

"House did you hear what we said? Its not amyloidosis", Chase said again, beginning to get impatient.

He looked up at his lackeys, "You've got to see this- Madeline keeps distracting Marina so she can hit Daria."

Cameron walked around his desk to look at the video, as Madeline hit her sister, "That's not nice of her to do."

House smiled as he watched Madeline continue to torment her baby sister, "No, but its hilarious. She's so clever."

"House, can you focus please?" Chase asked, placing the chart in front of him to look at.

He closed his laptop with a huge sigh, "Did you check all the other dosis-is?"

xxxoxxxo

_A year and a half Later_

Julia's son Trevor had put on _The Conjuring_ in the living room and Madeline had accidentally walked in at the precise moment that a scary part had been on the screen.

After the movie had frightened her, the rest of the evening a lethargic Madeline had clung on to House as if she were afraid the scary woman would pop out of any spot.

If it wasn't that he'd grown accustomed to the neediness of the three women in his life, he would have rolled his eyes. But instead, he'd held her almost the entire day, as she'd kept her head on his shoulder, even as he'd washed Daria's sippy cup.

And that evening when they'd gone to bed, Madeline had insisted on sleeping between Cuddy and himself, afraid of the woman in the movie. She'd grown so much, that with him, Cuddy and her scooped up in their bed, it made it uncomfortable to sleep. So he'd scooped her up in his arms in the middle of the night and taken her to her bed.

It was when he'd turned on the nightstand lamp, to tuck her in, that he noticed the bruises on her arms and legs that hadn't been there before.

He clenched his jaw, and picked her up again taking her to PPTH.

xxxoxxxo

House looked up from his desk to see Wilson knocking on his office door, and holding a file he'd been expecting.

Wilson walked in looking rather dismayed and House already knew what the results were, "She's not a match for Madeline, is she?"

As he got closer, House could see the red rims around his eyes, it was obvious that Wilson had been crying, "No. Daria and Madeline have completely different HLA….House, why didn't you test Daria before? When she was born?"

"Well since you aren't a parent, I suppose you wouldn't understand not wanting to stick your newborn's hipbone with a huge needle."

Wilson sighed, "Its just irrational of you to not have done it, if it was in the interest of Madeline's health."

He shrugged his shoulders, "She got a check up every week, watched what we fed her. We didn't want her or Daria to go through unnecessary painful procedures if she didn't need it…having kids makes you irrational."

"You should have tested her sooner."

He placed his head in his hands and took a deep breath, "I know. We'll just have to check the registry again."

"There is another option…"

House looked up at Wilson and rolled his eyes, "If you're suggesting that we have another kid-"

"You know it's the only other option if you want a complete match for Madeline."

"Cuddy isn't a factory, she can't just keep popping them out- she shouldn't have even gotten pregnant that quick after Madeline. I can't ask her to."

"Cuddy doesn't have to be the one to get pregnant."

House rolled his eyes, "Oh sure, let me call up Paula and ask her if she'd like to get knocked up."

"House. You know I'm right, you use your sperm and Cuddy's egg and get a surrogate."

He took a deep breath looking down at his desk, and leaning back against his chair, as he thought about it, "Its just…so unromantic."

Wilson's eyes popped open, "Excuse me, what did you just say?"

House rolled his eyes, "Shut up."

xxxoxxxo

Tiny tears made their way down Madeline's face as she looked at her long golden locks, "But I wont be a girl anymore."

House frowned, wiping away the the tears on her cheeks and looked at her seriously, "You'll always be a girl Madds. Besides, your mom had no hair once too."

She sniffled, "Really?"

He smiled widely, knowing this would make for an interesting story later, "Totally."

"She was bald too?"

"Yep."

Madeline stopped crying for a second as she sat on the chair with all the other kids getting chemo, and then looked at him seriously, "Being a baby doesn't count."

House chuckled and rolled his eyes, "Oh, you got me. I can't get anything past you."

"Does Daria have to do this too? Will she have lukema?" she asked hopefully. House found their sibling rivalry endlessly entertaining- even though Cuddy was always telling him not encourage it.

He grimaced and shook his head, "No. Daria doesn't have leukemia."

"Why just me?"

He was at a loss of what to say. For once, he found that he didn't have the answer to his little girl's question, "I don't know."

She frowned, "But I thought you knew everything?"

xxxoxxxo

_Seven Months Later_

"Tommy Bishop who's in the room next to mine said we're all going to die", Madeline said while holding his hand, as they made their way towards Cuddy's office to have lunch with her.

House held his breath for a moment and looked down at his bald little girl, "Well Tommy's an idiot."

"Why?"

"Because you're not going to die."

Madeline frowned and was quiet for a second, thinking about it, "But you told me everybody dies."

House rolled his eyes, "Ok, yes everybody dies, but you aren't going to die for a long long time. I'll die before you."

Madeline pulled on his hand, and House looked back at her, to see that she was frozen in her spot with eyes wide open, "No you can't die, I'll miss you too much."

He laughed and got down on one knee, taking a big breath, "Ok. But you aren't going to die. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because, do you know who I am?" he asked her, tilting his head.

"My dad."

"I guess, but I mean other than that."

"A doctor."

"What type of doctor?"

"The best doctor in the hospital because your patients never die", she recited.

"Exactly. So why would I let my own kid die, if my patients don't die? Those other kids aren't as lucky as you are, that's why that idiot-Tommy said they're going to die. Because their dad isn't a doctor."

Madeline thought about what he said for a moment, before responding, "But uncle Wilson's my doctor, not you. And his patients die everyday."

House scoffed, and smiled at his five-year-old, standing back up to keep walking down the hall, "You're too smart for your own good kid."

"I know", Madeline sighed as if it were a huge burden.

Once they were outside Cuddy's door, House stopped and looked down at Madeline with a huge sigh, "Ready to find out?"

Madeline mimicked his sigh, dropping her head down, "I guess", then looked up at him, "I told you guys we didn't need another baby. We don't even need Daria, she cries too much."

House chuckled and shook his head, opening the door to Cuddy's office, where she and her huge belly were sitting down behind her desk.

"Mommy!" Madeline ran in her little green hospital gown, to hug Cuddy- then climbed up on the chair opposite to her, suddenly excited to open up the sonogram.

"What is it going to be?" she asked.

She handed the envelope to Madeline, and let her take it out the picture, then she looked back at House clearly a little annoyed, "I don't know what this thing says."

"Turn the picture over Madds", House said.

Madeline turned it around to see the pink writing, "Its a girl!"

His eyes nearly popped out and turned them to Cuddy, "Seriously?"

Cuddy smiled widely, "Yep."

"Now you're just doing this on purpose", he accused her with a disgusted face.

Their little girl looked from House to Cuddy, "Why is daddy so sad?"

"He was hoping for a boy."

Madeline furrowed her little hairless eyebrows and looked from Cuddy to House, "What are we going to name her?"

"Well, your dad and I need help with that because he gets lazy at these things. Do you have any good ideas?"

She thought about it for a second, before responding, "I like Madeline."

Cuddy laughed, "But that's your name, she needs her own."

"But when I die she can use it, so you'll always have a Madeline."

Cuddy's face dropped, "Madeline, you're not going to die."

"Tommy Bishop said so, and he's been here longer than the rest of us, and he said that all his roommates have died and that he's going to die."

"Well Tommy Bishop is an idiot", Cuddy said.

House scoffed from the doorway while crossing his arms, "That's what I told her too, but she wouldn't believe me."

Madeline turned and gave him a look, "Because you told me everybody lies."

House laughed and rolled his eyes, "Why do you only remember the things you can use against me?"

She hook her head and turned back to look at House again while shaking her shiny head, "Nuh uh. I remember everything."

Cuddy gave him a look, "She's a carbon copy of you."

"Don't be silly mommy, you can't copy a human."

Cuddy looked over at a smirking House and raised her eyebrows at him.

xxxoxxxo

_Later That Day_

Wilson stood at his doorway, holding a file.

When House looked up at him, he knew it wasn't good. Ever since Madeline had gotten diagnosed with Acute promyelocytic Leukemia, she'd been staying in the kids oncology ward receiving chemo, "If its bad go away, if its good you can come in."

He stalled for a moment and walked in, still not uttering a single word.

House looked up from what he was working on and looked at Wilson who had obviously been crying, "How bad?"

He swallowed, "Bad…she won't last long enough for Cuddy to give birth."

xxxoxxxo

_One Month Later_

Madeline lay in her hospital bed, with her sock monkey and droopy eyes looking at House, "Can I go to sleep now?"

"Nope. You can't Madds. You promised to read the book to me", he said, his voice cracking as he spoke, and while placing _Seven Silly Eaters_ on her bed.

She tried reaching for it, but was too weak to grab it.

Cuddy placed her hand on his shoulder, "It's ok baby. If you're sleepy you can go to sleep honey."

"No. No- You can't", House whispered, shaking his head. His chest was rising up and down rapidly, "Don't tell her she can go to sleep. She can't-"

"Daddy its ok", she said closing her eyes for a second.

House shook his head, his nose flaring a little, "No. Not yet. Please."

Madeline stopped moving, and the heart monitor flatlined.

Cuddy burst into tears, and buried her face in his chest, as House wrapped his arms around her suddenly frozen.

xxxoxxxo

_One Month Later_

Things had shifted since Madeline's death, more than anyone could have imagined.

There was an emptiness that passed in the hospital, and a silence that emitted everyday even though chattering still took up the aisles and the lobby at any given time.

The biggest change had been in the diagnostics department, where even the mention of Madeline was not allowed. House had ditched the picture that he'd placed on his desk days after her death, and would ignore any comment that was made about her as if it had never occurred.

Cuddy had been the one that was essentially holding everything together for the both of them. Fearing at any moment that she'd see a reoccurring limp, or rattling of pills in his blazer pocket, or that he'd disappear for a few days to go off and self-destruct.

He hadn't.

But House had disconnected himself from emotions- he hadn't even cried at Madeline's funeral, only stood there stoically with Daria in one arm, and the other around her waist as she cried into to the crook of his neck.

Cuddy truly counted the days until he'd leave- she didn't want him too, and it scared her that he would, but it was something that she felt was making its way towards them. As if Madeline was all that had kept them together the entire time.

It scared her. She couldn't imagine having another child with him gone, with him dead.

What she hadn't expected that Friday afternoon, when she made it home early from work- her pregnancy made it very difficult to stay past lunch those days- was what she found in her bedroom.

House sitting down at the end of her bed, with his face in his hands, and a sock monkey on the floor.

He wasn't sobbing, but she could see from the way that his body was trembling that he was silently crying into his hands.

"House?" she asked as tears brimmed her own eyes, and she kneeled in front of him, pulling his hands away from his tear-stained face.

He swallowed and looked away, but she pulled him back to her and he looked into her eyes, "It hurts."

Cuddy nodded, "I know."


End file.
